|41| im sorry

I've never met a strong

person with an easy past.

~Atticus

______________

Waking up the next morning exhaustion hits me worse than usual,

I can't quite decipher if it's because Aaron isn't sleeping beside me anymore or because of my heart,

I'm guessing it's a mix of both,

Spending the first night in my new place felt weird,

It was like a big piece of me was missing,

That big piece was the man who helps me sleep at night just by being beside me,

It's stupid of me to hurt thinking about us not being together anymore when I'm the one who will end it, but I can't help it,

I already miss him and were still together,

God, I hope he will be okay, I hope he doesn't hate me,

I check the time to see its 6 am

"Shit" I mutter scrambling my way out of bed

I have like ten minutes to get ready and be at the office with Aarons coffee

I usually wake up earlier but I kept tossing and turning all night long,

I get way more tired because of my heart failure so the fact I got no sleep sucks because now I'll be walking around like a zombie all-day

I check my phone to see a text from Aaron,

My moon: Good morning sunshine, how was the first night at your new place?

I smile a little at my phone,

I love when Aaron checks up on me but each time I see his name I feel more guilty for keeping my heart failure from him,

'Good morning, It was alright, a tiny bit weird but I'll get used to it

I decided to lie a little, I don't want him worrying about me and that I didn't get A lot of sleep

I quickly go get ready for work,

I get our coffees and see that I'm a couple of minutes late

Whoops...hopefully he doesn't notice I'm late

He despises it when people aren't on time

I quickly put my coffee in my office and notice two big beautiful bouquets,

I see a little note on one of them and immediately know its from Aaron

He always leaves cute little notes on his flowers

~To my sunshine

Don't give everyone your smile, only give it when you truly feel happy. When I see you smile I only want it to be of true joy, I love you my gorgeous

~ your moon

I smile and close my eyes to smell the fresh flowers

I put my things down on my pink couch and grab Aarons coffee and head to his office

I knock twice per usual and hear a 'come in'

I walk in and my eyes immediately land on the pink roses I chose for Aarons's office this week

I grin as I look at them by his window

"Good morning Mr. Huxley " I walk up to him

He tugs me close to him and kisses me

"Wanna tell me why you were late today Miss Adler?" He raises a brow

"There was a long line at the coffee shop," I say looking behind him

He chuckles and grips my chin so I look at him

"My pretty little liar" he whispers against my lips

I bite my lip "I am not lying" I huff

He smirks and leans back in his chair "look me in the eye and say it again"

I look him in the eye and the words get caught in my throat

I sigh and let my face fall to his chest "fine I slept in, but to be fair I'm not used to sleeping in a new place" I mumble into his chest

He hums "told you that you're a bad liar"

Seeing as I've been keeping my heart failure from him I would say I'm a great liar but yet again he's never asked so I guess I can't say that,

"I missed you" I mumble

He chuckles "I missed you too sunshine"

I bring my face close to his "thanks for the flowers" I smile

He pecks my lips "thanks for my pretty pink roses" he teases

I grin "aren't they absolutely adorable"

"So adorable...now get your ass to your office I have a meeting today and you need to be there with me," he says

"Thanks for the coffee," he adds,

I smile and bend down to kiss him once more "you're welcome, I will see you in a bit"

Before I leave he slaps my behind 'Owww' I whine

He rolls his eyes "don't be late again "

"Nice suit" I smile before I leave his office

And just before I close his door I see a little smile on his face that hits me in the heart

_____________

"Thank you for coming," Aaron says straightening some paperwork in front of him

"We will be in touch for the project next week, I know Zara will be thrilled you said yes to this, even though it's my company" Enzo shakes his head fighting a smile as he holds out his hand

Aaron meets his hand for a handshake "I will see you then, we'll tell Zara that if she has any specific requests to contact Vanessa about them and we will see what we can do" he nods

"Alright thank you, have a good day you guys" Enzo nods to the both of us

Everyone leaves and it's just me and Aaron in the boardroom

I sigh and slump into my seat "I hate meetings" I mumble

Aarons's laughs carry throughout the room "yeah and I adore them Vanessa" he says while sarcasm is lacing his every word

"Dummy" I whisper while I stand up

"I heard that" Aarons's voice whispers in my ear

I jump up "Jesus Aaron..." I put a hand to my heart

"How the heck....you were across the room two seconds ago" I turn around and stare at him in shock

He smirks and leans forward until I'm sitting on the table and he's caging me in

He starts trailing kisses down my neck and I panic

"Are you crazy? The door isn't locked what are you doing" I whisper breathlessly

He chuckles and walks over to the door and locks it, there are no windows in this specific board room,

"We're at work" I remind him

He smirks "that's never stopped us before"

I stop talking because he's right that hasn't stopped us before

He runs his tongue over his teeth and I follow every action he takes in a daze

"Nothing else to say?" He chuckles

I move closer to him and connect our lips

______________

Hours later I'm sitting in Aarons's office while were eating lunch and discussing the homeless organization I want to make

"Okay so I'm thinking I will start the organization with it just being in New York and if it goes well we can add locations or whatever," I say after I chew my bite of the Sandwich

Aaron nods "what specifically do you want to start by doing?"

