|30| i'd rather kiss him as a beast

To have someone understand

Your mind is a different kind

Of intimacy.

~urbanrealism

______________

Waking up the next morning, my skin explodes in goosebumps still remembering the memories of last night, he made it everything my time with David was not, the tears and blood along with the all-consuming dirty feeling I would get after David, was nowhere to be found this morning,

I didn't use the word moon, because I didn't need it, I didn't think of the word once, Aaron made sure to take his time, going whatever pace I was comfortable with so I could have that control back and not have my mind go back to the nights where I would get raped,

He would check in and ask if I was okay from time to time, to which he would get a nod in response since I could barely think straight,

I feel so much closer to Aaron now that we have taken that big step, I was nervous about him seeing my body when he was sober but he smiled and told me

"Beautiful" he muttered against my skin "absolutely beautiful"

"Do you know how beautiful you are sunshine?" He told me bringing his lips close to my ear

I didn't say anything because I honestly didn't,

I never got told how beautiful my body was by David, in fact, he once took a bag of chips from me and told me that my stomach needed a break from that layer of fat that was there,

I wasn't overweight...I was a perfect weight, it's not like he had to worry about my health,

He didn't understand that no matter how much weight I lost that the little pooch would most likely still be there, it's just the way my body is...and I don't want to starve myself just to get rid of some of it...

I'm a size small, so for him to have told me to drop the chips was extremely unnecessary,

As I grew up I realized that men's opinions on our bodies aren't important, they're not the ones who have our bodies or get to control them,

Their bodies weren't built for periods or to go through childbirth, their bodies aren't built like ours...there not built that strong.

He took my silence as me thinking I'm not beautiful, and he made sure by the end of the night I knew I was beautiful,

I remember tracing the scar on his side where he got his kidney taken out, I kissed the scar and smiled, I love his scar, it's proof of a memory that's forever engraved in my mind, his complete selflessness and caring heart...

And the scar is hot...but that's entirely not the point,

I remember touching the scar and telling him "this right here is one of the many things that prove you're a kind man, no cruel man would've given a damn organ to someone"

He smiled and kissed me and told me he loves me,

That night will forever be inked in my brain like a tattoo, it was a change to want and crave intimacy, to love the touches and the feelings that came from it, and it's all thanks to Aaron, he made it enjoyable,

He made me comfortable and feel loved and not used.

"Good morning" Aarons's raspy morning voice sends tingles down my body,

I smiled into his neck "Morning" I whisper in my raspy voice

"How do you feel?" he asked stroking my hair and moving it away from my face

"A little sore but other than that I feel fantastic," I say

He kisses the top of my head, I soon feel the vibrations of his laugh under me,

"What's so funny?" I mumble into his neck

"Are you still sleeping with that frog? You are aware you told me you got that frog to sleep with when I'm not there and you can feel like I am" his chuckle remains in the air as he finishes speaking,

I grin and lift my head from his neck to look at him "I got used to sleeping with it, and I like having the comfort of the frog and you, the frog reminds me of our first date"

I smile and look over to his dresser which has his frog on it with a picture of us that the women at the Statue of Liberty took of us on our first date, its taped to his mirror along with a couple of other pictures of either me or the both of us together,

I smile looking at it "We should make an album of all our pictures" I say looking at them on his mirror

I feel his smile on my neck "I may have already made one" he says

"You did?" I say sitting up and looking down at him which causes a frown to set on his face,

He pulls me back down and lays his head on my chest "yes but it's not done yet so you can't see it" he teases

I smile "is this why you take pictures of us constantly?"

"Partly, and I know you love taking pictures as memories" he mumbles into my chest

I thread my fingers through his hair and massage his head slightly

"You're cute," I say quietly

"yeah the cutest" he teases pinching my side slightly

I smile looking down at him holding on to me and slowly falling back asleep as he lays on my chest,

"Yeah definitely," I say gently and kiss his head

He slowly falls back asleep, I look at the time to see it's still 6 am and we have no work today so I let him fall back asleep, I play with his hair and close my eyes wishing I could be in this moment forever,

I quietly take a picture of him but notice another text from the unknown number,

I frown and open it but only before making sure Aaron's asleep,

Unknown number: I know your secret...it would be a shame if your lover boy found out, I'm sure he would leave you in a heartbeat...

I swallow as I exit my texts and turn my phone off

There is no way no one can know, especially not Aaron,

I'm sure the person doesn't know my secret they're probably just messing with me,

But I can't help the sickening feeling in my stomach at the thought of Aaron leaving me if he found out the truth,

I hold him close to me and listen to his steady

Breathing to try and help me fall back asleep,

'It will be okay' I think to myself

'He will forgive me' I think again

'He loves me and he won't be mad that I lied and kept a secret from him' I say in my head

Right?

I feel nauseous and my head feels heavy and dizzy, I close my eyes and try to forget the text and how Im continuing to lie and keep something big from him,

But I just need more time to gain the courage to tell him,

I don't want him to hate me,

But I'm stuck because I fear he will despise me either way...

If I tell him he might despise me,

If I don't and wait longer he might hate me for lying and keeping something like that from him,

He won't look at me the same and that scares me,

I fall back asleep with thoughts swarming my mind and invading every crevice of my brain.

