: Chapter 1
Wicked Sexy Liar
THERE ARE A number of things that happen when you havenât had sex in a while: You inadvertently emit a sound during the kissing scenes in romantic moviesâa noise that falls somewhere between a snort and an audible eye roll and which almost always elicits a pillow being lobbed at you from the other end of the couch. You can name at least three online adult toy stores from memory, accurately quoting their shipping rates, reliability, and speed. At least two of these stores auto-fill after only a single letter is typed into the URL bar, and you are always the roommate expected to replace the batteries on the remote control, hand vacuum, and flashlights.
Which is ridiculous when you think about it because everyone knows the best sex toys are corded or rechargeable. Amateurs.
You become good at masturbating, too. Like, really good, Olympic sport good. And by that point, having sex with yourself is the only option because how can any man possibly hope to compete with your own hand or a vibrator with 120 volts and seventeen variable speed settings?
The side effects of a less-than-social vagina are particularly noticeable when youâre constantly surrounded by three of the most disgustingly happy couples around. My roommate, Lola, and her two best friends, Harlow and Mia, met their significant others in a totally insane, it-never-happens-in-real-life weekend of debauchery in Las Vegas. Mia and Ansel are married and barely come up for air. Harlow and Finn seem to have mastered sex via eye contact. And Lola and her boyfriend, Oliver, are at that stage in a new relationship where touching is constant and sex seems to happen almost spontaneously. Cooking turns into sex. Watching The Walking Dead? Obviously arousing. Time for sex. Sometimes theyâll just walk in the door, chatting casually, and then stop, look at each other, and here we go again.
TMI alert? Oliver is loud, and I had no idea the c-word was used quite so readily in Australia. Itâs a good thing I love them both so much.
And Lord, I do. I met Lola in the art program at UCSD, and although we didnât really start hanging out regularly until she moved in as my roommate last summer, I feel like Iâve known her my entire life.
Hearing her feet dragging down the hall, I smile. She emerges, hair a mess and face still flushed.
âOliver just left,â I tell her around a spoonful of Raisin Bran. Heâd stumbled out less than ten minutes ago, sporting a dazed grin and a similar level of dishevelment. âI gave him a high five and a bottle of Gatorade for the road because he has to be dehydrated after all that. Seriously, Lola, Iâm impressed.â
I wouldnât have thought it possible for Lolaâs cheeks to get any pinker. I would have lost that bet.
âSorry,â she says, offering me a sheepish smile from behind the cupboard door. âYouâve got to be sick to death of us, but Iâm about to leave for L.A. andââ
âYou are not apologizing because youâve got a gorgeous, sweet Australian guy banging you senseless,â I tell her, and stand to rinse out my bowl. âIâd give you more shit if you werenât hitting that daily.â
âSometimes it feels like driving all the way to his place takes forever.â Lola closes the cupboard door and stares off, contemplating. âThat is insane. We are insane.â
âI tried to convince him to stay,â I tell her. âIâm leaving for the day and have work tonight. You two could have had the place to yourselves.â
âYouâre working again tonight?â Lola fills her glass and props a hip against the counter. âYouâve closed every night this week.â
I shrug. âFred needed someone and the extra hours donât hurt.â I dry my bowl and reach to put it away. âDonât you have panels to finish, anyway?â
âI do, but Iâd love to hang out . . . Youâre always at the beach or working aââ
âAnd youâve got a fuckhot boyfriend and a blazing career,â I say. Lola is probably the busiest person I know. When she isnât editing her new graphic novel, Junebug, or visiting the set for the film adaptation of her first book, Razor Fish, sheâs jetting off to L.A. or New York or wherever the studio and her publisher want her. âI knew you were working today and would probably spend the night with Oliver.â Squeezing her shoulder, I add, âBesides, what else is there to do on a beautiful day like this but surf?â
She grins at me over the rim of her cup. âI donât know . . . maybe go out on a date?â
I snort as I shut the cupboard door. âYouâre cute.â
âLondon,â she says, pinning me with a serious expression.
âLola,â I volley back.
