|54| dont cry
ALWAY S | ✔︎
You are allowed to be
Both a masterpiece
And a work in progress,
Simultaneously.
~Unknown
______________
The doctor told me I need to stay an extra night or two at the hospital so they can keep a close eye on me after the miscarriage,
I cried all night long at the loss of Aaron and my child, he held me while I did, and I felt him trying to stay strong in that moment of shear and utter heartbreak and loss I felt. But in the end, our tears became one as we grieved our little Angel. Together.
We talked more and I explained everything to him in detail, trying to not miss any part of it, making sure all my truths are out there for him to hear.
We're somehow getting a second chance and some more time together and I won't take that for granted, nor will I keep things from him
"Are you sure that you-" my words get cut off by a harsh kiss from Aaron
"Stop asking me that...you're my choice, always have been always will" he whispers hoarsely against my lips
"I'm not going to leave when things get difficult or scary...instead, I'll make sure to stand by your side more than before so you know deep within that I'm in this for as long as I have you"
"I'm still really mad, and hurt that you kept this from me...so damn mad Vanessa" he whispers as he drops his forehead against mine
He looks so exhausted I know for a fact he hasn't gotten any sleep in almost three days, my lungs deflate looking at his red-rimmed eyes that have cried so many tears, because of me...
his hoarse voice that has commanded the best care for me, his gentle hands that have trembled when he was waiting for me to wake up, I hate that I've brought him pain.
His refusal to get sleep is slowly making me insane, he just stares at me, as if I'm not here like if he goes to sleep and wakes up he'll realize it was a dream, and I know he's mentally drained, that he is more than tired.
"Can you be mad at me after you get some sleep?" I whispered cupping his cheeks
His deep sigh makes me frown "Aaron you need sleep... you're going to faint soon...or I don't know start to hallucinate or something" I tell him quietly, my hands begin to tremble as I bring his face closer
"You can sleep right here with me, you are mentally and physically drained, I can see it clearly" I lay his head on my chest
"You're so damn stubborn" he mumbles getting fully on my bed and putting his head in the crook of my neck
I hum placing a kiss on the top of his head "I love you, now get some sleep, I'll wake you up if necessary okay?"
"I love you, and you better, my phone is right there, if my lawyer calls answer, and if he says something important you wake me up, got it?" He grips my chin bringing it close to his lips
"Got it" I whisper with a slight smile, finding it amusing that even when he's insanely exhausted he doesn't lose his bossy charms,
As he slowly falls asleep I play with his hair and runs my fingers through it giving him a massage, the poor man must feel like a zombie from staying awake for this long
He mumbles incoherently as I massage his head, tightening his grip on me, I close my eyes trying my best to keep my tears at bay, I listen to Aarons breathing slowly getting more relaxed and steady, once I know he's asleep I grab my phone finally checking the missed texts and phone calls I have
Henry asks why I skipped work, I don't have the heart to tell him yet so I just tell him I didn't feel so good, Zara and Ava asked if I wanted to hang out soon to which I responded with a definite yes,
I notice a text from Victoria, I gasp when I see a picture of a beautiful baby girl, named Bridget, and her text reads
This little angel was born healthy yesterday morning, the birth went well and the doctor said I'm looking better than ever!
It's from a couple of days ago, I text back immediately congratulating her, and I feel tears fall before I have a chance to stop them
Everything in me still hurts knowing my heart wasn't able to keep my child alive, I hold Aaron tightly to me as I silently cry for our child, it's my third loss that I've had to experience and each time doesn't get any easier,
I'm sure some think it's easier since you haven't seen your child yet...yet it hurts just as bad, I continue crying for what seems like hours.
The ring on Aarons's phone makes me get out of my numb-like daze, I look at the time and see Aarons has been asleep ruffly two hours...and I've been crying on and off for about that time as well.
(Call with lawyer)
"Hello?" I whisper making sure Aaron stays asleep
"Hi is Aaron available?" The man asks
"He's asleep right now, I'm Vanessa Adler" I continue talking quietly
"Oh yes hello...Aaron added you as my client, so I'm able to tell you what we have found and you can tell Aaron and then make sure he gives me a callback," he says while some papers are heard ruffling around
"Alright...what did you find?" I hold my breath
"There's a lot of evidence against Wren and David, we tracked the texts back to Wren's phone, and the photos trace back to Davids's phone, so it seems that he would follow you around taking pictures while she texted" his voice is calm and professional
I nod swallowing my fears as Aaron clings to me "okay"
I feel Aaron moving mumbling into my neck "who are you talking to baby?"
