Chapter 37: Hidden Heir: Chapter 37

“Tiff? Sweetie? Where are you hiding?”

I took my eyes off her for two seconds, maybe a little longer. One minute, we’d been playing in my office—she’d demanded that we play hide and seek, something I was more than happy to do—the next, I’d knocked my coffee over. I was a little too eager to hide under the desk and bumped it, causing the coffee to spill. I had to quickly clean up the mess before the coffee soaked into any important electrical equipment.

I turned away from Tiffany for maybe a minute, no more than two, but when I turned back, she was nowhere to be seen. Assuming she’d started the game of hide and seek, I searched my office high and low but found no sign of her. With that came a new feeling of fear, different since I learned I was a parent.

“Tiffany?” I wrench open the office door and stumble out into the hallway. “Tiff, where did you go? Are you out here?”

I’ve never been one to panic. Even in the most dangerous situations I’m able to keep a level head and stay calm, but this feels different. It’s not the first time she’s run away from me while playing a game, but something about the suddenness of her absence is searing through me like a hot knife through butter.

I need to find her.

“Tiffany!” I start calling her name, but after a few minutes of running up and down the hallway, and checking all the adjacent rooms to no avail, I start yelling. My heart begins to pound, my palms grow clammy, and sweat trickles down my spine.

She couldn’t have left the house and yet the fact that I can’t find her—or hear her—is quickly becoming terrifying. I break into a run, sprinting through the kitchen, then the lounge, but she’s not in either place. Every staff member I run into is grabbed and questioned but no one has seen her, which only drives my panic to new heights. By the time I’ve searched the entire first floor, I can’t breathe. My heart is pounding furiously, my head is about to explode, and there’s an odd tremble in my limbs that I can’t control.

I rush back up the stairs, yelling myself hoarse until Rik comes flying out of one of the rooms and crashes into me.

“Leon!” he yells. “What the hell?”

“Tiffany!” I bark at him, my voice sounding strained and alien to my own ears. “We started playing hide and seek in my office. I looked away for a minute and now she’s vanished. Rik, I can’t find her, I can’t⁠—!”

I can’t breathe, either. My chest seizes up like a crushing weight has landed on it and breathing is suddenly impossible. I clutch at Rik as the world tips and I nearly hit the ground.

“Leon!” Rik grabs me by the shoulders, catching my fall. He coaxes me down to the floor and seats me up against the wall. “You’re having a panic attack.”

No. I don’t have panic attacks.

I don’t panic, period.

“Listen to me. Tiffany is fine. She came running to me asking me to help her hide, but Brooke had just asked me to find her because it was bath time, so I took her to her mom. I’d assumed you were aware. She’s in there.” He points to Tiffany’s ensuite, the room he came running out of. “She’s with Brooke. She’s fine, Leon. You haven’t lost her.”

His explanation makes complete sense yet at the same time makes no sense. “Rik, I ran up and down the hall yelling for her before checking downstairs. How can she be up here, completely fine?”

“She found Brooke and me downstairs in the kitchen. We headed up the back staircase. We must have just missed one another.”

I stare at Rik, dumbfounded, clutching at him with all my strength. It feels like I’m dying, like something is stomping all over my lungs. My heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of my chest, and my vision is blurred.

“Leon, fuck.” Rik looks away and yells something I can’t hear. It’s like I’m in a vacuum. He looks back at me, cupping my face. “Leon, I need you to breathe for me, okay? You need to take a deep breath. Breathe in through your nose and out of your mouth. Do that or you’re gonna pass out. I don’t think you want me giving you mouth-to-mouth.”

If he’s trying to make me laugh, I can’t. I blink and the next thing I see is his phone in his hand. He turns the screen toward me, Brooke’s face appearing via Facetime, her expression full of concern.

“Leon? Baby? It’s okay. Look, she’s here with me. She’s safe.” Brooke turns her phone and Tiffany’s beaming, rosy face fills the screen as she blows bubbles off her hands.

She’s fine.

Something unlocks in my chest and I’m able to drag in a shaky breath.

“That’s it,” Rik coaxes. “Let it out slowly. Take another breath, come on. In and out.”