âOliver mentioned he has a friend coming in from home, maybe we could all get together.â She looks down, feigning fascination with something on her fingernail. âSee a movie or something?â
âNo setups,â I say. âMy darling of darlings, weâve had this conversation at least ten times.â
Lola smiles sheepishly again and I laugh, turning to walk out of the kitchen. But sheâs there, hot on my heels.
âYou canât fault me for worrying about you a little,â she says. âYouâre alone all the time andââ
I wave a flippant hand. âAlone is not the same as lonely.â Because as appealing as the idea of sex with an actual person is, the drama that inevitably comes along with it is not. Iâve got enough on my social plate trying to keep up with Lola and her tight-knit and ever-expanding group of friends and their significant others. Iâm barely past the Learning Their Last Names stage. âStop channeling Harlow.â
Lola frowns as I lean forward to kiss her cheek.
âYou donât have to worry about me,â I tell her, then check the time. âGotta go, mid-tide in twenty.â
AFTER A LONG day on the water, I step behind the counter of Fredâsâthe place nearly everyone lovingly calls âthe Regal Beagleâ due to the name of its owner, Fred Furleyâand tie an apron around my waist.
The tip jar is just over half-full, which means itâs been pretty steady, but not so crazy that Fred will have to call in an extra hand. Thereâs a couple talking quietly at one end of the bar, half-empty wineglasses in front of them. Theyâre deep in conversation and barely look up when I step into view; they wonât need much. Four older women sit at the other end. Nice clothes, I notice, even nicer handbags. Theyâre laughing and possibly here to celebrate something, which means theyâll probably be entertaining and great tippers. I make a mental note to check on them in a few minutes.
Raucous laughter and the sound of cheering draw my attention toward the back, and I spot Fred delivering beers to a group of guys circled around the pool table. Satisfied heâs got them covered, I begin checking inventory.
Iâve only been at Fredâs about a month, but itâs a bar like any other and the routine has been easy enough to pick up. It has stained glass lights, warm wood, and round leather booths, and is a lot less seedy than the dance club where I worked my last two years of college. Still, it has its share of creeps, an inevitable drawback to this kind of job. Itâs not that Iâm particularly attractive, or even the best-looking woman in the place, but thereâs something about seeing a female on this side of the counter that sometimes leads even the most well-intentioned men to forget their manners. With no barback here, I have to do a lot of the running and prep myself, but Fred is a great boss and fun to joke around with. Heâs also better at spotting the creeps than I am.
Which is why heâs dealing with the guys in the back, and I am not.
Iâm pretty particular when it comes to setup, and start my shift by arranging everything behind the bar exactly the way I like: ticket spike, knife, peeler, muddler, juice press, Y peeler, channel knife, julep strainer, bar spoons, mixing glass. Mise en placeâeverything in its place.
Iâm about to start cutting fruit when a customer leans over the counter and asks for two White Russians, one with ice, one without. I nod, lifting two clean glasses from the rack, when Fred steps behind me.
âLet me know if those kids give you any trouble,â he says, and nods to the pool table group, which is currently whooping about something boy-related in the back.
They seem pretty typical for the UCSD guys who come in here: tall, fit, tan. A few are wearing graphic tees and others wear collared shirts. I study them in tiny flickers of attention as I mix the drinks, taking an educated guess from their height, physique, and tans that theyâre water polo players.
One of them, with dark hair and a jaw you could probably have sex with, looks up just as I do, and our eyes snag. Heâs good-lookingâthough to be fair, theyâre all pretty good-lookingâbut thereâs something about this guy that makes me do a double take and hold his gaze for the space of a breath, not quite ready to let it go. Unfortunately, heâs gorgeous in that unattainable, brooding douchebag sort of way.
With that reminder of the past, I immediately disengage.
I turn back to Fred and pull a second glass jar labeled CAR FUND from under the counter and place it in front of him. âI think we both know you donât have to worry about me,â I say, and he smiles, shaking his head at the jar as he finishes his pours. âSo is it just the two of us tonight?â
âThink so,â he says, and slides the beers onto the bar. âThere arenât any big games this weekend. Expect itâll be steady, but slow. Maybe weâll have a chance to get through some inventory.â
I nod as I finish the drinks and ring them up before washing my hands and checking my station for anything else Iâll need. A throat clears behind me and I turn, finding myself now only a foot away from the eyes that were all the way across the room only seconds before.
