Chapter 38: 38.

(Cassandra Santiago)

A/n: Because you people deserve better than just one chapter a week ;)

I'm struggling not to write my third book yet, although I must admit I've already wrote the first chapter of it. Damn it. Gotta stay focused!

• • •

"I knew it. My judgements are rarely, or never, askewed."

"Is that so?" I mock. "If I recall correctly, Santiago, you were referring to him as 'lying cow testicles' just a few hours ago."

"That's a complete and utter miscommunication. If big Gray had led his argument with this voice recording since the beginning, we could've spared the shouting match at the hallway."

About an hour ago, Zac sent an audio file to my phone claiming it'd prove his innocence. Even though I tried to delay it, knowing I didn't feel like handling all that crap in the same day, Cass ended up receiving her own copy on her phone and repeatedly played it on loud speaker for me to hear.

"Well, you're not going to take him back yet, are you?" Cass says from behind me. We ended up squeezing on her very single sized bed because Paige came back and is occupying hers now.

Am I going to? I don't know anymore.

As much as I think I believe Zac's side of the story, a part of me still hated that there's always going to be a piece of doubt in my mind. Like why? Why do I always have to catch two people on bed, naked?

This time, it could really be a set-up. But next time? Who knows about a next time? And then, it appears that I no longer feel secured about opposite genders. This time, it happened on one of his female close friends. Next time? A colleague? A professor? A client?

Ridiculous, I chide myself. I really have issues.

"I don't think so."

"Mm," I feel her nod. We are both lying on our sides, me facing the wall. "Wait. With a yet or without?"

"Can we talk about something else?" I groan.

"Of course. If you are a man, what do you think would be a good way to win your girl back?"

I roll my eyes even though I know she can't see it. Silence stretched between us for awhile as we both get lost in our own thoughts. The lights have been switched off a while ago and we've been chatting softly in the dark so as not to wake Paige up from her slumber.

It was really kind of her to open up her room to me. Cass vaguely told me that all she said was that I was looking for a refuge, and she had agreed without second thoughts. As soon as Paige came back in the evening, one look at my puffy face was enough for her to engulf me in a hug even though neither of us are touchy persons to begin with.

I spent the night with the two of them as they try not to bring up the sensitive subject in my presence. Having to fast before the D&C this morning, I was beyond starving and indulged myself in all the delicious food Cass brought back for me. Paige had somehow came back with a few slices of cheesecakes too and that became our supper for the night.

Sighing, I flip to face Cass and sensing my actions, she flips to her side to face me too.

"I shouldn't have broken those damn rules." I mutter, recalling those three golden rules I used to keep bringing up that annoyed Cass to no ends.

"You know I was never a fan of them."

"I just thought about how great it was to be alone, when I never had to worry about being cheated on. It might've been lonely; but at least every night I go to sleep knowing nobody's going to trample on my heart."

I hear Cass let out a breath, gently placing her soft hand on my head, patting.

"But we now know he never cheated, isn't it? I want to say that I agree with you, but I've also seen how you glowed up after spending time with him. You gotten brighter, more confident, and you were almost always smiley. He'd a huge part in fixing you and Wayne's relationship too. I don't have the rights to tell you what to do; but I just want you to know that I hope to meet the jovial and carefree Owens again."

Zacson's POV

Her smell is what accompanied me as I lay on her bed and stare at the ceiling last night. It might've been wrong and creepy of me, but I ended up going over to Wayne's house and sleep in her room instead of mine.

After I sent Kelsey the audio clip, I stared at my phone for ten minutes straight hoping I'll get a reply. Something, anything would've been better than just seeing her read receipts. I didn't even know if she pressed 'play' or had she simply deleted it. Not wanting for the latter to happen, I decided to send one to Cassandra too, knowing she'll definitely be curious and listen to it.

But then neither of them replied me. Nothing. It made me uneasy and I was extremely restless, which was why I drove to Wayne's at 12AM. He didn't find it suspicious though since it's the weekends and he clearly had a girl over as I spotted a pair of high heels at the door.

I could barely catch a wink as I sniffed in her intoxicating smell from all her belongings. Her sheets felt cold, but I could still faintly breathe in the scent of the cloying, floral shampoo that she used.

