|49| our final goodbye

And like the moon, we must

Go through phases of emptiness

To feel full again.

~Unkown

______________

*play the song when stated, Really recommend you turn it on for full experience*

Another week goes by of pure torture of walking around the office acting like Aaron and I were never together, countless meetings of acting professionals, and trying my hardest to stay strong in the general vicinity of him.

I remember he asked me the morning after almost getting raped if I was doing okay, it was sweet that he went out of his way to ask when he's been so distant, the cold-hearted boss he's been recently has lessoned after what happened, but he's continued with the professional greetings and speaking when only necessary which hasn't changed,

What has changed is he has me go home an hour earlier so it's not dark out, it makes my heart flip at the notion he cares, but you can care about someone and still be mad at them.

His eyes always end up going up and down my body lingering on my neck area seeing if my bruises are better even though most are covered by clothes, it's sweet he cares and I ended up telling him one morning in the elevators that the bruises are healing and don't hurt as much anymore, he nodded and thanked me for telling him and I saw his shoulders relax as if he needed me to tell him that.

Today is my homeless organization meeting and talk, I'm very nervous but I'm excited to try and help some people and get them started on a better journey for themselves,

I doubt Aaron will be there because I didn't invite him knowing it would be when we weren't together, but he knows its today and that fills me with a minuscule amount of hope that he would come, yet I won't blame him if he doesn't,

I drive down to the building I rented for the talk and see Henry already inside, he's going to be a guest speaker that will show that it's possible to get out of a hard spot in your life, Victoria can't be there since she lives in the Netherlands but she did agree to a video call, shes been sending me pictures of her belly growing and updating me on her health so I know she's okay.

"Hey Henry" I smile walking up to him to give him a hug

"Hello, Vanessa how are you feeling about today?" He asks

"A little nervous but mostly ready to try helping some people" I nod and take a deep breath in

"I'm proud of you" he smiles warmly

"Thank you" I whispered

_____________

I watch the room fill with over sixty people that are homeless or in a very rough space in their life, it both breaks my heart yet warms it, it hurts knowing there are so many people sleeping on the streets or not even able to feed themselves, but yet it makes me happy that there ready to try making there life a little better,

Though I do know there's a good chunk here for some warmth in the building and nothing more...but I hold out hope that there are at least a few that aren't going to give up on moving forward in a better direction.

"Hi everyone my name is Vanessa Adler" I begin

There are a collective 'hello' or nods of heads around the room

"I want to first start by saying welcome, and that I hope that this talk will inspire some of you to fight for a better life for yourself, for you guys to realize that even in the lowest points of your life you can always find a way to reach a high point where you're content in life" I smile

"To say a little bit about this organization, I want to help you guys, I want you to realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that you shouldn't give up after this talk if you choose that you want to continue we will have weekly talks and talk through things you want to change and ways you can change that, we will hold talks, events, and try helping you all as much as we can"

"I do want to warn you that this isn't a charity, we won't be just giving you out apartments or money, this is just us helping you to head in the right direction" I conclude

"This is bullshit, I'm outa here," a man says getting up

I clear my throat as I watch him exit along with a couple of others.

I speak a little more about other details in the organization for about half an hour "any questions?" I ask

I see a few hands raise, I pick a young woman that's upfront "are new people allowed to join even when your like weeks into your talks?"

"Of course, and you're also all more than welcome to invite people you know that you think could use some encouragement and help"

"How do we know when the events will happen?" A man asks

I nod "so as you know I have the flyers up and when you guys come in, like for instance right now I'll tell you the first weekly meeting will be in five days, and on that day I'll tell you when the next one will be and you can spread the news and so on"

I answer several more questions "alright next I want to introduce you all to my friend Henry, he actually used to be homeless and he's going to speak to you all, I also have a pregnant teen from the Netherlands that will be taking via online"

Henry goes on to talk about his story and experience, then to his getting out of homelessness and being able to start his new life,

"And I know it wasn't fair for me to be technically handed a job on a silver platter but either way I'm thankful I was able to start a new life and I'm sure Vanessa will be able to help you guys do it yourselves" Henry concludes

I connect my computer and then Victoria talks about her experience and how she's getting by now, at the end of the talk I can take my first real deep breath

"We have food over here for you guys to eat and some water, you're all welcome to use the bathrooms over there," I say pointing

"You did incredible" Henry whispers

"Thank you, Henry, and thank you for being here with me" I smile

"It was no problem I was glad to be here" he grins at me

We talked for a little longer and I answered some more questions that some people had, it felt good to talk to people knowing I get to help them, I know a lot of homeless like that lifestyle so only a few will succeed with this...but even if I can change one person's life it will be worth it.

