|62| heart stops

It's within your love

That I feel whole,

Alive,

And free

~Inessa (me🧍🏼‍♀️)

(I'm too lazy to go on Pinterest so I had to write my own😑)

_______________

| a month later |

She's not waking up.

She's barely breathing.

Am I breathing?

Is this some terrible nightmare?

"Come on sunshine, wake up" I plead as I cup her cheeks

My tears fall on her soft skin, I move her hair out of her face and plead for her to open her eyes, to just wake up,

I call her doctor and explain how I came back from work and saw her taking her nap she always takes, and how I didn't think anything of it, I walked up to her kissed her forehead, and fixed the blanket that was over her,

I sat on the couch next to her with my computer as I did some work, after about half an hour I glanced at her and noticed she was paler than normal,

I put my hand gently on her cheek to feel her slightly cold skin, I checked her pulse and realized it was barely there,

She was dying.

An hour later we're at the hospital, they're getting her ready for the transplant,

With me as the donor.

"Okay, do you need to call anyone before we put you under the anesthetic?" A nurse asks after she finishes with the IV

I nod and ask for my phone, I decide not to call Henry because he doesn't need this kind of stress at the moment,

But I do call my parents,

(Call with Mom)

"Hi, sweetheart how are you?" Mom asks

"Hi mom...it's-it's time," I say quietly

She knows what I'm talking about immediately,

Her voice cracks as she speaks "are they taking you now?"

"She's dying mom...she was barely breathing when I got home from work, I can't lose her" I cry

"Oh sweetheart, your father and I will come to the hospital" mom shuffles around in the background

"I love you mom and tell dad I love him too and if anything happens to me in surgery make sure Vanessa gets my letter okay?" I whisper finding it hard to talk over my tears,

"We love you too, and everything will be okay...Vanessa and you are meant to be together, there is no you without her, and her without you" her words ring true in my heart,

"Mom the doctor just came in..." I take a deep breath in and hope and pray that this transplant goes well, that Vanessa gets a second chance at a healthy life,

"We'll be there soon...and we will see you when you wake up" moms voice is strong when she speaks, her hope is clear as day in her voice,

"I'll see you soon" I whisper while never-ending tears flow down my cheeks.

(End of call with mom)

I take a deep breath in and send a silent prayer that everything goes well,

They take me to a room, it almost looks like a spaceship,

"Alright I'm going to have you count from one to ten," the woman says putting some kind of gas over my mouth

"And take some deep breaths" she adds

I take some deep breaths a start counting

"1..."

"2..."

"3..."

"4..."

"5..."

I don't remember much as I wake up feeling some pain in my head and near my heart, I feel slightly loopy and don't remember much

But I remember falling back asleep right after a nurse came in giving me some pills,

I wake up and I'm notified by a nurse its the next day and the anesthesia has worn off, she tells me I got a heart and that I got a letter from who gave me it

I nod slightly in a daze and am shocked at the fact I have a new heart...

"Wait...does this mean I'm healthy?" I ask quietly

The nurse smiles "you're one healthy heart failure-free woman"

"Really?" I say in a whisper with tears streaming down my face

She nods "the heart should last you at the very least 10 years"

"Thank you," I say crying

Aaron will be so happy we won't have to be apart anymore

I owe this person my life

"Do you know if Aaron is here?" I ask

The nurse looks at me and parts her lips "no guests or anyone is allowed in the room while you're recovering from surgery for at least a couple of days" and then she leaves

I frown at her blunt quite rude answer, I look around and can't find my phone so I can't even call him with the amazing news.

I sigh and grab the letter, I guess I'll have to kiss his face off in a few days instead of today.

I open the letter and begin reading

To my sunshine~

"No..." I whisper

"No, no, no, no, no" I keep chanting

Please tell me he didn't give me his heart...

Please tell me he's alive and didn't die

Please tell me the heart they transplanted to him was a success and he's healing in another room and I will see him soon, I keep repeating in my head.

I panic as I begin reading again with my tears streaming

~ it's funny how I always told you my heart beats for you...I always somehow knew my heart was yours, and now it legitimately is, I have two letters written one is if I don't survive the transplant and the other is if I did and I'm in a recovery room and can't see you yet

And tears stream down my face as I write this letter...because the other one was so happy, me talking about our future and how happy we will be together, and yet this letter breaks my heart to have to write I hope this is a letter you never have to see but I feel like I need to write it just in case, I'm sorry my sunshine that I couldn't be with you, I'm sorry that my time is up, I am forever grateful to give you another longer chance at life, I hope you fall in love, I hope you meet someone who makes you smile at least half as much as you made me...I hope you have kids and make memories, I hope you don't sit around crying all day, I don't want to break your heart but this letter means I'm gone and you have to move on my sweetheart, you will be okay, I will always be with you, and my heart will continue to beat for you til the very end, think of it like this...I will always be with you through everything you go through...I will continue to beat in your chest and keep you alive, I hope you take us on grand adventures and use my heart to the fullest, I will cherish every moment I got to love you, it was the greatest gift I was ever given. the chance to love you unconditionally was something I will forever be grateful for, and I'm honored to be able to give you my heart, I love you so much that words can't even describe it, thank you for making me happy and bringing a smile to my face every day, you healed me in more ways then I can count, you brought the man my parents longed for years, the man my parents missed since my sister past away, thank you for being the sun that shines up a room and that shined in my life, but most of all my angel thank you for loving me, your love was the greatest gift I could have ever been given

~my heart beats for you forever ~your moon

I stare at the letter in my hands which are now soaked in tears

"No, no" I scream out while crying

The pain is too much, I put my hand over my heart and cry, he's in there, his heart is now mine forever

And I don't want it, I don't want to live a life where he's not there

A nurse comes in trying to calm me down but I'm hysterical

"He's gone" I choke out

"Take it out PLEASE," I scream out while crying

"Give it back to him I don't want it, please he can't be dead" I choke out begging and pleading with the nurse

"I'm sorry" the nurse whispers rubbing my back

I'm alone.

I have no one.

My mother. Gone

My father. Gone

My love, my Aaron. Gone

The only person I have now is Henry

Everyone else is gone

I lost everyone

How can I live a life where he's not in?

---notes---

No comment ♡

Happy new year or whatever 🧍🏼‍♀️😃

I said I wasn't going to post a chapter today but I can't sleep cus of insomnia 🤭

Word count: 1494