|43| chocolate cake

You are my sun,

My moon,

And all my stars.

~E.E CUMMINGS

______________

The next morning goes by in a blur of me getting ready for work and driving there on autopilot

I had another almost breakdown in my office yesterday but Aaron came just before I cried, being on the phone last night with him helped me, More than I ever thought someone's voice and presence could.

I knock on Aaron's door twice just like I do every day and hear "come in"

"Good morning" I smile walking over to Aaron

He gives me some papers he needs me to get done and then pulls me down on his lap to give me a kiss

"It's a good morning now that you're here," he says against my lips

I smile into the kiss, though it's difficult with the end of the week being too close for comfort "we should have a movie night at my place"

"If you want," he says connecting our lips again

"We should watch another Disney movie" I grin as I attempt to stray my mind from upsetting thoughts,

"How about no?" He laughs

I frown "why not?"

"You always cry in them" he nips at my bottom lip

"Well you will be right next to me to dry my tears...problem solved" I shrug

He rolls his beautiful Blue eyes "fine"

"Wonderful," I say kissing his cheek

He looks me over and I feel utterly naked under his stare, has he seen me naked? Yes many times, but this time it's different,

It feels like he's unmasking my lies and my fear of hurting him, how much of a failure I am to have caught myself in a situation where I'm going to hurt someone I love...

And I know I'll hurt him either way,

I die...he gets hurt

I live and break it off...he gets hurt

But I would much rather he hate me and move on than have to grieve me just as he did his sister...

I mean that man didn't smile for over eight years because of his sister's death, and his speaking about that last night reassured me that he can't know I'm dying,

I don't want to imagine what would mentally happen to him if he does

"I'll see you on break?" I say breaking the stare

He scans my face and then places a kiss on my jaw "see you then...unless I find an excuse to bring you to my office before then"

I don't think his touch will ever not make me feel complete, I close my eyes to memorize the feel of his lips on my body, the way he is teeth softly graze my neck, and the way his hand caresses my thigh and draws circles on it with his thumb,

_____________

After a long and exhausting day at work, I decided to go to Zara's bakery, get some treats and say hi to her since I texted her this morning and she said she's working there with her oldest daughter Mia,

I get inside the bakery and am immediately hit with the warm smell of cinnamon and sugar along with coffee

"Hi welcome to a slice of love, I'm Ava...well duh you can see my name tag anyway what can I get you?" the pink-haired girl now I know is named Ava says

I laugh and give her a big smile "Ummm what's your best-selling treat at the moment?" I ask

"The cinnamon roll swirl cake is doing amazing since it November...which in this store essentially means a lot of cinnamon and warm treats that feel like a hug on a cold day as Zara puts it...she's something else," Ava says with a sarcastic roll of her eyes, but I see the warmth in her smile when she says her name,

I see a ring on her finger...it makes my heart ache more than usual, almost everyone my age or around it is married, and instead of moving on to exciting milestones I'm dying-unless I get a transplant which is most likely not going to happen

"I'll have two slices of that cake then...and what's a good drink?" I say with an awkward laugh

"Well lately my favorite drink has been the snickerdoodle latte with extra whipped cream" she smiles

"Well then I'll have one of those...also do you know if Zara is here?" I ask

Ava nods "she's in the kitchen, do you want to speak to her?" She asks

"Maybe just to say hi but if she's busy that's okay" I smile

She looks me over and smiles "wait are you that girl Zara met at the museum and your boyfriend is your boss?"

"Yeah that would be me I'm Vanessa," I say with a slight smile

"ZARA GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND SAY HI TO VANESSA" Ava yells

I try keeping my laugh in and my eyes from bulging out of my face, a couple of people look from their tables at us and I get a little awkward under their stare

Zara comes into view covered in flour and her daughter trails behind with curious eyes

"OH hi, Vanessa!" Zara smiles walking over to me

"Hi, it's nice to see you again" I give her a little laugh

She pulls me in for a hug "it's great to see you too" she grins

"Oh crap! My bad I forgot my daughter threw flour at me, here let me fix this" she cringed slightly while looking at my black silk blouse covered in flour, she reached for a towel and wiped as much as she can

"It's fine really...it's flour it'll wash out" I chuckle

She's so sweet...it makes my heart grow two sizes at the small fact that she hugged me, and wiped flour off my shirt...even if she put it there,

for a reason I'm unaware of, people don't want to be my friend, so Zara being so kind just makes me feel like crying and running around in happiness all at the same time

"This is Mia my ten-year-old daughter if you remember her" she points behind her to the dark-haired beauty

"Hi" I smile giving her a little wave,

The girl gives me a big grin with half her face covered in flour "hi"

"How about we sit down and get to know each other? Oh also your order is on the house" Zara grins

"No that's okay you made my last order on the house I can pay that okay" I shrug her offer off

"Nonsense my friends don't pay in my bakery" she laughs like the thought of me paying for something I ordered is ridiculous,

The word friend makes my heart grow even bigger, we sit down and her daughter tells her mom she going to help with the treats in the back with another employee, her mom kisses her cheek and says okay

"So how are you?" She smiles and asks like we've been friends for years

It fills my heart with complete elation "I'm alright...how about you?"

