chapter 5

Babya coughed badly, all the boys were on their toes to comfort him and the girls in the mob looked at us as if we have done something erroneous. After drinking two glasses of water, Babya was at his ease. Girls occupied the corner seat and ordered for the tea and pakoda , we were keenly observing them. Every boy, I thought hopefully was looking at different girl. My eyes, I couldn’t take off Sanyogita . In a white Salwar kameez, I thought she was looking like Shridevi in the movie Chandani. I was singing inside, ‘Chandani , Meri Chandani…’ . The gang leader, I came to know his name was Chandrakant, his friends lovingly called him Chandrya … He said to me, ‘Mr. Sharma… Heaven me na? I replied abruptly, ‘ummm…’All others started laughing…Babya came from his seat and whispered in my ears…She is from Bhopal … from a middle-class family… her father is a clerk in Indian railways…she has two elder brothers… she is the last and adored child of her parents… They were not ready to send her to Indore but she wanted to study away from her place and to be independent… so she is here… but she doesn’t reside in hostel… she lives with her family acquaintances… He disclosed the whole information in a minute…. He was literally panting … He said, ‘Now, I am relieved after providing you the whole information… I couldn’t hold information for long with me… It’s against my rules…’‘Aye idiot’, Chandrya said, ‘What’s her name? What Mr. Sharma will do without knowing her name…’Babya thought for a moment and said, ‘Sanyogita… Sanyogita Joshi…’Oh! All other boys exclaimed…That was the first time, I knew her name, my first crush in my life… till that day I have never seen any girl from that angle… but after watching her … I couldn’t hold myself and my feelings… I knew this day will arrive in my life someday… but I was not aware this will happen so quickly and so abruptly so I was baffled…But now I realized, my heart has become out of my control and there is no point in holding back my feelings. so let it happen … I instructed my mind…Then I felt somewhat relieved…That guilt complex was left behind…I knew this was love at first sight…But what about her…Why she will think about me?Who am I?I am nothing or nobody for her… she has never looked at me… she does not know my name… why … why she might want to know about me... what is special in me … that she will notice me… I am an ordinary boy from a small town… she is a city girl… my appearance … I am very ordinary looking boy hailing from lower middle-class family that too from farmer’s family … With these thoughts I was again losing my confidence… once again… but my heart was out of control now… it wouldn’t listen to anyone now… even to chaos running in my other half of the mind… Brother, I was startled by these words… within last two days, my ears have been used to the only word that is, ‘Majanu’…Hamm… I replied and turned backwards… It was once again Chandrya, the gang leader…‘What?’, I enquired…‘What, what? he said, ‘Think about what next…’, ‘When will you propose her?’I was shocked with his words… I humbly replied … let me handle this matter with care… it’s my personal matter…Chandrya looked weirdly at me… he added … haven’t I told you … now you are our buddy… your matter is equally ours… please feel at home… shall I go now… and tell her about you and your feelings for her…No … No… Not at all… I jumped from my chair… and grabbed his hands tight… please don’t do this… let me clear my vision, thoughts and feelings first… then I will tell you for sure for any help I need… But not now…I was grabbing his hand tight and the girls went giggling outside, they stared at me as if I was proposing Chandrya…I abruptly left his hand and stood straight…This time also my Sanyogita was not looking at me either … or towards our group… she was involved in her own thoughts…At that moment, I asked, Babya … ‘Is she really, ok?’‘What?’, he replied…Again, I repeated … ‘Is she in her good health and mental condition?’Mr. Majanu , Rohan was shaking me fiercely and said in a loud voice, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Why are you asking such question? Don’t you love her?’ Babya replied, I have heard that, she is an introvert kind of a person… her first love is book?And second … Rohan asked innocently…Babya replied … ‘Her studied… she is topper of her college in Bhopal… she wants to be an IAS officer… that’s why she is here…’After listening to all this, my heart sank…I almost collapsed on the chair…My mind was instructing me … no chance with this girl… she is very ambitious girl… don’t waste your time for her… she isn’t made for you… But my heart won’t listen, it was saying, though you belong to middle class peasant’s family, you are also intelligent and genuine … you are also here with the same ambition… then you both will make good match… why are you afraid… to accept your own feelings… this is the age… when all such kind of things happen… don’t deny your true feelings… time is the remedy…May be all this chaos in my heart and mind got reflected on my face and when I came out of the trance… I found all anxious faces watching me… they were really worried about me … I thought… I comforted them, nothing to worry… I said… let me have my own time …They replied aloud in a chorus, ‘Sure.’ And left…I paid bill on that day… and new concern arouse… this canteen is too costly… Now I have limited money to spend for the remaining days of the month…I stepped out the canteen landing directly from the heaven into dark reality…Dr. Archana Pandit