|55| truth unvailed

If someone makes you feel,

Let them.

~Reyna biddy

_______________

Dear buttercup,

I constantly have these thoughts in my head that break my heart, like the fact I won't be able to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day, see your future kids, and talk to you beyond my transplant day...it sucks to think about but I know in my heart I'm doing the right thing by giving the love of my life a second chance at life, your mother deserves to have some peace after all the stress she's been under since finding out about her heart, leaving the second love of my life which is you will be difficult...I just hope that you live to love me and understand the reason why I did what I did...just remember that you and your mother are everything and more to me and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you two, it's been difficult to look in your beautiful little eyes and know there's an expiration date on the time we will spend, your oblivious to it all...you're just a sweet little girl smiling and laughing all the time, filling your mother and i's heart with so much joy, sometimes doing the thing we know is right is the hardest choice to make, and that's okay because we know deep down its the best choice we could have made, and I know my choice is the right one, no matter how difficult. you are beautiful my sweet girl and I know you have a life full of love and hope ahead of you, never give up and always know in your heart good things are yet to come, keep praying and spreading love and joy to those around you.

~with all the love in the world, your dad ♡

I take a deep breath in and close the journal putting it back inside my nightstand

Hands snake their way around my waist and I feel a hot breath on my neck "the movers are bringing the last of your things right now"

"Okay," I whisper leaning into Aaron,

The day I got the all-clear from the doctor to go home Aaron took me to his place and had a moving company bring all my things back to his place, I didn't fight it because I wouldn't mind waking up and going to bed with Aaron right next to me,

I know he wasn't bluffing when he said he wasn't letting go of me now that he has me back, I don't want to let him go either but I can't help the sinking feeling in my gut as I think about me not being able to get a heart.

"Love you" I whispered in a daze of exhaustion

"Who loves me...I mean a lot of people love me" he teases biting my ear slightly

I laugh at the tickling sensation of his teeth grazing my ear "I do"

"I love you" I correct myself

He hums kissing my neck "and I love you" he mumbles in between kisses

I smile closing my eyes feeling his lips on my skin, savoring every bit of him that I can.

"Where'd you put Mr. frog?" I ask breathily remembering I have a whole real frog as a pet

His deep chuckle near my ear puts me in a drunk-like state about everything about him,

"In the living room" is his reply before he turns me around claiming my lips

_____________

"Do you think I should tell henry...and your parents?" I ask as we lay on the couch together after unpacking most of my things

"It's up to you but...I think you should, I'm sure my parents would want to know what's been going on with me the past month and why I've been more of an asshole than usual" he holds me closely

I nod staring at the ceiling "will they hate me for staying with you after not only hurting you but putting this burden on you?" I ask quietly my voice suddenly heavy and hoarse

"No one will hate you sunshine, they will understand after you talk to them...I'm sure of it" he says confidently

I nod but the nervous feeling doesn't leave, Aaron notices my uneasiness just like how he notices everything

"Hey...stop worrying everything will be fine, my parents love you, I'm sure more than me at times" he whispers cupping my face

My face crumbles and a sob escapes me despite my strength to keep my tears in, I find it impossible to keep my pain away at this point,

"It's okay, I'm right here" he whispered with a concerned expression as he pulls me flush against him in his lap

"I'm so scared Aaron...I don't want to die, I don't want to die" my sobs come full force as I cling to him

I've had absolutely no one to talk about my fears with, it feels like all the pent-up struggles I've been battling on my own are coming full force in the safe hold of Aaron.

He holds me tightly "I know sunshine, it's okay to be scared" his voice breaks

"I don't get it Aaron...why do you want to be with me? Why put yourself through that kind of pain, I lied to you! I kept things from you" I whispered because my voice would only more if I spoke normally

"Because it hurts worse thinking about leaving you to deal with everything yourself, it hurts worse knowing I could've had just a little longer with you, I will take as much time as your body allows, and I told you I'm not leaving and that's a promise I'm intending to keep, I will be here till your heart gives out"

"What going to happen to my homeless organization?" I sigh

"Firstly you did amazing on your first meeting, and secondly stop worrying everything will work out" he runs the back of his hand softly over my cheek

My enter face lights up "you were there? But I didn't see you"

He chuckles "of course I was there, how could I not be"

"I just thought since I hurt you, you would stay far away" I shrug

"You may hurt me a hundred times but I'll never stop coming back to you, and I'll never stop being your number one fan cheering you on, I'm proud of you Vanessa...so proud" his forehead rests on mine

"I sometimes forget you're a rude asshole...its weird that people at work see you so differently than I do" I shake my head my lips brushing his in the movements

His lips find mine in a hard short kiss "I can be an asshole to you if you want"

I wack him in the chest as I laugh "no thanks I want the real you, the you I'm thankful I get to see"

