Chapter 47: 47.

(Photo of Ally Edison)

A/N: you people have been the biggest sweethearts and I'm genuinely glad I made the decision to write on Wattpad. As much as it hurts me to say this, we have only three chapters to go before we conclude I Hate My Brother.

Thank you for all the support, the votes and the comments for someone who's so new to writing. ❤️ Would you believe it has been almost 9 months since I first published chapter 1?

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Wayne's POV

"Happy birthday Wayne!"

"Glad to see you're doing great!"

"Can't wait to see you back in the ring, man! We missed you!"

Bunch of kiss asses.

It is my birthday indeed. In fact, it has been my birthday all week. But people still show up anyway. It's not like anyone even remotely cares who's the host; they're only here for the free booze and food.

"I'm bored, Wayne." Georgina, the girl who's currently seated on my lap whines, running her dainty fingers through my hair.

"What do you want me to do with you then?" I chuckle, carressing her soft skin.

She wriggles her ass against my crotch to make her point. "I don't know." This chick is thick skinned enough to hump me in the presence of perhaps fifty other people around. "Play with me, maybe?" She whispers seductively into my ear.

I move my hands down to cup her bottom, giving it a little squeeze. Her body is amazing, alright. I'd say I'm the lucky one but really, she's the one who had to wait her turn with me.

"Whatever you want, babe." I lower my mouth to her neck, sucking hard on her skin. She lets out a moan unashamedly, holding the back of my head to her firmly.

"Oh, for fucks sake!" Trust my pesky little sister to have such great timing. "Would you please just spare a thought?" She huffs, stomping over to the couch where I'm at.

I roll my eyes, lifting my face to acknowledge her. She stands there with one hand on her hip, glaring at me. Zacson, the mother fucker who's completely whipped by Kelsey stands next to her awkwardly, carrying gifts.

"Ah, Kel. Finally here to grace your brother's birthday, eh?" I smirk at her. "Funny how you supposedly live here but I feel like I haven't seen your face all week."

"You have the cheeks to say that!" She glares at me, probably thinking she looks threatening enough to scare me. Then her gaze flicks to Georgina, who's just leaning against my chest as she plays with the hem of my t-shirt. "Can she give us some privacy for a minute?" Kelsey grits through her teeth.

I shrug, slapping Georgina's ass lightly to get her off. She pouts at me, but makes a gesture with her fingers to say 'later.' I wink at her.

"When will you be done with all these?!" Kelsey yells, waving her hands around the room. "Don't you think this has been going on for too long?"

She has the damn guts to lecture her older brother.

"Oh, c'mon now sis. You're ruining it for me. It's my birthday!" I still put up my widest grin for her. Knowing her temper, she'll likely end my party in the next ten minutes if I were to go head-on.

She lets out a deep breath as Zacson rubs at her shoulders. "That's why I'm here, aren't I?" She sighs, plopping down next to me. "But will you just... tone it down? At least don't be so obvious with the PDA, will you?"

I scoff. "You're one to talk!" Lord knows how this two just can't seem to be apart from each other.

"Wayne." She says in a warning tone.

"What?" I begin to feel the frustration build up. Why can't they just understand that I'm tired of people trying to tell me what to do with my life? They aren't the ones who were in a near-death incident. If I think this is best for me, why can't they just respect my decision? "You're in my house, at my party. Don't be telling me what to do and what not to do!"

I didn't want to bring out the house card, but she's really getting on my nerves.

Zacson lets out a sigh and I turn to glare at him. "Bro, just listen to her." He tries to persuade me. Yeah, yeah. Of course he'd agree to whatever my sister says since she's ultimately the one giving him sex and all.

"Haven't you once given it a thought that your actions might be hurting someone?" Kelsey suggests.

Fantastic. She always has to bring her up somehow.

"Okay, save it." I rest my elbows on my knees, bending forward. "Consider my mood ruined."

I know they are friends, but surely she can spare me from constantly bringing her up, right? All I wanted was just some space!

"I'm not trying to piss you off, okay? I'm just saying you need to stop holding off on this. You clearly know she's still waiting for you but you're just... here, banging other girls in your house like no tomorrow. Look, if you don't want to give her anymore hopes, just fucking tell her. Stop hurting her like that." Kelsey shakes her head slightly, letting out a groan. "Ugh. I need a drink."