"I'm doing great..." she grins

"What do you mean by alright? You don't have to say though I completely understand since we don't know each other super well" she gives me a small smile

I think about it and decide to tell her a small bit "well I'm stressed at the moment...I have a heartbreaking thing I have to do soon that I don't want to do but I know its for the best" I sigh

She nods and brushes flour off her face "well is this decision going to hurt someone?"

I slump into the chair "that's the thing...with the two choices I have, they're both going to end up hurting my boyfriend"

She nods and places her hands on the table fiddling with a snake ring on her finger "well my advice is if your choices will end up hurting him either way... I think you should pick the choice that will be the less amount of heartbreaking"

I decide to screw it...I might as well get someone's opinion on my difficult decision

"If I tell you my decision do you promise not to tell anyone? And if Aaron ever comes into your store you don't say a word?" I swallow

Ava comes over and places my drink and a bag of the slices of cakes on the table then sits down "so what are we girls whispering about?" she wiggles her brows

"Oh..." Zara looks between both of us flustered with what to say

"It's fine I guess I'll have two people's opinions but you both have to swear to secrecy and to NEVER tell a single soul" I sigh

"I have zero clue what we're talking about but if your Zara's friend you're now automatically my friend so that means us girls stick together and don't rat out each other's secrets, so yes I promise," Ava says nodding

"I promise too...but we should probably go to my office for more privacy so no one else hears," Zara says standing up

Ava yells for two other workers to cover the front while she grabs my coffee and bag "you'll probably wanna take this with you so no one takes it"

I follow them both through the back til we get to Zara's office, we all sit on a cute couch she has in here

I take a deep breath in and decide to start "okay...well first I want to say thank you for listening I don't have any friends or anyone to talk to about this so this means a lot"

They both smile and Zara grabs my hand and squeezes "no problem...and now you have two friends so you don't need to worry about that anymore"

So I tell them...I tell them how my parents died and that story and then how I work for Aaron and we got close and now were dating and how I have heart failure and haven't told him

"And so now I have the choices of either breaking up with him and saving him the grief of witnessing a death that I don't think he will be able to handle well because of his past...or telling him I'm dying and that I've been keeping it from him the whole time" I take a deep breath in and out after I finish

Zara has tears rolling constantly down her face and Ava has a couple of tears falling as well

"Holy shit...when you said you had a hard decision I thought you were gonna say he cheated or something and you love him too much to leave and you don't know what to do not...that," Ava says breathing out shaky

"I'm so sorry Vanessa...I can't even begin to imagine this impossibly hard choice you have to make" Zara whispers as she squeezes my hand again

"Yeah...I'm stuck and I don't know what to do I know deep down the easy choice is to not tell him and have him hate me and eventually be able to move on...but I feel guilty as well that he won't know" I whisper

"Well if you genuinely think he won't be able to handle knowing the truth maybe you shouldn't tell him," Ava says

"Yes but at the same time honesty is important and after I told my husband well...boyfriend at the time about my trauma that I thought I never would get through, instead of running in the opposite direction he was there for me...so will your boyfriend if you tell him, not that my situation was as difficult as yours," Zara says

"That's the thing...I know he will care, he has the biggest heart out there, but that scares me because what if he won't be able to move on after I die? What if he falls into a bigger even worse hole than he did the last time something tragic happened in his life, I mean shit he didn't smile or let himself be happy for eight years after what he went through" I say as I wipe some tears off my cheeks

"Eight years? Jesus...well now I'm not sure, if he wasn't able to let himself feel for so long after something tragic happened I'm not sure how he would react to this" Ava says shaking her head

"Yeah...ima go bring us some chocolate cake, this is code chocolate right now" Zara whispers

"Are you in any pain because of the heart failure?" Ava asks gently

"Not really...I sometimes have aches and chest discomforts but not any pain like that, I am constantly either super sleepy or can't sleep for the life of me, I need to pee a lot during the night which is annoying, and then my stomach gets bloated a lot and my feet and legs get swollen sometimes too, there are other things but those are mostly it" I say nodding

"Wow...that sounds a little like pregnancy, except you don't get a cute baby in the end" she shakes her head

Zara comes back with three slices of chocolate cake and then leaves and comes back with cups

"Ok I brought the cakes and also some hot chocolate," Zara says setting it down on the table

