Chapter 5

Something had changed within the clan, and within herself, after that night. It was as if their individual links had finally connected to form a complete, unending circle.

She felt whole. She felt ~complete~.

Lilitha tried not to dwell on what this meant for Silus. His decision was made, and nothing she could say would alter it.

She didn’t blame him. She understood.

Just as her role within the clan had evolved, so had his. He didn’t seem upset or discontent, though Lilitha was certain he’d never let it show.

“I am happy for you,” he told her. “You deserve it.”

“So do you,” she replied.

He offered her a faint smile.

“Where will you go?” she asked him as they strolled through the trees.

“North,” he replied.

“But shouldn’t there be an alpha around to protect you?”

He looked at her, puzzled. “We can survive perfectly fine on our own, Lilitha. We don’t ~need~ alphas.” He nodded his head. “Though they ~are~ helpful.”

He stopped, turned, and took her hands, a hint of a smile playing behind his beard. His fading red hair fell loosely around his horns and over his shoulders. “I’m very proud to be your father,” he said, kissing her on the head. “Always know that.”

Lilitha was comforted by the knowledge that they still had some time left together. Esteria—it seemed so distant. And yet far too close.

How could she make the days slow down? Lilitha tried, but they seemed to speed up instead.

It was difficult when every day was wonderful, easy, and relaxed. When every day was another breath of life away from the hell that used to be her life.

With her father. With Mandalay. Occasionally, thoughts of Clara would sneak in. Usually, she could rationalize away her negative feelings, but sometimes they were overwhelming, and she would seek comfort from the others. Not speaking, just loving. They always provided.

Lilitha had never imagined she could love someone or some~ones~ so deeply.

Lilitha nestled into Mateus’s chest, her arms wrapped around his waist as she sat curled in his lap. His large, warm arms felt like a blanket.

Resting his chin on her head, he tightened his hold. Lilitha sighed.

Then she noticed his necklace of ears and began toying with it, smiling as she remembered their first meeting. It would be a funny story to tell their child one day. ~Their~ child. Whose child? She didn’t know.

She looked up at Mateus, who smiled down at her. Then she glanced at Damon, who was sitting next to Silus, his arm around his waist. They were whispering quietly together.

Next, she looked at Carmella. The female Diablon met her gaze. Sensing that Lilitha had something on her mind, she said, “Lilitha, can I talk with you a moment?”

Mateus released her, and Lilitha joined Carmella in the trees for some privacy.

“What’s wrong?” Carmella asked, smiling. She seemed to be always smiling now, especially when she looked at Lilitha, her tail gently swaying behind her.

“What’s going to happen when it’s born? I mean…who—who’s going to be the father?”

Carmella looked confused. “Mateus and Damon will be its father. Just like you and I will be its mother.”

“So it—so it doesn’t matter who the ~actual~ father is?”

Carmella shook her head.

“They’re not going to get angry?” Lilitha asked.

“Why would they get angry?”

“Well, the child will eventually look like one of them.”

Carmella tilted her head. “Is this an issue for humans?”

“A ~huge~ issue,” Lilitha said, surprised. “Of course.”

Carmella’s eyebrows shot up. Her tail began to sway more erratically. “We are a clan. The child is ours equally, no matter who conceived it.” She paused, her eyebrows furrowing over her sparkling dark eyes. “We are both its mother. No more, no less. You might birth and feed it, but I’m just as important. And when it grows, it will know no difference.”

“I’d have it no other way,” Lilitha said quickly. “Knowing that you’re here, with me, during all this, makes me feel so much safer. I-I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Her voice choked up at the truth of her words.

Carmella smiled. Her face softened. Her tail swayed gently again as she took Lilitha’s hands. “I’m glad. I’m very glad! And I’m going to be with you every step of the way. Of course I will!” She stepped back, her eyes sparkling as she looked Lilitha up and down. “You’re showing a little—your belly, your breasts. You are remarkable.”

Lilitha opened her mouth, about to say the same thing, about how much she wished their positions were reversed—she would give anything to have a tail!—but she closed it, realizing how insensitive it would sound.

Upon their return, Lilitha settled back into Mateus’s lap.

“One more week. I’ll go first,” Damon said. “Then Mateus. That way you have one of us to protect you all.”

Lilitha clung to Mateus’s knees. “Only a week? So soon?” How had she lost track of time so easily?

“We’ve pushed our resources far enough,” Damon said. “The meat is starting to rot.”

“The bones will last,” Lilitha said.

“It’s not enough,” Silus said.

“Especially with a baby,” Carmella added.

“Why so worried?” Mateus asked. “It’s what we do.”

“Well, can’t we all come?” Lilitha asked. “Wouldn’t it be easier that way? At least we can keep an eye out, help to—to carry everything, work as a team. As a ~clan~. And there can be two of you then, supporting each other. Wouldn’t that be better?”

