|18| call me when you want me around

He's not perfect

But he's all I want.

~unknown

___________

As Henry and I work up on the rooftop beginning the project, I notice he's acting strange, and I can't quite put my finger on the reason why,

I don't want to push him into telling me or make him think he's obligated to tell me his problems, but it makes me nervous that he's keeping something from me that can be fixed,

What if more people are talking about him?

What if he secretly hates this job?

I don't want to force him into telling me what is going on with him but I'm worried, what if people are talking crap about him again and he doesn't want to say anything to be a bother or something?

I decided to ask him after we finish up here for today

__________________

I exhale the breath I was holding in after we finished doing some rough patching jobs and priming the wall in the entryway that I will be painting later, we also put the bonfire and all the furniture that arrived a bit ago in a storage room for the time being while the bar is being built and painting will be happening,

Henry was working on measurements and everything necessary he needs to do before actually building the bar and custom seating area

"Okay I think that's all for today" I sigh turning to henry

"Okay great I will see you tomorrow then" he smiles but I notice it doesn't quite reach his eyes, he stands nervously not meeting my full gaze

And that's where I get nervous, he's always happy and even with everything he's been through he's kept a smile on his face

"Hey, are you okay henry?" I ask cautiously

"Yep I'm great" he nods not making eye contact with me

I immediately know he's lying

"Are you sure? you've been acting strange today" I sigh

"Don't you worry about me it's nothing" he gives me a small smile

"Are people talking bad about you? Because I can go to Aaron, I don't want you feeling uncomfortable working here" I ask hesitantly

"No it's not that don't worry" he laughs nervously

"Are you sure?" I ask giving him the chance to tell me the truth

"Yes, no one has been talking bad about me don't you worry," he says bringing me into a hug

I decide not to push him and say my goodbyes and head to Aaron's office

I knock twice and hear the regular 'come in'

I walk in and see that Aaron looks very stressed

What is going on with all the men today?

"Hey, are you okay?" I ask as I make my way around his desk to stand directly in front of him

He's busy massaging his temples not looking or acknowledging me

Well ouch...

"Aaron" I call out his name gently

But still nothing he's acting like I'm not in the room

I straddle his lap cupping his cheeks with my hands

"What's wrong" I whisper my brows knitting at his tense body and the stressed look on his face

"Nothing I just need to have some alone time to think," he says taking a deep breath

My heart immediately drops,

I start overthinking immediately,

Is he rethinking our relationship?

Am I too annoying for him? Does he want something better?

Does he not like the fact we haven't had sex yet so he's going to find someone willing to give it right away?

"You can talk to me if you want..." I whisper hesitant and nervous by his tense body language when I touch him,

He doesn't want me touching him...and damn it if it doesn't sting my heart

"Just leave Vanessa" his stern voice makes me freeze in place, my heart constricts

He yells almost every day but it's never towards me, it's always towards people who work in the building and get on his nerves,

"I don't understand what's going on with you but I hope you know you can talk to me about it..." I frown watching his face harden in anger

"I don't have time for this shit Vanessa, just go back to work I'm your boss so I suggest you listen to the person who's responsible for the money in your bank" his voice hardening as he continues to ignore my presence

"I work hard for that money Aaron...it's not like you're giving it out to me for nothing" I whisper getting off his lap

"Just leave" he spits out

"Oh...well okay, call me when you want me around I guess" I kiss his cheek holding back tears that threaten to fall, I leave his office before he can say anything

I don't understand what's going on with Henry and Aaron but I don't like it one bit

I don't like being left out of things

I immediately leave and grab a cab home

When I get home I grab the journal my dad gave me and read the page I feel like I need to hear right about now