âWhat can I get you?â I ask, and itâs polite enough, delivered with what I know to be a friendly-but-professional smile. His eyes narrow and even though I donât track them moving down my body in any perceptible way, I get the feeling heâs already checked me out, made up his mind, and filed me away in the same way all men categorize women: fuckable, or not. From my experience, there isnât a whole lot of in-between.
âCan I get another round, please?â he says, and motions vaguely over his shoulder. His phone vibrates in his hand and he glances down at it, tapping out a quick message before returning his attention to me.
I pull out a tray. I donât know what theyâd ordered since Fred brought them their first round, but I can easily guess.
âHeineken?â I ask.
His eyes narrow in playful insult, and it makes me laugh.
âOkay, not Heineken,â I say, holding up my hands in apology. âWhat were you drinking?â
Now that I really look, heâs even prettier up close: brown eyes framed with the kind of lashes mascara companies charge a fortune for and dark hair that looks so soft and thick I just know it would feel amazing to dig my fingersâ
But I assume he knows this, and the confidence I noticed from across the room practically saturates the air. His phone buzzes again, but he gives it only the briefest glance down and silences it. âWhy would you assume Heineken?â he asks.
I stack a handful of coasters on the tray and shrug again, trying to nip the conversation in the bud. âNo reason.â
Heâs not buying it. The corner of his mouth turns up a little and he says, âCome on, Dimples.â
At almost the same time, I hear Fredâs âGoddammitâ and hold out my hand, ready when he slaps a crisp dollar bill into it. I smugly tuck it into the jar.
The guy follows my movement and blinks back up at me. â âCar Fundâ?â he asks, reading the label. âWhatâs that about?â
âItâs nothing,â I tell him, and then wave to the line of draft beers. âWhat were you guys drinking?â
âYou just made a buck off of something I said and youâre not even going to tell me what it was?â
I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear and give in when I realize he isnât going to order until Iâve answered him. âItâs just something I hear a lot,â I say. In fact, itâs probably something Iâve heard more than my own name. Deep dimples dent each of my cheeks, and Iâd be lying if I didnât say theyâre both my most and least favorite feature. Couple that with Âsun-streakedâoften wind-blownâhair and a smattering of freckles, and Iâm about as Girl Next Door as they come.
âFred didnât believe it happens as often as I said,â I continue, jerking my thumb over my shoulder. âSo we made a little bet: a dollar every time someone calls me Dimples, or references said dimples. Iâm going to buy a car.â
âNext week at this rate,â Fred complains from somewhere behind me.
Dudebroâs phone chirps again, but this time he doesnât check it, doesnât even look down. Instead, he tucks it into the back pocket of his jeans, glances from Fred to me again, and grins.
And I might actually need a moment.
If I thought this guy was pretty before, it has nothing on the way his entire face changes when he smiles. A light has been switched on behind his eyes, and every trace of arrogance seems to just . . . evaporate. His skin is clear and tanâit practically glows with a warmth that seems to radiate out, coloring his cheeks. The sharpness of his features soften; his eyes crinkle a little at the corners. I know itâs just a smile but itâs like I canât decide which part I like more: the full lips; white, perfect teeth; or how one side of his mouth lifts just a fraction higher than the other. He makes me want to smile back.
He spins a coaster on the bar top in front of him and continues to grin up at me. âSo youâre calling me unoriginal,â he says.
âIâm not calling you anything,â I tell him, matching his grin. âBut I appreciate that it seems to be true, because I am raking in the cash.â
He considers my cheeks for a moment. âThey are pretty great dimples. I can imagine a lot of worse things to be known for. Nobodyâs calling you Peg Leg or the Bearded Lady.â
No way is this guy trying to be cute. âSo back to your beer,â I say. âBottle or draft?â
âI want to know why you assumed Iâd order Heineken. I think my wounded pride deserves at least that much.â
I glance over his shoulder, to where his friends are ostensibly playing pool but currently attempting to hit each other in the balls with their cue sticks, and decide to be honest.