It reminded me of how much I'd missed it, and how long it had been since I last got to cuddle her with her hair constantly in my face.

I manage to nap for a few hours before I get up at 7AM on a Saturday morning. It's rare for me to wake up early on weekends especially when weekdays have been hectic for me juggling so many things. But I needed to see her already.

It's time to get my girl back.

———

"Who in the mother fuc- what are you doing here?" Cassandra opens up her room door after I knocked—no, I banged on it.

I tried to delay as much as time as I can so that I won't disrupt any of their sleep this early. Half past eight seemed like the perfect hour.

"Good morning." I greet her politely, not wanting to offend my girl's best friend.

She stands there at the doorway, one hand cocked on her hip with an annoyed expression.

Don't fuck this up, Zacson!

"She awake yet?" I ask hopefully, although I should've known she's never usually one to wake up until noon. "I brought breakfast. For her, and you, and your roommate." I grin.

Cassandra's eyes narrow to the carrier in my hand and I watch as she struggles to make a decision.

"There's toasts, bagels, some english muffins, cheesy ham omelette, pancakes-" I try to persuade her.

"Fine." She cut me off, visibly gulping. "You had me at the egg. Five minutes." She shuts the door once again.

A second goes by before I hear her yell through the door. "Rise and shine, bitches!"

Kelsey's POV

"Good god, Cass! It's barely nine o'clock!" Paige grumbles from her bed at the other side of the room.

I grumpily stir awake too, hearing all the commotion since the knocking to her screaming. I can't say I'd want to stayover again after having to squeeze in bed with Cass for the third time ever. Still an irritating blanket hogger plus one who likes throwing her leg over my stomach. Not forgetting being awfully disturbing with how early she wakes people up.

"You're not going to complain when you have breakfast in bed!" Cass retorts, coming to tug at both our blankets away from our bodies.

"What is your problem?" I sit up and groan, sleepily rubbing my eyes.

"No problem. Just a warning that you might want to put on your bra or wipe off the drool. Perhaps brush your teeth at the same time." She claps her hand in an attempt to make us speed up. "Go, go, go!"

Paige and I both shake our heads at the same time, sighing as we enter the en-suite together.

"I wonder how you put up with her." I joke, splashing water on my face to wake myself up. Luckily, the bags under my eyes have mostly subsided and I no longer resemble a pufferfish.

"Oh you have no idea. I must've gone to the in-charge to ask for a change at least four times now, but they keep telling me there's no space elsewhere." She laughs.

I mirror her laughter, glad to see that she has opened up to Cass a lot more compared to when she just moved in half a year ago.

"Hurry up, slowpokes!"

After making sure we don't look like we just hopped out of bed, Cass immediately goes to the door. I had no clue of what she's up to until the person walks in and my smile falters.

"Don't glare at me! He has food!" Cass says, already taking over the bag from Zac's hand.

His eyes don't stray from mine as I watch him take tentative small steps towards me where I'm sitting on Cass' bed. I notice he's in a plain, white, fitting t-shirt matched with a pair of khaki bermudas.

"What are you doing here?" I speak up first, glancing up at him wide-eyed.

He then crouches down beside the bed, resting his hands on my knees. "To take you home, baby girl."

My heart flips at the sight of him now, after hearing him say the L-word for the first time yesterday, after knowing about the truth behind the bed scene.

Stop it! I chide myself. How can my resolve crumble so easily from a simple, charming, boyish grin?

"I don't need you to do that." I refuse, looking at Cass and Paige as they begin to pinch out bits of various food from the bag.

How nice of them to leave me to fend for myself.

"I insist."

Ugh. He really has to make this difficult for me.

"No, Zac..." I lightly push his hands away from my knees, but his smile widens instead. "What?"

"Nothing." He continues grinning. "You just called me Zac again."

"What's so cool about that?" I raise a brow.

"At least it doesn't sounds like poison in your mouth this time." His hands move back to their original position on my knees, uncaring.

"Hello!" Cass calls out while scooping a spoonful of omelette in her mouth. "You have audience here!"

Zac chuckles and my eyes drop to his Adams apple, watching them bob. "Eat first, okay? I'll go get your car back for you." He says it as a statement.

