seventeen

“just to watch you

wear light on your skin,

trace peace with your fingertips...

how you smile at me

so easy.”

A date.

That's what kept going through my head the whole day, and even the next day as I completed shift after shift in the sanitarium. I wanted to know what exactly Alastair had meant by that, but somehow I just couldn't figure it out.

He couldn't have meant a real date. Obviously.

Maybe it just slipped out accidentally. Maybe I should just stop thinking about it.

I tried keeping myself busy at the sanitarium almost the whole day. I volunteered for any extra assistance. I even helped Jim rearrange his messed-up stacks of files. He was a great company, like always, but even his random theories (and evidence, as he put it) that this sanitarium was built over a very old cemetery, couldn't keep my mind off from Alastair, unlike any other day.

It was exhausting to keep on thinking about the very same thing.

That early night as I lay sprawled on the couch in a large sweatshirt and some pajama bottoms, surfing through random channels, Jim came by the apartment claiming that he needed someone (or more particularly Luce) to teach him how to bake blueberry muffins.

"You don't know how to bake blueberry muffins?" I gave him a frown of disbelief and sat up from my sprawled position. I had etiquettes, all right.

He gave me a look that might have passed as a wounded puppy one--I had to grin at that.

"I don't either," I said. "Though it sounds rather exciting. Have fun."

Luce rolled her eyes before pulling out a recipe book. It was cool that she had a recipe book. The last time I saw a recipe book was when Grandma was alive, and that was a long time ago.

"Why did she make it sound like me not knowing how to bake blueberry muffins is a crime?" I heard Jim asking her in a not-so discreet whisper.

"Don't bother saving me some. I hate blueberries." I told them before letting the couch cushions engulf me. "They are so overrated anyway."

I could feel Luce passing me a look at that. So I decided to push her a little more.

"Also," I looked over at them and waggled my brows at their close proximity. "Do you guys want me to retreat to the bedroom? Because like, you know..."

I think Luce glared at me. Jim was just trying to hold back a laugh.

"We get it, Lia." Luce gritted out the words. I could swear she was blushing. "It's so hard to ignore you when you keep on talking."

"Ouch." I turned back towards the TV. "I hope you burn those muffins."

She groaned out loud and Jim laughed.

Time passed by like that. I think I dozed off on the couch with some random movie playing in front of me. It wasn't really interesting and I felt bored so I guess I slept. I woke up, however, when I heard Luce calling my name.

"What?" I sat up groggily, looking over at the kitchen. It was only Jim in there, seeming to be heavily busy with flicking the pages of the cookbook.

"Lia!"

"What?" I repeated loudly this time and looked around for her. Her voice seemed to be coming from the front door. "What are you even shouting my name for? I'm not deaf."

Her head came into view and she gave me a pointed look. "Someone's here for you."

"What?"

"You literally just said that thrice in a row," Jim stated, still too concentrated on the book.

"I didn't," I told him and walked over towards Luce. "What do you mean someone's here for--"

My words stopped short in my throat when my eyes trailed towards the opened door, at Alastair.

"Wha--hey," I spoke up, confused.

Luce snorted and shook her head at me. "I'll be inside." She made sure to give me a pointed look, which I didn't quite understand, before walking back towards the kitchen.

When she was gone, I stepped closer towards Alastair, who for some reason was still at the door.

"Hey. What's up?" He raised his brows and gave me a tiny smile. I grimaced. "Sorry. I don't know why I'm saying that word again and again. It's like...on the tip of my tongue."

He seemed amused. "I can see that."

I nodded in relief, my gaze treacherously eyeing him whole. Maybe it was just because I had recently woken up from a nap, or maybe it was something entirely else, but to me he looked nicer than the last time I had seen him. His soft black hair tousled into windswept waves, and his eyes seemed bright, brighter and warmer when he looked at me.

I cleared my throat, looking away.

"Anyway, what brings you here?" I asked.

He stuffed his hands in his coat pockets; a long black coat. "I texted you."