“It’s too dangerous,” Damon said.

“I thought you said there was nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing to worry about for me and Damon,” Mateus said. “But for the rest of you…” He slid his large hand around her throat affectionately. “Particularly for you.”

“I’m not ~that~ useless!”

Mateus buried his face into the nape of her neck. “You’re so cute when you’re angry.”

Lilitha pushed him off with a growl. She stood in the middle of their circle, hands on her hips, glaring at them all.

“Why would you even want to join us? You’re not a hunter,” Damon challenged, his gaze meeting hers from beneath his horns. His tail swished back and forth, the moonlight highlighting the chiseled muscles of his abdomen and biceps.

“You’re too fond of humans. Did you want to hear their screams? Their terror? Not just the guilty ones, not just the men, but women and children too? Could you handle that? Could you bear to dismember them, skin them, decapitate them? Could you look into their lifeless, accusing eyes as you gut them and remove their organs? Drink their blood? Are you prepared for that?”

“I just want you to be safe,” she whispered in response.

He was blunt. “It might be hard to swallow, Lilitha, but we’re safer without you.”

Her heart pounded in her chest. “This isn’t about protecting me, is it? You still don’t trust me. You think I’ll mess up.”

“No,” he corrected her. “It’s both.”

Tears of frustration welled up in Lilitha’s eyes. Damon’s blunt nature wasn’t new to her. She thought she had grown accustomed to it.

But their bond had grown stronger, and his harsh words were starting to cut deeper. It made her feel vulnerable.

She glanced at Silus, who silently agreed with Damon.

Gritting her teeth, Lilitha retorted, “I’m supposed to be part of this clan, yet you still treat me differently.”

“You are different, but soon you won’t be,” Carmella assured her.

“You’re changing,” Mateus chimed in.

“But you’re not there yet,” Damon added. “Like I said: kill a human for pleasure, then we’ll trust you. Only then will you truly be one of us.”

“Damon, that’s an exaggeration,” Carmella interjected. “That’s what you require. Not the rest of us.”

She looked up at Lilitha, her dark eyes shimmering. Her black braids were piled on top of her head, a few loose strands cascading down her shoulders. She spoke softly. “Come. Sit with me.”

Lilitha stared at her, entranced, then shook her head and took a step back. “No. No, I don’t think so.”

“Lilitha…” her father began.

Ignoring him, Lilitha left the circle and headed for the trees.

“Nice one, Damon,” she heard Carmella snap.

Lilitha walked aimlessly, her anger outweighing her sadness. Especially toward Damon. Why did it always have to be Damon?

The leaves brushed against her as she walked. Her boots crunched on the forest floor. Eyes watched her from the shadows of the trees. Frogs croaked from a nearby creek. The scent of the earth, water, flowers, and decaying animals filled her nostrils.

“Leave me alone,” she called over her shoulder. “You’re annoying me.”

“I don’t mean to annoy you,” he replied, following her.

He was so stealthy she couldn’t hear him. But she could smell him. His scent was potent, overpowering the others.

“Then go away.”

“No.”

She spun around. “Can’t I have any damn privacy?”

Damon grinned. “Not with us.”

Lilitha turned away, furiously wiping her eyes as his figure blurred. “Damn it!”

“Why are you crying again?”

“I don’t know!”

He grabbed her shoulders. Lilitha pulled away. “Let go.”

She began to pound her fists against his chest, her vision blurred by tears. Damon caught her wrists and spun her around, her back against his chest.

“This isn’t about being annoyed, is it?” he asked.

“Why do you have to go?”

“You know why we have to. For your father, for Carmella, for you. And this.” He placed his hand on her belly.

“But it’s dangerous.”

“Life is dangerous.”

“What if something happens?”

“It won’t.”

“What if—what if you don’t come back? I don’t think I could bear it.” The thought was like a sharp pain in her chest. Like a knife in her heart.

“Shit.” She kept wiping her tears, but they kept flowing, making her face sticky and her tunic wet. She never thought she could feel so much.

“Oh, Lila.”

He gently turned her around and pulled her close, holding her tightly as she sobbed into his chest, her fingers digging into his waist.

“I just feel like something bad is going to happen. All your—all your talk about the south. And what about my mother? I just… I only just found you all.”

Damon waited until her sobs subsided, then he lifted her face to look at him. He smiled at her, his handsome face with its strong jaw, prominent nose, and wavy hair.

But it was his eyes that made Lilitha’s heart flutter. No matter how angry he was, no matter how much she surprised or disappointed him, they always looked at her with such gentleness. Then he leaned in and kissed her, over and over, until Lilitha laughed and squirmed against him.

He held her again, resting his cheek against her head as he rocked her. “What do you want me to say?”

“Promise me you’ll come back.” A foolish request.

“I promise.” A foolish response.