32 | Let's Get Lost

Seaside, California October 31, 2012

Lillian

HAVING Amberly and Elle here to help coordinate this hastily thrown-together party has been doing its purpose. Or what Cel described it.

A distraction.

My mother had an abundance of decorations in the garage from years ago. Hanging lanterns and other random shit. However, Amberly provided Halloween decorations to add to the mix as well.

Her father's girlfriend had bought a ton of it last year and hoarded decorations from Dollar Tree.

After spending hours getting the house ready, it was nearly time for the party. Amberly had some of her other friends help with food and refreshments. Including alcohol.

I definitely will be having a few drinks tonight.

God, my parents were going to kill me.

Though any neighbors we had nearby wouldn't call the police. Thankfully the houses in the neighborhood were pretty spaced out and away from one another. Despite everything that could go wrong with throwing this party, right now I just needed to go crazy for once.

Usually, we would go trick-or-treating in town on Halloween. Cel had insisted on doing it still even when I felt I was too old for it.

This year was the exception. We were throwing an illegal party instead.

Amberly had sent the invites out, costumes optional of course. But this was a Halloween party after all. I had about a hundred costume ideas. But last-minute decided to just dress up as a black cat.

Very original.

I had been in my bathroom for the last hour trying to perfect everything.

After finding a very short black dress that was borderline scandalous. I donned cat ears and drew whiskers across my face, the look was almost ready. I straightened my hair and added eyeliner and mascara. All I needed now was to figure out how the hell I was going to get through tonight without having a meltdown.

I was not in the best state of mind as it is.

I could hear Amberly and Elle downstairs still setting things up. The party would be starting as soon as it got dark outside.

Sighing, I strode out of the bathroom and stood in the middle of my room, glancing around searching for the one thing I couldn't be without tonight. The opal necklace that I have worn every day.

After fastening it around my neck and tucking it into my dress, I went downstairs. The party was for the most part going to be outside. Amberly had set up the table with food and drinks. I could see some of Eddie's friends had brought in a beer keg. I definitely had to make sure that was disposed of before my parents came home.

Lanterns were hung up all over the pool deck and extended out into the yard. The Halloween decorations were also placed all over. I noticed Eddie was over where speakers had been set up. Apparently, they were trying to plug shit into this extensive speaker system that I wouldn't even know how to work.

"So how does it look?" I heard Elle ask from behind me.

Turning I took in her costume. She was dressed as a black cat as well.

"Everything looks great—"

"Hey! You are dressed like a cat too!" Elle interjected.

"Yes, I see I am not the only one who had no idea what to dress as," I muttered.

"Eh, I'm not big on dressing up anyway," Elle replied. She glanced at her watch suddenly. "People should be arriving anytime now!"

"I can't wait," I deadpanned.

Why did Cel convince me to throw this party? Hell, she wasn't even here yet. Nor did she bother helping with anything. First thing this morning she left to go do something with Zach.

Taking a deep breath, I finally let the nerves wash away. At least temporarily.

I had a party to throw.

WHEN night came almost the entire senior class came with it. A few others trickled in, along with a certain freshman that was going to get me in big trouble.

Elle's little brother Kenny.

With the music blaring in my ears, I strode over to where he was with his friends, I noticed he was dressed strangely. He had a black wig over his reddish hair.

"What are you doing here?" I shouted. "If your mother found out you were at a senior party she is going to kill me!"

"Well if she finds out there is alcohol being served to underage children my mother would be the least of your worries," Kenny rebuffed.

His friends nodded in unison.

"Kenneth!" I yelped.

"Relax I'm not going to rat you all out," Kenny smirked. "Besides, I got something way better than alcohol."

He demonstrated that by pulling out a rolled joint and lit it.

"Kenneth put that away!" I ordered. "Smoke that shit outside, not in here!"

I yanked it out of his hand and started to stomp on it.

"Hey! That cost me—"

"I don't give a shit!" I snapped. "You are not smoking weed in my house!"

"Fine," he remarked and picked up the joint I mutilated with my shoe.

As his friends were glaring at me for ruining their fun, I had to ask what they were wearing. The wigs, the fake katanas...

He would get a kick out of my father's katana.

