Chapter 31: Chapter Thirty

OFF'S POV

"Cut!" The director yelled.

"Good job people, that's a wrap" He added.

I sighed and went to my manager. She was too busy answering some press questions and emails that were sent to her. There were a lot of inquiries about my decisions if I'm really leaving the industry, the answer is yes. It wasn't clear to me what I wanted and it cost me a lot when I took too long to decided.

I just couldn't see myself without Gun anymore....

***flashback***

I got into the university campus in time for the film class I have... it was a major subject and I was lucky enough to pass the pre-requisite last year so that I can take it now and cross it out of all the subjects that I was left behind with.

I talked to the professor and she told me about the project, there were a lot of my classmate who were already volunteering their selves, well... It's the fame, they wanted to be friends because of it. But I have to think wisely, I need to know who is on top of my class so that I would know who to pick.

"Is there a chance you give me two names at least?" I asked the professor after the class.

"I'll give you one, Gun Atthaphan, if you convince him, congratulations to you I guess?" The professor said.

I'm not even close with that person, how would I know if he'd agree? I searched for him on social media, he is not a public person at all, all his accounts were private. He was that guy who was with his circle of friends all the time.

I went to my classes and decided to figure this out later. It was kind of late when I finished my classes, my manager was already flooding me messages about the meeting I have to be at for my clothing line launch.

"Gun?" I muttered to myself when I saw Gun at the open field... he was with this guy... the way they acted around each other I'm guessing his boyfriend? I don't know...

I tried to approach him and it failed. He didn't agree. He was cold and he gave off an attitude but that got me determined. There's something about him that I wanted to work with him, it's not just the fact that he seems to be a good help for my grades but something else...

I was scheduled for an endorsement shoot with this company out of the industry and they made me go to this studio, I've heard of the studio from university, it is one of the partner studios that film students become an intern at. I went to film but it seems like the odds are helping me out since Gun was here as an intern as well.

I tried my best to be nice for him to like me and to convince him as well. Also, I was hoping we could be friends... he seems like someone who is such a good friend to everybody, like not a friend who only uses you or what when they need something. He's cute when he's annoyed at me... he was shorter than me and I think that one makes him cuter.

When I finally managed to get him to agree to be my partner, I was so happy... For a while in my busy life, I felt genuinely happy. He was strict about deadlines and not missing filming, so I immediately told my manager about the schedules.

"Off, this is such a huge mess. What the heck were you thinking?" My manager said while massaging the side of her head.

"It's a university requirement. I told you I wanted to finish my studies and become a director as well." I said.

"Off-----" I cut her off

"Just, find a way to make it work, everybody already gave me the lecture." I said and continued reading my script.

Everybody scolded me, even my mom for that sudden change with my schedule and plans.

We started filming the project, not gonna lie, I was barely getting sleep and rest juggling everything, but I noticed something is changing with Gun every time. He gets colder, he easily get irritated, he often is in a bad mood. I wanted to complain about how he was treating me but then I realized, he might be going through something that he doesn't talk about.

More days passed and I get more exhausted...

"Off... you need to be taken out of school, look at you, you already had fever last night." My manager said as we were having dinner at my condo.

"I'm not yet done with the project..." I said and took a small bite.

"Aren't you? or you're falling deeper with your project partner?" She asked.

"What do you mean falling? Gun's a friend." I said.

"Off, even if you don't tell me. I can see you changing. You never put anyone before anything, not even me and now all of a sudden you talk about Gun who was cold, Gun was mad at this, Gun didn't like this or that, Gun was happy today... Off, you can deny it all you want but I can clearly see you are so whipped for him." My manager said.

It took a long silence before I found the right words to say again...

"He makes me happy Phi... he is like a rest, my rest, with this tiring world I have. I love the life I chose to live, but he makes it better, he makes me wanna be better." I said.

"Off, there's nothing wrong with it, but you also told me that Gun has boyfriend... they might not be in good terms most of the times lately but you don't stand any chance until he's not free." She said.

I sighed. I decided to keep everything to me. I'll be fine if he's gonna be happy with Oab. I'll be fine just his friend he can run to, just someone so close to him. I know I fell, but there's nothing I can do about it.

I continued to work with Gun until the day I was so afraid for came... they pulled me out of university again... I got home schooled and I missed a filming day with Gun...

"Just let me show up for a while please" I asked my manager.

"Off, please stand by" The staff said.

"Off, we just can't. You're a big star, the industry wouldn't let you go so easily now." My manager said and gave me a small smile.

I wanted to cry like a kid. I was trying to message and contact Gun but he wasn't responding plus my phone kept freezing, the notifications from the fans and the promotion post was blowing up my notification. All I could feel is defeat.