I stare up at him as the pressure in my chest begins to subside and I’m able to take another breath. Then another. It takes a few minutes for me to be able to control my breathing but I do, and finally I’m able to speak again.

“Shit,” I say hoarsely, knocking my head back against the wall. “I felt like I was dying.”

“You were having a panic attack, a bad one,” Rik says, resting back on his haunches. “Almost lost you for a second.”

“I’m fine now.”

“No,” Rik says. He stands and offers me his hand. “You’re not fine.”

“I am,” I insist, slowly climbing onto unsteady legs. “Shit.”

“You can trick yourself into thinking you are but deep down, you aren’t,” Rik says. “You’ve clearly got some shit going on that you’re not dealing with.”

I puff out my cheeks, hyper-focused on breathing as a wave of nausea washes over me. “Thought I was gonna explode.”

“You have PTSD.” Rik takes my arm and guides me into the bedroom. “Nothing to be ashamed of. You went through some major trauma. You’ve been so focused on making sure Brooke is okay and making up for what your family did that you haven’t given yourself time to heal.”

“I’m fine.”

“Bullshit.” Rik almost shoves me down onto the couch. “I knew plenty of guys like you in the Army. You think powering through is the way then shit like this happens and you don’t understand why. Mental trauma can affect you physically too. After what you went through you can’t keep pretending things are fine.”

I want to argue but he’s right. Some days I’m on top of the world. Other days, I feel like I’m going to implode if someone looks at me wrong. “So what are you saying, I need therapy?”

“I wouldn’t rule it out,” Rik replies, sitting across from me. “But you need to heal. Listen to your body. A panic attack is awful but it can be so much worse. You and Brooke both need to be taking better care of yourselves. Throwing yourselves into this new initiative to help people is all well and good until…” He points at me, a stern expression on his face. “PTSD is no joke.”

I watch him intently, feeling slightly off balance as my heart continues to race. “Speaking from experience?”

“Maybe.” Rik sighs. “Look, I know a guy. He helped me. Let me give him a call. A couple of sessions might do both of you a world of good.”

“Rik…”

“If you don’t want to do it for yourself then do it for me,” he says. “I don’t want to lose either one of you ever again, definitely not to something like this.”

I consider denying him because the idea that Paul could leave such a lasting effect on me makes me feel weak, but the earnest look on his face keeps me silent. I nod and force a deep, slow breath.

“Okay. Sure.”

Rik smiles. “Great.”

He stays with me until Brooke finishes up with bathtime, then I hug and kiss Tiffany as hard as I can until she complains. Rik takes her downstairs for a snack while Brooke sits next to me and pulls me into her arms. My head ends up in her lap and she hums softly while threading her fingers through my hair.

“How are you feeling?”

“Hollow.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Just stay here with me,” I say, closing my eyes.

“Was it me?” she asks softly. “Did the rough sex the other night trigger you?”

“No.” My eyes open and I look up at her. “It definitely wasn’t you. It was… Tiffany was gone. The door was still closed so it was like she just vanished and I couldn’t understand how.”

“She’s very polite with closing doors,” Brooke says softly.

“I know. If I’d stopped to think then I would have realized that but I just…” I close my eyes again. “The thought of losing her, or you, just tears me apart inside. I’d rather die a thousand times over in the worst way than ever having to go through losing either one of you. It scares me deeply. I guess I never realized how much. We are just becoming a family and then she was gone. I felt like something had taken over my body and thoughts.”

“We’re not as healed as we think we are, are we?” Brooke caresses my forehead, sweeping hair away from my brow.

“Rik wants us to talk to someone.”

“Maybe we should. Couldn’t hurt.”

“You think so?”

“Of course.” Brooke smiles softly and leans down. She kisses me slowly before tiling her head to deepen the kiss. “I love you, Leon. And I’m going to love you until the end of my days so yes, I will absolutely do everything I can to make sure those days are healthy and full of life.”

“Alright,” I murmur, cradling the back of her head and bringing her down for another kiss. “I can get behind that.”

“Good. And you’re not going to lose me or Tiff. We’re here forever, understand?”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”