Chapter 3

Lilitha lifted her gaze, appreciating the shift in conversation as Silus began discussing their impending delivery from Mainstry. He also mentioned their upcoming journey to Esteria.

“I’m excited,” Lilitha confessed. “I’ve always dreamed of seeing it.”

Damon quickly shot down her enthusiasm. “You’re mistaken. You won’t be seeing it.”

Lilitha’s heart plummeted. “Oh…right.”

Silus offered a small consolation. “You can catch a glimpse from a distance. It’s quite a sight.”

Mateus scratched his chest. “How much longer? Another month before the next batch arrives?”

“Roughly,” Silus confirmed. “Our reserves will start to spoil soon. We might need to hunt for a bit to tide us over.”

“H-hunt?” Lilitha stuttered.

Carmella chimed in, “Exactly. Because of you, we had to kill the humans earlier than planned. Even with all the meat we have, it won’t last before it starts to rot.” Her dark eyes bore into Lilitha. “And you’re ~not~ going to eat spoiled meat. Not on my watch.”

Lilitha shrank further into Damon’s lap.

Mateus seemed to relish the idea. “Sounds like a good time to me. Can’t wait.”

Silus reassured Lilitha, shooting Carmella a warning glance. “Don’t worry. This happens. We often have to hunt when the delivery falls short.”

Carmella scoffed at Silus’s explanation. “Don’t sugarcoat it, Silus. It’s not ‘often.’ It’s rare.”

Silus didn’t argue. No one did.

Silus then dropped another bombshell. He leaned back as if bracing himself. “There’s something else,” he said. “I’ve decided—I’ve decided that I need to leave.”

Lilitha jolted in Damon’s lap.

“What?” Carmella exclaimed.

“No!” Mateus roared.

Silus remained calm. “You know I have to.”

All eyes turned to Lilitha, amplifying her guilt. “Don’t leave! You can’t!”

Silus explained, “Those are the rules. Family members can’t be in the same clan.”

“Fuck the rules!” Lilitha retorted. “We’re not going to do anything. Never. Never. Never. Never.” The mere thought made her nauseous.

Silus spoke softly. “It’s not safe. I’m choosing to leave. Once you’re settled in Esteria—then I’ll go.”

“But I…I need you.”

“No, you don’t. You’ve never needed me. You ~won’t~ need me.”

Damon asked, “Where will you go?”

Lilitha looked at Damon as if he were a stranger. “It doesn’t matter because it’s not going to happen.” She turned back to Silus. “You brought me here. You made me what I am. You’re ~staying~.”

Silus quietly disagreed. “No, I’m not.”

“You’re staying!” Lilitha’s voice echoed through the trees. She stood up, her anger and desperation building up inside her like a storm.

But Silus remained firm.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she clutched her head. “If someone has to leave, it should be me.”

“Absolutely not!” Damon growled.

“I’m the outsider,” she argued.

Silus’s tail swayed. “You belong here, Lilitha. You fit perfectly. I don’t. Ever since your mother passed, I haven’t fit in anywhere.”

Lilitha stared at him, speechless, a tear tracing the line of her jaw. She wiped it away.

Silus continued, “You can’t be yourself with me here. It’s too dangerous. It’s too awkward. And I can’t be myself either, for that matter.”

Damon gripped her ankle. “He’s right.”

Lilitha shook him off, spinning to face him. “I can’t believe you agree with this. I can’t believe any of you agree with this. To reject him like this. Is that what you’re going to do with me when you find someone better?”

Carmella’s tail coiled and lashed like a snake. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare question our loyalty! We love Silus.” She bared her teeth. “Why don’t you be brave for once. Not a fucking child! Stop projecting your fears onto us.”

The group fell silent.

Lilitha pressed her palms to her eyes, trying to hold back her tears. It didn’t work.

Silus stood and approached her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “It’s going to be okay, Lilitha. You’re safest here.”

“Don’t go.”

“I won’t leave for a few months. So, enjoy my company while you can.”

