Chapter 25 - The Worst Mistake

Robert sat up in his bed and put his head in his hands. How could he have done it? How could he have told Georgie he’d go to Chicago? How the hell was he going to go there, see her, and not return just as broken as when she left him? She’d been gone for two months and he was only just now beginning to pick up the pieces of his life. He couldn’t bear to go through all that again. But what choice did he have? He’d made that fucking promise back at the flat and he’d already said he’d go.

The only thing he could do now was to make sure he didn’t get hurt again. He’d go to Chicago, spend a few days seeing the sights like she said and then come home, nothing more, he thought firmly. And he’d go as soon as possible, get it over and done with so he could put it behind him and move on. He suddenly felt despair overwhelm him as the reality that he was actually going to see her sunk in. Stop it, he thought harshly. He could do this. He had to.

He went downstairs, dressed for work and found his mum in the kitchen as usual, cooking breakfast. When he went to give her a hug and kiss, she immediately looked concerned. “What’s wrong, Robbie?” she asked as soon as he let go of her.

Shit. He wasn’t ready to talk about this. He went to get his tea, avoiding her eyes.

“Something happened, didn’t it?” she said more loudly. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He couldn’t allow her to worry about him.

“I, uh, talked to Georgie – this morning,” he said quietly with his back to her, turning on the kettle.

“Oh,” she said. He could tell she was trying not to sound surprised.

“She, uh, asked me – to come –.” He had to stop and take a breath because the ache in his chest suddenly got worse. “To Chicago – for a holiday.” The water was ready and he poured it into his mug.

“What did you say?” his mum prodded quietly as he slumped in his chair at the table.

“I told her I’d go,” he muttered quietly to his mug, fighting back the desolation that was threatening to overwhelm him again.

Fucking pull it together. If he couldn’t keep from falling apart when he was in his own fucking kitchen just thinking about it, how the hell was he going to keep from getting destroyed when he saw her?

“I see,” his mum said quietly, setting his breakfast plate in front of him.

He hunched over his food and started eating as his mum walked away. After a minute he stopped suddenly, dropping his fork on the table with a clatter as a thought suddenly occurred to him.

“What’s wrong?” his mum asked quickly. “Are you alright?”

“I forgot! I don’t have any money to buy a ticket!”

After he’d bought his motorcycle jacket at the car boot sale, his dad had taken everything he had left. Since it wasn’t enough, Robert had to pay him the difference out of his next paycheck. He’d given the rest to Joey to help pay for petrol. Between rent and petrol, it was going to take him fucking forever to save up enough for that damn ticket.

Seeing the look on his face, his mum said, “Perhaps – I could talk to your dad. Ask him if he’d be willing to – pay for it or – at least loan you the money.”

“Would you, mum?” he asked gratefully.

“Yeah, I’ll do that. I’ll talk to him for you, alright?” she said gently.

“That’d be brilliant, mum. Cheers!” he said with relief as he picked up his fork. Hopefully she’d be able to convince his dad, he’d be able to buy the tickets and get the whole thing over with as soon as possible.

When he got to work, he realized he’d need to ask if he could have a few days off. While he looked for the onsite manager, it suddenly occurred to him that maybe he’d refuse, tell Robert they couldn’t afford to be without him. It would be an easy out. He couldn’t be accused of breaking his promise if he couldn’t get time off work, could he? While Robert asked, he fervently prayed the answer would be ‘no’.

“Jeez, Robbie! I dunno!” Mike, his boss, said with exasperation. Robert immediately felt hopeful, watching him pull off his cap and scratch his large, nearly bald head with the same hand. “We got a couple a new lads, don’t we?” he said with a tired sigh. “Yeah, I reckon we could spare ya.” And with that, Robert’s hopes plummeted. “When ya leavin’?”

“Dunno,” he muttered.

“Well, try to give me at least a weeks notice, will ya?”

“Yeah,” Robert said dispiritedly, and turned to find Joey so he could finish setting up with him, feeling utterly desolate. Once he started painting, he turned off his mind, desperate not to think about what was looming on the horizon.

When he returned home from work that evening, he went to the kitchen to find his mum just starting dinner. After he gave her a hug and kiss, she said, “Robbie, I talked to your dad and he said it was alright for us to get your tickets as long as they weren’t too expensive.”

“Oh.” He was surprised his dad had given in so easily. He’d been quite angry about the jacket.

“So I went ahead and bought your tickets,” she continued, walking over to the counter where he saw some papers that looked like they’d been printed off the computer. “I’m afraid you’ll have to change planes in New York City before you continue on to Chicago,” she said handing the papers to him. “It was the most inexpensive flight I could find.”

“Oh,” was all he could say as held the proof he was actually going to see her in his hand.

“Your flight leaves in ten days,” she said. That met the criteria for work, he thought grimly as he focused on the dates on the top sheet and his mum walked back to the fridge.

“Two weeks?” he suddenly shouted.

“What?” his mum said, turning towards him.

“You booked me to be there for two weeks? I was only going to go for a few days!” he said loudly, suddenly feeling panicky.