It was a while of dreadful days when I finally got the chance to go back to university, I immediately looked for Gun but when I came to class he wasn't there... Since when did he skipped classes? He's not the type of student who skips classes. I tried not to eavesdrop but I was so tempted and I eventually gave in. I heard he was at the hospital?

I immediately made my way to the hospital, I don't even know how I'm talking to him but then I realized I just wanted to know if he was okay. I just wanted to make sure, I'll put the project aside but when I got there... he didn't liked me being there, I also came across Oab but he didn't even bother to go to Gun? What the heck is going on.

I prayed with all my heart to be able to get what I wanted and I guess the gods heard my prayers, or maybe I annoyed them too. We continued working on the project but Gun was different. He was ice ice cold. He was often a lot quiet when we were filming. His eyes are always puffy as well.

I tried my best throughout the filming process not to meddle with him and just when I thought we were becoming close, we even bonded on my condo already, he left... He was gone after his graduation...

I tried moving on, and I thought I was doing so well until Tay Tawan contacted me... they called me about wanting to build a studio of our own. I made my way to meet them today...

"Hey Off" Tay waved when I got to the restaurant they sent me.

"Hey..." I said and made my way to their table. They were with... New? I guess that's his name as I could remember...

There were some fans who were here and some are taking photos but I just let them, even some of the staff were surprised, but I know Tay already told them, and I guess that is why we were seated at the corner party room where there were dividers that could be pulled out.

"Hey Off, nice to see you again, this is New Thitipoom... you remember him?" Tay said and introduced me.

"Hey, nice to meet you both too, I kind of remember him as well." I said and shook his hand.

The people in the restaurant started serving us food and we ate for a while before we got in to our agenda for today.

"So, you were taking a break from acting?" Tay said.

"Yeah... Kind of focusing on my clothing line and I wanted a break as well." I said.

But the truth is I'm just lost... I do not know what I want at the moment...

"We planned this studio to be built since Gun is going home and he wanted to fulfill his director dreams as well, and he'd be able to attract customers since he already has directing experiences from New York." Tay said which almost got me choking on my drink. Gun?!

"You okay?" New asked me when he noticed.

"Yeah, sorry... continue" I said.

"We'd be working with Gun Atthaphan, of course you'd remember him, you did a project back in college with him." Tay said.

"Yeah of course" I said trying to keep the chill in my voice.

I was so happy after that meeting. I was beyond excited when I got home, I immediately told my manager about it, she said she was expecting a call from me saying I wanted to go back to acting but no, not just yet.

I was excited to see him again, it has been almost four years. When we got to meet for the studio planning and all, it was the first time I was gonna see Gun. He walked in and he was so different. He still looks young and all but his aura changed, he seemed happier than the last I saw him, he seemed to have everything under control. Like he was a brand new person...

I was invited to go to a party at the club because an old friend of mine was celebrating his birthday but I didn't really wanna stay so late here, I'm not a party person, but then I saw Gun who was getting drunk on his own... He seemed too happy back then, he was okay, but then tonight he doesn't seem like any of it.

I approached him and took him to my condo because he was already too drunk and my condo was near the club. We had a little talk and it kind of pained me knowing everything he has to go through... the reasons he has when he was too cold back then... Those were too much... he saw my harry potter stuff and it made me so happy knowing he loves it.

"Really Off? You binge watched with Gun and forgot to answer my messages and calls?" My manager scolded me after Gun stayed and I pretty much forgot about the rest of the world already.

He wanted me to come at his house when things go wrong with his family dinner, I wasn't able to respond since my manager was scolding me and I was kind of caught up in work but I managed to drive there when I think they were already talking or what. I left a message that I was just right outside. I looked at the stars, if things work out really well, I hope the universe still permits a love for me and Gun.

His family dinner turned out well and we talked a little when he went outside. He was so happy and that took all my worries and tiredness away. He is happy, and I'd love to see that smile on his face for a long time.

I noticed that he was too close to Tay... they were best friends but there's a slight part of me that was jealous, how I wish I was close to Gun. I became busy with some endorsement shoots and all, I saw Gun and Tay's stories that they were hanging out, a road trip huh?

I called my manager and told her to cancel everything for the next three days and that I needed to be somewhere, she was very curious to where I was heading but I told her I'm just going for a little trip to Pattaya at our family beach house...

Nobody ever goes to the beach house anymore but I managed to get the contact number of P'Geen the caretaker of our beach house, I told her to prepare and all I'll be visiting with a friend... well, if that friend agrees I mean?