Dear buttercup,

Sometimes in life you might feel left out, your friends might ignore you, or people are not talking with you, and i am very sorry if you have to go through this, but i know you might because sometimes people shut down, don't want to talk, they are cruel or don't want you around, i will tell you this my sweet girl...you are very much loved by your mother and i and I don't ever want you thinking you're not good enough or that you need to act a certain way to make friends, don't ever be someone you're not always be kind and make sure to not let peoples comments get to you, because they might be jealous or just hate the fact you're happy in life when there not, if someone is ignoring you or not speaking to you at that moment maybe give them space for a few days and then talk to them because sometimes people need some alone time or there very stressed and cant handle talking to someone at that very moment so don't think its something to do with you because it might be them, Give them a chance to explain...because something your mother and i hate is miscommunication it can cause unnecessary drama and fights, and you might be thinking its something else from what it actually is so don't stress my beautiful girl everything will be okay, and if when you talk to them and they make it clear about whatever it may be and you're not happy with what you hear, please don't make any crazy decisions at that moment...do what they did take some time to yourself to think over whatever conversation you had and after you had some time to really think everything over you can make decisions...this mindset really helped your mom and i in our marriage...and i hope it helps you with future friendships and relationships, just remember everything is going to be okay in the end and if it isn't in that moment then its just the beginning of your journey to your happy ending.

~With all the love in the world, dad ♡

I close the journal and take some deep breaths, my dad is right I am probably overreacting and Aaron is just stressed with work and maybe needs some alone time from how much time we have been spending with each other

I can be clingy at times so maybe he needs to breathe a little on his own

And maybe henry is just stressed with the new job, I mean he went from not having a place to live and work to having all those things in a fast amount of time, so the transition may be hard for him,

I will give them both some alone time and try not to overthink everything

They will talk to me when they're ready...hopefully.

I eat some late dinner and just decide to go to sleep a little earlier than usual since I'm tired from the stress of work today along with being left out

"Oh...well okay, call me when you want me around I guess," she says taking a deep breath in and kissing me on the cheek before leaving

I don't have time to call out to her because she's already gone

'Shit" I breathe out as I massage my temples

She thought I didn't want her around?

Well no shit Aaron, you treated her like everyone else when she's your everything.

Damnit

I'm such an idiot

'Henry can you please come into my office' I call him through the intercom

I hate keeping things from her and I don't like the fact she's hurt thinking this is something because of her

I need to make this shit right immediately

"you wanted to see me?" Henry asks

"Yes can you please sit down for a minute" I point to the chair in front of my desk

He nods and sits down

"You need to tell her henry, she thinks that I don't want her around..." I sigh the stress of what I said to her a moment ago is getting to me, seeping low into my bones and making my body ache with the need to make things right, to make sure she knows nothing is her fault

"I know I just don't want to worry her" he sighs

when I got the apartment for henry I also made him some appointments with the doctor

And when he got the scans done the doctors found out he is in the middle stages of kidney failure

He didn't want to worry Vanessa about it, especially with what happened to her parents so he told me instead

And now I have to keep this shit a secret from her, I feel like an absolute idiot for telling him I wouldn't say anything to her yet

I didn't want to talk to her today because I would feel too guilty looking at her knowing I am keeping something this big from her

I know how much henry means to Vanessa he's practically her only friend and I can tell she cares for him, so I got tested, and turns out I can give a kidney to henry if I want to...

So that's where we're at right now

"You need to tell her I can't keep looking at her knowing I am lying about something like this to her," I say sternly

"I'll tell her, tomorrow I am sure she's already getting ready for bed or something" he nods

"Or crying because I'm an absolute idiot" I take a deep breath in

"I'm sorry I put this on you, I didn't think this would affect your relationship-" he starts talking

I put my hand up to stop his talking "it's fine I just don't like her being kept in the dark about this especially if I am going to be giving you my kidney..."

"Wait...you're going to give me your kidney," he says quietly

I nod "I'm a match, but you need to talk to Vanessa first and tell her about everything "

"Okay" he nods getting up from the desk "thank you, Aaron," he says quietly

I nod

I contemplate going over to Vanessa's place but think it's best not to, I need henry to talk to her first.

I wake up with a massive headache and my heart feeling heavier than yesterday morning

I check my phone and see that Aaron hasn't called or texted, I won't lie the sting I feel in my heart is painful knowing he hasn't thought about apologizing for his harsh words,

I take a deep breath and get ready for work and hope that this is just me being dramatic and that he's not rethinking us being together.

I walk into work and immediately head to the roof to continue on the project, I decided to not get any coffee for Aaron this morning,

so I can give him the space to think that he asked me for

"Good morning Henry" I smile a little seeing him beginning to saw wood, and measure things

"Good morning Vanessa" he smiles shifting uncomfortably

I shake my head and just go over to paint the wall I wanted to paint today

I have this idea to paint it white and then fill the wall with a bunch of leaves and greenery to make a cool garden-like wall, it will be like a flower wall except with leaves and greenery

I think it will look very cozy and welcoming,

Like you're walking into a magical jungle.