His eyes fill with affection as he looks at me, "whatever you want" he whispers so softly, so kindly that I melt even more into his touch

We fall into a comfortable silence as I lay on his chest and gently run my hand along his scar from the kidney donation, I then run my hand softly up to his heart and kiss the tattoo over his heart

His hand tightens on my hips, filling my body with tingles and my head dizzy at the feel and touch of him

"Come here" his answer is hoarse and low

"I'm already here dummy" I laugh

He looks at me with a straight face, not giving any emotions away in the moment "closer"

I bite my bottom lip to hide my smile as I climb fully on him, sliding my hands around his neck, one of my hands immediately plays with the hair on the back of his head while the other gently lay below his neck, I sigh in contentment at his proximity,

His hands go around my waist bringing me flush against his body, and closer than before, his lips graze my moon tattoo sending a tickle sensation to dance along my skin

"My sunshine" he whispers with a smile as he looks at my tattoo

My body heats at his soft words against my skin

I hum in his ear "my Aaron" I whisper back kissing his ear softly

His hand slowly in a teasing manner slides down my back to my stomach, I close my eyes as he continues to do this multiple times, going up and down and up again,

My body relaxes under his touch, and any sort of tension and stress I felt mere minutes ago went away, I feel myself slowly drift as I focus on his light soft touches

"Rest beautiful, I'll be here when you wake up" I hear Aarons's soft sweet voice in my ear

_____________

"I'm scared Aaron...very scared" I whisper as I take deep breathes in after Aaron comes into our room when he finishes setting the plates in the kitchen

"Baby, I told you they will understand why you didn't say anything sooner, they won't be mad...they love you" he cups my face looking at me tenderly with so much love in his eyes that it nearly takes my breath away

I nod feeling slightly nauseous from the nerves

"Hey...I'll be sitting right next to you okay? If it's too much for you or you're getting too nervous just tap my knee three times under the table" he presses a kiss on my chin

"Okay" I whisper with a small smile

He gently grabs my hand pulls me up and hugs me "I love you okay? You're not going to be going into this conversation alone because I will be with you every step of the way, any fear or feeling you have automatically becomes mine as well...you won't have to sit in a corner by yourself overthinking, not when I'm here to talk to you, to listen to you and love you" he says quietly in my ear

"I don't think you'll ever fully understand how much I love you...how much my whole body and mind instantly relax in your presence or your touch, or the way a simple smile takes my breath away making me forget any fear I may have had, my heart and body is yours, you have me both physically and emotionally, I never stood a chance against you, I know in my heart anything I could've done would've always led me to love you because I can't see a life where you're not loved unconditionally by me" his words run deep into my veins planting seeds of understanding and hope that I'll leave this world being loved

"Understand me?" He whispers, his voice hoarse with emotion

"I understand" I nod hugging him tightly

"I feel like I'm a mess recently, my minds everywhere, my emotions are a tangly mess, and I'm scared, I'm crying all the time and I don't feel like old me" I breathe out looking at the table set up for Aaron's parents to be at for dinner

"You're my little mess" he chuckles

It manages to get a little smile out of me, but the truth I told still rings throughout the room as Aaron thinks

"You don't have to be like the old version of yourself...the one who hid behind a smile and held in her emotions because she had no one to trust with those emotions, with me you don't have to hide any pain or fear, I'm here to take it as mine and stand by you as I watch you fight through your fears and trails and win in the end, and understandably, you're going to feel these things with the events that have been happening, there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling" he cups the side of my face and I watch his expression full of love and truth as he talks

Just as he's done there's a knock on the door, I freeze in place, paralyzed by fear "oh God" I whisper gripping hid arm

"Why'd I think I can do this Aaron, I can't do this, this was a dumb idea that will only end badly, Gosh I can't breathe right now, I mean they're right behind that door right now, there's no going back now-" I whisper freaking out

His mouth finds mine in a hard kiss which still manages to melt away anxiety as it always does "stop it, Vanessa, you're not going into this by yourself, and I already told you if you feel too overwhelmed then you tap my knee and I'll make an excuse for them to leave right away, if you seriously can't do it I will tell them we'll reschedule" his voice is gentle yet firm

"Open the door" I whisper kissing him softly with a sigh against his mouth,

"You sure?" He asks concern on his face as he watches me nod

I want to badly say no, but a part of me knows I have to get it over with and just do it.

