|40| broken pieces of my heart

Life is the art of

Pretending to be normal

~Atticus

______________

I woke up the next morning exhausted from the long night before, henry was over for a while and we had tea and caught up, then we all watched a movie together.

I run my fingers over Aaron's healed tattoo on his heart and kiss it lightly,

He shuffles slightly and tightens his arms around my waist while I'm laying on top of him,

With his eyes closed, he kisses the tattoo on my collarbone area

"Good morning" I whisper, still not fully awake

"Morning," he says half asleep with that deep morning voice that I adore

"It's five am so you should probably get ready for work," I say while lightly kissing his cheek

I'm so exhausted from the sleepless night I had, but I have to get up for work in an hour so there's no point in going back to sleep,

Aaron always goes in to work at least an hour before everyone else, I guess that's just in his workaholic CEO nature,

"Why are you awake get some sleep Vanessa...you don't have to be at work for another hour at least," Aaron says gripping my chin with a frown,

He's such a cutie

I kiss his cheek and cuddle close to him, his body heat is so addicting,

"I can't sleep without you, so I might as well get up now, I can go make you some breakfast while you shower," I say nuzzling my face in the crook of his neck

I can feel him shaking his head "Vanessa you had like four hours of sleep...go back to bed"

"What's an hour more of sleep going to do? Plus like I said I can't sleep without you, my insomnia somehow goes away with you by my side but comes back when you leave, " I frown looking at him

He has on a lazy smile as he tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear "You're so cute"

"I look gross in the mornings be quiet," I say hiding my face in his neck once more,

"You are absolutely beautiful, always, so that's bullshit" he scoffs

I thread my fingers through his hair slightly massaging it "you're the cute one out of the two of us" I mumble

One second I'm on top of him then the next he's hovering over me, caging me in between the bed and him

"How do you have so much energy this early in the morning...geez" I shake my head

"I'm not cute you little brat," he says slightly biting my ear

"Yes you are...you're the cutest" I tease kissing him all over his face

He grips my chin and then looks at the time

Oh boy...he has to go to work in an hour, and looking at his facial expression I can tell that he's calculating just how fast he can get ready

"I think I can get ready in ten minutes" he smirks

"You sure I'm cute?" He raises a brow challenging me,

Definitely not cute right now...but who am I to say anything when he's teasing me with sexual activities

______________

I sit in my office tired as hell,

My brain is tired,

My body is tired,

I'm running on four hours of sleep,

A cup of coffee,

And a blueberry muffin,

I check the time to see its almost time for my doctor's appointment,

I scheduled it so it's during my break, that way Aaron doesn't ask any questions,

I don't want him worrying about any doctors visits

I grab my coat and purse, knocking on Aarons's door twice, I hear his usual 'come in'

I smile walking over to him seeing him deep in thought and slightly biting his lip as he answers one of the important emails I forwarded to him,

"I'm going on my break, I'll be back soon," I say pressing a kiss to the side of his head

"Excuse you what kind of goodbye kiss was that" he frowns finally looking up at me

I bite my bottom lip keeping my smile contained

"sorry" I whisper gently grabbing his chin and pressing my lips with his

"I love you, I'll see you later" I smile against his lips

"I love you" he pecks my lips then slaps my butt before I leave

I shake my head and smile at him before leaving

______________

I enter the doctor's office like I do every three months, like clockwork

My stomach aches in nerves and bile dares to rise in my throat,

I get called and the doctor does his usual scans and tests along with blood work,

"Alright Miss Adler it seems that your heart failure hasn't made any drastic changes, but it sadly has worsened more than last time..." the doctor sighs as he puts his stethoscope back around his neck

"So how long do I have?" I ask quietly

"I would estimate around a few months before you escalate to the last stages of heart failure" he nods

I take a deep breath in and blink back the tears that threaten to fall

"Unless you get a heart" he reminds me

I laugh "yeah the chances of that happening are slim...I mean we have to find someone and then hope that someone dies so that you can transfer that heart into my donor's since it's not viable to heart patients? I mean it all sucks and most likely won't happen" I take a shaky breath in and out

He nods "yes but it's still a chance...you still have a chance Vanessa don't give up, have some hope" he rubs my shoulder

I start crying...