âTypicallyâand by âtypically,â I really mean âalwaysââHeineken drinkers tend to be big with the self-esteem and suck with the modesty. Theyâre also the first person to need the bathroom when the check comes and a third more likely to drive sports cars.â
The guy nods, laughing. âI see. And this is a scientific study?â
His laugh is even sweet. Itâs goofy in the way his shoulders rise just a tiny bit as if heâs a giggler.
âRigorous,â I tell him. âI performed the clinical trials myself.â
I can see him biting back a broader laugh. âThen youâll be comforted to know that I was in fact not ordering Heineken, and was actually going to ask what you had on tap because we just had a round of Stella, and I wanted something more interesting.â
Without looking down at the row of draft beers, I list, âBud, Stone IPA, Pliny the Elder, Guinness, Allagash White, and Green Flash.â
âWeâll go with the Pliny,â he says, and I try to hide how much this surprises meâan occupational necessity. He must know his beers because itâs the best choice there. âSix of them, please. Iâm Luke, by the way. Luke Sutter.â
He holds out his hand and after only a moment of hesitation, I take it.
âNice to meet you, Luke.â
His hand is huge, not too soft . . . and really nice. With long fingers, clean nails, and a strong grip. I pull my own hand back almost immediately and begin pouring his beers.
âAnd your name is . . .â he asks, the last word stretching into a question.
âThatâll be thirty dollars,â I tell him instead.
Lukeâs smile twists a little, amused, and he looks down at his wallet, pulling two twenties out and placing them on top of the bar. He reaches for the first three glasses and nods to me before he turns. âIâll be back to get the rest,â he says. And heâs gone.
The door opens and a bachelorette party files in. Over the next three hours I make more pink drinks and sexually explicit cocktails than I can count, and whether itâs Luke or one of the other guys who ends up grabbing the rest of their beers, I donât notice. Which is just as well, I remind myself, because if thereâs one rule Iâve made that I stick to hard and fast, itâs that I donât date guys I meet at work. Ever.
And Luke is . . . well, heâs a reflection of every reason rule number one exists in the first place.
WHEN THE LAST customer has left, I help Fred close up, drive home to an empty apartment, and tumble into bed.
My parents are less than thrilled with the life Iâve built in San Diego, and are careful to remind me of this at every visit. They donât understand why I took a roommate when Nana left me the loft, free and clear. Although I spent much of my childhood here, they also donât understand why I didnât just sell the loft after graduation and move right back homeâwhich, come on. Freezing Colorado over sunny San Diego? I donât think so. And they definitely donât agree with my surfing all day and tending bar at night when the graphic arts degree I busted my ass for is sitting around, gathering dust.
And okay, Iâll give them that last one.
But for now, Iâm fine with my life. Lola worries that Iâm alone too muchâand I am alone a lot of the time, but Iâm never unhappy. Bartending is a fun job, and surfing is bigger than that. Itâs a part of me. I love watching water slowly rising and curling, seeing the tips break into these foamy, glass cylinders. I love climbing inside waves so big they tunnel me in as they crest, roaring in my ear. I love the feel of salt-water-rich air filling my mouth, dusting my lungs. Every second the ocean builds a castle and breaks it down. I will never get tired of it.
And I like falling into bed, tired because Iâve surfed my ass off all day and been on my feet all night, and not because Iâve been sitting at a desk, staring at a computer.
For now, life is pretty good.
BUT AT THE start of my shift at Fredâs Saturday night, I feel both wrecked and antsy: my ribs hurt and I still have the sensation of coughing up a lungful of salt water.
Some days the ocean cooperates and the waves come right to me. Today was not one of those days. The swells were decent at first, but I couldnât seem to hit a single one. I took off early or popped up late. I lost count of how many times I fell or was knocked flat on my ass. I spent every holiday of my life precollege at my grandmotherâs, and Iâve surfed Blackâs Beach and Windansea since I was old enough to carry my own board. But the longer I stayed out there today the more frustrated I got, and the last straw came when I was surprised by a big wave, and rolled . . . hard.
