seven

"whatever causes

night in our souls

may leave stars."

A soft nudge on my arm made me jerk open my eyes.

For a few seconds, as I blinked, it felt like I was dreaming. Which was odd since I never really had dreams--dreams that I could remember so vividly.

But then I saw a familiar pair of grey eyes watching me and I just knew that I couldn't be dreaming.

Alastair leaned closer, which wasn't really close but close enough for me, and frowned at me. "Are you awake?"

Was I?

Holy fuck.

My initial reaction, I think, was the worst reaction. I jerked in surprise and the armchair scooted backwards. I heard it scraping against the floor until it slammed into the wall behind me.

I winced at the impact.

Then there was just silence.

His eyes trailed towards me in surprise. I slowly managed to get my eyes off of him and looked around the room. It was the same hospital room. There was a sun up in the sky, judging from the small window up on the ceiling.

It was morning right now.

Morning.

"You slept in here," Alastair spoke up. His voice was low, yet there was this softness in it--something I had never really heard in his voice. Not like he talked much. But it strangely felt as tender as the soft cacophony of the birds outside.

I was still having a hard time figuring out whether this all was real or just a dream.

"Did I?" I asked him in a whisper.

He scrunched up his nose, not really answering my question. I shifted a little on the chair when I felt my neck aching at the back. Serves me right for sleeping on a freaking chair.

"They wouldn't care if they saw you sleeping here." He told me and he wasn't really looking at me this time.

I blinked twice before speaking up, "Was that a question?"

When he didn't reply, I slid my hand inside my pocket and took out my phone, switching it on. Two missed calls from Luce. Few texts were from her too. Why didn't she come here and wake me up?

"They would care. I'm not supposed to just sleep here." I got up, fixing my hood over my head and trying to rub off the sleep from my eyes. I could not believe that I'd slept here. This was the second time I'd fallen asleep in a patient's room.

Somebody must've seen it already.

I had almost stepped away from the armchair when I saw him reaching his hand out towards me, and then I noticed the Walkman.

"Aren't you supposed to take this back?"

My eyes widened and I nodded. I was most definitely supposed to take that back.

"Yeah. Thanks." I quickly took it from his hand and stuffed it in my pocket. "Did you--did it help?"

His eyes darted back to my face with the usual blank expression that I might be getting used to. Even his voice came out flat this time, "I think so."

"That's cool." I smiled, noticing that my phone was vibrating.

It was Luce.

"Is it yours?" He asked, tilting back his head just a little with that obvious curiosity in his voice. It made me feel hyper-aware, the way he was staring at me. But then again, I felt like that every single time someone stared at me for more than a few seconds.

"No. I borrowed it from a friend."

My phone started vibrating again. I knew I should pick up, but I didn't. This was probably the first time I was having a decent conversation with him, with Alastair, and wasn't that supposed to be progress on his part?

"Why did you..." He trailed off, looking away from me, his brows furrowing a bit. "Why did you borrow it for me?"

I shrugged and walked towards the front of his bed, stuffing my hands in my pockets.

"I told you," I said. "I thought it'd make you sleep better."

He still looked confused. "Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"Why did you think of...helping me?" His voice lowered to a quiet whisper and I noticed the way his features tensed. As if just the thought of it bothered him.

I opened my mouth to state the obvious, but closed it shut right after. It felt like whatever I'd say would confuse him even more.

So I stuck with asking him the same question, "why can't I think of helping you?"

His stare turned a bit startled, but he didn't really reply. I couldn't help but notice how easily the grey in his eyes could turn so intense within mere seconds.

"I should get going," I spoke up when the silence seemed to stretch on forever. It seemed even harder to break my gaze away from his now. "Maybe we can do this every night, yeah?"

I was referring to the Walkman, not me sleeping here every night.

He broke away from the stare and I took a step back, towards the door.

"The songs were messed up."

I huffed out a short laugh, turning away. "I'll take care of that."

And I knew for a fact that I would.

°°°°°

Luce wasn't really fond of the fact that I had slept, once again, inside a patient's room. But when I asked her why she hadn't woken me up then, she told me that this was probably the first time she had seen Alastair sleeping properly (and in the presence of some other staff), and she hadn't wanted to take any chances to ruin it. Even if that meant letting me sleep there.

I slept inside a hospital for the whole fucking night.

The thought made me feel a little woozy. Hospitals weren't really a place I'd want to have sleepovers at. Even the thought alone made me feel a little claustrophobic. And to think I had some peaceful sleep in there (minus the whole neck cramps)? Woah.

Luce also told me this was the only kind of progress Alastair had made since the very first day he was brought here to the sanitarium. And I'd somehow made that possible. I could still, I realized. I could help him, and what was the worst that can happen?

The next few days passed by pretty normally. I spent them at the hospital, helping out the staff and the patients who I was to assist. And then as the night rolled by, I'd ask Rowan to change the tracklist in the Walkman, and each night I'd take it to Alastair. Each night, I watched him fall asleep. And each night, I walked out when he was too far gone to notice the absence of the Walkman or me.