Full on bursting into tears

"Hey...you will be fine okay, You're at the top of my list for transfer and you have been for the past 3 years, you have a chance," he says rubbing my back and handing me tissues

"It's not that..well kind of, I have a boyfriend and he doesn't know about my heart failure...I'm too selfish and scared to tell him, it's been too long...we've been dating almost a year" I choke out

The doctor takes a sharp breath in and out

"Vanessa, why didn't you tell him sooner? That's not fair to him to not know something so serious while you're in a relationship" he says quietly

"At first he was just my boss...so it wasn't something he needed to know, then we became a little something but it wasn't something you tell on a first date, then he gave his kidney to my friend and I didn't want to spring that on them while they were healing, and then at that point, it was my new normal to not say anything, then before I knew it I felt too guilty to say anything in fear he might leave, and I would deserve that since I didn't say something that serious to him, something that can change our relationship forever" I cry out choking over certain words

"He doesn't deserve to be with a liar like me...God I'm a horrible person" I take sharp intakes in and out

"Hey...stop it you're going to have a panic attack relax okay?" The doctor says

I nod and do the breathing exercises the doctor always taught me

"Good..." he says rubbing my back "keep taking those deep breathes"

After I calm down I leave the doctor after he talks to me and tries to make me feel better...but nothing he says can justify me keeping this from Aaron,

I walk out with a heavier heart than I came in

The thought that the next time I go in here for a check-up could be my last scares me...

But the fact that I'm a horrible liar and not worthy of Aaron's true sweet love makes it worse

The man gave me Everything and he trusted me and what did I do? I lied and kept something from him that I should've told him when we said our first I love you to each other,

I see that I have a message on my phone as I walk to my car

Unknown number: let me guess...the doctor said you're dying soon? Well, this will be your last warning that you should break up with him...why would he love a liar? Why would he want to continue your relationship when he finds out you're dying? He's going to hate you, you might as well end it before he has to witness your death that he wasn't aware was coming, you let him love you while you knew you would die soon...how evil can you be?

I start crying again and look around outside, then my heart drops as I see Wren and David quickly getting in a car,

Are they the ones who have been texting me?

How do they even know about my heart?

How do they know each other?

I get in my car and spend the next 30 minutes getting myself together

The day drags on and I feel worse and worse

I don't deserve him

That afternoon when we pack up my stuff for my new place I keep focusing on that trying not to break down

_______________

The next morning I decide to walk to work because I need to walk off my nerves,

As I am walking around the corner about 5 minutes away from the building a hand is placed over my mouth and I am dragged into the ally way,

I try kicking and screaming but two people are keeping me held down

After we get deeper into the ally way I'm pushed against the hard wall and see the two faces that I don't want to see,

Wren.

And David.

"Well, well, well...if it isn't little miss Vanessa" David grins

I feel sick to my stomach as I see his sickening smile,

Wren has a smirk plastered on her face

"We have been texting you for so long thinking you would get the hint to break it off...that you're a cruel person for lying and staying with him" Wren shakes her head tsking as she watches me

"How do you even know about everything?" I ask quietly

David smirks "I've been watching you, and I've seen you go to doctor appointments, and over time I've heard enough whispering going on with the receptionist and you talking to them to know you have heart failure" he shrugs

Cold shivers cover my skin as I realize I've truly been watched all this time without even realizing it,

He was there the whole time, lurking behind the corner and in plain sight,

"What do you guys want?" I say more shaker than I wanted

Wren smirks and David grins

"Well, that's simple...for you to spare him the dramatics of death and leave him already...I can make him so much happier than you can, plus why would he continue to stay with you when he knows you're dying? You manipulated and tricked him into staying...you lied to him and let him stay knowing you were going to die, what kind of person can be that cruel?" Wren spits out

She's right...I'm horrible

What have I done?

I stayed when I shouldn't have

I let him say sweet things and led him to believe we had forever when in fact we didn't

I'm evil and horrible

"Don't you think it would be better if he wasn't with you anymore? That you save him the lies and just break it off already?" David says

I nod weekly

Because I know they're right

Aaron deserves better, he deserves someone who can give him the family he wants,

The life together that's longer than a few more months, he deserves an honest person who doesn't keep such a secret from him,

I've thought about this constantly for months, but it's not settled as much as it has today,

With the doctor confirming I'm getting worse, to Wren and David, I feel absolutely horrible

"Good...you have a week to break it off, David and I are going to a fashion show in Italy and by the time we're back he better be single, make sure he doesn't know about your heart because what's the point of hurting him even more," Wren demands

I nod weakly with tears streaming down my face

"How do you guys know each other?" I whisper

They look at each other "while I was watching you go to work I ran into an angry wren who got fired...I comforted her and then we came up with a plan, you don't deserve to be with someone when your dying so quickly, we were only helping" he shrugs pretending as if he's the hero at this moment

