Chapter 47

A/N

This chapter may be unsettling.

*****

*Jayden*

I instantly tried to shove the door shut but he forcefully slammed it open and pushed me further into the room before closing it behind him. The sound of the lock clicking made my heart drop as I stumbled away from him.

"G-get out," I said, trying to act like I wasn't completely terrified by him. But I had stuttered, my hands were shaking, and my heart was beating so hard my chest hurt. I was almost certain he could hear it.

"Really, Jay? That's how you greet me? When did you become so rude?" he chuckled.

I remember my father saying that... but he wasn't my father. He was so much worse.

"I-I said get out!" I yelled, hoping someone would hear me as I tried to bolt towards the door, but he shoved me back, causing me to trip over the box I had kept from the guitar. It resulted in my falling backwards onto the carpet.

Despite my trying to react fast, he was on top of me before I could even get my back off the floor. He grabbed my wrists as I tried to push him away and pressed his forearm against my neck while his other hand pinned my right wrist beside my head.

"Don't be loud, it's rude to other people."

I squirmed under his weight trying to tug my wrists from his hands as his arm crushed my throat.

"Jay, stop it and I'll let you breathe," he sounded amused.

I didn't, and it seemed to make him lower his entire weight onto my throat until dark stars began to blind my vision, so I stopped struggling, not wanting to faint and he eased the pressure letting me gasp for air.

"Good boy..." I grimaced as his breath brushed over the side of my face, tears filling my eyes at all the memories and feelings it brought back but I couldn't close my eyes: the darkness would only make it worse. "I heard about your father. Your mate killing him? Sounds like a load of bullshit. Your father was too much of a coward to face a Beta."

I refused to meet the eyes looking into mine. But the pictures would become more vivid if I closed my eyes, our position already made it bad enough. Instead, I turned my head to the side, staring through the blur at the wall at the far end of the room.

"Get away –" I hissed, once again trying to pull out of his grip because I could not keep being beneath him – or near him. It was becoming increasingly hard to breathe. More panic set in as I realised my fighting wasn't working. He didn't seem as fazed by my struggle and just continued to talk.

"You killed him, didn't you? I know you did."

"N-no."

I shook my head. I would have remembered killing my father, no matter how much I hated him I would have remembered that. Mike was just trying to mess with my head.

"You did. I heard the story. You were on your own when he came up to you... He must have terrified you, he must have made you so scared and yet... angry enough to rip his heart out..."

I shuddered as his lips brushed my ear before shutting my eyes as he planted a soft kiss against my jaw.

"Chris had that type of mouth. He could make people go crazy. Especially you. You already hated him. That's what happened when you met, isn't it Jayden? And you snapped... and you killed him."