Luce stayed until I got out and then we drove back to her apartment together. Every one of those nights, I felt like I had accomplished something. It felt a bit easier to sleep, with no overwhelming thoughts crowding my head for once.

I could get used to this, I thought each night with a content smile on my lips.

Things didn't change much, however. Alastair didn't seem so tired each day, but I still never really saw him opening up to any of the staff. Even I usually failed to start conversations with him. There was mostly just silence between us, a comfortable one though, and I was strangely looking forward to it each night.

All until the day I fell sick.

"Are you sure, Lia? You know I can stay. I can take a day off." Luce repeated the same words that she had been saying for the past fifteen minutes, looking slightly more worried than the last time she entered my room.

A small groan slipped past my lips and I pressed my face into my pillow, wanting the lights to go out. Especially the bright sun which was shining right through the window into my room. It wasn't really helping my headache, neither were the painkillers that Luce had given me.

"It's fine, Luce," I mumbled. "I promise I won't trash your house."

"That's not why I'm not willing to leave you here alone, Lia." She sighed, still standing in the doorway, all dressed up in her work clothes but not really leaving.

"I know. I'll be fine." I reassured her, which was probably a lie. Even if it was just a cold, I already felt like shit. My nose felt all stuffy, my head was aching so bad, and I felt exhausted. I couldn't even muster up some energy to get out of bed.

"Okay." She nodded, still frowning in that typical worried way of hers. She seemed even more worried than Mum usually was when I got sick back at home. It was strangely heartwarming. "I'll take an early leave then and check up on you in a few hours. Don't get up from this bed. Just rest."

"Yes sir," I mumbled again, feeling my eyelids drooping with sleep. "Ma'am, I mean."

"Your phone's right beside you. Call me if you need anything," She added, emphasizing a little on the last word, and when I peeked out of my blanket, I noticed the pointed look on her face.

"Uh-huh." I nodded once again, closing my eyes shut and curling up around the pillow. I hated feeling sick. It was the start of winter, and not getting sick, well, those two things never really went along.

When Luce left, it didn't take me long to fall asleep.

I don't know how long I slept. I don't even know what caused me to wake up from my little nap. All I remember was having a dream full of black and white. No colors.

The dream was strange and it was even stranger that I was dreaming in the first place. I could never remember any dream in my life before. Well, except for that one time I dreamed of my grandma and zombies (together)--but that's a story for another time.

When I woke up, I was a little glad to see the colors around me. I was glad that I wasn't still stuck in that place, looking at things that were just so plain. No colors. Horrifying.

I sat up on my bed and wrapped my arms around myself, exhaling a small shudder. The sun was still up in the sky, but a little less bright. I picked up my phone from the side table and checked the time. It was way past noon.

I had been asleep for hours?

It was the distinct sound of footsteps that made me sit upright in my position, my eyes trained at the opened door of my room.

"Luce?" I spoke out loud, very dearly hoping that she'd reply back. Why else would I hear those footsteps when nobody else was here in this apartment besides me?

I waited for a few seconds, even a minute, but no reply came.

"Luce?" I repeated a bit lower this time, furrowing my brows and shrinking away on the bed. No way in hell was I getting up and going outside to check whatever sound that I just heard. I was pretty sure the sound came from within the apartment, but how was that possible?

Was I still dreaming? Almost as soon as that thought hit me, I looked around the room, just to make sure there weren't any distinct shades of black and white around me. There weren't, obviously, but something felt odd. I exhaled another shaky sigh. I didn't know what was happening. I even felt a bit sicker than I had felt when I woke up this morning.

With my heart thudding loudly in my chest, I picked up my phone and wasted not a single second before calling Luce.

"I think your apartment's haunted." Was what I said to her.

And she replied with something like, "It is, isn't it? I've always kind of wondered that."

I had a feeling she wasn't taking me seriously.

"I'm serious, Luce." I told her in a hiss. "I heard loud footsteps. But I'm alone here."

"Hey, can you please take this in there?" She spoke up, probably talking to someone else. I waited until she was talking to me again. "What do you mean? Didn't you check it out?"

A small laugh tumbled out of my lips. "Hell no. You told me not to get out of this bed, remember?" Which was just my way of covering up the fact that I was shit-scared to leave the room.

"Right. It's probably from the apartment above. The young ones there love to make loud noises." She said and I relaxed a little. "Anyway, I'll be out in a couple of minutes and then back home. Don't do anything stupid."

Of course, I didn't do anything stupid.

But I was sure as hell stupid enough to head out of my room, just because my curious thoughts wouldn't leave me alone. To my utmost relief, there were no signs of a break-in, or an opened window, or an intruder even. Nothing was out of place as far as I could've told.

Perhaps it was a ghost.

I rolled my eyes at that thought, relaxing fully when my eyes flitted towards the small TV screen situated at the wall behind the sofa--which, I had mentioned earlier, was a stupid place to put a TV at, but Luce said that she never really watched anything on it so it was stupid to keep it anyway.

My heart picked up its pace yet once again when I saw a random movie playing on the screen. The volume was down, which was probably why I hadn't noticed it before. I was pretty sure I hadn't switched on the TV. Neither had Luce.

Not when there was an old movie playing on the screen.

A black and white one.