Chapter Twelve.

Ayla.

I finish what's left of my breakfast and prepare a bowl of fresh fruit to take with me upstairs. I loved cold sweet fruit anytime of the day but I felt faint not having slept well so I hoped the sugar would give me energy. It was ten in the morning and my lesson was at half eleven, I cringe knowing I have business. How lovely. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about class knowing I'd have to interact with him, I just had to be paired with him for this project. I cant even do it myself, these tasks require a partner. My heart twists thinking about him, knowing now that my feelings are active.

I know he can be a good person, I need him to see that he can.

I take off my pajamas and pull a beige sweater over my body pairing it with the co- ord bottoms it came with. My hair was bothering me and I didn't want it to get wet so I put it into a ponytail and I left the wisps of hair that refused to stay in place alone. Looking outside the window I smiled. The rain poured heavily, masking the pavement with intricate drops. The pitter of the rain could be heard all around and I loved it, but it did make me feel sleepy. Taking my things I leave my room going downstairs to find mum laid out on the sofa watching her turkish dramas. I sit beside her and finish my fruit bowl finding myself intirgued by the plot of whatever show she was currently invested in. My heart swelled looking at her, she was glowing. Her bump was growing even if it was a small dome at the moment, I just couldn't wait for my baby brother or sister.

"Mama I'm going to go okay." I say and she looks at me with her beautiful smile.

"Okay, stay safe and take an umbrella. Keep yourself warm." I nod and leave taking my dishes with me. I leave them in the sink and go to the front door. I open my umbrella and the door, instantly being hit with wind. Walking out I make my way to the Seb's, once there I frowned knowing seb wasn't in on Monday mornings but nonetheless I got my latte and brownies.

The journey to campus was nice, I had arrived at school a few minutes before the lesson started and walked into class with my drink in hand. "Ayla." I hear and turn to see James. Giving him a big smile, I walk over to him. "Hey James sorry for cancelling last minute on Saturday." I say feeling apologetic, I mean I could've had a great time going out with James instead of being with Him.

"Its okay, we'll just go out another day. Infact why don't you come to my football game on Thursday?" He says, I think about it. I never really went to the academy's games, I didn't hate football or anything, I just didn't like crowded events. I knew Bri would be going considering Myles is on the team too and it wouldn't be too bad. Also, I was more than happy to support James.

"Sure, after the game I'll make up for Saturday by buying you a drink." I smile and he raises his brow.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" He jokes. I came to realisation thinking he must though I meant alcohol when I said to get him a drink.

"Oh no... Not that kind of drink maybe a coffee or something?" I claugh it off and he nods.

"Yeah I'm fine with that." Miss Morgan enters the room and we take our seats. She gives us a task and I carry on with my head down. Since miss had some papers to mark she allowed us to have a chill lesson so most of the students sat in with their friends and I put my earphones on and listened to some music. The task was quite simple and I managed to complete it quickly, since I had nothing else to do I grabbed a book from my bag and began reading.

Deep into the book I forgot where I was. The storyline had me in a tight grip well until the book was taken out of my hand and I looked up to see Ryder.

"What is he doing?' I thought, I cant keep playing these silly games. I dont want to be involved with him right now.

'Act normal, be kind Ayla.' I chanted in my head.

"Can I have my book back." I say my voice monotone. I dont look up at him, I avert my gaze to his hand that held my precious book and wait.

"Look at me." He says and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Funny how the tables turn. I almost giggled at the encounter until I remembered that he wasn't worth a laugh.

"Just give me my book Ryder." I snap, this time looking at his face but not into his eyes. I could sense his anger. I dont care, I dont want to. He put the book onto the table and I went back to reading. I wasn't going to let him bother me.

'Did he really think everything could go back to normal?' I thought and sighed. This game of his was starting to bore me, if he just simply gave me some answers and acted kind I would be a lot more interested.

"Alright students we have a minute till the bell rings. I know today was more of a laid back lesson but next lesson which is tomorrow period five I want you and your project partner to continue working."

I close my eyes in disappointment, being in close proximity with this guy drove me insane. The class packed up and then the bell rang. I didn't have any other lesson so I made my way out the room ready to go home.

"Ayla, do you have another lesson?" Turning my head I see James. "No, why do you ask?" If he wanted to chill I wouldn't mind, I had nothing else to do today. "Well I have a lesson after lunch so I was wondering if we could go get some food?" He asks, his tone shy and wary. I was a little confused but I figured he's probably a little anxious I dont know.

"Sure James, lets go." We walk swiftly out of campus and find a small cafe. The menu was quite simple but I wasn't too hungry and just ordered an iced tea with a fruit cup containing melon and strawberries. I guess I was just really into my fruit intake today.

"So hows Bri? Im pretty sure I have media with her next." I was taken aback when he caressed my face. "Sorry, you had an eyelash there." I blush a little and grin at him.

"Thanks. She's good, I saw her yesterday." I reminisce yesterday a little, my mood dampening. It's like everything revolved around him, he always found a way to enter my mind.

"That's good." He mumbles.

Me and James chit chat about anything and everything, I really enjoyed his company. It was still weird having him as a friend, I wasn't used to any social interaction other than Bri but I really loved our friendship. My phone buzzes interrupting our conversation and I check the time. "Shit, James you're going to be late to lesson!" We grab our things and exit the shop. "I had a great time, I'll get going now yeah?" I nod and give him a hug. "Give Bri my love." We chuckle and part ways. I'm near the station when I get a phone call. Too distracted with the clasp on my bag to look at the caller id I pick up and stop in my tracks.

