CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Krayson stood before the altar of the Warding Light and watched as the flame danced out of the confines of its diamond.

He still hadn't deduced what one was supposed to do in places like this. It occurred to him that he must've been an abnormality, because the very nature of what he was, both saint and witch, required a communion of sorts with spirits. Even so, Krayson had never learned how to pray.

"You're supposed to be hope," he said towards the altar. "I thought if I came, I might feel it. Would I even know if I felt it? I can't remember what it feels like." He shrugged at the way the Warding Light flickered in what he interpreted as a question. "You know I'm a blood mage, right? It took many of my feelings from me, even though I sometimes think I can still feel a piece of them. Ghosts, but lately they almost feel alive. I think it's because of the people around me."

The flame bobbed in place. Krayson had no reason to think so, but he might as well tell himself the Warding Light nodded in understanding.

"People are complex things, I've learned. They're not like the straightforward equations of spellcraft. I can't look at Lord Ban and chart his essences. A somatic for his bravery, a line of five words for his loyalty. It doesn't work that way for people. Because... I see the things that make him cowardly. I hear the words that tell of how he could turn his back on someone. Those are so much weaker than the other parts of him, but they're there. And it's because the better parts of him are stronger that he's who he is."

The Warding Light flared for a brief moment.

"I know. I wish I could be more like him. I can't look at what's happening and see you. Hope, I mean to say. Lord Ban is so certain, or at least he makes it seem like he is. He knows Enfri will steer him onto the right path. Lord Ban won't turn away from her."

The Warding Light dimmed before wavering from side to side.

"I can't be like him. The parts of me that could are just ghosts." Krayson closed his eyes and hung his head. "I've always been pragmatic, but it hasn't been until now that I thought that may be a flaw."

The Warding Light continued to burn, steady and encouraging.

Krayson chewed his lip and felt compelled to continue even as saying it aloud felt wrong. "I don't want to leave. I liked it here."

The Warding Light bobbed once again in understanding.

"People are too complex to be one or two things alone, but I think it's accurate to say there's at least one thing about each of them that pulls at a ghost inside me. Take Lord Ban, for instance. When I think of him, I feel courage. Not the battlefield sort of courage, but more like... the courage to be sincere. With Reyn, I think that must be what it feels like to be vulnerable and not care that you're vulnerable. To find strength in your weakness."

The Warding Light gave a sort of shimmy that made Krayson think someone had opened a window to let in a draft.

"If I had the word for it, it wouldn't be a ghost, now would it?"

There was no doubt in Krayson's mind that the flame shrugged at him.

"As for Her Majesty, that's something I know I can't put into words. She makes me afraid, she always has, and I've never had an issue with feeling fear. I'm just not sure what it is I'm afraid of with her. Afraid of her, afraid for her, afraid of what she'd do to my sanity if I continue to be the target of her idea of humor. Maybe... afraid that I could follow her down this path and be content as it took me to Hell. I want to have faith in her, but I don't have it in me to believe. I need facts, and she's not provided any. There's no other choice for a man like me. I can't stay. I made a promise that I would fight them. I will never stop fighting them, even to my dying breath, to the Beyond. I won't stop just because she asks me to, and if I can't obey my empress, I have no right to be in her empire."

The Warding Light's flame flared, this time as a demand.

Krayson blinked. "Oh. Right. I did miss one, didn't I? Her Highness." Krayson scratched at his jawline. "If I said absolute terror, would you believe me?"

The Warding Light didn't respond. He wasn't amused.

"I suppose not. It's strange, but I felt nothing for most of the time I've known her. Anxiety, but when don't I feel anxious? It wasn't until Kumo told me of how important she is that any sort of ghost whispered to me. I've only seen her the once since then, but I think I felt something." Krayson grimaced and held his forehead. "Drat. I try to remember, but I can't. I can't even remember the ghost."

He felt like a fool. Krayson couldn't help but think that he was only imagining the Warding Light's responses. Projecting meaning onto the way a flame moved was too similar to reading omens for him to give it an credence.

Whether the god of hope heard him or not, Krayson couldn't afford to stay longer. He only hoped that the temples and their clergy wouldn't see much trouble from the Jade Empire. Mogga especially should be careful, as the demons likely weren't fond of a proteurim turning his back on them.

There was a different skindancer that Krayson needed to concern himself with.

Krayson gave the Warding Light a parting nod before turning on his heels and walking out of the temple. Descending the stairs to the mostly empty streets of New Sandharbor, Krayson thought he should've been less surprised to see the pretty girl who seemed to be waiting for him.

She made a habit of finding Krayson here.

