just a normal day na gusto kong manapak

Sab

"I'm not asking you to treat her differently like she's some fragile glass that'll break with one wrong move."

I had free time so I decided to grab an iced coffee.

"What I'm saying is that, her sad is not like our type of sad, and just because it has distinction, doesn't mean she should be treated like she's special, she'd hate that."

But what're the chances that my favorite shop would be closed today and my second favorite coffee shop, led me to meeting Gia— who's talking right now.

"And sometimes she could be extremely shy and anxious."

Hearing those made me remember something.

"It's a basic question Rambotan Girl."

"I don't know..I was just, anxious."

"Anxious? So why are you anxious Miss Rambotan Girl?.. Anxious in ordering something? Are you kidding me?

"I was just.... shy"

"You? Shy?"

That time she was fidgety and I just laughed at her. I sighed. I should have known better.

"You okay? Ang lalim yata ng iniisip mo?"

"a-ah, I just remembered something."

"Look, don't be so worried, Jo is a tough person." She's smiling, but I can see it through her eyes, she's worried more than I am, more than anyone, and I ache to care for Jo with no restrictions, but Gia—she must have been worried all this time and I—

"I'm sorry, Gia."

"What for?"

"For.." I paused, there was a hint of bitter taste in my mouth "For not being a good friend to Jo, you must have seen that and it must have been intoxicating staying quiet all this time."

She chuckled na ikinagulat ko

"Don't apologize for treating her normally, sometimes I wish I could do what you do, because all I know is that Jo is better with you by her side."

I smiled wistfully "hm, well sometimes I can't help but wish I treated her better" I sipped on my coffee.

I wasn't the kind to order a hot coffee, but it tasted fine, it was different from what I used to, but it wasn't bad, it's just different— warm and calming, it brings this sense of comfort I've never felt before.

"No Sab, you wouldn't— trust me on that" her phone chimed and I saw her smile "I guess my date's on her way, I got to go Sab."

She stood up "date?"  And her date is on HER way? I didn't know she was "I didn't know you are—"

"I am what?"

"n-nothing. I mean I didn't know you have a date, I'm sorry, ahm let me walk you out.."

"No, it's fine. See you sa school Sabrina."

And with that, she left.

But now I understand why Joan didn't showed up last time.

And the medicines I overheard her mom was talking about during our call.

I understand it all.

It's been 2 days pagkatapos nung gabing nagka-usap kami ni Jo.

Sinundo kami ng driver nila that night kasi her mom was working overtime.

After that Jo and I never talked again, even sa phone.

I've been attempting to contact her but something's holding me back.

But other than that, my mind is so occupied with the upcoming acquaintance party. Now that I am the new elected President, naging in charge nako sa planning ng mga events.

Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako.

Naisipan ko munang maglakad lakad, umabot ako sa park ng hindi ko namamalayan, my mind is still in conflict kung I'll contact Jo or not, my brain is creating these fake scenarios, what if magkamali ako sa pagpili ng mga words? What if I offend her? or what if magmukha akong papansin? am I being too much or too ignorant sa situation niya?

shit shit shit.

Naisipan kong maupo na muna sa nakita kong bench, agad kong nilabas ang phone ko at tinitigan lamang ang contact number ni Jo. I realized we didn't exchange our socials.

I was typing something when I heard a familiar laugh. Agad kong sinundan ang tunog ng tawa at what my eyes land on was Jo laughing, she was sitting on the swing with...Wayne?

I don't know why pero parang may dinudurog sa loob ko seeing her happy like that...I know I'm not supposed to say it like a selfish bitch, but I am one because I hated it, I hate it so much gusto kong sapakin si Wayne.

But why would I?

Shouldn't I be happy that she's happy?

I mean, I am happy for her pero the fact that I wasn't there...

Gusto kong hilain si Wayne at ipamukha sa kaniya na oo, oo he could make her laugh but he was never the one who wiped Jo's tears, I did. I was there when she was torn to pieces and I've touched her cheek and felt her skin against mine, I knew I sounded selfish and immature but Joan was with me during that hard time and for all he know she could be faking that laughter but she was honest with me, she was blatantly truthful— I ignored the fact that he was with her longer or how many times he wiped her tears, I just knew that, that night, Jo was calling my name and not him, and that was enough to comfort me that she doesn't exclusively want him, because if she did, she should have been in his arms that night but no, she was with me and she chose me and dragged me along with my sanity then she cried embracing me and I wanted to rub it to his face to let him know he's not the only one, that he's nothing special, that Jo and I developed a profound connection even for a short period of time, and that he could choose Jo over and over again, but Jo would always choose me.

I decided to let them be and walked away, pero biglang tumonog ang phone ko. Nagmamadali ko itong tiningnan, umaasa't nagbabaka-sakali, na baka nakita niya ako and she didn't want me to leave, or that she needed me— but it was just a number, gayunpaman I answered it.

"Who's this?"

"Hey, Liana  it's Damian."

"Damian? Damian Pangilinan?"

"Well I hope there's none other than me in your life.."

"Gago, ikaw ba talaga 'to? How'd you get my number?"

"a friend knows a friend.."

"I can't believe it's you, so.. why'd you call Ian?"

"Because I guess someone still owes me a date"