chapter 11

I started walking back from the bus stop … her two innocent eyes were chasing my heart non-stop… I couldn’t hold my feelings for her … I was sure … It was love… But the …. Big but … about my family expectations and responsibilities were peeping out intermittently in my mind… the struggle between mind and heart continued till I reached my hostel…And suddenly I heard … a chaos …The group of Chandrya and his followers came running towards me , they surrounded me , somebody hugged me from behind and they were singing …‘Papa kahate the bada nam karega , beta hamara eisa kam karega magar ye to koi na jane , ke meri manzil hai kaha…’ ‘Kitabe bahot si padi hogi tumhane magar koi chehara kya tumhne pahda hai?’…They were singing in a chorus in a loud voice … dancing and merry making …There were mixed feelings in my mind at that time … I was excited at the same I was tensed … as I was completely aware about the family background differences as well I knew very well from last two days interaction how ambitious Sanyogita was about her dreams and aims… I was pretty much sure … these kinds of feelings had no place in her current phase of life at least… I requested them to stop this chaos… but they wouldn’t listen to me… and all other boys were watching us from the windows… cafeteria and whichever places they could acquire at that time… the show stopped when the rector came out threatening us in his loud voice... Chandrya’s group left and I returned to my room without dinner … I was fumbled … I wasn’t able to sort out my feelings for her … I was hungry … still … I went directly to my room … without switching on the light … I threw myself on the bed … my head was whirling … should I tell her tomorrow about my feelings? Will it be to early… she will be angry with me… at least she had started developing friendship with me … if I let her know my feelings for her … it is sure that she won’t talk to me again… but If I hide my feelings … It will be like deceiving her … If she comes to know from someone else … about me and my feelings for her… what will happen? I was unbale to control the chain of thoughts emerging in my mind …. Suddenly I heard bang on the door …I tried to get up … from the bed … or Was I on the chair? I couldn’t decide… my knees hurt… I replied in a low tone … I am coming… wait…Why my voice is so low … why knees are paining … I thought … these boys … they couldn’t wait for a single minute…He must be Sumangal … my room partner … Have I locked the door from inside … 'Its’s open ', … I shouted … 'Sumangal , why are you shouting…'Then I heard clearly … Sir … Sir It’s me …Who … I asked once more in a falling tone… I was unable to raise my voice … as if I was choking … Me Sir … please open the door …Sir…Sir…I was listening to the call but I was unable to open my eyes , gather myself and move towards the door …'I have brought meal for you', … Sumangal entered the room with a dinner plate in his hand …'Why have you brought this ? I am not hungry …', I said …No… Rector Sir said … 'take dinner plate for him' … so I have brought … he kept the plate on my study table… and went to switch on the light … In a yellowish light of the bulb … I could see his face clearly… he was standing in front of me … a huge figure … almost six feet tall , wide shoulders … keen eyes and that pink complexion with a radiance on his face … I was awestruck to see him… he was so handsome … I had heard from other boys … he was pursuing M.Sc. in mathematics and was in second year… last two days we hadn’t met as he had gone to his village … What happened? Why you didn’t come to cafeteria for dinner … he was asking …Nothing … I nodded …He said , 'I could sense … you are hungry … eat first … then we could talk … listen … after eating … wash the plate and give it in the cafeteria tomorrow …'I nodded once again and like an obedient boy , I started eating … after my first morsel , I realized how much starved I was… within five minutes I had cleaned my plate … within these five minutes , I had completely forgotten about Sumangal… He was arranging his clothes in the cupboard …With his back towards me … he was humming some song…I thanked him for the meal…Sumangal turned and replied … hamm…And added, ' this is the first and last time , you will be eating in your room and I won’t bring dinner or lunch for you again… whatever may happen in the life … don’t’ get stressed too much and what’s more important , your timely meals … if you eat on time … you will have energy to think and act properly… otherwise … you know … what happened just…'Once again … I thanked him… and promised … It won’t happen again … actually I have promised this to my mother also … how could I forget so early… it’s my bad , I said in a loud voice …Did you say something … he turned once again …I again said , ‘nothing…’But there were many thoughts running like a roller coaster in my mind … About Sanyogita … about Chandrya and his friends … about Sumangal whom I have just met … about my parents back at home … about my aim to become government officer … most important about my studies … Again , I heard a loud bang on the door … and a voice … Sir … Sir … I thought … who is there ? I just opened the door and who is this again and why that person is calling Sir … It must be for Sumangal … not for me … Dr. Archana Pandit