"Saveen," Krayson said in greeting. "There was no lesson today."

She didn't appreciate the comment in the slightest. "You've got some nerve," she said. Saveen crossed her arms over her chest and scowled. "You're leaving. Admit it."

Krayson sighed as he walked by her. He hadn't gone two paces before she was walking beside him, giving the evil eye every step of the way. "Of course I am. If I stay, it's as good as tying my own noose."

"Her Majesty will protect you."

"Like she protected Starra?"

Saveen clamped her mouth shut but looked angrier than before.

"Or Princess Jin?"

"Maybe they don't need protecting," Saveen said. "You do."

Krayson scoffed. "You should worry more for your Sapphire. Rippling Moon has a feyling child the demons might start showing an interest in. If you're distracted by worrying over me, you won't be able to keep Nikos safe for her."

"That's not fair," Saveen snapped. "Who are you to tell me who I can or can't be worried for?"

Krayson stopped in his tracks. He didn't want to raise her pique so high that they'd part on an argument. Whether Krayson wanted it or not, this could be the last time he saw Saveen for a long time. Possibly ever. If that was the case, there were things he needed to tell her that he'd so far been unable to. Rather, incapable of.

"Would you prefer to go with me?" Krayson asked.

Saveen nearly fell over. Her eyes got wide, and her cheeks turned a darker shade of blue. "With you?"

"That's what I said. Would you?"

She dropped her eyes. "You know I can't."

"I do. That's why I didn't want to ask. I nearly wanted to avoid you entirely, because I knew you'd be down on yourself for not coming with me. Down on yourself for even wanting to. You do that, Saveen. You act like everyone around you is your responsibility when they're not. I thought it may be better if the choice was made for you."

"That's mean," Saveen muttered. "You know, Moon told me if a red was ever mean to me or made me think I was less than I was so I'd want his approval, I should stab him in the arse."

"Watch your mouth," Krayson scolded, "and that's not what I'm doing."

Distraught, Saveen looked to be on the verge of tears. "Then what are you doing? Because no one makes me feel small like you can!"

"I'm trying to tell you that I..." What she accused him of registered in mid-sentence. He blinked in shock and had no need to think long about the identity of this ghost. He could always remember what shame was. "I'm sorry. That's the last thing I want to make you feel."

Saveen averted her eyes and sniffled miserably.

"I want you to feel enormous. I want you to feel the same way you make me feel."

She jumped and looked at him in surprise. "What?"

"Like I'm a real person," Krayson said. "Like no matter how far apart we are, I'm not alone. Like I... Thunders, Saveen, are you shorter than you were the last time I saw you?"

She'd been staring at him as if he'd grown antlers. Upon hearing the question, she shook herself awake and sheepishly clasped her hands behind her back. "Maybe an inch or two."

"You're accusing me of making you feel small when you're doing it to yourself literally?"

"Small emotionally," Saveen protested. "Small physically has nothing to do with it."

"You're goblin height. Is this still to look fearsome with Rippling Moon? I think you misunderstand what intimidates people."

"You're doing it again!" Saveen squawked. "Making me feel mouse-sized. Who I am isn't for you to decide!"

Krayson covered his face with his hands in exasperation. "How do we keep getting here? This isn't what I want to talk to you about."

"Don't you dare call me oversensitive!"

"When did I?" Krayson shouted.

"It's preemptive! I could tell you were gonna."

Krayson reexamined his train of thought over the past few moments. "I don't think I was going to, but if I did, it would've been a rude thing to say."

"That doesn't sound like much of an apology."

"Tell you what, Saveen, I'll give you a better one after I actually commit the offense I'm apologizing for."

She pursed her lips. "Alright. Fair enough." She blushed and had difficulty looking him in the eye. "So... what was that you were saying before?"

Krayson sighed and held her by the shoulders. "You're important to me, Saveen. More important than anyone. I wasn't real until I met you. I was just a ghost."

It bothered Krayson that he felt Kumo's eyes on him. Thundering bug needed to learn about the mortal concept of boundaries.

Looking exceptionally uncomfortable, Saveen reached an arm around her back to scratch between her shoulder blades. "What... what are you trying to say? Because it sounds like..." She swallowed anxiously. "I thought... you didn't like girls. Not like that."

Krayson blushed, realizing only then what this must've sounded like. That hadn't been his intent. "I like you," he said. "Your being a girl has... almost nothing... to do with it."

Somewhere, there was a thundering spider laughing his spinnerets off.

Saveen's eyes got progressively wider with each passing moment.