His lawyer laughs and I smile "your lawyer" I whisper kissing him on the side of his head
I've never seen someone wake up and grab a phone faster in my life "what were you able to find? Are we able to put them in jail?" He asks in a hurry
I slowly pull him back down to me and I feel the vibrations of the lawyer's voice on my shoulder as Aaron rests his head close to my neck "those damned idiots" he mutters
"That's not all...?" He says low and angered
He shoots up out of bed before I have time to blink or register what was happening "hey are you okay?" I whisper
"ME?!" He asks wide-eyed
"Vanessa, he just told me they have VIDEO Surveillance evidence of them pushing you into an ally way and saying bullshit, and harassing you" he spits out
"Send me the video I need to see it" his lethal low talking has me taking a deep breath in and swallowing hard
He starts walking out of the room and a frown forms on my face "where are you going?"
"I'll be right back," he says before closing the door leaving me worried and my heart heavier
I put my knees to my chest and rested my chin on my knees, "don't cry, don't cry, he'll come back" I whispered to myself
I'm sure it was nothing and I'm overthinking things, "he's not leaving, he said he'd be back" I whispered once more
I felt myself shaking and these hospital blankets do no good, I pressed the little help button and a nurse comes in a few seconds later "is everything alright?"
The minute the nurse came in Aaron sped into the room eyes roaming over me, "do you have a blanket, I'm cold?" I asked quietly to the nurse
"She doesn't need your scratchy shit...I'll get her a real blanket," Aaron said glaring at the nurse to leave
The nurse walked quickly away without a glance back, Aaron took his hoodie off in point two seconds "hands up" he commanded
"I can put it on myself" I whispered
His eyebrow raises daring me to fight back, I put my hands up and he puts the hoodie on me "good girl" he says before putting a kiss on my forehead
"I'll have someone bring you a blanket but I need to step out of the room for a minute" he places a kiss on my lips before stepping away
But my hand on his wrist makes him turn around, he sat on the edge of the bed caressing my cheek "What's wrong sunshine"
"Why can't you stay here?" I knit my brows leaning into his touch
"Because the lawyer sent me the video in the ally way, and I don't think I'll be able to look you in the eye knowing those two people dragged you in there and you didn't tell me...so I wasn't able to help you" he gripped my chin for me to look his way
I dropped my head on his shoulder "I'm sorry...I'm sorry I didn't tell you about a lot of things" I barely whispered as I felt tears coming down my cheeks
"I don't like to think about people harassing you, tormenting, scaring you, dragging you into ally ways and not knowing about it...you are aware that if you told me about the texts months ago it would've been handled then, and there right?" He gently runs his hand down my hand
"I am sorry...I hope you know that, I thought I was doing what was best with not having to worry you, but I realize now that it was a selfish and stupid decision and I won't keep things from you again" I mumble into his shoulder
"I know you are, and u understand that for so long you've had no one to turn to...but it's going to take me some time to come to terms with everything that's been thrown at me these past couple of days" he sighs holding me close
I nod but don't say anything, I feel him square his shoulders before gently laying me down on the pillow
"I love you, I'll be back" he whispers giving me a soft kiss
"I love you" I whisper with a sad smile
___________
Around ten minutes later a nurse comes in with a big fluffy sage green blanket...the blanket I had on Aarons's couch when I lived in his place
"Your boyfriend told me to bring this, he had someone drop it off" she smiles giving it to me
"Thank you" I grin taking it, immediately relaxing feeling something from home in my presence
The smell of Aarons's hoodie and the feeling of the blanket I had used so many times calmed me down more than I ever thought possible, in a hospital nonetheless
A few minutes go by and Aaron walks in fists clenched and breathing ragged, I open my mouth to speak but his hand over my mouth stops me
"Don't speak. please..." he mutters quietly
"God Vanessa...why didn't you go to the police, what they did to you with the texts and in the alleyway, that wasn't okay," he says his voice cracking as he spoke
He slowly takes his hand off my mouth, gently cupping my cheeks
"I don't know why I didn't" I whisper shaking my head while a tear made its way down my face
He wipes it away with his thumb "I'm going to make sure they both rot in jail okay?" He mutters against my lips
I nod "okay"
He closes the last bit of space we had and kisses me with so much love that I feel drunk on it, I thread my finger through his hair lightly tugging on it, I bring him closer than before, and the kiss gets deep and heated quickly, I pull away slowly, drunk and in a daze on kisses
"We should probably stop before a nurse or someone comes in" I mumble
"Do I look like I would give a shit if a nurse walked in... I would just kick her out simple as that" he shrugs kissing me again
"Dummy" I mumble laughing into the kiss, still not being able to wrap my head around how we can both so easily escape the pain in life just by being together, by holding each other right, and kissing each other harder.
___________
"You're looking much better Miss Alder, I want you to stay one more night, and in the morning should be able to check you out, alright?" the doctor says putting his Stethoscope back around his neck
"Alright thank you, doctor" I give him a warm smile watching him leave
I look over at Aaron to see a tired look on his face "can you lay down with me?" I ask the exhaustion evident in my voice as I speak in hushed tones
His expression softens as he sits on the edge of the bed, his hand gently going over my face moving hair away, I frown wanting him closer
"Closer please" I sigh
A smile plays on his lips as he fully gets on the bed almost toppling me onto the ground "you happy now?" He teases watching me almost falling off the bed
He may be sarcastic as he speaks but it's perfect, I grin crawling closer to him, putting my head in the crook of his neck and my arms laying on his chest "very happy" I whisper lightly kissing his neck
After a few moments go by I gently ask "are you comfortable?"