The guy with the hair and the smile is back. Luke, I remember, in some sort of breathy echo. Heâs at a booth tonight with more of his friends, but I spot him as soon as I walk in.
The place is packed and I feel a brief pulse of longing when I hear Harlowâs laugh rise above the music. Iâd rather be sitting with them than working tonight, and so I have a noticeable chip on my shoulder by the time I step behind the counter and slip my apron over my shirt.
âSomeoneâs having a bad day,â Fred says, putting the finishing touches on a tray of margaritas. âWerenât you the one who told me the worst day on the water still beats the best day anywhere else?â
Ugh. I did tell him that. Why do people always remind you of your best parts when youâre having a bad day? âJust sore and cranky,â I say, trying to smile. âIâll get over it.â
âWell, youâre in the right place. Loud drunk people are always the right thing for a bad mood.â
This pulls my reluctant grin free, and Fred reaches forward, gently chucking my chin.
A row of tickets sit on the counter and I reach for one. Two martinis, dirty, extra olives. I place two glasses on a tray, fill a shaker with ice, pour in vermouth and four ounces of gin, a little olive juice. I fall into the rhythm of the work: measuring, shaking, pouring, serving . . . and the familiar movements relax me, they do.
But I still feel restless with the breathlessness, the few terrifying seconds I thought I might not be able to fight my way up from the tide. Itâs happened to me a handful of times, and even though logically I know Iâll be okay, itâs hard to shake the lingering sense of drowning.
Luke moves in my peripheral vision, and I glance up as he walks around the back of the booth, typing on his phone. So heâs one of those, I think, imagining how many girls heâs texting right now. Thereâs a brunette at their table who seems pretty interested in what heâs doing, and Iâm tempted to walk over to her under the guise of serving drinks and tell her to cut her losses: invest in one of the kind nerds in the far booth instead.
I shake and pour the cloudy liquid into the glasses, rereading the ticket again before adding two skewers packed with olives. The waitress smiles and leaves with the order, and I move to the next, reaching for a bottle of amaretto when I hear a barstool scrape across the floor behind me.
âSo howâs the car fund?â
I recognize his voice immediately. âNothing today,â I tell him without looking up, finishing the drink. âBut Iâm not really in a smiling mood, so Iâm not holding out much hope.â
âWant to talk about that?â he asks.
I turn to look at him: this time wearing a dark blue T-shirt, same perfect hair, and still entirely too good-looking not to be trouble. Unable to resist, I give him a tiny smile. âI think thatâs supposed to be my line.â
Luke acknowledges this with a cute flick of one eyebrow skyward before glancing back at his group.
âBesides, it looks like youâve got some people waiting for you,â I say, noting the way the brunetteâs eyes track his every move. He reaches into his pocket, checks his phone, and looks back at me.
âTheyâre not going anywhere,â he says, and his eyes smile a split second before his lips make that soft, crooked curve. âFigured Iâd come up here and get myself a drink.â
âWhat can I get you?â I ask. âAnother beer?â
âSure,â he says. âAnd your name. Unless you want me to keep calling you Dimples for the rest of our lives.â
Lukeâs eyes widen playfully as he whispers a deliberate âOopsâ at this, and produces a dollar bill from his pocket, slipping it into the jar. âI came prepared tonight,â he says, watching me pour an IPA into a pint glass. âJust in case you were working again.â
I try not to linger on the thought that he specifically brought a pocketful of singles with him for me and this little game.
âItâs Lonââ I start to say, just as the bar door opens and Mia walks in with Ansel behind her. Lukeâs head turns toward them just as I finish with a mumbled ââdon.â
After a beat, he looks back up at me, eyes oddly tight. He nods quickly. âNice to officially meet you.â
Iâm pretty sure he didnât get my name, but if heâs fine not knowing it, Iâm fine not repeating it.
Another customer sits at the bar and waves to get my attention. I slide Lukeâs beer over to him and smile as he looks up, the coaster touching the edge of his hand. âThatâs five dollars.â
Blinking at me slowly, he says, âThanks,â and pulls out his wallet.
