Chapter 46

Their journey was slightly easier the next day. The weather held, the slope plateaued, and the trees spread themselves wide.

They were making good progress, and Lilitha began to see that there might be an end to the forest. Neither of them spoke much—which wasn’t surprising. But at least Clara wasn’t keeping her distance. Damon was wrong. Lilitha didn’t deserve a friend like Clara.

By the afternoon, the forest reasserted itself. The trees closed in, dense thickets tripped them up, and vines tangled in their hair. The vegetation became so thick they were forced to heave and chop their way through.

Though it was difficult, Lilitha and Clara shared a hopeful smile. They had encountered a similar struggle with Laymond on their way ~into~ the forest. It was clear they were heading in the right direction.

The rest of their journey proved to be just as heartening. Lilitha managed to catch a small toad. Leaving Clara alone, she disappeared into the trees to eat in private.

She sank her teeth straight into its head as it struggled and writhed in her hands, croaking madly. A cool gush of grease and fluid filled her mouth. It stopped squirming, and she tore it in half. She chewed and she chewed and she chewed, swallowing with a grimace. It was blobby and moist and it stank, but she kept it down, and it managed to dull her stabbing hunger just enough to keep going.

They were still deep within the thickest foliage when they stopped for the night. The moon was lost behind the dense canopy, the forest black to Clara’s human eyes.

Lilitha gazed into the treetops. It was nearing two days since she’d left. Had the clan already caught their escaped captives and returned to camp? How long before they realized Lilitha’s desertion? What would they think? Lilitha grasped Silus’s necklace. She was still gripping onto it as she drifted asleep.

They rose early the next morning. As they walked, the forest pulled back, revealing towering trees spread thin. Now their route was downhill. Clara seemed to be doing quite well, pulling away from Lilitha as she weaved between the branches, more and more hopeful. It wasn’t the same for Lilitha.

She was hungry. More—she was ravenous. The toad hadn’t lasted nearly long enough. She tried not to show it, but Clara was not so easily fooled and kept looking back at Lilitha in concern.

Lilitha shed her cloak, only to pull it back on moments later. Sweat trickled down her brow, under her arms, down her navel, and yet she trembled as her skin prickled icily. She searched the trees in desperation, but there were no animals except a bird singing high in the treetops.

It was midafternoon, a whole day since the toad, though it felt so much longer than that, when the forest swam before Lilitha’s eyes, when the ground tilted, when she dropped to her knees. A blackness shrouded her vision, one as deep and fathomless as her hunger, and Lilitha gazed into it, utterly lost.

Clara crouched in front of her, forehead pinched with worry.

“So tired,” Lilitha sighed.

Taking Lilitha under the arm, Clara helped her to her feet and drove her stumbling ahead.

Lilitha managed for a while, but by late afternoon she fell again. Clara tried to heave her up, but nothing could get her moving. Giving up, Clara hurried away.

Lilitha tried to get up, but a heavy weight was pushing down on her shoulders, and she sagged to the ground with a groan. She tried to keep her eyes open, but they wouldn’t obey, and she surrendered to her exhaustion.

She dreamed that she was back with the clan, Damon on one side and Mateus on the other, both holding her hands. From across the fire Carmella was singing, her dark braids tossed behind her back. Silus was smiling at her. It was as though nothing had happened.

Damon picked up the basket by his feet and slid it into her lap.

“Eat.”

Lilitha shook her head.

“Eat!” Carmella snarled.

“Eat. Or you’re no daughter of mine,” Silus growled.

Mateus bared his pointed teeth. “Eat.”

“Do it, Lilitha.” Damon pressed his hand to her back, his jade eyes blazing, bloodied lips pulled back into a smile. There was blood on his chin. Blood shone on his teeth. “For me.”

She looked around at the others and saw that their faces were covered in blood too. Mateus looked like he had dipped his horns into someone, gore hanging from the left tip. His eyes were red.

Lilitha dropped her eyes to the basket. It was a normal hunk of human flesh, raw, bloodied and thick. Normal and nameless except for the long blonde hair glistening on top.

Lilitha woke with a start. A hand seized her wrist, and she looked up into Clara’s white face. Then Lilitha’s eyes turned to what her friend was holding. With a gasp, she snatched the animal away. She didn’t even leave for privacy before she ripped it open with her bare hands and ate in a frenzy.

By the time she was done, there were feathers everywhere, her hands and face sticky with guts. It had been so much better than that disgusting toad.

Panting, Lilitha looked up at Clara, who was sitting away, legs folded into her chest. She was so pale she almost glowed amid the gloom of the forest. Lilitha looked down at her sticky hands, then pulled her hood over her head and hid her face away.

They continued with their journey without speaking about it.

The next day, Clara couldn’t help but show her excitement. It was the third day, about the time they should reach Mainstry. Lilitha could tell that they were close. The trees were spreading themselves thin again, light pouring down upon their hair and shoulders. Neither were wearing their cloaks.

She could sense it too—the end of the forest. She didn’t know how she knew but it was like a weight that curved her spine. It made her chest feel heavy.

It wasn’t a good feeling.

It was midafternoon when they came upon a trail. An ~actual~ trail. One that looked like it was used often.

“What is this, do you think?” Clara said.

“If I were to guess, it’s Mainstry’s route to the Diablons’s feeding ground,” Lilitha answered. Though she hadn’t seen any heads on pikes like she had from Norfolk.

Clara frowned. “Should we follow it?”

“I think so. It will be an easier route.” She looked down at the compass Clara was holding. “We’re still southeast?”

Clara nodded. “Right on the dot.”

Lilitha clutched at her stomach, grimacing. Clara grabbed onto her as she staggered.

“Are you all right?”

Lilitha grabbed at her head, then bent over her knees. She spat as another blast of pain hit her belly.

“Do you need something more to eat?”

Lilitha shook her head, feeling sweat bead around the neckline of her shirt. “I don’t think this is that.”

“What is it, then?” Clara touched Lilitha’s forehead. “You’re so pale—and cold.”

“I don’t feel so good.” Lilitha dropped to her haunches, jerking her head up in horror at the feel of something warm trickling down her thigh.

“What’s wrong?”

“I need you to go,” Lilitha said. “Now.”

“Are you sure?”

“~Go~, Clara.”

Clara stepped back, then turned and disappeared into the trees.

Lilitha pulled herself shakily to her feet, then lowered her pants. She bit back a sob. She wanted to convince herself that it was just her period, just like Carmella said she would eventually get, but Lilitha knew it wasn’t.

She pulled off her pants and dropped to her knees, clutching at herself as more cramping hit. She was gasping, biting back the urge to cry out as more pain ripped through her pelvis. More blood trickled down her thighs. Her ears were ringing. Her heart was pounding. At another wave of pain, she choked out a sob.

There was the crunch of footsteps, a touch on her shoulder.

“Go away!”

Clara was frowning. She sank to her knees beside Lilitha, then pulled her into her arms. Lilitha dropped her chin onto Clara’s shoulder. “This is a good thing. I should be glad. It’s a ~good~ thing.”

Clara stroked her back, rocked her, hugged her hard at every cramp, every moan, until the pain gradually began to fade into a dull ache. Lilitha sank to her bottom, dazed, gazing at the blood on the ground, the blood shining on her legs, on her hands. She tried to hold her grief back for Clara’s sake, for her own sake.

~It’s a good thing. It’s a good thing. It’s a good thing.~

But it was like a sandbag holding back a landslide.

Lilitha burst into tears.