"What the hell are you dressed as?" I blurted out midthought.

"Kirito from Sword Art Online," Kenny ridiculed. "Seriously have you not seen it? It came out this year."

"Sword Art Online? What is that some video game?" I chuckled.

"No! It's an anime series based on a manga!" Kenny shrilled. "Jeez, do you read anything?"

I felt my face turn red. I think I was about ready to kill my cousin.

"She mostly reads horrible fanfictions of Zutara honestly," I heard my other lovely cousin mutter from behind us.

"Celesta you were never supposed to tell anyone that!" I cried and turned to gawk at her when I saw her costume.

If I could even call it that. Zach was dressed similarly.

"What is with the grunge look?" I asked.

"It's not grunge you uncultured swine. We don't even fucking look grunge," Cel hissed. "I'm dressed as Amy Lee and Zach is Tom DeLonge."

"Am I supposed to know who that is too?" I sighed. "Amy Lee I know but who—"

"It's blink-182 you dumbass," Cel ridiculed.

"Oh," I muttered.

I did know the band. I just didn't care for remembering names.

"Are you supposed to be dressed as a slutty cat? Half these people in here are dressed as slutty somethings," Cel chuckled, that last part to herself.

"I am wearing black tights with this dress okay and black flats, how the hell is that slutty?!" I huffed. "Can you stop being so insulting?"

"You've insulted our costumes the moment you saw us," Cel reasoned. "I had to return fire, my dear cousin."

"Yeah, be sure you don't bend down or anything," Kenny snickered.

"Shut up Kenneth," Cel and I said in unison.

The dress was not that short. Besides these tights were dark and you wouldn't see anything.

"God I need a drink," I hissed under my breath.

"Let's go guys we can have fun elsewhere," Kenny mumbled to his friends.

After they left, Zach glanced between Cel and me.

"This party is looking great!" Zach cut in, attempting to break the awkwardness.

"Thank you, Zach," I noted.

"Not to put you on the spot or anything, but there is something we need to tell you," Cel mumbled and started to look at Zach nervously.

Oh God, what now?

"Are you pregnant?" I asked jokingly.

"What the hell? No!" Cel shrilled.

"Scott's been wanting to talk to you about something..." Zach trailed off.

Oh, God.

"I know you didn't want to see him but I feel like this would be good for the both of you," Cel admitted.

"First, I told you he was not invited to my party," I hissed. "And second, is he here?"

"Not yet," Zach replied.

"Good, because I am going to go get fucking wasted before I have to deal with the likes of him again," I spat before leaving them behind.

I was sick of people meddling with my emotions.

AFTER I had drank a few beers, I was finally feeling happier. That or I am buzzed.

I didn't care. I was dancing with Elle and ignoring the world around me.

I noticed Elle and I weren't the only ones dressed as cats. My classmates had put more thought into their costumes. Tails, paws, one even did a whole face of makeup to resemble a cat.

Elle barely sipped tequila and she was already slurring her words.

Wake Me Up by Evanescence was blaring through the speakers, hearing Elle attempt to sing it was making me want to spit up my drink.

Come to think of it, a lot of Evanescence and blink-182 songs had played throughout the last hour. I'm sure a certain couple was the cause of it.

After chugging my fourth beer, I thought it was time to stop. I was a lightweight myself.

"Hey, Elle?" I shouted so she could hear me over the music. "If some asshole messed with your feelings what would you do?"

"Are we talking about a certain someone?" she cooed.

I frowned. "Cel and Zach invited him to my party to talk."

Seriously, who the hell does he think he is?

"Tell him to piss off then!" Elle chuckled and started to spin us around, making my head feel worse.

"I think I will!" I huffed.

After a few more songs went by and my head started to pound even worse, Elle stopped dancing, her face looking like she was going to finally throw up everywhere.

But the only thing that came out of her mouth was a swear.

"Oh, fuck," she exclaimed and stared behind me.

"What now?" I questioned, turning to look where she was. "Oh, fuck."

"Maybe you could just punch him in the face," Elle whispered into my ear as we both glanced at Scott as he was looking for me no doubt.

Scanning the dancing crowd, I glared ahead searching for my evil cousin that invited his ass without even telling me. I am going to kill her after I kill Scott.