Krayson hurriedly let go of her shoulders. "Don't misunderstand me. I'm... Yes, I'm fond of you. You're like my..."

She drew in closer, her full attention on every word out of his mouth.

"My... sister?"

Saveen looked like she was about to deck him. Krayson had no argument against it. He knew he deserved worse.

"You're... so... stupid," Saven muttered. "Fine then. I don't feel so embarrassed to speak my piece anymore. Not after whatever that was. Flames, Krayson. Is it really that hard to be honest about your feelings?"

"I'm sorry, have you met me?"

"Alright, I'll give you that one." She shoved him. "But you're wrong. You must have it in your head that I've been mooning over you like some silly twit of a dragonet. Well, jokes on you, knucklehead. I'm not. No puppy crushes, no longing looks from across the street, no nothing."

Krayson was tempted to sigh in relief, but he had a stronger sense of self-preservation than that.

"My adoptive father wanted to mate with me," Saveen said heatedly. "Do you have any idea how much that can mess with someone's head? A lot! And it didn't magically go away just because I killed him. I still felt it after he was gone. I feel it now. Because at least Trell wanted me!"

Krayson felt nauseas.

"So maybe I wanted to feel wanted again. Maybe that's why I let Cardin kiss me. Maybe that's why I started following the marshal around. Maybe it's because I thought something must be wrong with me because no one but that sick bastard ever wanted me!"

She sniffed and didn't bother wiping her eyes. It occurred to Krayson that even weeping could be an act of defiance.

"I was afraid," Saveen said, and her voice grew louder with every word. "I didn't want to be messed up for the next thousand years because of him, and so what if I tried a little too hard? I was scared because the only way I knew how to feel wanted was the same way Trell wanted me, and no one was there to tell me different until Moon. Not Starra, not Enfri, and certainly not you. Except you're the idiot I think might actually be able to get me through this, because I think I'm like you!"

"Moon helped you?" Krayson asked quietly.

"She really did," Saveen exclaimed.

"All seven thunders, she's amazing."

"I know!"

"But, like me? As to say, you don't feel sexual attraction?"

Saveen hid her face. "Flames, don't say it like that! It sounds filthy."

"It really isn't. The exact opposite, in fact. Maybe you should try talking to Reyn about this when you get the chance. She helped me sort through it." Krayson narrowed his eyes to peer at her. "But, really? Was this what you were trying to talk to me about at the wine house?"

Saveen finally wiped her eyes dry and nodded.

"Oh." There was an odd and sharp sensation in Krayson's head, something like a spider smacking him for being clueless.

"I thought I was being stupid," Saveen murmured, "or I didn't know how to feel it right. Everyone around us seems to have no problem getting all hot and bothered over each other, so I figured I must just be... broken."

"You went through the motions," Krayson said. "You thought you knew what you were supposed to be feeling, because that's what you thought was normal." He took her hand. "You're not broken. We know that for a fact, because we fixed your imprint before it could be damaged permanently by blood magic."

"I wish we hadn't," Saveen whispered. "I wish you and I were still bound, because at least I'd have an excuse for not feeling the things I should."

Krayson's stomach sank to his knees. He squeezed her hand. "There are a lot of things I can't feel because of blood magic," he said firmly. "It took a lot of things from me. That's not one of them."

"What do you mean?"

"Blood mage or not, I'd still be who I am, and this is me. I know it is. I like not having wild attractions clouding my vision. I much prefer only having feelings for the people I'm closest to." He pressed a finger to her forehead. "Don't get hung up on what everyone else thinks is normal. Just worry about what's normal for you. I catch myself making the same mistake every thundering day, and if there's anyone who deserves better than torturing herself like that, it's you."

Saveen swatted his hand away from her forehead, she hesitated, then she jumped forward to put her arms around him. "I don't want you to go. I need you."

Krayson rubbed her back in what he hoped was a consoling manner. "There are many dragons here who would be honored to have you as their apprentice."

She held him tighter. "I don't care about that. I'm crazy good with witchery now."

"You are, but there's always something more to learn." He felt the stirring whispers of a ghost, and it grew more forceful while Saveen held him. He didn't recognize it, but whatever the feeling might have been, it urged him to return Saveen's hug. He'd promised himself to heed his ghosts, so he did. "We'll see each other again soon. I promise."

Saveen sobbed and said nothing further.

Krayson was reluctant to leave her now, more especially now that he knew she was grappling with some of the same questions he'd once needed to ask of himself. He was afraid of what the future in Shan Alee would be like for her and afraid for the real possibility of Saveen being required to join in the Jade Empire's battles against Althandor.