"My house now." I hear and freeze. Ryder was on the other side of the call, his voice was dominant, full of authority and I began to feel uneasy, "I-i don't want to." I stutter, shaking my head I collect myself.

"Please." He says faintly, he sounded so hurt, why did he sound hurt? Worry fills me and I rush into the station. "Shit." I whisper to myself as the service ran out and ended the call. As I sat on the train analysing each and every stop, bouncing my leg waiting to get to my destination I keep thinking about him. I genuinely hope he was okay, I've never heard him so fragile, so timid. I practically run out the train once we get to the stop and rush to his house. The walk killed my legs but the adrenaline helped me push through it. I get to his gate and press the intercom, the gates open immediately, the doors were already open and I walked in looking for someone, anyone.

"He's upstairs miss." I hear and see Antonella. Giving her a smile I get up the stairs and find Ryder's room. Upon entry the smell of alcohol hit me, I squeezed my nose and looked around the room to see him. There he was with his head in his hands. He sat on the bed and by his side a bottle of dark liquor lay. Walking to him I lifted his head and looked into his eyes. they were red, as if he was crying. His gaze softens and he buries his head into my stomach. I stood in shock, now more worried than ever.

"Ryder?" I whisper softly. He looks up at me and blinks a few times before he pulls me into his lap.

"Just stay." He says resting his head onto my chest. I could feel our body heat mixing, his breath syncing with mine, his smell enveloping me. Sighing I stroke his hair and sit with him. Ryder is vulnerable right now, and I didn't want to leave him. Not when he's like this.

"I'm sorry." I hear, my breath catches in my throat halting my beating heart.

"Wh-what?" I furrowed my brows thinking I didn't hear him right. He was apologising? To me?

"I-i lo- I'm sorry." He stutters quietly. "I'm so sorry Ayla."

"I forgive you." His words were sincere, I believe he meant it, he was so open, his guard was down and I forgive him.

I pick his head up from my shoulder and look directly into his beautiful eyes giving him a reassuring smile. I just hoped my smile could tell him all he needed to know, that he's a good person, and I forgive him for everything.

"Ayla?" He says, my name exiting his mouth sounding more smooth than ever.

"Hmm?"

"I'm going to kiss you." My chest heaves up and down, my breath is shaky and unstable, but I knew I wanted this.

"Okay." And with that he entangles his fingers onto my hair gently and put his lips on mine. Instantly I feel a rush through my body, shivers rolling through every muscle in me. My heart was a vital organ that was beating at an unhealthy speed but his lips could cure me.

But I can't be with him, he'll hurt me. I know agreeing to the kiss was wrong, I shouldn't have but I couldn't help it. I know I need to break away from whatever toxic cycle we were in. I forgave him and now we can be civil, all these feelings can only lead to ruin.

With that thought I pull away. "We- I cant do this." I say panting heavily. Looking into his once soft and sad face my eyes widen seeing his emotions masked.

"Why because you want James?" He sounds repulsed and is looking at me like I'm revolting. I look at him surprised at what just came out of his mouth. James? What the hell did he have to do with this? I get off his lap, standing up and trying to leave. Ryder grips my hand, holding me in place.

"Have a great time with him before he leaves you for someone better, which is anyone at this point." There it was, that feeling of my hear being pierced multiple times over and over again. I gasp and step back. His eyes held no remorse as they looked into mine. Tears grasp my eyes but I inhale deeply and look at him with a huge smile.

"I will have a great time with him, thankyou." I leave the room and don't look back. I was done with him. I'm acting pathetic, how did I let one kiss make me hope for something more, make me think that he's changed. That apology was bullshit, for once I really thought we could be friends, we could get along, nut no more. I'm tired.

Leaving his house I walk for a while, my phone rings and I pick up seeing it was dad.

"Mija, can you come to the Liverpool Street branch? Lot's of admin work I need help with if that's okay." I smile, I was more than happy to help baba whilst clearing my mind. So I went and distracted myself with clerical work. Soon it was evening and the restaurant was closed. I helped out the chefs with closing and we tried out some dishes we concocted with random ingredients. "Hakim, this is amazing, who knew these things would go together?" I devoured the last of it and we all finished the night off with wine, well I opted for some lemonade since I don't drink. Dad and I get our things and leave, once I'm home I change and go downstairs to spend some time with mum and dad.

'Pretend Ayla. Pretend you're happy.' I say to myself before walking in. We ended up finishing the rest of the drama mum was watching earlier on in the day, Since mum was craving something sweet I whipped up some cinnamon french toast with a sizeable amount of maple syrup. We share the slices and then go upstairs to sleep.

I slide into bed and go on my phone for a few minutes finding myself becoming more and more drowsy. Before closing my eyes I made a promise to myself. A promise I hoped would keep me happy. I could feel myself detaching form any emotions, I didn't want to do this, I didn't want him to be the reason I couldn't smile anymore. My eyes welled with tears as I think about today.

So I wipe my face and promise to stay away from him.

_______________________________

hiiii, i hope you enjoyed!

please let me know what you guys thought.

remember to vote if you liked!

pls stay safe, eat and drink lots of water!

lots of love,

amara <3