Chapter 40

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*Corey*

I tilted onto my back, letting out a frustrated growl. Again, I could not sleep. It seemed the lack of rest should have caught up with me, but the worry overshadowed any need for sleep.

I was not going to drop it. Something told me not to, it ate at me. The extreme fear, the pain I felt, the constant anxiety that the pull made me feel, all of it was impossible to ignore because it came from him. I could not just brush by it knowing he felt such turmoil, but he would not speak to me.

I wished I had been nicer to him since we met. Then he may have trusted me enough to tell me what was going on. I could not change that; just hope to show that he could trust me now.

Part of me felt like I knew what he was keeping to himself. It scared me. I hoped I was wrong, but the cut he would not talk about from a person he would not mention, the nightmares and the reactions he had to being touched all pointed to it.

I held in a deep breath, trying to hone in my emotions and wolf as he stirred, heightened protective and irate impulses making it feel like we were about to shift. We could not shift; I did not want to scare Jayden or make him pull further away from me by seeming too aggressively protective. Trying to pry the answer out of him would only make him trust me less. I had to wait for him to talk to me.

"Corey?" the soft whisper caught me by surprise.

The door was closed, but from the bit of light that peeked in through the gap at the foot, I could see that Jayden was standing on the other side.

I got up out of bed before pulling the door open as quietly as possible. Zeke was not like Kaden and Jayden; he was an incredibly light sleeper, although a little less grumpy than Trent when he woke up.

'Why are you up?' I linked to Jayden as I stepped into the hallway and carefully shut the door behind me. He opened his mouth but paused when I answered for him, 'You can't sleep, either.'

His brows rose at the 'either,' and I nodded to confirm his unasked question. He nodded, his hand sliding into mine. I smiled, looking down and squeezing his hand gently, quite happy that he had made contact with me because I had been uncertain whether he wanted me to touch him.

"Come on," I said softly, beginning to lead the way down towards the living room.

Once there, I sat down on the longest couch, and he sat down on the single-person seat closest to me. Neither of us turned on the lights, preferring the comfort of the dark. My hand felt empty without his, but I let it go seeing as he didn't choose to sit beside me. He wanted space.

We were silent for a few minutes, and I wondered why he had come to my room. He just stared into the darkness below the coffee table, not making a move to speak, until I could not take the silence anymore.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" His eyes shifted to mine.

I licked my lip, glancing away from him, ashamed and a little hesitant to admit what I was about to.

"Earlier... When we were... Yeah. I wanted to take it further. I was planning to... I know you're not ready."

"I'm..." he drifted.

I sighed. "I was going to try to mark you."

He was shocked. I would have been able to tell without looking at it, but his face made it clear. I was reluctant to continue speaking, but what made me continue was the overwhelming fear that filled me. His fear.

"I-I thought... I wanted to mark you because I was afraid you would... Well, dump me for Finn... or someone else. Or bring the mate swapping back onto the table. It doesn't matter," I sighed shutting my eyes. "I don't want to reject you, I will never... But even though you cannot reject me, I..." I clenched my jaw.

"If I mark you, we can never change it. No witch could undo it. After everything, after how we started... I just... I'm afraid to lose you..." I drifted. It was so hard to say out loud. It felt risky admitting it.

"I won't leave you, Corey... At least not for my sake," Jayden said, honestly. I furrowed my brows. "I've always liked you," he whispered. "Even when you're an ass," the addition almost made me smile, but his words left me too surprised.

"Not for your own sake?" I straightened up. What was that supposed to mean?

I watched as he fidgeted with his cell phone, twisting it in his hands but never making the screen light up as he chewed at his lower lip. The nervousness I didn't even have to feel through our pull, it was palpable. Eventually, he let out a deep sigh and didn't look away from the phone while clearing his throat.

"Um... A-after my father left, Joe wasn't the only person that supported my mom and me. One of my father's best friends stayed with us, helped us. I liked him a lot. He was nice, he tried to teach me how to play sports – you know how that turned out."