I froze as my mind flashed to the ally in which my father was killed.

~~~

"Does your mother know you smoke?"

My father's voice simultaneously had the tendency to make me want to hide but also break something in anger. When I was younger it was just the former. I had always been so afraid of him. I wasn't going to hide though. Not again. It was tiring to keep hiding, to keep running... It was pointless too.

"So what if she does?" I asked, blowing out another cloud of white smoke into the evening air.

"She would hate that, wouldn't she, Jayden?"

"Ask her," I said, before chuckling. "Oh, right, even before your 'death' she wanted nothing to do with you. You'll have to hold on to your questions, Chris."

I narrowly dodged his fist when he instantly swung at me, and it ended up hitting the wall just behind where my head had been, so hard the brick broke. I tried not to think about how much of a close call that was as he turned to face me again.

"I'm going to kill you, Jay Jay. And then I'm going to get my mate back and we'll have dinner discussing all the ways I should have made you suffer," he hissed.

"My mother hates you," I replied narrowing my eyes.

"Mates are strong, Jayden. You know that." I stepped back as he advanced in my direction. "No matter how closely she's bonded to you, she's always going to love me more. She told you so, remember?" He laughed.

It made my confidence waver because it was not a lie. I remember that moment vividly because it hurt so much.

"She was drunk – and-and you compelled her!" I snapped, still trying to deny the memory even though I could still hear her say it if I thought about it.

"You know as well as I do that it's not that easy to compel another Amarelo, Jayden. You know I'm right. No matter how much she loves you, she'll always love me more. You're just garbage we can get rid of, and I'll make sure the next time we make a pup; he's not a pathetic Omega," he said.

I clenched my fist trying to push back my tears, my confidence diminishing. I couldn't cry in front of him. I would not. "You think you're so tough now because your mate's a Beta?" He chuckled. "He's going to kill you himself when he finds out what kind of cheap fag you are."

"Shut up!" I spat.

He laughed. "He still doesn't know, does he? How you fucked a man three times your age –" he was saying.

"No! I-I didn't! He –" I stopped as a sob forced its way out of my throat. How did he know?

I cried out as he suddenly slammed me against the wall. "Don't act like you didn't want it, Jayden. It's what you wanted!" he said.

"No! Fuck you!" I slammed my fist into his face making him stumble back.

"If he really forced you, you would have fought harder!"

I stopped moving, my body suddenly felt cold. No... I tried. I fought. I didn't want to...

"If you really didn't want it, you would have called for help –" he was saying.

"I tried –" I began.

"No, you didn't. You wanted it, Jayden. Because he gave you attention when you knew no one else gave a fuck about you –" he was saying.

"No, I –"

"When you knew – still know – that Joe was only pretending to care so that he would look like a good Alpha. You think an Alpha wants some useless Omega in his pack?" He was walking up to me slowly, but I could not seem to move, my arms felt numb; my entire body did.

"No... Joe-Joe c-cares..." I whispered.

"Then where was he? Why didn't he notice?" My father chuckled.

I lifted my hands to my face. Why didn't Joe notice? I had nightmares. I screamed so much. I was so messed up before I tried to fix it. Shouldn't he have noticed? Shouldn't someone have noticed? I had always been a quiet child, but no one noticed when I completely stopped talking to anyone...

Or... was he right and I just wasn't as opposed to it as I thought? Maybe I seemed fine to them because I was. No, no. I didn't want...

I shut my eyes trying to cover my ears and block his voice out, but I could still hear him perfectly despite it, despite the volume of the thoughts I was trying to shut out.

"Tell yourself what you will about Mike, about everything but deep down you know that no one cares about you, Jayden. No one. Your Beta mate never will either. You're pathetic, weak, disgusting; a nuisance to everyone. You make him sick."

I just about erupted at his words. I couldn't take the torment anymore, his chuckling, his smirk, his words, my own thoughts. It was too much. I needed it to stop.

I attacked him.

*End of Flashback*

I looked at Mike, stunned.

I killed him... I had killed my own father... I murdered someone...

"You remember, don't you?" The amusement was clear.

I shook my head slowly.

"I... I didn't mean... I didn't mean to..." I whispered.

"Didn't you?" He chuckled. "People don't just kill, Jayden. Bad people kill people, bad people that deserve everything he did to you... He knew you were no good from the moment you were born," he whispered.

I held my breath as he leaned closer to me, so close our noses almost touched.

"He made it possible, you know... Our... moments." He smirked as his lips brushed mine.

I turned my head to stop it. I didn't want to believe that. I couldn't.

"I miss those moments... don't you?" his voice was soft and affectionate, making my stomach turn as nauseating fear coursed through my chest.

"N-no, get- get off me – please –" I squirmed as the unshed tears made my eyes throb while he kissed my jaw gently, his lips lingering against my skin.

"I know you do," he whispered.

"N-no! No! My-my mate's on his way and when he sees you here he-he's going to kill you," I said, suddenly feeling a little braver, but still physically paralysed with fear. I was bluffing, of course. Just hoping the mention would scare him. It didn't.

He chuckled. "Your mate doesn't care, Jayden. I know all about your little trip to the Peaks, and I know how much he hated you. When he finds out exactly what we did, what you did, how much you liked it, he'll hate you all over again because you're nothing but a little lying brat," he said.

"No, h-he won't. I didn't lie about anything –" I squirmed as his fingers touched the part of my neck where the scar he made used to be, he had left it as a reminder the last time we were together before he disappeared from the pack.

"I like that you're not like other Amarelos, you'll always remember me. No matter how much you try to forget, when you look in the mirror every morning..." He leaned close to me. "Or take a shower," he chuckled into my ear.

I shut my eyes in an attempt to calm my breathing, but it only caused the tears to spill and run down my face, I quickly regretted shutting my eyes as the images flooded into my mind.

"I'll always be there with you, no matter how much you try to compel yourself to forget. Don't you like that?" he asked, brushing his lips against my jaw. I cringed feeling him lick my neck, but I knew there was nothing I could do about what was coming.

Even with Izabella's blood, he was so much stronger than me. Everyone was so much stronger. This was my fault. Everything that was about to happen was my fault. Everything that had happened was my fault.

Had I even tried fighting him the previous times? Or was he right? Was my father right? I wanted it. No, I didn't. Then why couldn't I show that? Why couldn't I fight? I was a man... a wolf. If I tried hard enough, I was supposed to beat him. But then why couldn't I? Had I tried at all?

"Please –" I let out a sob.

I was turning into the 11-year-old version of myself. I couldn't do it again. The thought of Corey only made it worse. If we did it now, Mike would be marking me.

"Please, please leave me alone," I begged.

He chuckled letting my wrist go. I instantly tried to shove against him, but he only moved for a second to push me onto my chest before he grabbed my wrists and slammed them onto the carpet beside my head again as he towered over me.

"Stay still. We both know there are two ways this could happen, and either way, it's happening. You might as well enjoy our mating and have a nice memory about being marked, Jayden." He chuckled.

I swallowed clenching my teeth as my cheek pressed against the carpet. He was right. It was going to happen, whether I wanted it or not. Like always. I tried to push thoughts of Corey from my mind. I didn't want to think of him, I didn't want to hurt him.

I couldn't block out Mike's voice as his lips grazed the back of my neck and his hand ran beneath me to my belt. I couldn't fight and I didn't want to. I knew it would only hurt more if I fought.

*****

To be honest, this chapter was really tough to go over and I needed to edit the next one at the same time to feel better.

Thank you for reading :)