Chapter 42

Carmella was gazing at her strangely. She cocked her dark head. “Was Damon your first?”

Lilitha started. “Uh, yes.”

“You picked a hard one I’m afraid, but that has little to do with you. Damon will eventually see sense. And Mateus, despite how he looks, he’s all soft on the inside. He won’t stay angry for long. And as for Silus—you’re his daughter.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course,” she laughed. “The bulls like to think they have control of things, but really it is we who are in control. Ask them anything, and they will bend to your will. Instinct—~need—~drives them. We are the flowers and they are the bees. We only need wait and they will come.”

Lilitha nodded, though a little confused. Carmella bade Lilitha turn back around and continued with her combing.

“And what about you?” Lilitha said. “You were angry with me too.”

Carmella sighed. “I know—and I’m sorry.” She quickly changed the topic. “I haven’t thanked you, by the way, for taking him off my hands.”

“Who?”

“Mateus, of course.”

Lilitha looked back at her with an amused frown. “I can’t believe you did that—leaving him with me.”

“Why? You were ready, anyone could see.”

Lilitha let herself enjoy the feel of Carmella stroking her hair. “So then, with us both here, what is he going to do tonight?”

“Other than storming our little camp, he’ll just have to make do with himself,” she said. Lilitha giggled. “There’s Silus of course, but I don’t think he would receive Mateus well. He’s been sad of late, with our future such as it is.”

All humor fled, and they fell silent. Lilitha’s hair now shiny and smooth, Carmella turned toward the fire. It had sputtered and shrank, and she tried rousing it with a stick.

Lilitha held out her hands to the flames. “It’s so nice. I never had fire at home. Then again, I ~had~ a home. And yet—” she looked around the forest “—this is my home.”

“What was it like living among humans?”

“Mostly horrible, but that was probably because I was never truly one of them. What’s your life been like as a Diablon?”

“Not much better than yours, probably, until I found Silus and the others that is. I used to live south, close to the great settlements, and I was once happy, but by the end we were always on the run, hunted, so I fled up here.” She looked around at the forest. “And it’s been the best I could ever ask for.”

Lilitha frowned. “Do you think my father is right? Do you think we will need to leave?”

The fire spat.

“I think it’s inevitable.”

Lilitha’s eyes pricked. “I’m so sick of running and hiding. I just want to be.”

“Come here,” Carmella said, patting her thighs. Lilitha laid her head down in her lap and gazed up past Carmella’s breasts and into her dark eyes. She could see her necklace and bracelets clearly now. They had little pendants, of the moon, the sun, a range of beasts, all polished white.

When Carmella started to comb Lilitha’s hair again, they danced and dangled and clicked against each other. Then Carmella began to sing.

My life was once the gloom amid the trees,

Like the shade that veils the sky on the eve,

Never dared I thought that things could change,

But then you arrived, and nothing was the same.

My love was once the smoke from a blaze,

Like the image of the sky on a lake,

Never dared I thought that things could change,

But then you arrived, and nothing was the same.

My soul was once a hole dug down deep,

Like the hollow of a trunk of a tree,

Never dared I thought that things could change,

But then you arrived, and nothing was the same.

Now all my life is aglow,

My love is the tree fully grown,

No longer is my soul bare and weak,

Because you arrived and now I am complete.

“That’s beautiful,” Lilitha said as Carmella continued to stroke her hair. “Did you make it up?”

“No. It’s an old Diablon lullaby. My mother used to sing it to me as a child.”

She stopped her stroking. Something wet fell upon Lilitha’s cheek.

Lilitha sat up. “Oh! What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Carmella said, wiping at her face. “Foolishness.”

“Tell me.”

Carmella shook her head.

“You must! Aren’t we a clan? That’s what everyone keeps reminding me.”

“You’re learning.” Carmella took a shuddering breath, releasing it slowly between pursed lips. “Has Silus spoken to you about—about my problem yet?”

Lilitha shook her head.

The fire wavered, casting a dance of light and shadow across Carmella’s face. She was suddenly looking old. “I have been with a number of males and never …” She shook her head.

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You have been with both Mateus and Damon now. Countless times, from what I hear …”

Lilitha flushed. “I-I don’t think so. I don’t bleed. But I’m still only young. It ~could~ still happen.” But she bit her lip, unconvinced. Clara had been bleeding for several years.

Carmella patted Lilitha’s knee. “I wouldn’t worry. You won’t bleed unless you eat human flesh—and you haven’t really eaten properly yet.”

“You mean…I-I ~should~ get my period?”

Carmella nodded. “As long as you keep eating properly.” Her eyes glistened. “And if you’re not already pregnant.”

Lilitha stared. Her mouth fell open.

Laughing, Carmella hugged her. “You’d better. I’m counting on you. Give us a child.” She bared her teeth hungrily. The look in her eyes was almost terrifying.

Carmella released her and Lilitha stumbled to her feet, backing away. Carmella got to her knees and looked toward the canopy, through to the sky above. Then she closed her eyes and held her arms like she was clutching an infant to her breast, her black braids falling around her face.

Quietly, Lilitha left Carmella to her dreams. The darkness was ebbing, morning nigh. Soon, the cool of the night relented beneath the warmth of the day, and Lilitha removed her cloak. She ran a hand down her navel in wonder. She’d never thought of having children before. It always seemed such an impossibility in more ways than one.

She entered a clearing and was surprised to find Mateus resting at the foot of a big fern, on his side, horns tilted away, face pressed against the earth. She must have followed his scent without realizing it. So much for the bees coming to the flowers.

As she watched him dream, she wondered how something so large and fearsome could be so vulnerable. Everything she had once been so certain about was no longer clear. Monsters weren’t always monsters. Devils weren’t always devils. An image sprang to mind of Mateus cradling their baby carefully in his massive arms, and Lilitha’s heart lurched. Struck by a powerful longing she’d never felt before, she dropped her cloak to the ground and wriggled beneath his outstretched arm.

His eyes opened a crack. He smiled and tucked her against him, and Lilitha clung. In that moment, she had never loved someone so much. She pressed a hand to her pelvis. There was a blast of nervous excitement, then she went cold. A baby. A ~Diablon~ baby.

It was too much to deal with.