Away From Us

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S. A. A

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"What is he talking about, Lexi? "

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A cold and deathly silence had suddenly fallen upon the bleak hallways of the hospital. He was waiting for me to say something; to clarify the doctors words, but I couldn't. I was speechless.

I knew it now. No lies could be spoken and no excuses could be made. I had, regrettably, reached the end of the line and it was now time for me to reveal the long-hidden truth.

Aaron hadn't said anything after the dreaded question left his lips. Rather, he waited for my reply, tapping his shoe impatiently. He looked towards the doctors room curiously before gesturing to it.

"Were you in there?" He asked, looking down at me. The look of curiosity on his face seemed insatiable and, I knew, he wouldn't relent until knowing the truth.

I could have lied to him. I could have conjured up a petty excuse of how I was 'visiting' for a friend. I even considered it for a moment,but- upon gazing into his eyes- I just couldn't find the will to lie again.

So, I nodded.

At this, the confusion on Aaron's face didn't seem to subside, but - rather- it grew. It was clear he hadn't the slightest idea of my plight.

His eyebrows furrowed as he looked back at the doctors door.

"Er, can I ask why?" He said, turning to me with an eyebrow raised. I contemplated shouting 'no!' and fleeing to Mexico, but dismissed it when I saw a gurney behind me.

Curse the injured person who was blocking my escape route.

Instead of planning a pathetic escape, I turned to Aaron slowly, gazing at the ground as I spoke.

"Aaron. I don't know how to say this, but..." I stopped mid-sentence, losing the will to carry on, but I knew I had already said too much and Aaron was waiting for the truth.

He had waited too long.

"But, what?" He said, moving closer yet I took a step back. I needed space to say this. I looked up to see Aaron- a look of hurt on his face- but it was gone before it had come, making me wonder if I had just imagined it.

I sighed deeply, rubbing my arm

nervously.

"I'm ill, Aaron." I said bluntly. I didn't want to beat around the bush. I had done it too much; too often and it needed to stop.

Before I could process his reaction, Aaron had already rushed to my side. He put a cold hand to my head, a look of worry on his face.

"What? Is it a fever or something?" He asked and then, I realised, he didn't understand the severity of my illness.

Well, in hindsight, I had said it very casually.

I stared up at Aaron as he stood over me, his hand still resting on my forehead. When he noticed my gaze on him, he raised a dark eyebrow.

"What is it? What's wrong, Lexi? " He asked, taking hold of my hand. His hands were large around mine, enveloping them perfectly. I didn't want to let go of him, but I had to. It was my time to leave.

I pulled back from him, resulting in a confused look from Aaron. Pushing a hair behind my ear, my voice shook as I spoke.

"Aaron, I'm ill. Seriously ill." I breathed out, cursing when I felt tears springing to my eyes. A while back, I was happy to leave and-now- I was feeling upset. I couldn't stay; there was no hope and yet I had just broken my most important vow- I had let him in and now I couldn't stay away. But, I needed to.

Aaron moved back abruptly, a blank look on his face. He looked back at the doctors door again before turning his gaze to the floor.

"What do you mean 'seriously ill'?" He said, his voice slow as he assessed my face for an answer.

I nodded, deciding it be best to rip the band-aid off as fast as I could.

"Severe aplastic anaemia. I was diagnosed at 13." I said, holding my breath as I let him process my words.

The look of shock on Aaron's face seemed unextinguishable. I didn't know what he was thinking at that exact moment, although I wish I did.

The look of shock, however, vanished hurriedly into thin air and was soon replaced by a look of anger yet this wasn't the same anger that I had seen on him when we had our fights nor was it the anger that I saw he used on others. It seemed different, somehow, I didn't know how. Aaron moved closer to me sharply, rubbing a hand through his hair. Before I could question his behaviour, he spoke.

"Don't joke about your life like that, Lexi, I don't like it." He breathed, looking me in the eyes. I had to compose myself from melting from the close proximity.

I sighed, looking into Aaron's eyes and, with one long look, he knew I wasn't joking. He stumbled back, looking around frantically. I moved closer, trying to calm him, but he pushed me away.

"You're lying." He muttered, more to himself than me and I couldn't help the tear that ran down my cheek.

"I'm not." I whispered back, trying again to move closer, but Aaron pushed me away again. I sighed. I knew it was going to be hard to disclose the truth to him.

He gazed at the floor in thought for a few seconds and I watched him in silence. After a few moments, he looked back up, a glimmer of hope in his beautiful eyes.

