|61| weakening heart

Healing doesn't mean forgetting.

~J. B

______________

| a month and a half later |

I feel my body radiating in a glow since we got off the plane,

A week in paradise, going to New Zealand, Rome, and London, and finishing off the trip with Paris.

My cuts and bruises have healed, but the memories will live under my skin for an eternity, the vacation gave me time to heal at least physically and keep my mind away from the bad for just a moment,

It took me a couple of weeks to finally speak about what happened in there with Aaron, he cried...so much, and I cried, both of us holding each other, thankful that I got out of there.

So I started talking to a therapist after confessing to Aaron that I still wasn't okay, even after talking to him about it, so he searched for the best one in New York and I started talking to her online,

And when we get back home, I'll have meetings from time to time in person.

I remember on the plane to our first location we saw the news and it made my heart speed up yet also gave me peace at the same time,

Wren Lee and David Katz were found in a northern inn on the weekend, police officers on the scene closed the case as a suicide.

I was surprised that Enzo and his friends or whoever they were, managed to make it look like a suicide, I thought the police would see right through the crime scene they made at the hotel but...they proved me wrong,

It was strange to think about the both of them just not...here, the both of us will continue living life not thinking much about the two of them, that thought alone causes a spike of fear to make its way throughout my body,

"What's wrong?" Aaron's voice is soft as he sits next to me on the couch, his touch is gentle on my cheek as he moves my gaze toward him,

"Will-you remember me when I'm gone? Or will I be just a distant memory, just some girl you got to date for around a year?" My whispered confession makes his face contort into a sad almost pained expression,

"I will never forget you Vanessa Adler...but I already told you if you go down I'm going down with you, I refuse to live in a world where all your sunshine is gone, I will do anything in my power to ensure you never have to think about horrid thoughts like those, and you are not just some girl I date...you are a girl I love with my whole being" he whispers

"Thank you again for the trip" I murmur as I sit up slightly and move over to his hold,

"You don't have to thank me...it was something we both needed...just us, no work, and especially for you to take some time to work over some things" he cups my face his eyes hold softness...and love-so much love,

"I did need it" I whisper, letting myself have this gift from him...I let him spend the money because I truly couldn't be in New York after what happened, I needed time to just breathe.

Right before the trip, I went to the doctor and they told me I had a month after the trip...give or take until my body would fully give up, but he told me to just keep my head held high and not give up,

And Aaron...he held me as I cried, cried in fear of having only a month left with the people I love, the people that have made this year feel worth all the pain I've endured over the years,

I thought I would end up all alone in the end...I thought I would've never been able to experience love and the kind of happiness my parents felt in each other's presence,

And then...Aaron happened, and it was as if the fight that I had endured was worth it, not giving up felt like the best decision I had ever made,

And he's still here...after all, we've been through he's still by my side, making sure I don't feel so alone,

My thoughts get interrupted by a phone call,

"It's your mom" I smile and peck his lips before answering the phone, but Aaron just holds me to him, he sighs in contentment feeling my body completely give in and melt into his touch,

The safety of his hold.

(Call with Lillian)

"Hey! How are you sweetheart, how was your trip?"

I smile just before going on a rant to tell her all the places we saw, the people we met, and how we stopped by the Netherlands to say hello to Victoria and her little girl, they're both doing well and it filled me with joy to see her life be filled with love and the happiness of having her daughter be safe in her hold,

I then told her about all the food we tried, all the cool little places we got to go to, and then I told her all about my appointment before the trip,

"I'm sorry sweetheart...but you still have a month left to find a heart" her voice is filled with a sense of sadness,

Her words end on a croak, as if she's fighting tears, I can feel Aaron lean his face into the crook of my neck,

"Mom it's okay" I hear Aaron whisper to her

I frown slightly at the crack in Aarons's voice, it sounds like Aaron is trying to not cry as well, and I realize that I'm hurting everyone around me...my ticking time in life is destroying everyone around me,

I quickly mute the call and turn to Aaron, "are you sure it's a good idea for us to stay together...with you possibly having to watch me die, it's hurting everyone around me, Aaron"

"No...we're not breaking up Vanessa, not again, not ever." His voice is stern and he plants a rough kiss on my lips

He unmutes the phone "mom everything will be okay, how about I call you tonight and we talk again, I'm gonna take Vanessa to a bakery"

I'm sure my eyes light up at the word bakery, I wasn't aware we were going anywhere today, I was just mostly going to touch up on some notes for the talk I'm going to have with the homeless tomorrow,

"Alright, I love you both, stay safe"

My eyes water,

To be loved is so precious, such an everyday feeling people get...From loving an outfit to food, and pets,

But if you truly think about it, there are very few people who unconditionally love, who will love you through the nitty and gritty moments in life, through the tears and the moments where you want to give up,

Most people take the three words as surface level because so many people loosely use the words, but me...