After I finish a bunch of little things on the roof I realize over five hours have passed by

I sigh and clean up a bit and get ready to take a break to eat something

Henry and I haven't talked at all unless it's to ask a question about the project or to help with something, it's been very strange I can tell he's fidgety and not acting normal...

"I'm taking a break you should too," I tell henry as I leave the rooftop

He gives me a nod but I don't wait around for him to say anything

After I eat and drink some coffee I get back to work

After we finish for the day I gather everything I need and start heading home, I don't make any effort to say goodbye to henry or Aaron because they seem to not want to talk to me so why force them to

_____________

I have been home for about 30 minutes, I have been so out of it overthinking that I barely register the knock on my door

I walk up and see henry through my peephole, I take a deep breath before opening the door

"Hi Henry" I smile a little

"Hi Vanessa, can we talk for a minute?" He asks looking a little nervous as he shifts from one foot to the other

My heart does a weird thing I can't explain, and it's not a very good feeling

I take a deep breath in and nod gesturing him inside

We sit on my couch and henry takes a deep breath before speaking

"I firstly want to apologize for causing this weird thing between you and Aaron" he cringes

Huh?

"Wait what are you talking about?...how is it your fault that he didn't want to be near me" I laugh through my nerves

He takes a deep breath "I may have told him a secret, and because of that he decided to keep his distance from you since he felt guilty having to keep it from you"

My heart cracks a little and suddenly feels like I have a whole orange stuck in my throat preventing me from functioning normally

"What secret?" I slowly ask

"You know how Aaron got me some appointments to go to the doctor?" He says slowly

A part of my heart immediately breaks off and I stop breathing

No

No

No.

Not this again

It feels like the night I found out about my father's death all over again

I feel too scared to speak so I slowly nod, I feel like something is lodged in my throat preventing me from speaking much less breathing

"Well they took scans and found out-I have kidney failure" he sighs looking down

"Is that like deadly?" I whisper barely getting the question out from my fear

Really Vanessa? Are you dumb, why is that what you chose to ask?

I don't even register the tears streaming down my face until I feel a tear fall on my hand, I keep telling myself to breathe and that it's going to be okay but I can't it feels like my heart is giving out on me and I'm dying

Is it possible to die from heartbreak? Because I think mine just broke

"Well I'm at the end of the middle stages so I'm still to have a kidney transplant and Aaron did a test and found out he was a match, he told me he can give me his, so I should be fine" he nods

"He said that?" I whisper my tears never-ending

I hate that I've been crying so much recently but the tears just won't quit it

He nods with a small smile "yeah, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you when I found out I just didn't want to worry you, and please don't be mad at Aaron he just felt bad being around you when he was keeping this from you" he whispers

"When did you find out?" I ask nodding

"A couple of days ago" he whispers

"Okay well thank you for telling me, but please don't keep me in the dark through this, I want to be there for you," I say hugging him

"Okay I promise, well I will let you rest after work but I thought you should know" he sighs

"Promise to call me when you get updates, I'm only a door away" I stand up following him to the door

"I promise" he nods laughing a little

The minute he leaves I don't even bother locking the door I just slide down to the wall and break down crying, it might be fixable but it felt like the night I found out about my dad all over again, it's a terrifying thought to think I might lose someone important to me again...

It feels like I'm having a PTSD episode of that night years ago in the hospital when I lost my dad...I need someone's help

I don't even hesitate to text Aaron

Vanessa: Are you busy?

A minute later he responds

My moon: never for you, what's up?