I ended up driving to Zara's bakery because I was craving some treats

"Oh hi, Vanessa!" Ava says as I get up to the counter

"Hi how are you" I smile at her

"I'm doing amazing, how about you?" She grins at me

"I'm doing okay" I give a little smile that I hope is convincing

She frowns "girl...you wanna have some girl talk? We can go over to my house and it's right next to Zara's"

"it's fine" I brush it off

She shakes her head "my husband needs to go to a meeting in like fifteen minutes so I need to get home to my kids and you can join me, I can invite Zara over and we can hang out and talk"

"Come on were friends and when one of us is under the weather we're there for each other" she sighs

"Alright" I smile a little at the word friends

"Great, How about I get you a drink and something to eat if you want, and then after my shift, we can go," she says with a hint of a smile

After I order my drink and my muffin I sit down eating slowly, in no time Ava walks over to me says something to a worker and we head out,

"Okay if you have a car I can send you my address and if not I can just drive you," she says pulling her phone out

"My cars right there" I point to the car nearby

She lets out a slow whistle "well damn girl"

"Aaron bought me it" I whisper

She must see the slight hint of dolefulness "you broke up with him didn't you?" She whispers

I give her a small nod

"Alright, I sent you the address...I'll see you in a bit okay?" She hugs me,

____________

I'm now sitting on Ava's couch, Zara's twins which are adorable are with Ava's kids and playing with Mia, Zara's oldest daughter

"So how are you doing?" Zara asks taking a sip of wine

"To be completely transparent...I'm not okay, I feel like I lost a part of myself when I broke up with Aaron" I swallow down the bile that threatens to rise as I talk, I don't want to tell them about my almost rape because I'm too scared to relive it by talking about it so I don't say anything about it.

"I'm sorry...I can't even imagine what I'd do without my husband" Zara whispers

"Same" Ava gives a sad smile

"Why don't you just get back together with him if you are so upset without him?" Ava asks taking a sip of her wine

"But wouldn't I be selfish to ask to get back together with him when I have an expiration date on my life?" I whisper

Zara and Ava look at each other, Zara places her glass down and grabs my hand "listen Vanessa I'm going to ask you a question and I want your complete honesty with it okay? It's something we should've considered the first time we talked about this"

I give her a slow nod

"If Aaron told you I don't know let's say today that he has cancer and only months left to live would you stay with him, loving him and cherishing every moment you have left with him? Or would you leave because it's not worth getting heartbroken when he dies" Zara says squeezing my hand knowing exactly the realizing my mind is turning too,

A choked-out sob escapes, and guilt washes over me "I'd stay" I whisper Realizing how foolish my reasoning was, and just how ignorant I was listening to Wren and David's manipulations,

She nods "of course you would...because when two people are deeply in love they will stay through sickness and in health...not only when you're at your best, if he isn't willing to stay when you're at your lowest then he doesn't love you"

"You're right" I nod sniffling slightly

"Of course, she is, she's a smart ass" Ava points out with a smirk

"Be quiet you're the smart ass" Zara laughs slightly

"No...I just have a fat ass..." Ava shrugs and we all laugh

"I think I'm going to tell him then" I take a deep breath

"Good...just remember, anything that happens we will be here," Ava says sternly

"When do you think you'll tell him?" Zara asks after a moment of silence

"I think I'll try talking to him at work when we're on a break" I take a shaky breath in

"Well cheers to you chasing after your man" Ava brings her glass in the middle of us

"Cheers" I laugh clinking our glasses and taking a sip of sparkling water

Though I could use a glass of wine, not only am I driving myself home, but I also promised Aaron to call if I were to ever get drunk, and this conversation would need a lot of wine on my side, and I refuse to break my promise of not drinking So I don't need to call him,

we sat and talked for a while just having a girl's night, I never realized that having girlfriends was something I needed in my life, it feels so good to have genuine people in your life you can turn to for advice and also have a good time with chit-chatting and gossiping with

After a while, I decide to head home since it's dark outside and after the park incident, it scares me.

"Thank you for having me," I say hugging Ava and hiding my wince from the bruises with a slight laugh

"It was no problem you should come over again" Ava grins oblivious to the almost flinch I had let out,

I hug Zara and say my goodbyes then drive back to my place in a daze with uneasiness as I think about telling Aaron the truth...but maybe taking that chance is something I need to do.

_____________

*play song now*

The next morning I get ready for work in one of Aarons's favorite blouses I always wore, it's silk and red, I paired it with my black business pants and black shoes along with a thick black coat,

I take a deep breath in on the elevator hoping that what I'm about to do won't make the situation that's already fragile worse, I get in my office and see some paperwork on my desk along with a sticky note that says Aaron needs these done by the end of the day, I spend a couple of hours on the papers getting lost in them,

I see it break time and I take a ragged breath in, I just watch the clock for several minutes trying to get the confidence to go over to his office and tell him, but ultimately I end up chickening out and telling myself I'll try telling him at the end of the day...so at least if it doesn't go well, I can go straight home and cry.

