A shiver ran through my body followed by an uneasy feeling in my stomach.
I was sitting on the airplane, with Misha beside me, heading to... New York City.
"Calm down, Maria. I can feel your anxiety all the way from here."
I turned to face him. "Easy for you to say. Are you the one on an expedition to see your 'long lost' husband in the midst of his suffering?"
Misha just smiled. Kindly.
"No, love. You've simply got the wrong mindset. Just imagine this as a trip to sightsee New York City."
I glared at him. Not kindly. I turned back to stare at the back of the chair in front of me.
I felt Misha's hand close over mine. I rush of energy flooded through me and little tingles traveled from it to my heart and stomach.
He leaned down and whispered, "Seriously, Maria, don't you worry about it. This will be good."
I nodded.
The plane finally began to land and the nervous feeling flooded through my stomach and the rest of my body. Misha's firm and supportive touch and his gentle and kind words helped take away the uneasy feeling but only by a bit.
As soon as we were allowed to leave the plane, we walked out. We didn't even bring any bags with us, because we would be leaving in the evening.
I looked around the city as soon as I had the chance to step outside. The streets were covered with piles of snow at the edges of the sidewalks. It seems there had been a nice snowstorm that washed the city.
Other than that, it looked exactly the way I had left it except for one daunting feeling.
It didn't seem like home anymore. For some funny reason, my definition of home completely changed and now it wasn't this large, busy city, and my office building with my husband.
Now, it was somewhere at the edge of this world, on another adventure, loving life. Now, it contained my baby and Misha and the crew.
I smiled as I remembered Eugene, Stephan, and Shurik.
He had given me a hug when I was leaving. Yes, it was an awkward hug and he didn't smile and he also had a knife in his hand, but it was still a hug.
Stephan had mumbled a few words of encouragement. Sure, there were curse words in there and a well-disguised threat, but I still smiled.
And Shurik actually put away his gadgets for a few moments to say goodbye. He did also try to explain to me the way that an airplane works and how the physics allow it to fly, but for a few moments, his mind wasn't on a different planet.
They were my family now, and being back here reminded me that all of this would end soon. I didn't want them out of my life yet.
"Let's get this over with, alright?" I grumbled under my breath and marched off.
I wasn't even that worried any longer. I wanted it over with so I could be back... home.
Yes, yes, I felt guilty that home wasn't here with Alexander anymore. I couldn't help it, I loved the crew.
'Especially a certain somebody...' my brain whispered to me.
'Yes! Yes! Okay? Yes, I'll admit it, is that what you want?' I yelled back.
"Darling, you should wait up. You're scaring the NewYorkers with your scary pregnant determined look." Misha laughed behind me.
I, however, did not laugh. I wanted this to end so I could just be back.
He did finally catch up and the first thing he did was grab my hand. He laced his fingers through mine and when I looked up, he simply winked at me and then turned his eyes back to the city.
The wind blew through the air, reminding me how cold it really was, and how close it was to the end of November. Only one week left.
It also made me remember how glad I was Misha made me dress warmer than I had planned to. I was wearing a very warm and cuddly turtle-neck. It was very large and covered my neck very well. I had on fleece pants which were also very warm, surprisingly. To complete my look, I pulled on a white, long sweater that had very wide sleeves, and stilettos. Those were not necessary, but the boys insisted and so I surrendered.
It was very warm, and I was very glad that I allowed Misha to help dress me. The energetic kicks of the baby made me suspect it was also very happy to be safe and warm.
A while ago, the number of people that were walking through these streets would have made me uncomfortable. However, after living for such a long time outside of America and becoming influenced by so many cultures and traditions of other countries caused me to become more flexible.
Indeed, I would have been judgemental towards the lives of these people who were rushing around, with a drink in one hand, bags in another, running, talking on the phone, and always hurrying. I would be judgemental towards the stranger folk, who sat at the intersections, or the people that tried to do magic tricks or ate very strange food and talked in a strange language while wearing a ridiculous outfit.