Vanessa: Can you please come over I need you

I barely type out from crying so much

My moon: I'm on my way

Vanessa: please hurry, I can barely breath

My moon: I'm on my way sweetheart

About 5 minutes later I hear a knock then another one, a door opening, and closing, then the lock turning

I don't bother lifting my head that's hiding in my hands, I can barely breathe, nor can I stop crying

I feel so numb to my surroundings that I don't hear when Aaron steps closer or even when he touches my hand

But I do feel his hands going around my waist lifting me off the ground, I immediately wrap my legs around his waist and hide my face in the crook of his neck as I cry, His scent surrounds me and brings peace into my panic

"Sunshine, you're shaking" he whispers I feel his handing cupping the back of my head massaging it slowly

I wrap my arms around his neck clinging to him

After crying for who knows how long and Aaron just holding me trying his best to be there for me I whisper "I missed your hugs"

He kisses the top of my head "there only ever going to be yours" he whispers

That gets the smallest smile out of me, I hug him tighter in response

"I'm sorry I was an idiot, I shouldn't have lashed out, you didn't deserve that when you were trying to be there for me" he whispers in my ear, his hands begin to shake against my head as he brings me closer to his body

I shake my head "henry told me so I get it" I whisper

I feel him nodding his head and swallowing hard

"Are you going to give one of your kidneys to him?" I whisper against his neck

"Yes, I mean I have two what's giving one away going to do to me" he tries to joke

"Plus Henry's import to you...which means he's important to me, I know how much that man means to you, and if giving him a kidney will allow him to live and breath...then so be it" his words nearly tear me in two

"Is that why you're crying right now?" He asks quietly

"Kind of...when Henry told me about everything it reminded me of the day I found out about my mom's heart failure, then the moment I found out my dad gave his heart to her and I would never be able to see him again" I stumble over my words from hyperventilating

I cry harder hyperventilating as I speak "it feels like I can't breathe like my heart is about to stop beating"

It's breaking, it's not beating...it has to be, that's the only explanation in this moment of panic

"Take mine, it beats for you anyway" he strokes my head, continuing to whisper in my ear calming me down,

That gets a laugh out of me "yeah well you need your whole heart and I prefer you alive"

"Fine I'll keep it but you should know it's yours to do whatever you like with and it beats for you and only you" he lays a gentle kiss on my forehead when I bring my head out of my neck slightly

"And my heart is yours...always" I whisper

I feel his smile on my forehead, I bring my head completely out of his neck and cup his cheeks, and I lay a gentle kiss on his lips "thank you" I whisper against his lips

"For what? It doesn't even feel like I'm helping you right now" He whispers his brows furrow in worry as his hand strokes my hair

"Everything...absolutely everything, you just being here is helping me in more ways than one," I say before connecting my lips with his

The minute our lips meet it feels like I can breathe, like he's my source of air, allowing me to finally breathe,

I melt in his touch and if it weren't for the fact I'm in his lap I might have fallen over

His lips are all the warmth I need right now, his touch is like a fire that makes my whole body jolt awake in awareness and heats my heart to beat again.

He nips, bites, and pulls as we kiss, this kiss helps me forget every worry I might have had, it wakes me up from the nightmare I was creating in my mind a minute ago

The kiss takes all the pain, worry, and hurt away, he takes it all away

He's my lifeline, My air, It has to be his heart beating for me at this moment because my heart couldn't do that before he was here.

When our lips slowly pull apart to allow us to breathe for a minute, I pull them back to mine because he's my new source of air, his lips and tongue are helping and restoring my heart allowing it to beat normally, he's restoring the heartbreak I just went through minutes ago, this man that people claim is cold and cruel is the reason I am breathing normally right now

The reason I finally stopped crying and can breathe normally right now is because of the proximity of Aaron and the hold he has on me, I feel safe and know everything will be okay

"Can you stay?" I ask panting when I pull away

He smirks slightly "but I have no change of clothes, and how will I get ready for work in the morning if I'm here"

This asshole.

How dare he pull what I said at his place around on me

"Clothes are overrated anyway" I whisper against his lips

"Fine since you're so persuasive" he chuckles connecting our lips again

I still have to talk to him about me wanting to wait for sex but that's a topic for another day.

15 minutes later I am laying in my bed with the warmth and feeling of safety of Aaron under me I lay on his chest and smile knowing it will all be ok

Henry will be okay...he has to

How does this man manage to help me breathe normally yet make my heart race all at the same time?

No cruel man could make someone feel this way, and no man would give his kidney to a man he barely knows

I think I may be falling for him...

I just hope he catches me

------notes------

Hope this longer chapter, I was RUSHING to get this up for you because I forgot it was Saturday from how busy I have been today

(I actually really dislike how I wrote this but...that's what happens when you're writing in a panic)

Please don't forget to comment and vote!

Word count: 4080