At the end of the day, I hear the intercom beep and Aarons's voice "Miss Adler I need you in my office"

Well shit...I guess this is when I tell him, I'm sweating like crazy when I stand up, and I feel dizzy, I take a moment to breathe before walking over to his office and knocking twice til I hear the regular 'come in' but this time it seems closed off in a way,

I walk in and see his expression is tight and very regular work Aaron, he has some papers in front of him and his hands are clasped together, he takes a deep breath in and looks at me, and almost looks sad.

"Sit down please" he points to the chair

I slowly sit down and get a nervous feeling overtake me as I look at him, I look him over and his hair is slightly messy probably from him putting his hand through it when he's stressed, his tie is slightly crooked from what I assume is him moving it around in discomfort and his eyes hold an emotion I can't quite place in the haze of my confusion.

"I think we can both agree that working together now has made an awkward work Environment and it's making it difficult for at least me to work properly" he takes a deep breath and slides over papers in front of me

"Yes, but I have something-" words I attempt to get out, the truth that I begin to tell dies as I look down,

I've suddenly lost my voice and can't open my mouth again, I look at the papers, and my heart gets crushed into a million pieces,

"You're firing me?" I whisper hurt lacing my words

He almost flinches at my words as if they pained him "no...I'm transferring you, you will still have a job at the second-best company in the state, his name is Braxton wells and he needs an assistant"

I swallow and take a shaky breath in as I look at the paperwork, I lost all hope at this moment, any courage I gained to tell him vanished into a deep place I'm not sure I'll be able to reach anymore, this almost feels like he's closing the final part of us.

Because now its official that I won't be going to work here anymore, it means I won't see Aaron anymore and that breaks my heart more than seeing his face every day knowing I can't have him, this is so much worse,

"You will have your own office there...so all your things will be transferred there by the end of the week, you are officially a free woman, you will be starting at his building on Monday so you get a few days to relax before starting there" he clears his throat

I don't know what to say so I just give him a slight nod and stand up to walk away, as I get to the door I hear his voice heavier than usual holding a little agony in it as he hoarsely says "you were an amazing Assistant and Mr wells will be lucky to have you by his side working for him"

"Thank you," I say clearing my throat, willing my heart to shut up, hoping I don't cry again

"I guess this is goodbye...officially" I say trying to keep my tears at bay, I've been crying too much and I don't need his pity when he sees me upset,

He's making the best decision for himself by sending me to work somewhere else, I love him, and sometimes loving someone comes with hard decisions...like having to walk away even when its the last thing you want

"Goodbye Vanessa," he says quietly

It's the first time he's said my name in weeks at work and it only makes me hurt even more

"Goodbye Aaron," I say quietly, and it takes every ounce of strength I can collect within myself to open the door and walk out.

I feel a tear slip down my cheek when she closes the door, she's officially out of my life, I don't have to see her face every day and have my heart break over and over again when I look at her,

I can walk around my office and not have to keep an eye out to make sure She isn't in the area so I can avoid her, I won't have to try doing everything myself to avoid calling her to my office for her to do the work for me since it was her job.

And yet, watching her leave for good and not chasing after her was the hardest thing I had to do, I know in my heart anyone that works for me won't do her job half as well but I couldn't take seeing her every moment of the day knowing she wasn't mine anymore.

I take a deep breath in and massage my temples and try to keep my cool, I'm not sure if I want to smash everything in sight, scream, or cry.

I gather my emotions and shove them away and call someone to clear out her office and move it over to her new place of work.

When I get to my apartment I look around at the plain apartment, it looks exactly how it did before Vanessa ever entered inside, the frog stuffed animal and photos along with other things I decided to keep are tucked away in my closet in a box, so there's no proof of her ever being here.

It hurts a lot but it hurt, even more, when I looked around seeing her things all over, I know it was for the best yet I spend the whole night on my couch looking at my apartment feeling like it isn't a home anymore,

Because what made it home was her...

Vanessa made this place a home, our home...but now that she's not anywhere in this apartment it feels like just a regular place.

When I go to sleep that night I feel numb and in more pain, than I have been these past few weeks, Christmas is around the corner and it makes me feel sick to think about it,

Her birthday is even closer and it breaks my heart we won't be able to celebrate it, but she's made it clear a relationship between us wasn't something she wanted and the last thing I need to do is stay friends with her when I'm deeply in love.

My parents don't know that we're not together anymore and I'm sure they will invite us over for dinner, I'm not ready to tell them, I'm not ready to spend Christmas alone wishing it was with Vanessa.

----notes---

The way I keep breaking my heart as I write these isn't even funny.

*sigh* they way they both are hurting but think it's best for the other person *cue me shaking my head*

Y'all I'm so damn tired I only got like four hours of sleep!

Honestly, someone needs to smack me upside the head right now 😑🤚🏻 the audacity I have is unreal

Vote and comment!

Word count: 3579 (lol another long chapter, my bad)