She saunters off to the kitchen where I've cartons of beers and liquors stacked around. Zacson slides over the spot my sister once occupied and gives me a firm pat on the back.

"She's saying this because Ally is coming over shortly. So... just do it in the room, okay bro?" When I don't respond to him, he takes my silence as consent. "We'll be in the back if you need anything."

She's coming over?

Why is she even coming?

Can't she simply take 'no' for an answer?

Have I really been giving her false hopes all these time?

I recall the last time I saw her was that day in the hospital. I was at my physiotherapy session as per normal and was just practicing some exercises when she appeared out of nowhere. She didn't say anything, and neither did I. I thought I'd made myself perfectly clear about how I didn't want to see her. She gave me a cup of java chip frappe which she knew was my favourite Starbucks drink and a single muffin to go with. That was all she did before she turned around and walked off.

But it wasn't my fault. I didn't ask for all these. I never asked for her to care. And now, somehow, her concern has turned into me hurting her and it simply isn't fair. Maybe they're right. Maybe I should just make her sit down and listen to me talk once and for all.

I get up from the couch and head to the kitchen, grabbing myself an ice cold beer. I don't know why the sudden need for liquid courage, but I feel like I'll burn up if I didn't have anything down my throat.

I pass by Jamie and Trisha who're propped up on my kitchen counter. On normal days I would've made them come down already; but the house is already chaotic anyway. Almost all the furniture is in disarray and everyone is just scattered around my not-so-big of a house.

Trisha, clearly tipsy with her constant giggles and flushed red cheeks, pulls me by the back of my t-shirt when I raided my own fridge. "You've been neglecting us."

"Not now, Trish." I try to stop her but she refuses to let go of me, enclosing me with her legs around my hips.

"Don't be a spoilsport, Wayne." She whines and spins me around. Before I can react, her lips come crashing down on mine. I don't know how cheerleaders have such strong calf strength, but I struggle to pry her off me.

Ahem.

Someone clears their throat from behind me and I whip around to see my sister there. She jerks her chin towards the front. I turn back only to see Ally standing there at the front door with sad eyes. She apparently must've seen me kissing another girl since my kitchen is an open space that's visible from the entrance.

I shove Trisha off me, a little roughly, and take a step away from her. But since she's so intoxicated, she didn't find it rude and just giggles about it with her friend.

Cassandra, Carson and Drew are with Ally as they slowly urge her to enter the house. Every step she take is hesitant and reluctant, her gaze now dropped to the ground while she walks. Something squeezed in my heart as I visibly see how I am the cause of what she felt.

Nervously, I gulp down the newly opened can of beer in my hand. What am I even supposed to do? Greet her? I know we needed to talk, but I am never a guy who's good about such things. And especially not with a female who just happens to be emotional.

Drew comes over and pulls me in for a brotherly side hug. "Not so drunk today anymore, huh?" He chuckles. He had been over for at least half of the parties this week. I would've wanted him to be here all week if it wasn't because of his personal commitments. These days, it felt like everyone else had things to be busy about except me.

Perhaps it's the fact that now most of them are ready to graduate while I just so readily given up my finals. And I can't say I don't regret it. I was in a bad place and was making dumb decisions.

Just like I am now, aren't I? There's a naive, foolish girl who's been waiting for me to get around to her but here I've been—like my sister said—hooking up with dozens of girls and turning my once peaceful sanctuary into a whore house. Pretty sure all these horny fuckers have been fucking all over my tables and shit while I wasn't clear in the head.

"Is she okay?" I mutter softly as I keep my eyes on her. Unlike all the other girls here, she's dressed humbly in a cute purple blouse and jeans. She's never one to wear revealing clothes and I guess that's what makes her even more different than what I'm used to. She isn't even a smoker and I don't think I've ever seen her get herself wasted. She always knew to be responsible with her own actions. She's just not suitable to be in my world, and I think she knows it too. She knows the kind of person I am. She just needs to know she deserves better than me.

Drew seems shocked that I asked, seeing as how I've been deliberately avoiding bringing her up for almost... two months now. God, has it really been so long? I didn't even realize that.

"You want the truth? Then no, she's not okay." He grabs two cans of beer and drops one in my hand.