“I – I’m sorry, Robbie,” she said, sounding upset. “If you’re only there for a few days the flights are a lot more expensive. It’s because of all the business travelers and the holiday goers and –.”

“It’s alright, mum. Really,” he said more quietly, trying his best to sound convincing. “I appreciate you talking to dad and getting the tickets for me.” It wasn’t her fault he hadn’t told her his plans. “I’m going to go get ready for my run, yeah?” he said, anxious to be alone.

When he was in his room, he slumped on his bed and looked at the computer printouts of his tickets, feeling desolate. He couldn’t allow himself to fall back into the hole he’d just climbed out of, he thought desperately. Somehow he was going to have to be with her for two whole weeks without getting hurt again. Somehow he was going to have to make this work.

Then he saw the date he’d be arriving in Chicago – May 27th. On October 27th, he’d woken up a prisoner. He was going to be seeing her on the seven month anniversary of the day he met her.

And the thought made him feel even more desolate.

---Then---

Robert rolled over in his sleep and immediately woke up, realizing Georgie wasn’t in bed with him. She must have managed to climb over him to go to the toilet without waking him. While he laid there waiting for her to come back, he was again overwhelmed with the terrible sadness he’d felt since they’d returned from Dover a few days ago.

The moment Darrell had dropped them off at home, Georgie had given up all pretense everything was alright. She’d gone straight to their room, dropped her bag on the floor, and climbed in the bed. He’d looked at her lying silently facing the wall for a moment, and then got in bed with her, putting his arm around her and holding one of her hands as he pressed himself against her back. They laid there like that in the silence and desolation for the rest of the day.

Since then, Georgie had been subdued almost to the point of being despondent. Robert feared that finding out about the films had broken her. She seemed to have given up completely. He tried to help her but it was difficult. Since they couldn’t discuss it in front of his parents the only time he could talk to her was when they were alone. But every time he started either she wouldn’t respond, staring straight ahead as if she didn’t hear him, or leave the room. Nothing he said seemed to get through to her. She’d thrown up a wall and he had no idea how to break through it. He struggled to remain positive in front of her, but it was almost impossible. He felt just as awful as she did.

After several minutes had passed and Georgie still hadn’t returned to bed, he began to get concerned and decided to check on her. As soon as he was in the hallway, he saw the bathroom door open and became even more concerned. There weren’t any lights on in the house and he went down the stairs in the dark. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he could hear her talking quietly in the kitchen. As he walked through the sitting room, he could hear another voice, a much fainter one, and realized she was on her mobile.

“I was just hoping I could,” he heard her say quietly with her voice breaking. He could tell she was crying.

“No, nothing happened! Please, Grandma May! I don’t want to talk about him!” He stopped suddenly in the middle of the room, realizing she was talking about him.

“No, it’s not that. They’re really nice,” she said more quietly.

“There isn’t a reason, okay? I just want to come home!” she cried.

Robert felt his entire body grow cold, and he was suddenly finding it difficult to breathe as he understood what was happening.

“But why can’t I?” she cried more quietly.

“It doesn’t have to be for long,” she said quickly. “I have my own money. I just need to stay for a little while, okay? Just until I can get my own place.”

“But why?”

“Please say ‘yes’,” she begged more quietly.

“When? When will you call?”

“Okay. I guess – I’ll wait to hear from you,” she said in a sad, defeated voice.

“Goodbye, Grandma May. I love you, too,” she said quietly.

When the call ended, she stayed in the kitchen, crying quietly. Robert staggered to the couch and almost fell on it, hardly believing what he’d just heard. After a few minutes, her chair slowly scraped across the floor as she got up. When she reached the doorway and saw him, she froze.

After a moment she asked, “How long have you been there?”

“Long enough,” he said, grimly.

She came into the dark sitting room and sat on the couch as far from him as she could. She looked at her hands in her lap, not saying anything and after a few minutes, he realized she had no intention of explaining herself.

“Were you going to tell me?” he asked bitterly.

“Yes,” she said to her hands with her voice breaking. She was crying again.

“When?” There was a long pause before she answered.

“I don’t know if it’s going to happen, Robert,” she said quietly.

“That’s bullshit and you know it, Georgie!” he hissed angrily, jabbing his finger in her direction. “It’s obvious you’ve been planning on leaving me for a while! Don’t you think you should’ve talked to me about it first instead of going behind my fucking back?”

“Maybe,” she said in a small voice as her shoulders hunched, keeping her eyes on her hands in her lap. “I just thought it would be better to wait until I knew for sure.”

“And why did you think that would be a good idea!” he spat sarcastically, and her shoulders hunched further.

“Because I didn’t want you to talk me out of it again,” she said even more quietly.

Again. Fuck, that cut him to the core.

“You don’t understand, Robert!” she cried desperately, finally turning to him with tears steaming down her face. “I just can’t do this anymore! It’s just too hard!”

He felt a terrible sinking feeling in his stomach. She’d said the exact same thing in the car in Dover. Was this what she’d meant?

