the moon is beautiful

Joan's

"Jo where are you taking me?" she questioned

"Sab, I told you for a thousand times just trust me"

"Trust? you literally leave me hanging earlier" She said deadpan

I just laughed

"Well, this is my way of building that trust again."

Nandito kami ngayon sa 7/11, I was busy picking stuff while she was busy sulking

"Sab stop being grumpy nga, hahahaha Naalala ko tuloy nung una tayong nagkita, remember?"

Remembering that time made me realize how far we've come, noon hindi pa kami ang magkasabay bumili but here we are now, I mean I kidnapped her apparently, but  knowing Sab, she would've kicked me but she chose to be here kaya I think this is still counted as progress.

She rolled her eyes at me "yes and you're progressively getting into my nerves habang tumatagal"

"pft type mo lang ako eh" pagbibiro ko habang pumipili ng flavor ng clover

she didn't reply which made me rethink the words that I just said, agad akong lumingon sa kanya "hey I was just kidding —"

"I know miss ma'am so shut up and buy me this" she said while waving the can of pineapple juice she's holding "this place is too hot I needed a drink" after saying that she walked away at agad ko siyang sinundan sa cashier, on the way there I saw the Aircon temp, it was 18 degrees, naiinitan parin siya?

Ganyan talaga basta cold-hearted. charot.

After buying everything I think that we needed, I called a cab at inalalayan siyang pumasok, I mean I know she's not handicapped I just suddenly had the thought, paano kung mauntog siya at mas mabaliw pa?

After how many minutes of trying to distract her para naman hindi mag tantrums ang ate niyo, we finally arrived.

"Jo?"

"Come"

"Where are we?" She said from the moment she stepped out of the cab

"Sa future pagtatayuan ng bahay ko" I smiled

"Dinala mo'ko sa bakanteng lote, what? are there more surprises? Don't tell me may pamalo ka diyan, you're not trying to murder me right?"

"Gaga, ayaw kong dungisan ng dugo mo 'tong lupa ko no"

Tiningnan niya ako ng masama

"Biro lang po"

"So why are we here?"

"Perfect question" I slowly held her hand "come"

"Look, Sab"

"w-wow" I saw her eyes glimmering with happiness

While she was busy digesting the view in front of her, agad kong nilapag ang telang binili ko and also the basket full of snacks I bought earlier, I carefully placed the can of pineapple juice besides it.

I smiled at the sight of her.

"Enjoying the view, Ms. President?"

I saw her nod, guess she's too stunned to speak, in awe with the view.

I know that this place is just a boring empty lot, pero when you look in a different perspective, you can see a whole different world. The panoramic view of the cityscape reminds me that whenever I want to run away, I just needed a moment to breathe and look, just look, cause in my ugly days— there's still beauty.

After a moment, she decided to sit with me.

We were quite the whole time, she was hugging her knees habang ang mga kamay ko naman ay nasa likoran ko supporting my weight, I was humming and glancing at her time to time.

Until she spoke, breaking the silence.

"Hey Jo"

"Hm?"

"Why did you bring me here?"

"Why not?"

"I mean this place seems special for you. I just think I don't deserve to be here, I wasn't the kindest to you, you know."

I gave her a warm smile, "Yes you weren't, but so was I"

She let out a sigh "but you know what I mean, my passive aggressive behavior didn't also help. I was a straight up bitch."

"psh, stop taking all the blame, you're stealing the main character sash from me" she laugh, it was contagious  "In the first place it's still my fault, you know the rambotan and all.." I scratched my head "and also, leaving you earlier.. I—I never wanted to do that Sab." Tiningnan ko siya bago nagpatuloy "and I brought you here because, I think you needed a breather, and you'd be needing more soon Ms. President, and my place is open for you." I jokingly bumped her

She smiled and I could trade everything for it to last a little longer.

Yes, I definitely would.

"sus, at inamin na nga ni Miss Rambotan girl..." She chuckled "and yes, I really do need this Jo, kaya thank you."

"don't thank me yet, I'm still sorry for leaving you hanging earlier."

"Whatever your reason is, I know it's valid enough."

"sana nga.."

After that, we shared peace in our silence.

But suddenly my alarm rung. I saw her glimpse on my phone at agad ko iyong kinuha. I just didn't want her to see my alarm description. We were quite for the next few minutes pero alam kong she's itching to ask something.

"You can ask sab, I don't mind."

She was about to talk but there was a pause until she went for it "so you're granting me permission to ask you?"

I nodded slowly.

"I don't want you to regret this Jo, but Can I really ask you something?"

"Oo naman"

She paused before continuing "why were you so sad? during sa entrance ceremony? you left the gym before the program ended, and when I confronted you sa hallway...your eyes.." she paused trying to figure out how to say it without offending her. Trying to find a way to not let her remember the pain, taking everything in hoping that Jo wouldn't feel the pain as much as before, na sana she can lessen it "...you were crying."

I gulped "you saw that?" I asked, that was a long time ago and I'm surprised. I didn't expect Sabrina would ask something that has passed a long time ago, rather than now. Rather than my alarm ringing with label 'time to drink medicine' but she didn't

"I did, I'm sorry I wasn't supposed to—"

I wrapped my arms around my knees, curling up as I was sitting "no, no don't apologize, I was just..."

"Jo?"

She looked at me, and I know I look fragile and miserable "sad"

I thought she would laugh at me or mock me, or tell me I was overreacting but she didn't, she just looked at me and I can't seem to comprehend the look she's giving me

"b-but don't worry Sab, I'm fine now, I don't get sad that much anymore, I'm okay, I'm probably just overreacting, I'm also taking meds regularly—"

"Jo, stop."

"Ha?"

"I didn't say you were overreacting."

"Y-Yes but you'd probably think I am just  being excessive and all these unnecessary reactions—"

"enough Jo, I understand. I understand it all so you don't have to explain or justify whatever you feel.."

"But I left you earlier and I'm not supposed to do that kasi, kasi I promised I'd come back a-and hindi ko alam—" I'm being frantic, and I can't help it, I knew I was being inconvenient for everyone, and now to her. "I wish I could just snap out of this fucking sickness!"

"Joan Cierra Roble, enough!"

Her voice calmed the fuck out of me. As she slowly places her hand on my face, her hands are soft and warm, like a touch I've always wanted to feel.

Her eyes shifted from stone-cold to gentleness, her thumb brushes off every tears falling from my eyes tenderly.

She hold my arms and caressed it, as if I am not a defect, as if nothing's wrong with me. She slowly pulled me closer and hugged me, and I cried and cried because that's all I can do and in Sab's embrace, it felt like I was entitled to– to bawl my eyes out and rip my heart open and she wouldn't judge me and be ashamed of me, as if I am just someone she knew— not the Joan with severe anxiety and panic disorder, but Joan, Just Joan who's heartbroken for no reason at all but she accepts it, without resistance or denial.

After a while, tumahan ako pero nasa bisig parin ako ni Sabrina, she didn't let go of me and I don't wanna do otherwise.

"Hey Joan, The moon is beautiful isn't it?"