"There's a treatment, right? " He more pleaded than asked, moving closer. I sighed heavily while nodding. The complete truth needed to be told.

"Yes. There is a cure, b-" Before I could finish my reasoning, Aaron had already pulled his phone out of his pocket and was already trying to make a call.

"I know this guy. His name is Terry. He's the best doctor in the business. If he can't help you then no one can. He's who you need ." Aaron spoke hurriedly as if he was being chased. He tapped away at his phone anxiously, cursing exceptionally loud when he was sent to voicemail.

"Aaron! Aaron, calm down!" I said, stroking his back. He seemed stressed out beyond relief and I hated myself for being the cause. I reached out to touch his shoulder, but -before I could- Aaron took hold of my arm, gripping it tightly.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" He said, his voice stone hard. He looked at me, but not in the eyes. The look of anger on his face was clear for all to see.

I recoiled, not expecting that type of question. I was speechless, mostly because I had no answer.I didn't know why I hadn't told Aaron. I shrugged, looking into his beautiful eyes.

"Guess, I thought, no one cared." I said honestly to which Aaron tutted loudly.

"Have I ever done anything to show you I don't care? " He exclaimed, gesturing wildly with his hands. I rolled my eyes at this,moving dangerously closer.

"I don't know. How about the time when you lied about grabbing candy floss or the last few years that you ignored my presence until you found you needed me for something? Is that not good enough for you? " I stated dryly, looking at him head-on. Aaron didn't seem to respond well to my dry wit, his face turning from normal to angry in a fraction of a second.

"Now's not a good time to be using sarcasm, Lexi. Just take the money I give you and-"

I interrupted his words with a scoff, glaring viciously at his face.

"Money? Do I look like a charity case, Aaron? I don't need anything from you nor will I ever." I spat out, feeling insulted from feeling like he was just tossing money in my face. My family had tried searching for a donor and they couldn't find one for so long; I wasn't going to be a burden on anyone else as they tried. They would ultimately fail.

Aaron tutted loudly again, a look of desperation on his face. He gestured towards me.

"Can you stop being so bitchy for one second and think about what actually matters- your life. That's what matters. " He pleaded, his voice trembling with anger. He looked at me, searching my eyes for an answer. To what, I'm not sure.

I looked away from his gaze and folded my arms stubbornly.

"I don't need the money. I'm not getting the treatment." I said bluntly.

God, I need to stop hanging out with Justin.

At my words, Aaron pulled away from me. His eyes were dark and held an emotion that I couldn't decipher.

"Lexi. Stop messing around. I swear, it's not a fucking joke. Just take the-" Before Aaron could finish his sentence, I put a hand up, stopping his words.

"I'm not joking, Aaron! I don't want to live anymore for my own personal reasons and you have no jurisdiction in changing my choice what so ever. I don't need the damn money." I shouted, breathing deeply.  I didn't want to tell him about the money and donor situation because it would be futile.

And then the cold; deadly silence was back. I was looking down yet I could sense someone's gaze on me. I looked up to see Aaron staring at me. He looked fragile and completely different to what he usually looked like and I shook my head in worry. I didn't mean to cause this.

He opened his mouth to speak; but I immediately saddened upon hearing his voice.

"You want to leave me too?" He questioned with a voice so quiet, I had to strain to hear him. The look on his face broke my heart.

Pain; regret; anger- all these feelings were evident on Aaron's face and I hated myself for being the reason. But, I couldn't shirk away from bringing everyone the greater good. I had to fulfill my duty, be it with his approval or without.

I looked down to the ground morosely. I didn't know why, but I didn't have the courage to look him in the eye as I talked to him

"Sorry, Aaron, but you wouldn't understand." I said with a heavy sigh, turning to look away from him.

Aaron stared long and hard at me, the look of anger growing. He moved away slowly and I let him. I let him distance himself. Before turning, he ran a hand through his hair.

"Fine, but don't expect me to watch you die." and with that he walking away from me.

Away from us.

I tried calling his name, but he ignored every scream. I shed a few tears, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Aaron! Please, understand! Come back!" I called, moving after him.

The tears were uncontrollable now and I felt empty. Part of me felt as if he was walking away from me forever and there was nothing I could do about it. My heart was in pain and the dull ache in my stomach burned like a thousand stars. I needed him, that much I knew, so I did the only thing I felt right.

Moving forward, I sobbed as the tears streamed down my face.

"Aaron, wait! I love you."

And he stopped dead in his tracks.

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S. A. A