"You did?" I patted my pockets but didn't really find my phone. It must've been in my room. "I'm sorry, I was in between a movie and kind of...slept. I think my phone's in my room anyway."

A small furrow formed in between his brows, yet his gaze didn't leave me. That was something that used to bother me before, his undivided attention. It didn't really anymore; I rather looked forward to it.

"So you're busy."

I raised my brows. "Depends on what we'd be doing if I wasn't busy."

He blinked in what looked like surprise to me and then a small laugh escaped his lips. I felt my face heating up. "Wait, no. I didn't mean it like that." My fucking mouth. God, I really hated what came out of it sometimes.

He dragged a hand through his hair and the smile didn't really leave his face. It was doing unnatural things to my stomach. "I know. So, are you busy?"

"I'm not." I shook my head, feeling a twinge of disappointment hearing him say that. What did he mean by I know?

"Okay." He looked at me expectantly, waiting, before his gaze slowly raked down my entire body. I couldn't help but heavily feel conscious of where his stare lingered. "Come with me then."

I blinked when his eyes found mine, a little flustered. "Where?"

"The lake."

The lake. The woods. The date.

"Um..." I couldn't help but wrap my arms around myself, looking down at my unusual--but very comfy--attire. "Should I--"

"No. Just grab a jacket." He cut me off almost immediately, before stepping outside the threshold, waiting. He was waiting for me.

It took me a few seconds to break out of the heated gaze. I nodded and turned back around, rushing inside and grabbing my coat. I had to shout at Luce to tell her that I'd be out for a while.

"Wait, where are you going?" She stepped in my way as I tried to rush out of my bedroom with my phone gripped in one hand and my arm stuffed in one jacket sleeve. "It's almost midnight, Lia."

"I know. I'll be back in an hour or so." I stuffed my phone in a pocket and shrugged on the other sleeve.

"Okay." She furrowed her brows. "But where are you going?"

"To the um..." I tried lying but I couldn't really come up with anything at that moment. "The woods."

Her eyes widened a little. "Are you crazy?"

"Not in the woods." I lied since I didn't want Alastair to keep waiting for me any longer. "We're just going for a walk. If I'm not back by an hour, call me."

She didn't seem reassured even in the slightest.

"I'll answer. I promise."

******

It wasn't the woods or the tall, dark trees surrounding us that freaked me out.

It was the distant wolf's howl that scared the shit out of me.

"Was that really a wolf?" I found myself asking in an astonished whisper, turning wholly towards Alastair with wide eyes.

He scrunched up his nose ever so slightly, which I strangely found quite adorable in that little moment, and squinted in the darkness in front of us. "It could just be a coyote."

"But it sounded like a wolf!" I exclaimed, trying to remain quiet at the same time. He turned his narrowed gaze away from me and started walking towards a particular direction, slowly so that I could follow.

"How do you differentiate between a wolf's howl and a coyote's howl?" I asked him.

"You don't." He gave a small nonchalant shrug.

"How do you differentiate between their appearance?"

He passed me a glance and I couldn't help but feel entranced by his silver eyes. They seemed to be shining under the moonlight. "You'd find it out yourself if we come across them tonight."

I kept on walking by his side, a little spooked out by our surroundings. I couldn't believe I was in the middle of the woods, near midnight, and probably lost if it weren't for Alastair. It was a bit tricky, but I think I got a hold of all the turns we took, mostly because there was always a strip of some kind of cloth knotted into one of the tree branches whenever we took a turn. When I asked Alastair about it, he told me that yes, this was one way to find the lake.

"Would they attack us?" I asked him after a while.

"Wolves don't. Unless you attack them first," He murmured, sounding a little distracted.

My eyes widened. "They attack if we cross their territory! What if this is their territory?"

"I don't think we'd be alive right now if that was the case."

I suppose he was right.

We walked for the next few minutes in total silence, with no encounter from any wolf or coyote, which was a bit disappointing since I kind of really wanted to see one. I kept switching on my phone, just to keep a track of time.

One hour was passing by pretty fast. I wanted to ask Alastair how far we were from the lake, but I didn't really have to when he stopped, making me stop too.