I move to help the new customer, but out of the corner of my eye, I see Luke slap a bill down on the bar and return to his friends without waiting for change. Either he didnât leave a tip, or he left a big one.
Unfortunately for my determination to find him douchey, Iâm pretty sure I can guess which.
Two whiskey sours, four Blue Moons, and a pitcher of margaritas later, Iâm at the register. Mia, Ansel, and Harlow are standing nearby, waiting for Finn before they all head out to a movie. I watch them for the span of three deep breaths, struggling for what feels like an eternity over my relationship ambivalence. On the one hand, I see the people around me so happyâsome of them even marriedâand I want that. On the other hand, I know Iâm not ready.
Itâs been just over a year since Justin and I ended things, and I still remember what itâs like to be paired off like that, where all plans have to be created with another person in mind, and then decided on again in a group of friends like this. Iâm sure most people wouldnât believe me, but after busting my ass in school and dating the same boy throughout, itâs nice not to have to do anything. I surf, I work, I go home. I make all my decisions based on whatâs good for me as a person, rather than one-half of a couple.
Still, there are times like tonight where I realize it can be lonely, actually, and itâs not just about sex but about companionship and having someone who looks at me like heâs waited all day for it. Itâs about having someone there to distract me with movies or conversation or a warm body to help me fall asleep.
The register clangs as I push the cash drawer closed and hand a guy his change. I lift my head in the direction of Harlowâs laughter, and am surprised to see Luke and Mia now standing near the bathrooms, talking.
We all attended UCSD, so even though there are several schools within the university, it doesnât surprise me that they might know each other. Still, it makes me laugh a little inside because I will constantly feel like there are so many details to be plugged into my working map of Lolaâs friends.
I knew Harlow had famous parents, but only recently put it together that her mother was my momâs favorite actress when I was little.
I knew Mia used to dance, but only recently learned that her trajectory was ruined when she was hit by a truck.
I knew Finn was close to his father and two brothers, but didnât know until I put my foot in it and asked him what he was doing for Motherâs Day that his mom died when he was a kid.
My name is called from down the bar, and I blink back into focus. I run a tray of drinks out to a table and Harlow grabs me on my way back, pulling me into a fierce hug.
âHey, stranger,â she says, her eyes moving over my face before she reaches for a strand of my hair. âFeels like ages since Iâve seen you. Think you could put some sunblock on and leave some cute for the rest of us? Jesus, you look like an ad for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, surfer girl. Fuck you and your adorable freckles.â
I give her a wide smile. âI should take you with me everywhere, Ego Boost.â
âCan you cut out and see a movie with us tonight?â she asks.
I shake my head and her lips turn down into a pout. âItâs just me, Fred, and one waitress here, and that new band is coming in later,â I explain.
âMaybe this weekend? All three Roberts boys are in town.â
I nod, perking up at the idea of a fun night out with a big group. âIâll check my schedule.â Her husband, Finn, formerly a commercial fisherman, is now about to become televisionâs hottest reality star on The Fisher Men, a show featuring Finn, his father, and his two younger brothers out on the water.
Harlowâs eyebrows slowly rise and I realize my mistake. I may have only known Harlow for about nine months, but her meddling skills are legendary.
âMaybe we can get you and Leviââ
Iâm already looking for an exit. âNope. Nope,â I tell her, and glance up at the bar to see a few people waiting for service. âI need to get back, Miss Matchmaker, but Iâll text you tomorrow and let you know if I can make it.â
Harlow nods before turning toward her table. âAll right, you stubborn shit!â she calls out as I head back.
When I get there, I see Fred pouring some beers, talking with some regulars. Just down the bar, sitting alone, is Luke.
He looks . . . well, he looks upset, with a serious expression I donât imagine he wears often. Granted, I know next to nothing about this guy except that he has girls constantly watching him, looks like a total douchebag, yet sort of isnât when you actually get him talking, and gets more texts in a single night than I do in a week. But what do I know.
I glance over to where Mia, Ansel, and Harlow are gathering their things and wave as they head toward Finn, standing near the exit.