However, none of this bothered me anymore. I had learned to accept different types of people and just be happy for each one, or just pray for them. I had learned to just live my life and love this world.
After all, I would only be on this planet for a short while compared to the eternity I would face after judgment day. I wanted to live in a way that I wouldn't be ashamed of when God spoke to me. Judging the people I came across would not be something I would be proud of. I wanted to please my God.
"Darling! I'm starving, let's go get something to eat." Misha said, tugging my arm to some food shops at the end of the street.
I laughed. "Let's go! You're choosing where we eat and what we eat. I'm fine with anything, my baby and I will eat anything edible."
He tugged me into his body and then placed his arm around me. "I know."
We walked into a fast-food restaurant. I didn't even notice the name, I was too busy enjoying the 'everyday people' environment.
Soon, Misha led me to a table with a few slices of pizza in his hand.
"Sit, my dear. Let's fill you and the babe with some food."
I didn't need to be asked twice. I sat down and let the sweet aroma of the pizza fill my nostrils and salivate my mouth.
"Lord, bless this food, and thank you, thank you immensely for carrying us this far and for allowing me to learn to live life in honor of you and loving it. Indeed, bless you, Lord." I prayed, closing my eyes and bowing my head.
We distributed the pizza and I began to eat like a hungry wolf.
"You know," I said in between bites, with a full mouth of food, "I think this is the first time with you guys that I've had pizza."
Misha laughed. "And why is that such an astonishing fact for you?"
"I don't know. I just thought that if we were on the run, we wouldn't have time to be preparing good Russian meals, and so we'd settle for pizza."
"Darling, you don't know the first thing about being on the run."
I smiled. "I know. Still, it's funny how I have so much time to prepare food. It's also amazing how much more I've loved life since I met my threateners and kidnappers."
Misha took a long sip from his drink, slurping up the bottom droplets.
"Maria," Misha pressed up closer to me.
He took my chin and turned my face to have my eyes meet his. He gently placed his hand on my cheek, and I pressed the side of my face to it. His fingers and his skin was familiar to me, and I was comforted at the touch.
"Maria, I need you to know that I am thrilled to have met you. No matter what happens today, or in a week or two, or even a year, I am thankful to God every day for allowing me to meet you. You have really brightened my life. Not just mine, but the rest of the gang's. We love you so much and although we definitely do not treat you the best way, you have brightened up our lives."
I smiled.
"Thank you," I breathed.
"Now, I see you are all done, let's go see Alexander?"
I closed my eyes and relished in this moment for a second longer.
I opened my eyes and said, "Let's."
We walked out of the shop, and Misha took my hand once more. I smiled.
This is all I had ever hoped for. I wanted to be walking through the streets of New York, after just eating some very junk food, with my family. Not caring about this world or the people in it. It was just him, and me, and the babe.
We walked slowly, enjoying the window shopping and the atmosphere of the busy city.
Misha would make jokes and constantly pat my belly and whisper something to the baby. He whispered it loud enough so that I could hear.
His conversations with my baby went like this:
"You're going to grow big someday and buy your momma that necklace she liked."
"Oh, yes, you will definitely go to Paris with your mom someday. Who knows, maybe even I will join you two in the City of Love?"
"Guess what little babe! Our momma and I just saw the cutest little outfit for you when you finally come out and meet the world! We love you dearly, little one."
I would laugh and give him a playful push, but deep down in my heart, I would light up from his words.
As we got closer and closer to the Vasiliev World Inc. building, the nervous feeling returned. It seemed like with each step another sick butterfly would escape.
Misha seemed to understand this because he would come up behind me and try to whisper a few words of encouragement.
Finally. It was here. The building loomed above me.
Strange, how it seemed so empty and meaningless now. I used to practically live here, stuck in between these walls. I used to enjoy my nights working late, but I couldn't imagine doing that ever again.
Misha allowed me to look at the building for a few moments, but then he gently took my hand and pulled me to a bench across the street.