"I think I'm going to first make a conference type of thing where the homeless can come and I can talk to them about changing their ways and those who want to I will get them into the program and from there I'll start helping them get there lives on track for better things" I nod

"I'm going to put posters in certain areas so the homeless know where the conference will be held, and they can tell other people they know who are homeless, and I want to have conference talks at least once a week" I smile

He pulls me to his lap so I'm straddling him on the couch

"I'm proud of you," he says caressing my cheek

I smile a little as I lean my forehead on his "thank you"

"I hope it works and I'll be able to help people" I whisper

"You will...I believe in you" Aaron says with complete certainty hid voice

We continue taking and eating for a bit

"Oh also Victoria texted me that she's gained a couple of pounds and already feels a lot better than she has before" I sigh with a smile as I lean onto Aaron

"That's good," he says kissing the top of my head

I can feel myself getting sleepy as I'm nuzzled close to Aaron

"I should probably go back to work before I fall asleep on you.... you're too comfortable for your good" I whisper

His chest vibrates from a laugh and I smile into his neck

"You can sleep a little while I answer the emails you forwarded to me, and I know you finished pretty much everything you needed to do," he says standing up and going to his chair

I immediately move closer to him as he gets settled into his chair

"I'll wake you up when I'm done answering the emails," he says as he moves my hair to one side and places a kiss on my neck

"Okay, I love you" I mumble

He chuckles "I love you too, sunshine"

I immediately fall asleep in his arms

How is it that someone's presence alone can help you sleep peacefully?

______________

I wake up still cuddled up on Aaron as he works

He notices me shuffling and smiles a little "sleep good?"

I hum and lean my head on his shoulder

"How long did I sleep?" I whisper

"About two hours," he says placing one of his hands on my lower back to bring my flush against his body

"The emails I sent you were not supposed to take you more than like forty minutes Aaron..." I mumble

"So? I wasn't about to wake you up when you looked so cute and peaceful" he shrugs

I smile a little, but feel some discomfort in my chest area which I get sometimes,

I try my best to ignore it as it slowly passes like it usually does

I take deep breaths in and out to try to take away some of the discomfort.

I've been losing my appetite lately, I used to eat all the time but over the months I only eat about two times a day because I feel nauseous and don't want to eat

The sandwich I just had with Aaron not long ago was my first meal of the day...even though it was around four-thirty when we ate

My feet are also a tiny bit swollen which my doctor said was to be expected when I get slowly worse

And my legs and stomach might get more swollen the worse I get,

And there's pretty much nothing I can do to stop it.

I feel like its selfish to want to spend as much time as I can with Aaron this last week before I break it off

But it's my one wish before I die...

That I get to spend this last week in pure bliss

His smile hurts to look at now...

The pure thought that he's happy in my presence hurts dreadfully because I know I'll hurt him

"I'm going to go finish my work, I'll see you tomorrow?" I smile through the pain

He kisses my cheek "see you tomorrow, I love you"

"I love you" I whisper with a smile

I walk away and immediately walk into the bathrooms

I let my tears fall, I let myself hurt at this moment

I hate crying, but it seems I get myself into a lot of painful situations

Like allowing a relationship with a man like Aaron

I knew I shouldn't have, but my heart didn't listen

And once I fell for him I couldn't let go of him

Seeing his smile hurts so much, especially when I remember the night he was drunk and he confessed he was scared to lose me

I start crying more

"I'm sorry Aaron" I whisper to an empty room

"I'm so damn sorry" I whisper in pure agony

God, I don't want to die.

Why does it have to hurt so much?

I'm going to do the one thing Aaron feared I would do

I'm going to leave him,

And he's not aware of it at all

He's completely blinded by the fact every smile he gives me is one smile closer to the last one he will give me

Because there's no way he will ever show me that beautiful smile again after I break his heart

"I'm sorry mom and dad...I failed you" I whisper looking up leaning against the wall of the bathroom

"I hate myself...I'm so horrible" I whisper

My parents wouldn't be proud of me for being with a man and not only staying this long but also not telling him I don't have much time left

I contemplate just breaking it off now

But I can't, my heart won't let me

I know it's cruel holding on to the end of the week that Wren and David told me I had

Part of me knows their reasons are malicious, but I'm no better

For keeping this from Aaron...

I'm no better than them.

I already miss Aaron, but I know I can't have him

I know that by the end of six days I have to break it off

And I just pray and hope these last six happy days I have with him go by slow

But my heart knows it will go by in the blink of an eye and I'll be all alone

With no one by my side

Would henry still talk to me? Could I even tell him the truth?

God no, he might go to Aaron and I can't have that

I'd rather him hate me than still love me and watch me slowly rot and die

That definitely makes me cruel

But sometimes the sun burns you when you're outside for too long,

I hate myself for knowing I'll hurt Aaron

But hopefully, him not knowing about the heart failure will be like when you put sunscreen on, you still might get burned...

But it heals faster and you get over it faster.

But somehow my heart aches in a way that tells me I'm being stupid right now

---notes---

Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter...even though its like kind of depressing and I did rob you Guys, sorry y'all!

Vote and comment!

Word count: 2406