about you

SABRINA's

And that's that.

But is it really?

or is it other else like a careless declaration of feelings in the middle of a football field..

"I think I love you"

I never imagined it to be like this....How can be the revelation of love is the one that getting caught eating Cheetos together and sitting down on a table cloth we just randomly took from the party, hay I can't believe I'm saying this pero why can't things between us just be cliché, like every other love confessions? ang hirap maging bading beh

"Sabrina?" "Joan?"

We both looked at the light flashing in front of us, wide-eyed startled by the familiar voices calling our names, hastily covering our eyes not wanting to be exposed longer from an unpleasant sensory caused by the illumination

"MA?" we said in sync

Our eyes widen seeing that both our moms' are here, standing in front of us.

akala ko ba nasa business trip pa si Tita? I know Jo is also surprised.

So basically the perfect date night I imagined, turned out to be parent's day. great.

just great.

"What are you both doing?" Tanong ng mama ko

I looked at the girl next to me and she did the same, as if we're trying to indicate the obvious....I looked back at my mom "picnic"

And a love confession that you just ruined...

My mom's mouth was agape, trying to brush off I don't know, maybe some disturbing thoughts or just simply thinking how dumb this idea was, Picnic at 12 am? Who does that? I can feel that question written all over her face, so as Jo's mother.

"So this is what you're busy about, Joan Cierra."

Jo stood up and I followed not before helping her fix her now crumpled dress, I gulped as I faced her mom who's attention is now on me.

"Good evening po tita" bati ko sabay nag mano, Jo replicate what I did "Good evening din po sayo Tita" bati niya sa mama ko.

We were just standing there, not knowing what to do. Ang dali siguro kung they're throwing many questions eh but the four of us just stood there and waiting for someone to break the silence when suddenly I heard a snort.... is Joan's mom laughing?

"is this how kids these days behave?" she asked between laughter after niyang tingnan ang nakalapag sa ground naming mga chichirya at juice, and I couldn't distinguish if its real or fake or just purely sarcastic

"Sabi mo pa, is this even considered being rebels?" My mom replied

"Rebels?" Tanong kong nagugulohan

"No no no tita, hindi po kami nag re-rebelde, and it's my fault, Sabrina has nothing to do with this, she just got involved kasi... I was feeling a bit unwell and.." depensa ni Jo

"Shh Jo, you don't have to explain yourself" I looked at her mom after saying that and took all the courage I could gather "sorry po tita and mama" I looked at them and sigh bago paman ako nagpagpatuloy "it's my fault po, I invited her out not minding the time, I know it's so irresponsible of me po but I just want us to share an unforgettable night together..."

In the middle of explaining I got interrupted by the sound of my alarm

"oh I'm sorry, it's just my phone alarm"

I was about to turn it off nang bigla itong dumulas sa mga kamay ko, explaining in front of them made me nervous, my hands is shaking a bit, my phone fell and landed on its back, screen facing upwards revealing my alarm labeled with 'Joan's med time: SNRIs',  bago ko pa man ito makuha, Tita took it first from the ground and I knew she saw it, I gulped when she handed it back to me, her eyes met mine and her gaze remained longer, I tried to break our locked eyes by faking a cough

"ehem, where am I? ah yes, I-I just want to apologize, I promise not to do this again without asking your permission po, and believe me Jo has nothing to do with this, dinamay ko lang po talaga siya-"

"Sab" Jo interrupted "stop lying, I'm the one who dragged you into this"

"Jo ano ba?" I tried defending her

"Sab, stop taking all the blame"

I was about to respond nang tumikhim si Tita, we both looked at her, mouth shut.

"It's getting late, save the explanation tomorrow" Tita looked at my mom who's nodding as approval.

Then we parted ways.

Agad kaming pumasok sa sasakyan, hindi man lang ako nakapag-paalam ng maayos kay Jo.

I can't help but let out a weary sigh, as I traced the familiar streets passing, watching the world blur by, each fleeting image a reminder of what was left behind, of what was left of me and Jo tonight, on that field, on that very moment.

"So, what happened?" my mom asked

tama, what really happened?

(REWIND)

"shit, I'm getting late, I'M NEVER LATE" sabi kong naiirita

"ang aga mo namang magsungit" Shiloh answered, who I'm currently talking to sa call

"You're not helping, palibhasa andyan ka na sa school eh"

"So what sab? Magsisimula palang naman, and kalma, everything's going to be alright"

"Paano bang kumalma?"

"Bad mood ka lang kasi sinundo si Jo eh"

"What the hell are you saying?"

"walaaaaa"

I rolled my eyes while walking outside the gate, hindi ako maihatid ni mama kasi na flat ang gulong ng kotse, a very good timing.

"ano bang pake ko kung sinundo siya."

"Oo nga ano nga ba?"

"Shut up"

"Pero have you heard ba, Maya is part of the club"

"Club?"

"ang slow mo gurl, she's gay"

"Gay?"

"Oo beh, bading. Certified. Bading na bading."

I snorted "what if she's just an ally? how are you so sure?"

"Psh. Ikaw may pa ally ally ka pa eh deep inside may kabaklaan pala, tsaka totoo nga! Gia told me, classmate sila sa isang subject eh"

I paused..."shut up. At ano bang relevance nito sa pagiging late ko Shi?"