We had agreed with him that we wouldn't even go on the same side as the building, just to be safe. We were going to look at the building and see if Alexander ever came out.
Yes, it probably wouldn't happen because he was usually buried in his office, but this was the best option we had. We couldn't go into the building; that was just too dangerous. Sitting on the perpendicular side of it was the best option and so we did that.
I didn't mind since Misha and I got to talk, and I loved every single conversation I had with him. It was mostly about random things. He asked me about family and friends, and then I asked him about his job and his family. I loved every interaction I got with him.
We had already sat for an hour. It only seemed like half an hour, and only our stomachs were keeping an accurate count of the time that passed by.
"Maria, do you want to go eat now?" Misha asked me.
I shook my head. "I'm sorry, but no. If we go to eat now, we're not coming back. As soon as we leave this bench, we are not coming back to this building."
He looked at me. "Okay, whatever you want, my love."
I sighed. "Misha, if you want to go eat, you can go do that. I'll be fine on my own."
"Maria, we talked about this. I am not leaving you alone. And it's not because I don't trust you to handle yourself in this city, it's just that-"
"Yes, you are responsible for me and you wouldn't want my stupid hormones to suddenly turn on and make me run into building to Alexander." I cut him off, imitating my voice like Misha's.
He rolled his eyes. "Yes, but also... I love spending time with you, going to new places and sitting on benches in the city. I don't want to go eat alone because I'd be hella bored without you, my love."
I laughed. "Misha, why do always call me darling, and my love, and all these other nicknames?"
"You probably have a guess, don't you." He added with a wink that was completely unnecessary.
"Yes, but I want the official explanation."
He laughed. "The official explanation, huh? Well, you'll just have to wait until... well until the end of our adventure."
I closed my mouth tightly. Ah yes, it hurt to even think about. How would I ever leave them? And especially Misha?
"Maria! That's Alexander." Misha said, calmly pointing in the direction of the building.
I turned my head, calmly, as well. I thought I would have been hysterical but I was actually keeping my composure quite well.
There he was, my husband, the great Alexander Vasiliev.
He looked just like he had when I left. Strong, powerful, incapable of being stopped, and very composed and untroubled.
Something in my chest beat a little faster. I think that was my heart.
And then something in my brain made me hate myself. Why? It was because I didn't miss him.
I loved him, I did. I noticed a few grey hairs had begun to grow in his hair, and he had darker circles under his eyes. I was still proud to be Mrs. Vasilievna...
But that was all from afar. I hated living the life of Mrs. Vasilievna.
I loved the idea of her, and I did love her husband so, so much. That was why my heart was still beating for him.
But I was so happy to be gone from that miserable life.
I'll admit that I actually wasn't that miserable; there are husband's who beat their wives and children, and thankfully I never had to experience that misery.
However, my suffering was quite different than the physical abuse. I lived life in a monotonic way. I was detached from my husband and he was the only family I had. That caused me to develop a disinterest in the opportunities of life.
And so I was happy. Happy to be gone from the status of Mrs. Vasilievna and glad to be Katerina Parfenova, or, to my new family, Maria Tormozova.
I loved Alexander, I truly, really did. But the man who was sitting next to be right now, the man who knew exactly what I was going through even though I wasn't speaking, the man who had made me love life, and the man who had become my true family... he made me happy, and that was why I couldn't miss Alexander.
I smiled from that bench and watched my strong and influential husband get into the car and drive away. I turned to Misha.
"Let's go."
He took my hand, and without uttering a single word, we left.
Soon, we had gotten on our flight. We barely spoke, because he had understood every feeling I went through, and I knew every feeling that he was going through. Words were not needed.
I knew one thing, however. If this trip had taught me anything it was that I loved my family, and I was in love with someone who was not my husband.
He was my family, and he made me very happy.
And so when we got back to St. Petersburg, and he kissed me goodnight, I jotted down a single word on a note and slid it under the door, in hopes that Alexander would find it.
Sorry.
-KP
I wanted to stay here, with my family, for as long as I could.