Those words are a gift, they are a treasure and I don't take them lightly.

So I mean every word when I reply

"We love you too...stay safe as well" my voice holds an emotion that makes Aaron pull me to his chest immediately

(End of call)

"We're going to a bakery?" I ask quietly after I take a moment to clear my throat,

He kisses my forehead, a smile lifting to the corners of his beautiful mouth,

"Maybe some desserts will put a smile on your face, and you can see your friend, I'm sure she would want to know all about our vacation" his words are sweet and his fingers run through my hair,

I hug him, and smile big into his neck, the man has the kindest soul hidden behind a hard exterior that everyone doesn't dare to even take a second look at,

His loving qualities are overlooked by his harshness when he's at work, his love is so big, yet everyone's blinded to it,

"I could use some cake" I whisper with a grin

"You wanna change? Or do you want to just leave now?" he asks

I look down at my pink tracksuit outfit I wore for the airport and on the flight home,

"We can't keep the cake waiting" I get off of him and quickly grab my purse, looking inside I frown and turn to Aaron,

"Where'd you put my card this time?" I sigh

He smirks looking me up and down "have I told you, that you look super hot in that outfit"

I roll my eyes while stalking toward him "where's my card?"

"You lost it again? Well I guess we don't have a choice but to use mine" he sighs while trying to hold in a smile

"You're stupid" I frown and walk into our room, I look into his pants drawer where he hid it last time, I only found it because I was putting his laundry away,

His chuckle echoed throughout the rooms as I try to search for it, "Aaron" I whine loudly

"Yes, sunshine?" He asks leaning against the door, his head tilted as his mouth tips into another smirk,

"Can you pretty please give me my card back?" I batt my eyelashes while walking towards him and dragging my finger up and down his chest,

"I love paying for you...my money is your money, so we can just get you a card with my account attached" he shrugs grabbing my hand and pulling me out of our room,

"Well, what's the point of me working if I can't use my money?" I raise a brow

"Quit" he shrugs like it's the obvious answer

"You wouldn't survive without me as your assistant" I tease

He sighs knowing I'm right "then how about you continue working for me, so you don't feel guilty whenever I pay for you...know I'll pay either way, but this way you just will let me more"

I think it over, and though I still don't like the idea of him paying for it, maybe me 'working' for it will make me more lenient about it,

"I'll think about it" I mumble

He smiles and pecks my lips "good, now come on let's not keep your cake waiting"

I grin and go feed Mr frog and immediately walk out of our place, already forgetting the card at the mention of sugar,

_____________

"I can just drop her at your guy's place after we hang out" Zara grins at Aaron after she gives our orders to us and we decide to hang out,

"Fine by me" Aaron nods and then looks at me with a small smile

He leans down and presses a gentle kiss on my lips "have fun, I'll see you later"

"Thank you" I whisper hugging him tightly,

It's still to this day strange how he can just know what I need without me telling him anything, I truly needed to talk to a friend and he saw that without me having to say it,

"Okay now that your man's gone...tell me everything about the trip! I want all the juicy tea on it" Zara grins as she pulls me into her office,

"Excuse me! You better not tell her anything without me there! I'm her emotional gossip girl! She needs me next to her when gossip is told" I hear Ava yell from the kitchen,

There's some commotion and then her voice telling someone to take over the kitchen, and then her loud footsteps running to the office making Zara and Me laugh,

"That was her way of saying she wants in on the tea as well" Zara rolls her eyes and takes a bite of cake, that she brought us,

"'I'm here! And I brought snickerdoodles because why the hell not" Ava storms into the office with a grin on her face and a white little bag of I'm guessing the cookies

"Hi, Ava" I smile getting up to hug her,

"Hi! Well, how are you? How'd your appointment go? How was your vacation? Did he propose? Did you guys go to that shmancy sandwich place I sent you?" Ava asks all back to back before she can even sit down,

"Geez Ava why don't you talk faster" Zara laughs

"Sorry! We just haven't seen her in a bit" Ava shrugs sitting down,

"So how are you?" Ava asks opening the bag and putting the cookies on a plate,

"Stressed from my appointment, but feel lighter after the much-needed vacation..." I sigh grabbing a cookie,

And slowly I unpack everything, talking to them about my fears and the stress of all that has been going on,

"I honestly can't with Wren...good riddance that she's gone," Ava says muffled by the cookie stuffed in her mouth,

Zara smacks Ava on the shoulder lightly "Ava! Don't wish death upon people..."