____________

As we eat breakfast I decide not to say anything to him, we just had an amazing night and I don't want to ruin everything,

I will tell him I just need more time and a better moment to talk about it,

Everything has been pretty smooth this morning and it feels like Aaron and I are close on another level,

It's strange how sex does that, I think I understand now why people say sex is complicated because if this was a no strings attached thing with Aaron and me, I might have gone insane because I feel more in love with him,

It's a feeling you can't explain, it's like you physically gave that person half your heart and they gave half of There's to you and then your half heart got sewed together with theirs, and there's with yours,

I feel more trust with him, and now that there are no walls built up and that intimacy has been shared I think our relationship is going to grow closer than ever,

But That slightly scares me because I feel like Aaron might hate me, even more, when he finds out my secret,

Gosh, I wish I would have told him on the first date but I was terrified and didn't think it was worth telling him such a big secret if I was only just going out with him,

And then the closer we got the less sure I got in telling him,

And now I've dug my grave, it's too far gone and I feel entirely terrified that he won't forgive me,

I'm sitting on his lap cuddling close to him while We're watching Disney movies,

I asked him if he watched them and he said a few with his sister but that's all, so now I'm forcing him to watch beauty and the beast,

"This is some weird shit sunshine," he says pulling my back to his chest and resting his chin on top of my head

I laugh "how is it weird?"

"He's literally like some weird animal or some shit with a human..." he cringes

That makes me laugh, even more, I turn my head to look at him "have you not been paying attention?" I raise a brow

"To what exactly? Because I've been paying a great deal to your cute reactions to the movie...the actual movie itself not much" he shrugs

"You would rather watch my reactions to a movie than actually watch it?" I chuckle slightly

"I could watch you paint a room and be mesmerized...you do that to me, I can't help but stare at your beautiful face and your cute expressions," he says before pecking my lips

I smile gently and cuddle closer to his chest

"And by the way, he isn't an animal or anything, he got a curse set on him that made him look like that...and the old lady did that to make him see it's what's on the inside that counts, so he has to kiss someone who truly loves him before the last rose petal falls if he fails he's a beast for life...if he doesn't he gets turned back to human" I smile

He shakes his head chuckling "so would you fall for me if I looked like that?" He nods toward the screen

"Hell to the yes..." I say grinning like a fool

"He's way hotter as a beast, plus he's huge so he would give great hugs" I continue to speak

"I would totally kiss him as a beast" I grin

He hums holding me close "you're something else sunshine"

We cuddled together and watch the movie, halfway through Aaron got up and got us some ice cream and covered us with a blanket,

After we finish the movie we made dinner together

"Hey how about we invite henry over, we haven't seen him in a bit," I tell him

"Alright," he says kissing my cheek

I walk over to my phone and dial Henry's Humber,

(Call with Henry)

It rings for a few seconds before he answers "hello Vanessa"

"Hi henry, are you busy right now?" I ask

"Not necessarily"

"You wanna come over for dinner?" I ask with a smile even though he can't see me,

"I'm sure you and Aaron would want to have dinner together, you don't need an old man in your way" he laughs

"Don't be silly we would love to have you, plus you can tell us about your new job, Aaron told me you got the job not long ago and I want to hear details" I say continuing to smile,

He laughs "I guess I can come then"

"I'll be there soon," he says

(End of call)

_______________

"I'm so happy for you henry," I say after he tells us about how he got the job and that he really loves it,

It is amazing to see him constantly truly smiling, to see him get to accomplish something that he's proud of, and to be able to have that second chance,

"Thank you, it's nice to be working" he smiles

"So you never really said why you moved away from the apartments" he smiles putting his fork down

I immediately feel guilty for not telling the full extent of why I moved,

So I begin telling him everything, leaving our more gory details about things I went through in David and my relationship,

"Wow Vanessa I'm sorry you have to go through that, I'm glad you got that restraining order" he shakes his head

I nod "yeah," I whisper

I feel a warm big hand on my thigh, I put my hand over Aarons and smile at him,

"I wanted to talk to you about that, Vanessa's living here temporarily as she told you, I can move you next door to whichever apartments she chooses," Aaron tells henry

He smiles "it's not necessary plus the construction site is pretty close to the apartments I live at now so it's the perfect location"

I immediately feel sad that henry won't live next to me but he's happy and that's all that matter,

"That's alright we will just have to have dinner from time to time, to catch up that way" I smile, I feel Aaron give my thigh a light squeeze, I grab his hand and begin fiddling with his fingers under the table,

He nods "I wouldn't mind, you guys are great at cooking" he smiles

"Thank you," Aaron and I both say at the same time, I look over at him with a grin,

We ended up cooking together with music and it helped me forget all about the text, he stopped me in the middle of cooking so we could slow dance in the kitchen, I couldn't stop grinning the whole time,

We talk for a while just catching up, it gets late so henry ends up leaving and soon it's just Aaron and me,

"You okay?" Aaron asks hugging me from behind

Yep totally I'm just hiding a secret that will probably make you leave me and you won't look at me the same,

Lie.

Lie.

Lie.

Just lie...

It feels painful to lie to him so I go for the other reason I'm not fine,

"Yeah it's just gonna suck a little to not have henry live next door but it's okay," I speak quietly

He nods against my neck "I'm sorry, you can always try getting an apartment closer to him"

"I might get an apartment more in the middle of where you and henry live so it will be easier for me to see both of you," I smile

He turns me around and picks me up "how about I take your mind off things" he smirks walking to his room, making me forget everything my brain is forcing me to worry about.

_______________

-----notes----

I don't like this chapter but whatever, I was very lazy with it but I'm exhausted, and needed to get something up for you guys but didn't know what to write and make it interesting.

Vote and comment!

Word count: 2617