I sigh, watching as she takes a seat on the couch. "I'm a fucking bastard, aren't I?" I don't mean for him to agree yet he does.

"Glad you know."

I wanted to scowl at him, but I should've known better. I really am the world's biggest douche bag. I wasn't the only one in that car accident, she was too. Albeit she walked away with just physical injuries, I forgotten about how it could be so traumatic for her. And I never once thought to ask her how she's doing. She'd been the one to reach out to me only to be ignored or rejected.

Someone should just hit me in the head already.

With a sudden determination, I gulped down a large mouthful of beer and placed the can on the counter. "I'm gonna go talk to her." I announce, but more to psych myself up. I have to do this. We both need some sort of closure and I can't waste anymore of her time and feelings.

Drew nods, patting me on the back. "Go get her back." He encourages but he probably didn't guess that I'm going to be doing the exact opposite.

I walk to where she's sitting and stand behind her for a split second, actually hesitating to call out to her. Once I do this, once I say what I've to say, it'll mean the end of us. I doubt she'll want to see me again or any of that sort.

Cassandra notices my presence and whips her head around to nod at me. She mouths, 'Ally?' and I can only manage a nod back. Funny. I didn't know I am such a wuss until this moment.

She taps on Ally's arm gently and jerks her head to me. Ally turns around and I can hear the sharp intake of breath she inhales. Her grey eyes hold so much pain in them that I wish I can make them go away; although it's pretty ironic that I probably am the reason why they're there in the first place.

I clear my throat. "Can we talk?"

She bites on her bottom lip slightly and that action didn't escape my eyes. Damn it. Don't make this anymore harder than it already is. "Okay." She mumbles, getting up on her feet.

I didn't think too much when I lead her upstairs into my room. Not trying to be funny, but simply because the entire house and backyard is filled with people and noise. My room happens to be the only place suitable.

I open the door and let her enter before I follow behind her. She stands there awkwardly until I gesture for her to sit on the chair at my desk. She takes awhile to take in the mess, seeing as she hasn't been in here for months. I sit across her on my bed.

"So..." I begin, not really meeting her eyes. How do I start? "How have you been?" Stupid question.

"Fine." She replies in a really soft voice. She isn't looking at me, and that gives me a chance to stare at her. I watch her as she glances at the photographs on my desk where I've placed a few of the guys and I, and one with Kelsey taken on her birthday. The same night when the accident happened.

"Happy birthday, by the way." She glances up and wishes me, and I think she catches me staring.

I nod awkwardly and look away. "I... I heard. That you were waiting to talk to me."

She doesn't responds.

You know what? Fuck it. "I'm sorry." I decide to stop beating around the bush. I should've started with an apology from the beginning. I owed it to her.

"I'm sorry for the way I was to you." I just can't be frank. I should've admitted I was a jerk for pushing her away, for ignoring her, for showing her zero concern; but I couldn't. The words just can't seem to be able to get out of my mouth.

"I'm sorry you thought better of me but I disappointed you." I remember when she used to look at me with sparkles in her eyes. It made the grey in them brighter when she would simply hear me talk her ears off about everything that revolved around me. She wasn't someone who always wanted attention, and she enjoyed it even when I made it all about me.

"I'm sorry I can't change the way I am." About how I've been sleeping around. I knew she's still a virgin, and I refuse to take that from her knowing I in no way deserve it. But I was hurting. And as stupid as it sounds, sex is a distraction. Sex is my relief.

"I'm sorry you were dragged into my mess." Referring back to the accident, back to how Bianca was a spiteful bitch. But mostly, back to how I failed to protect her. How I risked her safety when she trusted me to make the right decision. How I caused myself my own future simply because I didn't want to stop the car and face my problems. I didn't want her to witness the shit that came along with me like we were a package deal. I wanted her to see only the good side of me.

"And I'm sorry I waited this long to have the courage to apologize. I was a coward, in fact I still am. I know you've been trying to see me, to talk to me and times when you tried to bring me things. But I couldn't face you. I couldn't face you when Kel told me you were blaming yourself for what happened." I force myself to look at her side profile and can clearly see the tears welling up in her eyes.

Crap. I didn't mean to make her cry.

I drag the arms of my swivel chair and pull her to me, closing up the distance. She dare not glance up at me, instead staring at her hands in her lap.