He chuckles, and the sound immediately brings a rush of warmth and safety to my heart
"With you in my arms? Always" his arms tighten around me, his voice gentle and strong as he speaks in my ear
I smile into his neck, we stay like that for a while until I ask "hey so what happened with the phone call?"
I feel him nod and take a deep breath "he said they have a lot of evidence against Wren and David and that you will need to go to court but they're very confident that they will go to jail..., especially with the evidence of wren coming to my building when she was banded from it"
"Will you come with me to court?" I ask my voice shaky and nerves taking over
"Hey, sunshine stop shaking" he whispers against my head "You don't have to worry I'll be with you through every step"
"Alright" I nod
"Hey you know what I just realized" he whispers
I hum in response
"We weren't able to spend Christmas or your birthday together" he replies sighing
My chest constricts as I realize this most likely was our last Christmas, i sob escapes my mouth,
"Hey...it's okay we can just celebrate late" he gently says cupping the back of my head and holding me close to him
"It's not that... it's just if they don't find me a heart this would've been our last Christmas together if we celebrated it" I murmur against his neck
His sharp intake of breath makes me cry more "it's okay" he runs his hand up and down my back
"It's not though, I won't be here Aaron...in a matter of months, I won't be here" I croak out, no matter how many times I smile that reminder is always in the back of my mind.
He continues running his hand down my back trying to soothe me "and I will be here for however long you're heart will let me"
"Aaron" I sob out
"I'm not going anywhere Vanessa...okay? so don't say any stupid shit right now" he replies his voice cracking
"I will treasure every moment I have with you, Whether it's decades, months, days, or minutes I will not leave your side, I chose to be here, and that's a choice and promise I don't plan on breaking" his voice is steady and confident as he speaks
I cry more as he speaks his sweet words, my mind will never fully wrap itself around how much love I have for this man, it runs deep and true and it's tattooed on every part of me, inside and out.
"And we will find a heart...I know it" he whispers, hope and a certain knowing in his voice
"You can't know something like that" I mutter
"I do...I know you will" he says quietly
I lift my head and wipe the tears off Aarons's face "please don't cry" I beg
"You will sunshine...you'll get that heart I can feel it," he says quietly
I rest my forehead against his "whatever you say, but I don't want you to have this much hope and be disappointed when they don't find one" I shake my head
He shuts up anymore talking I might do with a kiss, its fast, deep, and leaves me breathing hard against his mouth "it will be okay" is his reply
"My goal isn't to live decades-long...it's just to live as long as I have with you" I caress his cheek kissing away his tears
"Well then if that's your wish we will make sure you make some amazing memories then" he whispers
"romantic shit...done, adventurous shit...done, traveling...done, anything you want I will try my hardest to give you" his voice is stern and serious causing a big smile to appear on my face
"Speaking of traveling" I whisper running my finger over his lips
He hums looking at me with a smirk on his lips as he bites my finger that was just tracing his lips "hey" I laugh
"Go on" he grins
"Did you know Victoria had a baby" I whisper
"Is everything good with her and the baby?" He asks
I give him my phone with the texts, he smiles at the phone
"That's good to hear" he whispers
"You okay?" He asks
"Yeah...I just think the whole babies thing is hard to hear with what happened" I clear my throat begging the tears to not fall
He nods understanding why I'm upset and pulls me closer "I'm so damn sorry sweetheart"
"Me too" I managed to whisper,
"I want to travel to the Netherlands to see her and the baby" I sigh
"Whatever you want" he nods
"We can travel to some other places, make it a birthday trip for you" he grins giving me a kiss
I hug him tightly afraid that if my grip isn't strong enough that he will disappear
"You're my everything just so you know," I tell him
"You're my everything and more as well sunshine" he kisses the side of my head
"How about you get some sleep, okay?" He says stroking my hair gently
I nod already feeling my eyes getting heavy as I breathe in his scent and feel his warmth "you too" I mumble
"I think I'll watch my beautiful girl in my arms for a while, maybe I'll sleep a little later," he says quietly, it makes me smile knowing he probably didn't intend for me to hear that
"I love you my beautiful sunshine, get some sleep I'll be right here holding you when you wake up" he presses a kiss to my temple as I start falling deeper into sleep
-----notes----
Another bonus chapter...look at me go bestiesð§ð¼ââï¸
(also check out my links in the bio and follow me on my socialsð)
I genuinely feel like this chapter was boring and dragged on too long...idk anyways (it's giving filler chapter)
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Word count: 3311