"Shut up Elle," I whispered harshly. She just giggled and backed away.

Spinning around, she left me alone there. Turning back with my eyes locked on him, he still hasn't seen me. Just seeing him made my chest hurt. I was in love with this person, but at the same time, I was angry and filled with hatred.

Well, probably heartbreak. The bastard sure did know how to play with my heartstrings. He couldn't even make up his mind before it was too late. Things were done and we can't come back from it.

So why was he here still torturing me? I was ready to ask him that myself.

I stalked toward him, my hands balling into fists as I went to meet him halfway.

He stopped when he saw me barreling towards him, his eyes widening in some emotion I couldn't contemplate right now.

"Why the hell are you here?" I accused. "I specifically said to those idiots you were not welcome here!"

"I—"

"You know what?" I spat, cutting him off. "I don't want to know. I just want you out of my house."

That last beer was starting to really make me woozy now. I think I was starting to see two Scotts.

He took a deep breath and sighed. "Lily there are some things we needed to talk about before that night went to hell. I feel like shit for just leaving you there."

"No, I think we said what we needed to say. Besides, I am over it!" I shrilled.

That was a total lie.

"Then I will come back to talk when you are more coherent," Scott remarked.

He seemed to finally realize I was intoxicated.

Without another word, he turned to leave, but not before I had something else to say.

"So you are just going to leave?" I taunted.

Turning around rather angrily, he glared at me.

"You told me to leave," he replied curtly. "So I will respect your wishes."

"Oh my God," I sighed loudly. "I only said that because I'm mad at you."

Scott started to chuckle at himself, the anger dissipating from his face as he continued. So I started to laugh too.

Why was I laughing? I stumbled over toward him, almost falling into him but he latched both hands onto my arms, steadying me.

Finally now if I could just pry into what the hell this asshole was thinking—

"Jesus Lillian, how much have you had to drink?" Scott asked. He sounded so concerned.

But my focus was completely on trying to find that connection to whatever it was that made me able to read people. I reached my hand out and rested it on his shoulder then was instantly bombarded with, love?

And so much self-loathing, anger, and sadness. He didn't even seem to realize—or care that I was in his mind again. But feeling everything so powerfully was making me even sicker.

All I needed now was to find a bathroom because if not I was going to throw up all over someone, and I'd rather it not be Scott.

I don't know if I said that out loud or projected it into Scott's mind because, in the next second, he had lifted me and sped us inside to the guest bathroom.

Though when Scott pushed the door open, someone was unceremoniously taking a shit.

"Hey go have sex somewhere else!" the girl shouted, clearly as drunk as I was.

"Bitch—" I started to say before Scott started apologizing profusely to the girl and slammed the door shut.

"Well that was unexpected," Scott murmured under his breath as he started carrying me somewhere else. He ascended the stairs and was going towards my bathroom.

I just hoped one of the party guests didn't decide to desecrate my room. Then there would be someone dying tonight. The moment he set me down my insides were turning outward. Everything I had eaten was now in the toilet.

Clinging to the edge of the seat, I noticed he had my hair held behind my back, which for some reason made me want to start crying.

"God I wish you didn't see me like this," I sobbed as another wave came.

"Trust me this is nothing, I have seen far worse," Scott admitted as he rubbed my back in an attempt to calm me as I heaved.

"Not helping," I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper.

I sat backward on the floor. Once my nausea ended, I glanced at Scott who was now sitting on the floor beside me.

We both looked at one another awkwardly.

"So what were you supposed to be for Halloween?" I chuckled to break the silence. "A brooding vampire who wears nothing but black?"

"Says the one who is also dressed in all black, are you trying to be goth?" he teased.

"Well I was dressed as a cat," I muttered and felt for the cat ears on my head.

They must've fallen off. And I'm sure my makeup was smudged to hell. Oh God, my makeup.

I bounced up and caught myself on the vanity and looked in absolute horror at my reflection. The whiskers I had drawn were completely smeared down my face, as were the eyeliner and mascara.

I didn't look goth, I looked like I was a K.I.S.S. band member now.