It made him feel sick and helpless, and every time he demanded Kumo tell him how it could be made right, he only received silence as his answer.

Drawing Saveen alongside him, Krayson walked her to Lord Ban and Moon's manor. If nothing else, he felt he could trust Lady Rippling Moon Karst to look after his Bastion.

After further farewells, they parted ways. Krayson felt he would count the hours until their paths converged again.

There was nothing left to do but to reconvene with Starra. Like Krayson, she was fully invested in the fight against the old masters, so remaining in an empire effectively dominated by them was no longer an option. He was told to meet with her at her father's estate, and so Krayson made his way there by the most direct route he knew of.

No matter how he tried, he couldn't stop thinking of Saveen and the ghost she awakened within him.

He'd just come into sight of the Nolaas estate when he felt a slight increase in his heartbeat. Five beats faster per minute. The Law of Five manifested. He was in danger. In addition, the sensation of being observed by every pair of eyes in the world came again.

"You're watching," Krayson whispered.

The old forms must be heeded, my saint. I watch as your thread reaches events that become pivotal turns in my web. Much of what may come will rest on the decision made here.

"What do I need to do?"

You are one of five fulcrums of Fate. I merely observe the outcome. But fear not, my saint. I have faith in you.

Krayson came to a halt in the middle of a deserted street. Thundering spider was only getting stranger the longer this arrangement continued.

He stood outside a farrier's workshop, the windows closed and shuttered, the anvil silent, and the furnace cold. Most followed the advice of their neighbors and community leaders to remain indoors for the time being. The Desert City of New Sandharbor was blanketed with unnatural quiet.

A boot scraped in the loose gravel alongside the street. The sound tugged at Krayson's ear, and his hand drifted to the hilt of a long knife concealed beneath his half-robe. Someone approached him. They placed their steps with care, coming towards Krayson with stealth.

"I know you're there," Krayson said. "This won't go the way you expect."

"You heard me because I wanted you to." The sound of boots on cobblestone drew closer, within five paces. "I was told to find you, Brother Joshuan Krayson."

The woman's voice was unfamiliar. Krayson started turning his head to look.

"Not just yet. Let me see your hands first."

Facing forward, Krayson took his hand away from the knife. He held his arms out wide with fingers outstretched. "If you know who I am, you know I don't need somatics for spellcraft."

"If you are who you appear to be, that is." She came another pace closer.

"No closer," Krayson said. "Your position isn't as advantageous as you think."

"Very well. In that case, cut yourself with your own knife."

"Excuse me?"

"I need Brother Joshuan, not a skindancer."

Krayson performed a single somatic in his left hand to conjure a tongue of flame in his hand. "Proteurim cannot use magic as mortals do."

"Dopplers can."

"Unless you happen to have a fey on hand who's smelled me before, I've no way to prove I'm not a doppler."

"Only one doppler we know of was crazy enough to mimic a blood mage," the woman said. Her boots scraped against the cobblestone, and there was a sound of a sword being put back in its scabbard. "I'm satisfied, but I won't say anything too sensitive until I can be positive."

Krayson's heart rate returned to normal. He relaxed. "May I turn around now?"

"Not until I'm positive."

"Thunders, woman, I already said I..."

"Give a sending," she interrupted. "To Heron Algara. The real Brother Joshuan has met her."

"That will prove nothing."

"Give it regardless," she said calmly. "But do not hold it for a response."

Krayson frowned as he spoke the requested incantation. "I seek Heron Algara."

Immediately, he released his ether. When the sending spirit withdrew, it left him with a sense of irritation for having its time wasted.

"What's the point of this?" Krayson demanded.

"Just wait."

A handful of breaths passed before Krayson's witch sight noted the appearance of a second sending. A voice came forth, a familiar one.

"I seek Joshuan Krayson."

"Lady Heron," Krayson said in greeting. "I realize this must seem strange, my contacting you like this."

"Not at all," Heron replied. "Devara, I assume you're there?"

The unknown assailant walked wide of Krayson until she stood in front of him. Her posture was relaxed with a palm resting on her sword's pommel. The muscles beneath the dark skin of her bared arms were toned, though she wasn't much taller than Krayson was. Her eyes, accent, and assured bearing were all Althandi, but her dark skin and curly hair were very much of the north. It was the slightly glowing blue irises with slit pupils that gave no room for misinterpretation.

"Assassin," Krayson muttered.

"Duchess Devara Algara, Lady of Stonehollow," she said to introduce herself. "If you'd like, you may call me Devi."