He gently pulled her hands away. His face was a blur through her tears. She tried to smile but failed. Then he pulled her into a hug, and the tears flowed freely. She hugged him back tightly.

For the rest of the night, Lilitha sat with her father, resting her head on his shoulder, listening to his laughter, his conversation, his breathing. Every so often, her throat would tighten, making it hard to swallow. His arm around her felt warm and comforting—but temporary. Only a few months. The thought of him leaving felt like a gaping hole in her heart.

Mateus left to fetch food for everyone. When he returned, he handed Silus and Lilitha a leaf-wrapped portion to share. Lilitha took a bite, chewed, swallowed, then frowned. It tasted different. Not as good as usual. She took another bite and found the same thing. She watched as everyone else ate, feeling out of place. She glanced down at her portion, then back up at Mateus’s meal.

“Can I try some of that?”

Mateus wiped his mouth. “I thought you didn’t like organ meat.”

“I don’t, I mean… I ~think~ I don’t.” Yet as she stared at it—a human heart—her mouth watered. A tingling sensation spread to her fingertips and toes.

Lilitha approached as he held it out to her. Blood dripped onto the grass. The heart was an unattractive sight. Then she noticed the rest of the contents in his basket.

“Kidney and liver,” Mateus informed her.

“Yes, I see. Swap you the heart for the liver,” she proposed, eyeing it as if it were the most appetizing thing in the world. It was an ugly, blobby mess. And yet…

Lilitha traded organs with Damon and took a seat beside him. The organ was as gooey and limp as it appeared. Lilitha was more of a meat and potatoes kind of girl, always opting for the simple cuts of meat, free from the complications of fat, innards, sinew, or bone. Her friends often teased her about her plain tastes.

But today was different.

She took a bite, and the taste exploded in her mouth, stealing her breath away. It was reminiscent of the first time she had tasted meat.

It filled her heart. It filled her soul. In no time, she had devoured it all.

Lilitha licked her lips, then her fingers, and peered into the basket again, feeling a pang of disappointment. “Got any more?”

“More liver?”

Lilitha nodded.

Mateus’s eyes sparkled, and then he was grinning.

“What?” Lilitha asked.

Carmella jumped up. “I’ll fetch you some more. I’ll get you all you want!”

“I can get it!” Lilitha called after her, but Carmella had already vanished into the trees. A distant scream echoed back, a scream of joy.

Lilitha furrowed her brow. “She can be a bit wild sometimes.”

She turned to the three men. They were all silent, watching her with an intensity that was unsettling.

Silus looked shocked. Damon was grinning as broadly as Mateus, his missing tooth giving him a slightly unhinged appearance.

“What? For God’s sake, what? Did I miss something? Are you all losing your minds now?”

Damon burst into laughter, and Mateus joined him, slapping his thighs in amusement.

“Lilitha,” Silus finally said, “how do you feel?”

That’s when it hit her. She could see it all over his face: the excitement, the disbelief, the heartache.

The world seemed to spin.

Damon steadied her, laughing. He wrapped his arm around her waist, kissing her neck as she leaned against him, suddenly breathless.

“I feel dizzy,” she gasped, then swallowed. “Why liver?”

“Because it contains every vitamin and mineral the baby needs,” Silus said. “Everything that you need to ensure its survival and yours.”

He’d said it. He’d actually said it. A baby.

Lilitha placed a hand on her stomach in disbelief. She couldn’t comprehend the depth of her shock.

It was always a possibility—and a quick one at that, considering she’d been pregnant before.

“And you’ll need more than that,” Carmella said as she returned.

Lilitha straightened up. Carmella’s eyes were bright; her face was radiant.

She had never seen her smile so wide or look so beautiful. She handed Lilitha a basket full of treats and a leaf-wrapped forearm, with thick, stubby fingers poking out.

Lilitha gave Carmella a puzzled look.

“Bone marrow,” Carmella explained. “It’s very good for you. Not quite as good as liver but still good.”

“It’s too much.”

“It’s your job to gain weight. You’re too thin.”

Lilitha felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. Where had she heard that before?

“Come on. Eat!” Carmella urged.