"Remember that you would need to go back and film a small project with the industry, you also have to film three cameos for show promotion" My manager told me as I was fixing my stuff.

"Yeah... yeah... I'd go back don't worry" I said.

I can't kidnap Gun as well. He's busy and he has a lot to attend to especially he was putting up his own business, he was managing it alone.

I found him seating in his usual corner when I got to the coffee shop... I ordered and sat in front of him. I was kind of nervous when I tried to ask him but then I tried my best to act like I was calm even though I was so happy when he agreed to go with me even if I hadn't told him where we were going. I waited for him to get some of his stuff while we got to his house.

The trip was short but it meant so much to me, to watch the sunsets and sunrises with him, to enjoy the beach and watching the moon with him... It made me so happy seeing him enjoy every moment of this trip, I wanted to tell him how I feel but fear got the best of me.

"You're stupid" My manager told me when we were on set.

"I just couldn't tell him that yet, I need to build a stronger friendship foundation" I defended my self.

"You're not a kid anymore Off, win him or loose him, what matters now is that you tried" She said.

I shrugged off the thoughts when I was called for a scene Fans were crazy when I got paired with Mild. Mild is a great woman, ideal actually, but the universe knows she's not what my heart wants.

When I saw that Gun was heading back to New York, I felt so bad. He's gonna leave all of us again? We have a studio to run for pete's sake! I don't even know how to react to that because I'm just his friend and I couldn't just stop him from doing the things he wanted too.

I thought all will be alright after the drama with Oab, but his New York trip was heavier to accept. Is he still coming back?

The universe seemed to have heard my prayers when Gun and I had a small talk. He invited me to go with them... maybe it's time...

"Please don't be a coward anymore." My manager told me.

"I won't be, I promise that to myself. I need to make the most of the money I'm spending, it's an expensive spontaneous trip." I said with a little bit of sarcasm.

"You can never say no to Gun, even if he asks for everything you have, you'd just keep saying yes." She said and I just laughed.

***end of flashback***

"Off, stop thinking" My manager took me out of my thoughts as she spoke.

"Huh?" I blurted out.

"We've been here in the parking lot of your condo for almost five minutes now." She said which made me look around. We are actually here already...

"Please take a rest Off..." She said and I just looked at her.

"I know how much you loved him, and he loved you too, you had the kind of love where you fell first and he fell harder I saw that between you two, but I'm sorry it just seems like it's the wrong timing Off" She said as we got out of the car.

I didn't even say a word to her or even a goodbye anymore, I didn't have the energy to talk.

It was already almost midnight. I laid down on my bed and I stared blankly at the ceiling. My manager got me a day off for tomorrow. I don't even know how to spend day-offs anymore. I dozed off to sleep not knowing.

When I woke up it was almost lunch time... I decided to get some food delivered instead and I also looked at the bunch of paper piled up near my entry table. I noticed Gun's letter... I took the envelope and opened it. I think I was ready to read his farewell, or maybe a part of me was hoping he'd say in this letter that he'd just be around and wait for the timing to become right... I slowly took the paper out and it wasn't a particularly long letter...

Dear Off,

My Papii, my savior! My best friend, my bully, my project partner... my soulmate. I know things are rough between us and we might not be able to go back to the way things used to be. I wanted to say how grateful I still am and forever will be for meeting you. You became a sunshine when every storm came in my life. You saved me. You gave me so much hope. I was so happy knowing I got the chance to love you... It's just that maybe our love wasn't enough. I am writing to let you know that I am leaving now. I would be gone for good. I'll be settling into a life I really wanted. I hope it works, I wish you good luck on your future endeavors. I hope you live your life to the fullest, and I hope you're happy.

Love,

Smol Bean.

H-he left?

I immediately called my manager and asked to finish all of my schedule within today and tomorrow. I can't do this. I can't live like this. I need to find Gun, before everything is too late...

Months passed... I sat in front of the Eiffel Tower... I've went to almost everything in our bucket list and all the places Gun mentioned to me when we were talking about the places we wanted to go to. Christmas in Paris would a lot be better if Gun was here... I sighed and looked at the people taking photos with their loved ones as the Eiffel Tower shined so bright behind them.

"Gun, where are you?" I asked the moon as I looked up and a tear fell from eye.

I wiped the tear and sighed. I walked away and headed back to my hotel room I laid down my bed for a few minutes as the world celebrates Christmas I pulled my luggage and took out the only sweater Gun left with me... he left it one time when he slept over at the condo...

I booked one last trip for New Year. It was the last place I'll be searching for Gun... if he isn't there, I have nothing else left to do but to let go...

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