I chuckled, but it died seeing that he hadn't the slightest reaction to what he had said. He was still staring at the phone rotating between his fingers, which made me tense as I realised they were trembling slightly.

"He wasn't anything like my father... At least... I thought..."

I watched him closely as he took in a deep breath and let it out unsteadily. His chest was rising just a little more with each breath that seemed to be slightly louder. Whatever he was about to tell me, he was having a very hard time doing it. His mood was making me uneasy.

"About a year after my father left... I had gotten incredibly close to him, mand y mom had too, so she didn't mind that he hung out as much as he did; thought of him as a replacement father figure, I guess. I spent a lot of time with him. I trusted him."

I opened my mouth but then shut it, deciding not to interrupt him in case that caused him to retreat into silence. His eyes still had not moved, his face emotionless. My chest felt tight, and I was hoping, no praying, that this wouldn't lead to where I thought it would. However, given his earlier behaviour, it was hard to be hopeful.

"It was the middle of summer, I was ten, my birthday about a month away... Most of the pack had travelled, everyone else was doing something in town, working, I don't know. There weren't many people in the packhouse at the time.

"I remember being happy when he walked into my room, my mom was at work, so I was bored. I-I thought he was there to talk or play or something, I had a new video game to show him... I-I didn't... um... I... He-he was... I didn't..." Jayden gulped, and it seemed to trigger tears that he didn't notice, or didn't care about because he continued to stare at the phone in his hands, which he had stopped twisting.

I moved from my couch and knelt on the floor in front of him, taking hold of his hands. I didn't want him to recoil, but I couldn't just sit there watching him anymore. I felt like I knew where the story was going, but I couldn't be sure. I couldn't assume something like that.

Jayden opened his mouth but only struggled breaths escaped it, and I figured it was enough. He didn't have to force himself to say anymore. It was obvious.

"Jay –"

He pulled his hand from mine and instead wrapped his arms around his legs after raising his knees to his chest. His head lowered between his knees.

"Jay..." I did not know what else to say.

"I-I don't know what I-I did – He was so a-angry and he didn't st-stop h-hitting me until I-I couldn't move –" Jayden's hands trembled as he held onto his legs tightly when his broken voice pushed through heaves. "A-and – and then – I-I couldn't... He was stronger and-and so, so heavy... I couldn't – I tried, I-I think I did – I did. I –"

My chest felt crushed as a panicked, clogged sob seemed to rip from his chest. His crying sounded so painful. I was frozen for a few seconds before I snapped out of it and ran my eyes over him.

"Jayden..." I drifted.

I ran my hands onto his arms, my eyes filling with tears as I tried to think about how to calm him down through the sudden wave of emotions coming from him, mixed with my own shock and helplessness at being unable to react.

"I-I tri-tried –" his voice broke as more sobbing flooded into the silent room.

I quickly moved to sit on the arm of the seat so I could pull him into a tight hug, burying his head in my chest as I leaned my chin onto his head.

"It-it's okay. You don't have to talk about it," I assured.

"I'm s-so s-orry," the stuttered whisper made me angry.

Why was he –?!

I clenched my jaw tightly feeling his muffled sobbing against my chest. Why would he apologise?

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Jayden."

"I-I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have – m-made him think I –" I froze, shell-shocked that that was what he thought. "I-I'm your mate... Mates aren't supposed to... I-I had sex with him. I'm so sorry –" he sobbed.

"No, no, no, you didn't. Stop apologising. It wasn't you. You didn't have sex with him – He fucking raped you!" I hissed. I regretted saying that when he shrunk away from me like the word held heat. I shifted onto the couch and wrapped my arms around him again. When he did not pull away, I pressed him back against me.

Realising that he was still heaving made it clear I needed to calm him down first.

"It's okay, it's okay."

I hugged him tightly, repeating it as his crying continued. His breathing seemed to even out into harsh sobs, which was a slight improvement from the panicked heaving. He kept mumbling that he was sorry.