âYou okay there?â I say to Luke, pulling a shot glass from below the counter.
He nods, and as soon as he looks up at me, the serious face is gone, replaced again by the cute smile. On instinct, I look away, digging into the icebox with a small shovel.
âJust spacing out and thinking too much,â he says. âA bar seems like a good place to do that.â
I nod. And because he seems to be waiting for me to say something more, I do. âBest place to mull things over. Bad grades. Lost job. Money problems. First loves.â
His eyes catch mine again. âSpeaking from experience?â he asks.
âYeah,â I say, pouring him a shot of whiskey and sliding it across the counter. Even with the smile, he looks like he could use it. âBartender experience. Maybe you just need a distraction.â I look over his shoulder to where his group of friends is sitting, along with the brunette whose eyes still track him everyÂwhere. He follows my gaze and then turns back with a little shake of his head.
Luke lifts the shot, tilting his head back and swallowing it in one go. He sets the glass on the bar top and exhales, coughing a little. âThanks.â
âNo problem.â
âWhat about you?â he asks.
I move to the sink to set the glass inside. âWhat about me what?â
âAre you in need of a distraction?â
Inside, something sharp recoils into my lungs, but I manage a friendly smile. âIâm good.â
Luke dips his head, looking up at me through his lashes as he asks, âWhat does that mean, youâre âgoodâ?â
I pick up a bar towel, looking down at it as I tell him, âIt means I donât date guys I meet at work.â
âIâm not asking you to go steady, Dimples.â With a sneaky smile, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out another dollar, tucking it away inside the jar. His eyes meet mine and something tightens between my ribs and belly button. His look is knowing, as if he can see that I had a shitty day, and I see heâs having a shitty night, and he likes that we both see these things.
I donât like having this chemistry with him, donât like the wordless connection.
Or maybe I donât like how much I like it. I still have that choking-breathless feel from this morning, but it loosens Âinexplicably the longer heâs here, talking to me.
âSpeaking of,â he says quietly, âI havenât seen much of those dimples tonight.â
Shrugging, I say, âLetâs just say itâs been a day.â
He leans both elbows on the bar, studying me. âSounds like you could blow off some steam, too.â
I laugh at this, unable to resist admitting, âProbably true.â
Reaching for a coaster, he spins it slowly in front of him. âMaybe someone could help you out with that.â
I ignore him and start wiping down the bar. It isnât the first time Iâve been propositioned at work, not by a long shot. But itâs the first time Iâm tempted to accept, because inside, Iâm thrumming as I imagine what heâs offering.
âDo you have a boyfriend?â he asks, undeterred, and I shake my head.
âNo,â I tell him. If the way his arms look in that T-shirt is any indication, I bet he looks fantastic naked.
I bet he knows he does, too.
Itâs a sign that itâs been way too long since Iâve had sex if Iâm even having this conversation with myself. The last thing I need in my life is a guy like Luke. I take a sharp breath and get some physical distance, stepping away a little.
Following me with his eyes, he asks, âSo is this no-dating-guys-you-meet-at-work thing, like, an actual rule?â
âSort of.â I fold the bar towel and tuck it into the back of my apron, meeting his eyes.
âWhat if I promised I was absolutely worth it?â
Why do I think he is absolutely telling the truth? He smiles shyly, but behind his honey-brown eyes, I can see heâs still hunting.
âIâm sure youâre amazing.â I lean back against the sink, staring him down and shocked that Iâm even still standing here. âBut I donât even remember your name.â
âYes, you do.â He leans forward, crossing his arms on the glossy wood.
I bite back a smile.
âWhat time do you get off tonight?â he asks.
I canât help but look at his mouth and imagine how it would feel moving, hot and open, down my neck, my breasts, over my ribs.
It occurs to me that if one wanted to break a losing streak, one would go with a sure thing, right? Who better to bust me out of my sex drought than someone who clearly knows what heâs doing? And someone who wouldnât need it to mean anything?
A few beats of silence pass between us before I straighten, reaching for a ticket one of the waitresses sets down next to me. Itâs now or never.
âI get off at one.â