"Wala pero kay Jo meron, siguro pinopormahan niya si Jo"

I let out an airy laugh "gago"

"Tangina, ba't niya susundoin ha?"

"Hindi ba pwedeng nagmamagandang loob lang?" I insisted

"sus, nagmamagandang loob sa maganda!"

I was about to respond pero ano pa bang halaga? "nandito na ang sundo ko, let's talk later" then I hanged up.

Habang nasa kotse hindi ko mapigilang mapaisip.

"siguro pinopormahan niya si Jo"

So what? It's not like mayroon akong control sa ganiyang bagay. Isa pa, Jo is pretty and talented, she's the total package, hindi na ako magugulat kung may mag sulpotang manliligaw siya.

Pero...

Ayokong maging taga-tanaw nalang.

The moment I stepped out of the car, I run all the way to the venue, then I heard a familiar voice

"There was something 'bout you that now I can't remember"

igniting the feeling, I've always had— but was hidden

"It's the same damn thing that made my heart surrender"

her voice, like a warm touch, calling me

"And I miss you on a train, I miss you in the morning"

Yes I do, I'm missing you, Joan Cierra Roble

"I never know what to think about"

But I do know, and I think I'm in love with you.

......

I arrived a little too late, after that performance, hindi ko na siya mahagilap.

Maybe she's backstage.

God knows I'm dying to see her.

But I can't.

I won't.

I was sitting alone drinking a non-alcoholic drink, while others was dancing.

I smiled, a sweet smile, when I saw Shiloh and Gia dancing.

There are boys watching them, whispering, girls that are also curious of what's going on between the two of them, some smiling, some thinking things they shouldn't be thinking, siguro ay naiinggit ang mga kalalakihang ito habang pinagmamasadan ang dalawang dilag.

And they're not bothered by all of it.

Gia softly caresses Shiloh's cheeks, as she was mouthing the three magic words,

'I love you'

I smiled, and looked away, baka kasi mamatay pa ako sa inggit, which is funny, kasi hindi ako kailanman nakaramdam ng inggit sa mga bagay na kagaya nito.

"What's happening to me?" I quietly said to myself

"ano nga ba?"

a whisper from someone who I was dying to see, and it sent shivers down my spine, I composed myself before looking at the person behind me, trying to hide the smile forming into my lips-but my body, my mind, my soul knows her and aches for every attention she could give

beaming is inevitable

"Jo" the taste of her name coming out of my mouth, lingers for bit too long then leaves with the sweetest flavor

She smiled "Sabrina"

She's wearing this mint green dress and the hairdress I gave her

My breath hitched.

"You're gorgeous"

then my mouth slipped.

I covered my mouth hastily, avoiding her eyes

But I heard her laugh

And it calmed my heart

I looked at her, she was breathtaking

And I realized that I never regretted saying that.

"so would you be pleasured to take this gorgeous out, ditch this very wonderful party you prepared and spend the rest of the evening with her?"

she asked for this evening but God knows I could offer her this lifetime.

I may be exaggerating

But a pretty girl asked me out, so what's impossible tonight?

....

Everything. Everything seems to be impossible.

"Sab? you in there?" My mom asked me again after hearing nothing from me

"O-Oh, I'm sorry. My mind was a bit occupied."

"By what?"

"Things"

"I asked the wrong question"

I looked at my mom, confused

"By who?"

"Ma"

"Sabrina, anak kita, my unica hija. I know you, and all you have to do is speak. If you're not ready now, then I'll wait."

"What are you trying to say ma?"

"What are you NOT trying to say Sabrina?"

"Hindi ko maintindihan, why are you not mad? Bakit hindi mo ako pinapagalitan, hindi mo'ko sinisigawan, this is a major offense since it's late and I didn't ask for your permission and.." I was cut off when she swiftly hit the brakes and parked at the side of the road

"And drinking juice and eating cheetos is a grave mistake now? yes, it's late and I'm mad, but you're young and oh god if you could've seen us during our days, what you've done is a laughing stock, you're not even close to rebellious Sabrina at hindi ko alam kung magiging masaya ba ako o mag-aalala"

I was taken aback by what she said, but it's now or never

"eh paano kung sabihin kung may gusto ako sa kapwa ko babae? would you consider me rebellious enough?" I can't help it, my voice cracked "itatakwil mo na ba ako ma?" I sobbed weakly, hindi ko na kayang tingnan pa ang mama ko, all I did was whimper like a child

"Sabrina, come here" my mom hugged me and gently caresses my back, shushing me softly "akala ko buntis ka, bakla lang pala"

I smacked her lacking with force "maaaa"

"shush, biro lang"

I know she's trying to make me feel better and it's working. She pulled away from our embrace and cupped my face, gently brushing the tears off my cheeks "your feelings are valid, and if you think that what you feel is wrong, nagkakamali ka anak, you were born out of love, and I prayed you experience all the love in the world and if that's the love you're feeling then who am I to stop that? it might be a different kind of love, but it is still love, that's the beauty of it, no matter what shape or type or whoever you choose, it is still my answered prayer, kasi pinagdasal kung maging masaya ka and the lord made you capable of loving, so don't be scared anak, this world is cruel but you will always have a safe corner with me, I will always remind you that"

my eyes couldn't stop shedding tears, I can't believe it, parang natanggal ang tinik sa puso ko.

"Thank you ma" I said in between whimpers "thank you"