"But-"

"Nope." He stands back up, his hand already swiping the bedside table for my car keys. "No room for discussion." He bends down to plant a kiss on the top of my head, lingering there for a few moment. I suck in a deep breath, willing my heart not to jump out.

Relax, it's just a kiss. It's just a kiss.

"See you in a short while." And he turns to bid goodbye to the girls before leaving.

I watch his retreating form, blinking. I haven't even had the chance to think and he's already coming in to mess up my half-functioning logical thoughts.

Dear whoever's on top, give me strength to resist this man.

———

"Where's my car?" I scout around the almost empty parking lot for what should've been an obvious red standing out.

"I drove it back to Wayne's."

"Why's that?" I ask him as he leads us to his R8.

"I thought of driving it here, but I didn't want us to go back in separate cars." He grins at me mischievously.

"So you took a cab to get my car, drove it back, then took a cab here again?"

"Yep."

What a waste of money, I wanted to say, but then I recall he has a shitload of it anyway.

As we near his car, reluctance begins creeping in on me. I haven't been in his car for weeks. Knowing Becca had sat in it almost everyday recently dampened my mood.

What if it smells like her? What if she left her things in there to mark her territory?

"Come on." Zac opens the passenger door for me as if sensing my internal debate.

Sucking in a deep breath, I take a seat in that cool leather and try to make myself comfortable. Nothing's really out of the ordinary. No abandoned earring, no strands of long golden hair, no other unfamiliar perfume scent. Thank god.

"Are you alright, baby?" He rounds the car and enters the driver's seat.

I nod.

"How are you feeling?" He questions hesitantly. "Your body, I mean."

I turn to his direction but see him focusing his gaze on the steering wheel as if it's so interesting.

"I'm fine, Zac." I assure him, not wanting him to feel any guilt. It's not his fault that I lose the fetus. Lucky for me, I barely had any cramps after the procedure and only had a bit of spotting.

"I'm sorry." He sighs and I wanted to reach out to touch him.

"Don't be."

"How can I not? I let you down and I wasn't even there when you needed me." He rakes a hand through his hair before he starts the engine.

We stay silent throughout the ride, letting the radio fill up the car.

What was I supposed to say to that? It has barely been a day since everything is dumped on me like a huge pail of ice water. The fact that the entire pregnancy was revealed to me and ended in a week is still too surreal to me. I haven't had the time to feel anything for the five-week-old fetus yet and it was gone.

Before Zac came to find me, I honestly thought he'd have shunned me if I were to tell him I was pregnant with his child. Frankly speaking, most college students would have done the same if they were abruptly told the news. Moreover, he's likely to be graduating and moving on to a good job. Who was I to even think of tying him down with a baby neither of us planned for?

There wasn't much happiness to feel for knowing I was pregnant. But the sorrow of losing it weighed far heavier than I expected. Now it seems like I was never really ecstatic about both pregnancies that I had. One was hated on, one was not known until it was gone.

My stomach dropped at the thought that I indirectly killed two innocent lives—albeit the second one hadn't had a heartbeat yet.

"Kelsey? Baby? Hey." Zac shakes me out of my deep thoughts, looking at me concernedly.

I blink, feeling droplets of tears that fell unknowingly. God, I'm such a crybaby.

"Don't tell me you're okay when you're not, love. Don't ever, for a second, think to hide your feelings from me. I want to know every single one of your thoughts—good and bad."

His fingers wipe away the stray tears from my cheeks.

"I love you, you silly girl. It was my fault that you had doubts about that, but I won't allow it to happen again. I know you still need time. I won't try to kiss you or touch you until you give me the 'okay'. Not because I don't want to, but I want you to want me at your own pace."

I hear him sigh, his hands carressing my face, my neck, my hair.

"I have to do this the right way." He says in a determined tone. "I don't want you to think that our relationship is solely based on sexual activities. I care about you way more than that and I have to prove it to you."

My eyes flicker to his brown ones which are intense and filled with emotions. Tender; the way he looks at me, the way he searches my face.

I made the mistake to glance down at his lips for a split second because the next thing I know, he leans in and presses his lips to mine.

He pulls away in seconds, although a smile has now taken up on his face.

"Oops. My bad."