"Whatever I'm just saying what we're all thinking" Ava shrugs making me need to fight a smile,

"Has there been any news on a heart donor?" Zara asks quietly

I swallow roughly and finish chewing the cookie before shaking my head "no...but they told me to not lose hope, that there's still a small amount of time left, and that they'd keep a look out"

They both nod slowly, taking in the information,

"Too bad you couldn't steal Wren or David's heart..." Ava mumbles sadly

Zara's eyes widen "Ava! Geez what is with you and the comments"

Ava frowns "shush it you know I have dark humor...it's how I cope"

"Just ignore her" Zara sighs "and don't worry-everything will work out"

"We'll pray for you" Zara whispers when she hugs me

"Thank you" I smile hugging her back

"Okay this is getting depressing...please give us the tea on your vacation trip because these tears are making me want to eat a whole cake" Ava mutters as she wipes an endless stream of tears down her face,

Zara and I laugh and I sit back down to get another cookie and I start explaining how Aaron and my trip went.

______________

"You have a good time?" Aaron asks when I close the door behind me and take my shoes off,

"I did...it was just what I needed" I smile walking up to him and meeting him in a hug,

"Thank you for that...I didn't realize how badly I needed to just talk to friends about everything that was happening" I mumble against his chest,

He nods and kisses the top of my head "I'm glad you were able to have someone to talk to"

"Here I brought some cookies back for you" I smile handing him a box of cookies Zara handed to me before I left,

"Thank you sunshine" he smiles laying a gentle kiss on the corner of my mouth,

"I need to call Henry and talk to him about the talk with the homeless" I mumble

He nods but does let me go

"Aaron" I laugh trying to wiggle out of his hold

He smiles and reluctantly lets me go when I try to tickle him.

After catching up with Henry and talking to him for about an hour,

I decided to go into Aaron's office where he's doing some work,

I slowly pass our kitchen and grab the cookie bag just before walking down the hall,

Walking quietly into his office I straddle him trying not to disturb his typing,

He opens up his arms to allow me to get comfortable and I wrap the blanket I grabbed around me and slightly him,

"How's Henry?" He asks after a moment,

I hide my smile between my teeth, he's changed a lot, from the moment we met to now,

He wouldn't have asked how someone was doing just mere months ago,

"He's doing good, he's working on a big project right now and has been very busy, but he said he'd squeeze in some time to go to the homeless organization with me"

"Great to see him busy and his life on track from how it used to be" he nods kissing the side of my head

My heart grows as he talks, his true self is very much coming out, and I love it,

I love him.

"You want a cookie?" I whisper grabbing a cookie out of the bag and putting it up to his lips,

He grins big and opens his mouth taking a big bite of it "thank you gorgeous" he runs his hand up and down my spine,

After feeding him two cookies and eating one myself I feel myself slowly dozing off in the comfort of his hold,

His hand gently massages my back at a rhythmic pace that slowly puts me to sleep,

"If you're tired then sleep...the doctor said you need lots of rest, don't fight it" he whispers in my ear as he squeezes my hips slightly

I can feel her weakening every day,

As I hold her I treasure the feel of her in my arms, the way her hands rest at my sides and her face in my neck, her warm breath against my skin,

"я люблю тебя мое солнышко" I whisper against her skin

(I love you my sunshine)

I will keep her safe, and Alive if it's the last thing I do,

I will carve my heart out of my chest myself and give it to her if I need to,

Time is running out and I don't want it to, I want to just admire her smile for a while longer,

But sadly that isn't up to me...all I can do is pray and hope that my heart is enough to give her a second chance.

----notes-----

Bonus chapter, I feel like Ima have a lot of bonus chapters in a week's time because there are about 8 chapters left and I just need to finish this story and take a mental break for a bit.

We're getting SO close to the end...

I can't tell if I want to do the original ending that I had planned for this story that was the outline when I just thought of it.

Or a happy one🧍🏼‍♀️

Word count: 3062