I lift up my right hand to tip up her chin. "It's not your fault, Al. I need you to know that you're not to blame. I am. And I mean this from the bottom of my heart. I caused this to myself as much as I cause it to you. You weren't the reason why Bianca was chasing, it was me. I was the one who ran off on her. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Her tears begin to run down her cheeks like a dam that won't stop. "I wasn't the only victim in the accident, you were too. Yet I left you alone. You must've been hurting too, but I wasn't there for you. I was never there for you." One of her teardrop fell on my hand.

"I'm sorry for everything." I wipe her tears off with my thumb but they keep coming. "I'm sorry I can't be the person I wish I could be for you. I'm sorry I let you wait for the past two months." She shuts her eyes, sniffling and catching her breath at the same time. I wanted to hold her, I wanted to carry her to my bed and tell her everything is going to be okay. I wanted to assure her I'd make things right from now on and that I'd never hurt her again.

But we all know that's a load of bull. I know I can never keep those promises. I know bad things follow where I go, and now that I've already hurt her this much, the least I can do is to give her a way out.

"Shh, don't cry." I hush her, unknowingly leaning my face nearer to hers. "I hope you understand why it has to be this way. I don't deserve you, Ally. I don't deserve the time you've wasted, the tears you've cried and the kind heart you have to offer. I don't deserve any of it because you deserve better than me. You deserve someone who would prioritize you. You deserve someone who places your pain above his. You deserve someone who loves you more than you love him, sweetheart. You deserve all these things and I can't be the one to give them to you."

It must've been something I said because a new wave of tears drip down her face again, making my stomach drop. "Please don't cry, Al." But she keeps crying and I keep wiping it off. Feeling an urge, I lean forward and captured her lips in mine. I tasted those salty drop of her tears and felt her entire body shaking from her sobs. How can I let her go? How can I let her walk away from me?

One day, Allison. One day when I do become a better person, when I am confident to give you the life I think you deserve, I'll come back to you. The next time, I'll be the one chasing you, I'll be the one fighting for you. But now, I can only let you be free. I can't be who you need and I sure as hell can't let you wait for me.

I kiss her hoping she'll understand the words I'm so desperately trying to convey. I kiss her the way I imagine our last kiss will be—my tongue and lips tracing every part of her mouth—the taste, the feel and the memory of it stored in my head.

She kisses me back so slowly, softly, as if savouring the moment we both know will end as soon as we pull apart. In another life, I would be the one on my knees at her mercy. In another life, she would be shedding tears of joy as I kiss her and I wouldn't be the cause of her pain.

And in this life, I only wish for her to be happy. I wish she be loved the way she deserves to be, even if it isn't going to be me.

She's the one to pull away first and my head falls, not knowing if I can take what I'll see in her eyes now.

"T-thank you for being honest, Wayne." She says with a deep breath, ceasing her tears. "I'm sorry, too." She says and I jerk up to look at her face. She didn't need to apologize for anything, at all.

"I'm sorry I wasn't the person that could help you out when you were down. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything other than bring you more pain and reminders of the accident. I'm sorry I'm not what you need me to be either, a-and I'm sorry... I'm sorry I can't go back. I'm sorry I can't pretend to say it doesn't hurt when I see you."

My heart clenches at every sentence she says. This is it, I guess. This is what I wanted, isn't it? She's better off without me and it's only fair that I don't disrupt her life anymore. She needs to move on.

"I... I just have one last question." She mentions softly. I rub on her knuckles gently and wait for her to go on. "Did you... did you ever h-have feelings for me?"

I stare into her eyes genuinely, clutching her small palm in mine. Without hesitation, I answered. "I have."

An entire minute passes before she looks at me with a sad smile and pushes the chair back, getting up on her feet. Her gaze drops from my head down to my body, before it returns to my face; and I do the same to her. I wish this wouldn't be the last I see of her, but I honestly don't know when or if I'll ever see her again.

I watch her back as she makes her way to my bedroom door, not saying a word. What else can I say at this point? What's done is done. I can't take back any of it and perhaps this is what's best for the both of us.

Just as she pulls down on my door handle, she glances back at me. I wanted so bad to just screw all that I've said and dash to her, stopping her from leaving.

She smiles at me for one last time. "I have, too."