We talk for a bit and discuss the pros and cons of each decision

"Gosh this is difficult," Ava says groaning

"Well, there are more pros to the decision of not telling him..." Zara admits quietly what she didn't want to happen since she wanted me to tell him,

"Thank you for listening, I know neither decision is great, nor easy to choose from" I smile sadly

They both give me big hugs and then Ava gives me her number and tells me to call her anytime I need to, and then Zara says for me to call her as well

"Thank you, it's nice to have friends who care" I laugh quietly

______________

"How about we move to a happier topic since clearly, a decision is really difficult," I say

They nod and we talk, I ask them how they met their husbands and they tell me their cute little stories

"Wait so Mia basically stole a piece of cake?" I laugh

"Yeah pretty much" Zara chuckles

We talk for hours and I just get to know them, I tell them about myself, then they take turns letting me get to know them too,

When we say our goodbyes and I head to my apartment because Aaron is supposed to be there soon for movie night, I can't help but let out a sad laugh,

It's funny how I meet two amazing people when my doctor says I have mere months left to live, talking to them didn't result in me making a different choice, but I'm still leaning towards not telling him since I don't want him to feel pressured to stay with me when he finds out I'm dying,

Plus I've been keeping this from him the whole time...he's not going to feel very nice if I tell him

My talk with Ava and Zara did result in something good, I ended up making two great friends, which I didn't know how much I needed til I was sitting and talking with them for hours,

I didn't even realize the time went by that fast til Aaron texted me to see how I'm doing and I saw the time,

About an hour later Aaron knocks on my door

I open It and immediately lunge at him with a hug "hi" I whisper

"Hi" he chuckles holding my legs that are wrapped around him, he kicked the door closed with his leg and I lock it and he leads me to my couch

"Guess what I was doing this whole time since I got off of work?" I smile

"Talking to your frog?" He raises a brow and teases me

I roll my eyes and decide to tell him half of the full story

"I was hanging out with two friends...like I have two friends now Aaron" I grin

He smiles and looks down at my face and his thumb runs across my cheek gently "that's great sunshine, you deserve friends"

"It was Zara...Enzo's wife and then her best friend Ava, I went in there for treats and then ended up talking to them for hours" I laugh

"Oh by the way I got these cinnamon swirl cakes for us so we can eat them while we watch the movie" I smile

He gives me a sweet kiss on my lips and a warm smile "you're cute"

I go grab the cakes and put the kettle on for tea all while he watches me with a sweet smile

"Do you want some tea?" I ask

"Sure, do you have earl grey?" He asks

I nod and take out the earl grey box and put one in a cup and then I get myself a peach tea which is my favorite

"You want a lemon slice in yours?" I ask putting one in mine

"Sure why not" he shrugs

After getting our teas, and cakes, then getting settled into the couch we look for something to watch

"Okay, do you want to watch a movie about a thief who falls in love with a princess, or do you want to watch a movie about a girl who pretends to be a soldier to fight in a war?" I ask

"The second one" he nods

"Alright Mulan it is...warning if you see me drooling over general Shang no you didn't" I tease

He rolls his eyes and pulls me close "also what was the other one? Why would there be a Disney movie about a thief

I chuckle "that would be Aladdin"

"Aah I've heard of that one before I think" he nods

About halfway through the movie I hear Aaron chuckle, I turn to him to see him watching me closely

"What?" I frown

"You weren't kidding when you said you would drool over the guy...I think you got a little something right there" he points to the corner of his lip teasingly

"Oh be quiet" I shove his shoulder playfully

"I don't think you even drool over me...and you go drooling over a cartoon man, let's just say I feel a little hurt and offended right now" he sighs dramatically

"Well to be honest if general Shang knocked on our door right now and asked me to marry him...I might just consider it, but you don't have to worry because Shang is just a cartoon character" I pat his cheek playfully

He turns the tv off "I don't like this movie very much anymore"

He pulls me onto his lap "but we didn't even get to the part where he says "you fight good" I sigh sadly

He raises a brow "wow how romantic" he says unenthusiastically

"It is beautiful unlike the other Disney movies, Shang sees Mulan as something other than a pretty little fragile princess he needs to save...he sees her strength and falls in love with it before her beauty" I sigh with a dreamy smile

"And there's a second movie two" I grin

"And you don't have to be jealous I love you and only will love you" I smile cupping his cheeks

He hums and looks at me "fine we can finish your movie...but then we have to do what I want after the movie" he whispers into my ear sending goosebumps all along my body

"Deal" I smile kissing his lips before turning the movie back on

----notes----

Hope you enjoyed this really early upload (Decided to just write an extra chapter for you guys!)

(I also hope you guys enjoyed seeing a little more of Zara and Ava from my other book called "a piece of cake"!)

(hope you liked the sweeter ending of this chapter)

Vote and comment!

Word count: 3362