"Now we must go and pack but remember what we said...you have a week to break up with him, and don't tell him about your heart or you will break him even more" Wren warns

"And you don't want to break him even more right? Imagine what it will do to him knowing he spent all this time with someone who kept something this big from him, imagine how rude he will be to people when he finds out he trusted you and you broke it by giving him false hope for a future you could never give him" David says gently

"We're only trying to help you, Vanessa, this will be good for the both of you, I mean think about it if you break it off now that will give him time to not hate you anymore, then when you die and disappear out of his life he will be okay, but if you continue being with him he will turn crueler to people, you don't want him being ruder to people do you?" David says quietly

"No, I don't" I whisper with tears falling

I wouldn't be able to forgive myself knowing that I was the reason for making Aaron cruel and horrible to be around, I would hate myself forever knowing I was the sole reason he doesn't want to love again

"Good so it's settled you break off your relationship in a week, you tell him it isn't working out and you should part ways," Wren says patting my shoulder with a big grin on her face,

I nod weekly and slump down the wall

I have a week left with the man I love

A week left until I lose the one person keeping me alive

But I don't deserve his love when I've been lying

I must do this even when I desperately don't want to

I have a week left of hugs and kisses until it's all over,

And I must be a selfish person for not doing it now...but I want this last week,

This last week to hug him because I need it

And I'm heartbroken that I have to do this

But he deserves more than this

He deserves Better than a liar who let him love me when he was going to lose me soon

The thought of letting him go hurts like absolute shit, but I know him

And if I don't break up with him now he will never want to smile again

And my heart can't take the thought of others not being able to see his beautiful smile

Part of me wishes I could just die right here and now while I'm slumped in an alleyway,

But that would mean Aaron would find out about my heart...

And I must be the cruelest human alive for not wanting him to know,

But he will never trust anyone again, and I need him to be able to love again,

I need to know that he will be okay without me, and there's no way that he will be if he finds out that I'm leaving him because for the past almost year that we've been together I have been lying,

But if he thinks I'm breaking it off because I don't want the stress of a relationship and that I just want to be single, I think he will learn to be okay,

And in a month and a half or so I'll move to turkey or one of the places Aaron and I visited and I'll spend my last moments away from New York so Aaron doesn't know I've died.

It's stupid really, but my stupid heart doesn't let me tell him the truth

And I already hate myself for what I'll have to do at the end of the week.

____________

"I'm going to miss you here sunshine" Aaron kisses my cheek hugging me from behind,

I know he's saying that he will miss me living in his place...but my heart is taking every word and touch he's saying more seriously

More to heart than he's saying it,

"I'll miss you too" I whisper, and oh man will I miss him

I'll miss waking up to him every morning, I'll miss every kiss and touch,

The smiles he sends my way, the memories we share

I will miss it all

He turns me around and kisses my lips "it's fine, in a couple of months you will be back here anyway" he shrugs while smirking

Oh if only he knew...

My mouth won't let me answer so I just smile and kiss him,

My car is already at my apartment so Aaron is going to drive me, and I'm beginning to regret that choice because I feel like I'm going to break down crying any minute,

"I have to get to a meeting in half an hour so let's get you to your new place so you can start unpacking" he kisses my forehead

"And leave all the heavy things for me, to help you unpack tomorrow okay?" He says holding my chin

"Okay" I whisper hugging him

My eyes shoot up as I register his words

"Aaron!" I slap his arm

"What?" He looks at me weirdly

"A meeting in half an hour? What the hell are we still doing here, lets go so you're not late" I sigh grabbing his arm

He rolls his eyes "relax your place is like a couple of minutes of a drive to work"

"Still..." I frown

"You're too cute," he says taking my hand in his

He won't say that when I break his heart, I think to myself

I shake away that thought and take a deep breath in

God, I'm the worst person alive...

---notes---

So that kind of happened...

When I had the idea for this story I always meant for her to have heart failure, but I didn't realize it's taken me this long to write the official chapter where my readers find out til now...

Also please don't spoil this for other readers, don't go to other chapters earlier in the book to ruin it for others, I will delete your comment or block you from my account if you do that

I hate spoilers and I'm sure others won't appreciate it.

I hope this chapter was alright I know it was all over the place but I'm traveling right now and it's stressful to write while I'm going to museums and whatnot,

Vote and comment!

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