I follow behind him and watch him open the door, and see his parents walk inside, they have grins on their faces and Lillian immediately brings me into a hug

"Oh Gosh, we've missed you! It has been forever" she laughs oblivious to everything that's been happening

I hug his dad briefly "hi nice to see you both again" I smile

We all walk to the table and anxiety fills me as I take a seat next to Aaron, he squeezes my thigh in silently telling me he's here

We eat and about half an hour later of calm conversation I can't hold it in any longer

"I feel like I should tell you guys something" I take a deep breath swallowing down my nerves and urge to run away into a different room

His parents watch me with wary gazes as they both nod setting their forks down

"Umm...so I kind of got into a relationship with your son without telling him something really important, and that was I have a big health issue, you guys remember the story I told you about my parents?" I swallow down the bile that threatens to rise at the moment as I watch his father frown and mom nod in confusion

"Well...I ended up getting diagnosed with heart failure a few years ago, and I was terrified to tell your son so I kept it away from him, at first it was because we were new in the relationship, and then I didn't want him under stress with the kidney donation and by that point, fear consumed me and the thought of losing him, and him hating me scared me too much"

"Wait you...you're dying?" His mother whispers

I slowly nod looking down, a take a deep breath in, and when I speak my voice cracks "I tried staying away once I realized how horrible it was to keep it from him...I promise, I broke it off in December and he transferred me to a different company, but then I collapsed in my office and Aaron saw me because he was bringing me my last paycheck there, then at the doctor, he found out about my heart and we both found out I was pregnant, we sadly lost the child because my heart wasn't strong enough" it's like throw up coming out of my mouth, everything I've kept in spills out as pain overtakes me when I relive the moments with me talking about them

"Oh Dear God" I hear his mother whisper in a broken voice, she mumbles incoherent Russian

"I am so sorry I didn't tell Aaron or you guys...I was a coward and didn't want to face the reality that I have months left" I whisper

"But you can get a donor right?" His father asks

"Umm maybe? It's very unlikely since the donor would either have to sacrifice their life or we wait for someone to die and transfer that heart to my donors... it's all complicated and will most likely not happen" I sigh as I push my food around with a fork

"How did you find out?" His mother whispers

"I had really bad heartburn on my period and I couldn't handle it at some point so I went to a doctor and they sent me away with some pills but that made it worse so they did scans and found out about the failure" I take a small bite of food knowing I need to eat to shut my mouth up for a moment.

I fill them in on all the Wren and David drama, I answer their questions about scans and anything else they want to know, and tell them I moved into his place now and throughout all of it Aaron holds my hand and squeezes it from time to time so I don't feel alone in this situation

His mother pulls me into a hug as tears roll down her cheeks "I'm so sorry sweetheart, I can't imagine what you had to go through all that on your own, just know you are welcome in this family and we will do anything to ensure you're comfortable and as happy as you can be"

"Thank you that means a lot" I nod hugging her back feeling like I'm getting a hug from my mom even though she isn't

His father hugs me, I see his eyes cloudy but he's kind of like Aaron in the sense he tries acting big and tough "we don't hold anger over you for not telling him about your heart just so you know, we do hope you get a donor, you kind of remind me of our daughter in the sense you never gave up or showed weakness in the struggle...but I do hope you lean on Aaron and us if you need to"

At his daughter's mention, I hug him tighter, I can't imagine what they had to go through with finding their daughter like that, and having to lose someone not knowing the pain and depression they were in, that pain will probably forever live I their hearts, no parent should have to go through the pain of outliving their child

"Thank you" I whisper when we part

When they leave I let out the breath that I was holding the whole dinner, I understood now that they didn't hate me...and that's more than I could've asked for, granted they were shocked and upset at the mention of my heart but they didn't show any resentment towards me

"I told you everything would be okay" Aaron hugs me from behind his face and presses against my neck, his warm breath tickles my neck and warms my body I lean into his touch sighing in contentment at his closeness

"I guess next up I have to tell henry" I sigh

"It will be okay, now come on let's go watch a movie or something with some of the dessert my mom brought" Aaron picks me up bridal style, I let out a sound of surprise and smile as I lean into his hold, he walks to the couch setting me down as he places a sweet kiss on my forehead before he goes to the kitchen,

He comes out with some panna cotta, and some spoons, he grabs a big warm blanket as he walks over to me, he sits next to me and I immediately scoot closer so our sides are flush against each other, after he puts the blanket over us and hands me a glass of the dessert he gives me the remote

"Disney movie time" I grin

He rolls his eyes but doesn't disagree as he watches me look through the options

"Stop staring at me" I frown as I ignore his heated gaze

"Imagine that when driving" his smirk is so clear in his voice

"Oh whatever...what do you think about tinker bell?" I grin big

He leans down kissing me slowly, catching me off guard "whatever you want" he whispers pulling me closer

And I believe him because anything I've wanted he's given it to me, no questions asked, a heartbeat answer with complete certainty, trust, and love.

---notes---

Yet another bonus chapter! Who am I?

I know I know this chapter is giving repetitive at some points but oh well...

I'm getting more bored as the chapters go on...I'm legit losing interest in this story (idk I feel like I don't have confidence in my writing recently and when that happens I hate anything I write)

Vote and comment it means a lot❤️

Word count: 3471