"Hey. Stop saying that. Jayden, you have nothing – nothing to apologise for."

I could still feel his guilt. Why did he feel guilty? It made me livid knowing that he felt like he held any blame for what happened. I pushed him away just a little in order to cup his face in my hands so that he would look at me.

"Listen to me. You did nothing wrong, okay?" I whispered, running my thumbs along his cheeks to remove some of the tears. My jaw clenched at the fear and remorse in his eyes, my chest burning as I tried to hide the spike in anger I felt because he would feel it too.

"Who is he, Jayden? Tell me. I'll make him pay," I promised. "I'll fucking kill him."

Jayden flinched at the words. I wasn't saying the right thing. I didn't know how to comfort him. I wanted him to feel better, to be less afraid and I wanted so badly to just find the person who had hurt him. I had no doubt that I was going to kill them.

He shook his head, shutting his eyes.

"Jayden," I began to plead. If he gave me a name, I could find them. I could hurt them as much as they had him.

"I-I don't wanna do this. I don't w-wanna talk about it. I don't want to t-think –"

Realising that the anger needed to be set aside at the moment, I nodded leaning into him as I wiped his tears.

"It's okay. You don't have to. It's hard, you did well, Jayden. It's okay."

I stood up and pulled him to the longer couch that I had laid on earlier. I watched his face slowly as I nudged him onto it before laying down beside him. We just lay together for a while. I continued to hold him, softly reassuring him as his crying slowly turned into sniffling. Once his breathing was almost normal, he spoke.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "About-about earlier a-and –"

"Stop that." It hit me that he had been afraid to ask me to stop earlier. I sighed leaning my forehead to his. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to with me, alright? You should never be afraid to say no to me, Jayden. I will always listen to you."

"But-but we won't be able to mark each other or... and-and you'll eventually get bored or angry –" he was saying.

"No, I don't care about that..." I mumbled. "You shouldn't be afraid... I'm not going anywhere, Jayden. I like you. I'm glad you're my mate. There's nothing you could do that would be worse than what I've done to you."

Jayden looked unconvinced, his eyes welling again. I quickly gave a short, but dramatic sigh.

"Besides, we can't make Bianca grant more wishes, so..." I smiled.

He actually broke into a horse chuckle, and it made me ecstatic seeing that I could make him feel better, even very slightly.

"I'm happy with you. I won't hurt you again. It'll be okay... We'll be okay." I slid my arms around his waist, shutting my eyes and pulling him closer to me.

"Corey?" he whispered.

"Don't say sorry again," I smiled hearing him give another raspy, choked chuckle.

"No... Thank you."

"Don't thank me either. I should be thankful," I replied, looking at him.

His face broke into a small grin as his arms snaked around me while he nuzzled his face into my neck, his warmth pressing against my skin. I tried to focus on the moment, and tried to keep myself calm as the anger began to bubble again. Despite feeling better, he was clearly still shaken and there was nothing I could do to ease the deep-rooted fear he felt – had felt for years. There was nothing I could do to make it disappear.

"Corey, calm down..."

Jayden's whisper reminded me that he could feel my emotions just as much as I could his and I took in a deep breath. Right, I could be angry later. I needed to calm down so he would too.

I rested my chin on his head, inhaling his calming scent deeply as I tightened my arms around him, squeezing him to me. How to distract him...? I smiled. There was one thing he always used. I wasn't any good at it.

I began to sing softly, mumbling the words right beside his ear. I felt his body relax into mine as his arms tightened around me.

Eventually, his breathing softened, evening out and showcasing that he had fallen asleep.

My fists clenched I finally let myself feel the growing, blistering rage that I had been desperately trying to suppress in order not to scare him.

I could feel my hands tremble, a red pulse in my eyes as my blood boiled. I would find out who had hurt him. I was not going to let it go. I was going to rip them to pieces.

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