Krayson eyed her and her dark studded leather. If he were to try guessing her age, he'd place her in her early to mid thirties. She could be a great deal older, seeing as she was obviously marked by elder magic. Objectively, she was a striking woman, one with an ethereal quality to her.

"I sent Devara along with our cousin's delegation," Heron explained through the sending. "Ostensibly, to assist the Arcane Knights with military intelligence. She had a second protocol in the event of... well, in the event of if what's happened ended up happening."

Krayson watched Devara while addressing Heron. "You suspected the Dragon Empress would surrender to the armada?"

"It's my job to suspect. I believe I told you in the Imperial City, I'd be watching you and your friends."

"Something to that effect."

"There are matters here in the Spired City that require my attention. In the meantime, you're one of the few people on that side of the world I know I can trust. If you're willing, let Devara bring you to me. There's something I need you to do that's in both our interests, and I have the feeling you're as uncomfortable with what's happening in Shan Alee as I am."

Krayson arched an eyebrow at Devara. She smirked.

"You're in luck," Krayson said. "I was already on my way, but I didn't intend on seeking out the royal assassins."

"With what's on the line, I think we're better off joining forces. You need assassins, and I need demon hunters."

"I have the leader of the Cabal with me."

"Starra?" Heron asked. "Perfect. She was the other I wanted Devara to find for me. I can expect the two of you?"

"And at least two others. Princess Pacifica Romov and Adar the Ascendent, possibly the first minister."

"A prestigious group," Heron said, "and a powerful one. I expected the Dragon Empress to see desertions, but if she's losing people of that caliber, she's in more dire of straits than I anticipated. If you'll vouch for these others, I have no problem bringing them into the fold. Though, I'll ask you bring only those you trust with your life."

Of the people he named, Krayson would only count Adar as one he didn't have enough experience with to have that level of trust in. But, Pacifica did, and that was good enough for Krayson. "It isn't in question."

"Good. I will see you soon."

"What's this about?" Krayson asked.

"I'll fill you in when you're in front of me. I wouldn't trust this over sending." The spell then vanished, and the spirit returned to the Ethereum.

Krayson raised an eyebrow at Devara. "I take it I proved something?"

"Heron contacted you," she said. "If you were a doppler, the sending wouldn't have arrived."

"And I'd be dead," Krayson surmised.

Devara wrinkled her nose. "Of course not. The palace wards are up, so Heron might not've gotten your signal. She might've been in the privy. I'd still be suspicious of you, but the intelligence coterie doesn't make a habit of killing off of circumstantial evidence. I'd run away and try again later." She winked. "Third failure, then I'd try to kill you."

Krayson shrugged. He could appreciate a reasonable assassin. "How did you plan on taking me to Althandor? Can you teleport?"

"Haven't drilled in that manifestation yet, but I'm aware that you know how to do it."

"Fair enough, Duchess. I suppose the next step will be to collect Lady Starra. I'm to meet her just ahead."

"As you say." Devara stepped aside and held out her arm for Krayson to lead the way. "And please, Brother Joshuan, call me Devi."

"Devi, then," Krayson said, trying it out for size. "Are we to teleport straight to the palace? You mentioned wards."

They walked side by side up the street. Even though there wasn't another soul in sight, Devara appeared uncomfortable with walking out in the open. Krayson didn't see much risk to her, even had there been a crowd. Enfri's guest-rights to the Althandi were technically still in effect. Krayson was unsure of what else the empress was capable of anymore, but breaking guest-rights remained unthinkable.

"Not to the palace," Devara explained. "The wards were modified soon after your last visit to the Spired City. They now prevent unexpected visitors. I'd guess Starra planned on having you go to the Cabal's base of operations, though I would suggest a small detour first."

"I'm open to suggestions," Krayson said. "It would have to be somewhere Starra or I are familiar with."

"It is," she said. Her smirk faded into a more serious expression. "It was chosen specifically because of its remoteness and its familiarity to you, and Heron is now telling the people we're to meet to go there now." She grimaced and looked genuinely apologetic. "If you're willing, take us to Westrun, to what's left of the Sanguine Tower."

The sensation of being watched by Kumo's eyes withdrew.

I see. How interesting. You walk towards the path of your ransomed memory.

Krayson furrowed his brow. He'd have demanded to know what Kumo meant by a ransomed memory, but he assumed Kumo only mentioned it because they knew he wouldn't talk back with Devara right there. He had little choice but to fume over it.

"The Sanguine Tower," Krayson said. "As you say. Who are we meeting?"

"An old accomplice of Heron's. A fiend hunter. Goes by the name of Rex."

Krayson didn't have the slightest inkling of why, but he liked the sound of that name.