Chapter Thirteen

Trigger Warning again for anxiety ***I'm not tagging the anxiety chapters anymore after this*** Harry deals with it the whole story and I hope anyone who didn't want to read about that isn't still reading this far! Anyway, enjoy :)

Louis woke up to what he thought was someone being strangled. All he could hear was gasping and coughing, and thick sobs. He eyes shot open and he looked around for Harry.

The younger boy was tucked into the corner of the room, his phone to his ear, trembling and curled up on himself, sitting on the floor, his back to the wall, knees tucked to his chest.

"Sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry," he said into the phone, "Just please pick up please I want to talk I want to- I'm sorry for the messages there's a lot of messages, please answer your phone." He opened his mouth like he was going to say something else, but he couldn't seem to push the words out.

Harry froze with his mouth open, trying to take in air, but he didn't seem to be getting any. It was eerily quiet now, and Louis bolted off of the fold-out couch bed, hurrying to sit down in front of Harry.

"Hi, sweetie," Louis said, trying to keep his voice calm. Harry's eyes were large, and green, the whites of his eyes red from crying. His breathing was a mess- it didn't seem like he was taking any air into his lungs. Louis took Harry's phone from him, and made sure he'd hung up his call before setting it on the floor carefully. He took Harry's hand in his gently, and placed it over his tummy. Louis took slow breaths, and Harry's hand moved up and down on Lou's belly as Louis' lungs filled and emptied. "Do you want to try?" Louis asked. He placed his hand on Harry's tummy now, and the younger boy tried to match his breathing with Lou's, tried to move Lou's hand slowly as his lungs filled up. Louis kept his breathing at a steady pace and locked his blue eyes on Harry. "You're doing so good, hunny," he said softly. "Breathing so good for me."

Harry trembled, still trying to breathe, slowly adjusting down to Louis' pace, just a little more unsteady.

"Hey," Louis said quietly when Harry had calmed down a bit and was breathing fairly regularly. "What's going on, love? Did something happen while I was sleeping?"

Harry nodded, rubbing his long sleeves across his face, smudging off the tear streaks and the messiness of crying.

"Let's get you back to bed, okay?" Louis said, helping Harry off the floor. He sat him down on the bed, and Harry flopped over immediately, laying on his side. "You gonna tell me what's wrong?" Louis asked, poking Harry gently on the tiny bit of pudge on his hip.

"I had a bad dream," Harry admitted, his eyes still shining with tears.

"It's okay... it's over now," Louis murmured, running his hands gently up and down Harry's back as he laid on the bed facing him. "Who were you trying to call, hun?" Louis asked.

"Cameron," Harry said, his voice breaking a little. "He didn't pick up, Lou."

"I know," Louis said, "But you left him a message, and maybe he'll call you back in the morning okay? Do you want to get some sleep, love?" Louis wanted to let Harry vent about Cam, but what he wanted more than anything was for Harry just to tell Louis that it wasn't a big deal, and go back to cuddling with Louis like he was before the nightmare.

Harry looked up at Louis, biting his lip a little too hard, nodding. "Yeah, maybe," he said, but tears were running down his cheeks as he spoke.

"Shhhh... shhh... I'm sorry," Louis murmured, "We can talk about it, we can talk about anything okay?"

"I just really thought he loved me," Harry said, and he was sniffling again, rubbing his nose on his borrowed pj sleeves.

Louis felt a sharp pain in his chest.

This wasn't how the night was supposed to go. Only a few hours ago, the green eyed boy had crawled into the pull out couch with him, snuggling close, and tangling himself up against Louis. A few hours before that, there had been kissing... a frantic kiss in the hallway, a delicate first kiss in the kitchen, a deep kiss in a shallow pool...

"I know," Louis said. "But things like this happen for a reason... it's okay, something good will come out of it, I promise."

"I'm just scared," Harry whispered, and hiccuped a little, his breathing still a touch erratic.

"Why?" Louis asked, still running his hand gently up and down Harry's back.

"I don't want to say it," Harry mumbled.

"Tell me," Louis said, his blue eyes insistent.

"I just... I'm just scared that if Cam fell out of love with me then... I don't know..." Harry ran his hand across his forehead, rubbing away the tension. "Then you might too," he said, the words tumbling out.

"So you're scared if he leaves you, that means that I would leave you too?" Louis asked. "So you want him to still love you as, like... like a way of proving that things would work out between us?" Louis' brows were furrowed in concentration, struggling to make sense of Harry's muddled anxiety ridden sense of logic when it was the middle of the night and he had more than a few drinks in him.

Harry nodded. "Everyone leaves me," he whispered, his eyes wide and focused on Louis'.

All Louis could think about was Niall blurting out something about Harry's dad before he'd been interrupted. He wanted so badly to ask if something had happened- maybe as a child- that left him with a heightened sense of panic when people left him, or if it was just his anxiety making it seem more terrifying than it should be.

"Well, I'm not leaving any time soon," Louis said quietly. "So you don't have to try and keep your distance, and you don't have to worry about anyone else who's left you- I'll still be here."

"Okay," Harry whispered, his voice still a little shaky. "Promise?" he murmured.

"Promise," Louis whispered.

Louis got himself and Harry back into a comfortable position under the covers- as comfortable as you could be on a lumpy old fold out couch Liam had bought from a thrift shop anyway.

Harry's eyes were still shining with tears and he looked up at Louis like he wanted to ask him something.

Louis smoothed Harry's long curls back- they tumbled down well past his shoulders now when he didn't tie his hair up in a bun- and waited for him to say something.

"Can you-" Harry whispered, closing his eyes and drawing in a deep breath, "Can you check the closet for me, please? And, um, maybe turn the lamp on?"

"Of course," Louis said, and got up out of bed to look through the closet for Harry- nothing but Liam's towels- and turned on the lamp, the single bulb giving the room a soft glow.

As Louis crawled back into the makeshift bed, he felt this odd stirring in his chest, like a realization that was bubbling up.

He knew from growing up with his sister and her anxiety that it wasn't some beautiful, romantic thing, or even something that always made sense. But Lou worried he'd start to enjoy taking care of Harry during his down periods, start to find some sort of romance in helping him calm down, being the only person there to latch onto during the nightmares and panic attacks, being needed, wanted, depended on... but he didn't. Lou found every part of Harry fascinating and beautiful, but his anxiety was something he didn't like seeing Harry struggle through.

He knew it was a heavy decision to promise not to leave Harry, when breaking that promise could tear open the abandonment scars Harry had already been left with.

The younger boy stirred under the covers, curling tighter against Louis, mumbling something in his sleep, whimpering a little bit as he buried his face against Louis' chest.

"It's okay, love," Louis whispered. "I'm right here, okay? I'm right here."

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A/N: HAPPY (AMERICAN) MARRIAGE EQUALITY EVERYONE!

So how was your day? :)

Would anyone be down for another chapter, like tomorrow or really soon? I kind of want to celebrate the marriage equality with a short extra chapter. I'm not even American (we've had equal marriage for a while where I am) but I'm really excited, I think I can work it into the story :)