“I just – I want to go home! You can understand that, can’t you? I just want to go home. Maybe – maybe it won’t be – so hard there,” she finished sadly.

He was ready to shout at her, to tell her this was her fucking home, but he stopped himself. Getting into it with her wasn’t going to solve anything. He needed to take a moment to collect himself. And he needed to think.

“Alright,” he said firmly after a minute. “I said you could live anywhere you want. If you want to live in Chicago, then fine, we’ll live in Chicago. I can go to university there just as easily as here. I just need some time to –.”

“I want to go alone, Robert,” she said quietly to her hands.

“You don’t want me to come with you?” he asked faintly, starting to feel panicky.

“I just need some time to figure out what I should do,” she said as she began to cry again.

“You mean you need time to figure out if you want to be with me!” he said, suddenly feeling angry.

“You don’t understand, Robert! I’ve tried so hard!” she cried. “But every time I make –!”

“How hard do you think I’ve tried?” he shouted at her. “Don’t you think it’s been hard for me too? I gave up my whole fucking life for you!”

“Do you think I don’t know that?” she shouted back at him through her tears. “Do you think I don’t see it every single day? I don’t want you to give up your whole life for me! I never wanted that! I don’t want you –!”

It was at that moment they both realized Georgie’s mobile had been ringing and she stopped to look at the display.

“Oh, it’s Grandma May,” she said shakily. “I have to take this.”

“Hello?” she said tremulously.

Georgie had never mastered her mobile and the volume was turned up too high. Robert could clearly hear May’s voice when she said, “Georgie, its Grandma May.”

“Hi, Grandma May.”

“Georgie, there’s something I have to tell you. It’s the reason why I couldn’t say ‘yes’.”

“Oh, okay,” she replied shakily, her voice filled with disappointment as she began crying again.

“I – I have someone living with me right now. It’s a – another woman. She’s my – she’s my partner, Georgie.”

“But that’s not a problem for me, Grandma May,” Georgie said quickly through her tears. “I can sleep on the couch. I don’t mind if someone else is using my old bedroom. I don’t have a problem with that.”

Robert sighed deeply as he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

“No, Georgie. That’s not what I meant. She’s my partner. I’m a – lesbian.”

“Oh, right,” Georgie said faintly.

The fact that Georgie was unwilling to admit she didn’t know what the word meant made the anger boil over again. Robert reached over and grabbed the hand she was holding her mobile with and pushed it down to her lap.

“She’s telling you she likes girls not blokes, Georgie!” he hissed angrily through his teeth. “The woman is her girlfriend!” He saw recognition finally dawn on her face and she put her mobile to her ear.

“Oh, Grandma May! But that’s wonderful for you!” she said quickly. “You have someone you love!” After a pause, she added, “Wait. Were you afraid of what I would say?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure.”

“You don’t need to worry about that! I’m happy for you!” she exclaimed.

“Thank you, Georgie!” she said with relief, and Robert could clearly hear her crying. “If you want to come home, I’d love to have you! I’ve missed you so much!”

“I’ve missed you so much, too! Thank you, Grandma May! Thank you!” Georgie cried with relief.

At that moment, Robert knew it was over. He’d lost her.

“As soon as I get a plane ticket, I’ll let you know when I’m coming, okay?”

He stared straight ahead and whether from shock or some kind of self defense, he could feel himself shutting down bit by bit.

“I love you too.”

He no longer felt the panic, the pain, the anger.

“I’ll talk to you soon.”

It had all gone somewhere else, leaving him entirely empty and numb.

“Good bye, Grandma May.”

They sat there for a few minutes before she realized he wasn’t going to say anything.

“I just need some time. You understand that, don’t you, Robert?”

It sounded like her voice was coming from much further away.

“I’ll always love you. You know that, right?”

He stood up to go up to his bedroom.

“I just need some time to think about what I should do!”

By time he reached the top of the stairs, he could barely hear her.

“You know I love you, right? Robert?”

When he closed his bedroom door, he didn’t hear her anymore.

****

Well, that was wrenching. Georgie completely screwed up, and now you know why Robert has been so bitter and angry since she left him. And Grandma May is gay. Some of you wondered why she never asked to see Georgie or wanted her to move back. Her partner, Marianne, is mentioned briefly in the e-mail Georgie sent to Robert in Chapter 13. I debated whether to add more information other than a name, or leave her out of the e-mail entirely. In the end, I decided Georgie would mention someone she was living with to Robert but I wouldn’t give away the big secret before this chapter.

Robert will be in Chicago for two weeks thanks to his mom. I think it would be fair to assume she intentionally bought the tickets for two weeks hoping there would be a reconciliation between Robert and Georgie, but I wouldn’t say she was being deceitful about the issue of the expense.

Will Georgie redeem herself while Robert is with her in Chicago? Will Robert be able to move beyond the anger and pain and allow Georgie to get close to him? Will they end up getting back together? You’ll have to read on to find out! I think you’ll find the trip to Chicago is going to be an interesting one.