"Jesus Christ you could have told me I looked like shit!" I exclaimed and began to grab wipes to get this crap off my face.

"I could care less about how you looked, I was more concerned that you were completely drunk," Scott replied from the floor. "Now, here we are."

"I don't think that is what made me sick, I just got," pausing I looked for the right word. "Overwhelmed."

"Is it when you went digging into my thoughts again?" Scott implied.

"I'm sorry," I cried, my voice faltering.

"Wait you know you were doing it?" Scott questioned, looking surprised.

"I figured it out when you told me to in your words, 'get out of my head', so I connected the dots," I mumbled and sunk back down to the floor. "I already creeped out Cel yesterday when I tested it on her."

"I can only imagine what goes on in her mind," Scott mused. "But going forward how about not invading my privacy alright?"

Then he gave me a stupid grin to lighten the mood.

My stomach however decided to twist again. Maybe it was the alcohol and not Scott's infuriating emotions.

"Sure whatever. I think you should go for a bit," I insisted and grabbed onto the toilet bowl again. "Go enjoy the party, I'll meet up with you in a bit yeah?"

"Lily I'm not leaving you here alone," Scott remarked.

"You will or I will purposely puke on you," I threatened.

"Do your worse then," Scott suggested.

"Goddammit just get out!" I screeched.

Finally listening to me, the bastard looked apologetically at me and left me alone in the bathroom.

I felt the need to hurl again. Damn, I was a lightweight.

After I finally wiped the rest of the makeup from my face I decided getting some fresh air would be the best thing at this point. I still felt dizzy but I was aware enough that I wanted to avoid Scott.

I wasn't ready for whatever else he wanted to say to me. People were everywhere, so it wasn't hard to slip out the front door and out to the front yard. My parents had a bench put in off to the side. Once I sat down I felt like I could just fall asleep, if it wasn't for the smell of smoke coming closer to me.

Looking wearily off to the side, I saw an outline of a guy coming toward me, cigarette in hand.

"Eddie?" I questioned, confused.

When did he start smoking?

"What are you doing out here all alone, aren't you supposed to be throwing a party?" he asked.

"I think your girlfriend took the reigns," I chuckled. "I just needed some time to myself."

Eddie took a seat beside me and put the cigarette out. Tossing it on the ground he glanced at me.

"I'll pick it up—"

"I hope so, if my parents thought I was smoking they would kill me," I mumbled. "I mean they are going to kill me anyway after this party."

"Eh, it will be fine. We will get it cleaned up before your parents get back," Eddie assured.

"So when did you start smoking?" I pried.

"I've had one here and there, but losing your best friend can take its toll," Eddie sighed. "Plus, I can obtain them legally now."

I had forgotten he turned eighteen earlier this month.

"That's right, you are the first of us to finally be an adult," I laughed. But then my tone got serious. "How have you been though?"

"It's hard. I know I'm not alone in my grief, Brandon meant something to each of us," Eddie murmured.

"Yeah, he did," I lamented.

I heard Eddie's phone buzz, after a quick look Eddie grimaced. "I have to get back, some of the guys are getting into a brawl."

The phone dinged again.

"Scratch that, I think it is the entire football team," Eddie added.

"Not in my house they aren't," I threatened and stood up.

If anything got broken I was double dead. Or triple dead at this point. Between the party, drugs, and alcohol, I probably didn't need to worry about graduating high school anymore.

As I followed Eddie back up to the front door, a figure darted out in front of us suddenly.

"Going somewhere?" Isabel giggled at us. Though her black eyes were solely focused on me now.

I immediately took a step back. Her feral look told me a few things. She was going to kill us and Seana had done nothing to keep Isabel in line. That or she incapacitated Seana somehow.

"What the hell has happened to you?" Eddie said in disbelief.

Isabel eyed him with annoyance. "This doesn't concern you. I'm only here for the bitch that took Brandon from me."

"You killed him, Isabel," I snarled.

All I saw was a scowl from her before I felt the worst pain go across my face. Then I was on the ground, everything spinning around me.

But as the world stopped spinning, I saw Eddie fall in front of me, blood pooling around his head. I looked up, and the last thing I saw was Isabel's soulless eyes staring into mine.

Then I saw nothing.