Chapter 58

The subsequent days blurred together. They seemed to meld into one indistinguishable mass. Most days, she would remain indoors, doing nothing, being no one. Occasionally, she would wander the streets, but these were unfamiliar territories. She wasn’t sure she could find her way back if she strayed too far.

This meant she couldn’t see Clara.

The uncertainty gnawed at her. How was Clara? Was she sad? Was she alone? Was she using the money Lilitha had given her? Bleak thoughts rolled through her mind in a relentless cycle. But none of those were worse than thinking about the clan. She couldn’t stop thinking about it. Mateus, Damon, Carmella, Silus. Their names echoed in her mind, taunting her, making her sick with regret.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop remembering, couldn’t stop regretting. She often found herself staring blankly across the room or the street, lost in memories. She didn’t even know which direction the forest lay. She could neither smell it nor sense it. It felt like the world was dead.

At times, she would pull out her necklace from beneath the loose board in the floor and thread it through her fingers, examining each pendant in turn until her heart ached and her throat thickened with tears.

Each night, Mandalay would return. And every night, he would possess her body and attempt to claim her mind and heart as well. He was rarely physically abusive. He was even caring sometimes. He would come home bearing flowers, jewelry, or a new set of clothes.

When he was on top of her, he would always whisper sweet nothings in her ear. He always made sure she was warm and comfortable. She had new shoes and a scarf to shield her from the sun when she went outside. These were things she could have only dreamed about weeks ago.

She supposed any other woman would be happy.

But she was a prisoner.

And there was nothing she could do to escape it. She contemplated trying to kill him—but she’d already failed once. If she failed again…

She could probably kill herself—but that might put Clara in danger.

She was stuck—perhaps forever.

Sometimes, Mandalay noticed her sadness and despised her for it. “I’ve given you everything. The least you could do is be happy about it.”

“Everything but my freedom.”

Mandalay gripped her hip, digging his fingers in around the bone so hard she writhed in pain.

“Freedom? If it wasn’t for me, you’d be in jail—or dead. Perhaps burned at the stake for being a witch. Or drawn and quartered for being a demon.” He sneered. “~Eating people~. Nobody would forgive you. Not even your friend, I bet. But I will. ~I~ will. You owe me your freedom, Lilitha. And your life.”

Then he gave a cruel little smile as he released her hip and grabbed her breast instead. “I suggest you treat me better.” His breath was warm and wet against her, making her nipple harden. He licked it. “That would be the smart thing if you want to protect your friend.”

Always, always, it came back to Clara. He gripped her breast hard, digging his fingers in deep enough that Lilitha squirmed again. Then his face smoothed out and he smiled. “I want you to kiss me. And I want you to mean it.”

It was getting easier—pretending. She moved in close, raising her face to his, kissing him lightly on the lips, gently parting them as she massaged his tongue. It was mechanical. She felt nothing. It was like a job. But it was enough for Mandalay. With a groan, he kissed her harder. Then he rolled on top of her.

He reached between her legs with a smile. “See, you’re already falling for me.”

Lately, Lilitha had always been ready. Every night since the first time, she would prepare herself, thinking of Mateus, thinking of Damon. That way, Mandalay didn’t have to touch her so much, and it could be over sooner.

He slid in easily, deeply. Lilitha closed her eyes as she rocked her hips along with his, thinking of Damon’s horns and Mateus’s tail. How their eyes always used to shine in the moonlight. Their big gentle hands. She imagined them both ripping Mandalay’s head off.

She cried out as Mandalay penetrated deep. Too deep. Too hard. Squeezing her eyes together more tightly, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, arching her back as she tried to find more room inside herself.

That traitorous tingle in her pelvis turned into a burn. Just as he growled and shuddered, Lilitha came too, clawing her fingers into his arms as she throbbed around his spasming shaft.

Mandalay would be happy with that. When he wasn’t in a rush or too tired, he always made sure that she came too. Even if it took a long time. Using his fingers. Using his tongue. Lilitha had learned to orgasm as fast as possible.

Pleased, Mandalay kissed her, and Lilitha forced herself to kiss him back. He nuzzled her neck, then slumped against her with a sigh. Over and over again, he brushed his fingers through her sweaty hair.

Moonlight was beaming in through the window. She could hear a wagon rattling against the cobblestones outside. A dog was barking.

His eyes were glittering as he gazed at her. Then he kissed her softly on the lips again. She fought the urge to buck him off, but he liked being inside her for as long as possible. Sometimes, when she looked back into his eyes, she wondered if he liked this part more.

“I love you,” he murmured.

Lilitha squeezed her lips together.

“I said, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He kissed her on the curve of her neck, then rolled over so they were on their sides facing each other. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her close. Lilitha stared through the open window over his shoulder, watching as the curtains rustled, waiting for the night to end.

The next morning, she wasn’t feeling so good. She managed to conceal it from Mandalay before he left for work but couldn’t do it upon his return. It had been five days since eating that man. An unexpectedly long time. If only it could have lasted forever.

Mandalay was frowning. “You’re hungry.” He touched her face as they sat on the couch together. He gripped her chin, turning her face from side to side.

“I eat enough,” she croaked. “Just tired.”

“You ~try~ to eat. What do you do when I’m gone? Throw it all up?”

Lilitha licked her dry lips without response.

His forehead furrowed. “I hate those monsters for what they did to you. We need to destroy them.”

Lilitha maintained her composure as she touched his hand. “They didn’t do this to me. I am what I am.”

“Bullshit! Why are you protecting them?” He narrowed his eyes. “You love this… Damon, don’t you? You still speak his name sometimes when you’re asleep. I hate that.”

“No,” she said quickly. She took his hand and intertwined their fingers. “I love ~you~. Damon… Damon betrayed me. I ~hate~ him.”

Mandalay grunted. “You need to eat—properly. You’re sick. And you’re too skinny…”

“No.”

He rose to his feet. “This will not stand. You’re holding up your part of the deal; it’s time to hold up mine.” He walked over to the hat stand and yanked off their cloaks. He put on his, then held out hers. When she didn’t move, he pulled her to her feet and wrapped it around her.

He looked annoyed. “I should have had all this planned out already, but I had my mind on different things. I’m sorry. I’ll do better.”

He pulled her hood over her face, then placed his hands on her shoulders. “We’ll fix this. After tonight, I’ll do everything I can to ~fix this~.”

He fastened his sword to his belt. Then he took her hand and led her out the door.