I peeked over his shoulder and gaped at the scenery in front of me. It wasn't fully visible due to the hanging vines in front of us, but I got a few peeks at the glistening lake and the small grassy field ahead.

"Wow, this is..." I trailed off as he pushed aside the green vines and walked ahead. I followed him and looked around in awe. "Am I dreaming?"

I heard him laugh somewhere around me and everything seemed so fucking magical.

"Are your dreams often about me?" He asked.

I blinked and looked over at him in surprise, aware of the way heat crawled up my neck. He was standing by the lake, while I was just frozen in the middle of the grassy land, and not really looking at me. But something about his calm posture told me that he really loved this place. I couldn't really imagine not liking it either.

I walked over towards him. "I don't dream often."

"Another reason to believe this isn't some dream."

I stared at the dark blue lake and realized that it was mostly frozen. And even though there was an evident chill in the air around us, everything still looked so beautiful.

"But...it's just so beautiful." I sat down on the grass and looked around once again. It was quiet, peacefully quiet. "I like this place."

Alastair joined beside me a few seconds later and leaned back with both of his hands on either side of him, looking up at the night sky. "I like this place too."

I found myself smiling and trying to take in everything around me. It felt like the opposite of rooftops, despite the calm and peaceful feeling. Something was too overwhelming about this place, something that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"Are there fishes in there?" I asked curiously, trying to make out the depth of the lake from the icy layer.

"I think so." He followed my gaze. "Some people come here to skate during this time of the year. Fishes show up below the ice sometimes."

"Really?" I regarded him with a questioning gaze. "So you come here often."

He didn't really look my way, and something that I've learned about him, with me at least, was that if he wasn't looking at me (on purpose) then he was trying his hardest to bury something deep inside.

"I spend...I used to spend a lot of time here." He said.

And then it clicked. "Did you skate too?" I asked him with wide eyes.

"I didn't," he replied a bit too quickly.

"Yeah, right." I gave him a funny look. "You know how to skate, don't you? That's actually so cool."

He straightened up from his leaning position. "I didn't. I don't...know how to skate."

I rolled my eyes. "I can tell you're lying, Alas. Perks of being a very good liar."

He sighed and still didn't meet my eyes, his fingers fidgeting with a blade of grass. "You say it like you're proud of it."

"I am. Sometimes." I grinned. "I mean, how many people have you met who could lie so fucking smoothly?"

He glanced at me and there was a small smile playing on his lips, a lock of his hair falling over his left brow. "Only one, I guess."

I couldn't help but smile back. "And you're really smooth at changing subjects."

"I was just going along with the conversation."

I scoffed.

"That just proves my point." Then I faced him. "You are lying, aren't you?"

He shrugged yet once again and laid down on his back, crossing his arms behind his head. I tried not to stare. "I like lying too sometimes. Like you."

"I don't like lying. I just like how smooth I can lie."

"Same difference."

"No, that's not--" I stopped short and gasped, leaning towards the frozen lake. "A fish!"

"Yeah?" He spoke softly, but I was too busy trying to spot the fish again, accidentally placing my palm on the cold surface.

"Oh fuc--" and I guess I pressed too hard when the ice broke beneath my palm and I tumbled forwards under the sudden pull. A grip on my sleeve, however, was enough to pull me back.

My back collided against his chest and I clutched onto the grass, slowly pulling away. "Woah, thanks." I breathed out. "I...didn't think it would break so easily."

I felt him letting go of my sleeve and he pulled away too, frowning at the lake and then at me. "Did you just try to go after a fish?"

"No." I refused indignantly. "Of course not. Why would I go after a fish?" Though it did seem like something I would do. "I was just...fascinated."

"Right." I heard him scoff behind me, though it merely sounded out of amusement.

"But not fascinating enough to get dunked inside a frozen lake." I broke into a grin, looking over at the broken ice surface. "Besides, I don't even think I know how to swim."

"Why don't you think so?"

It was still a bit unusual that he often entertained my pointless rants and let it continue, unlike anyone else. I still found it hard to get used to. I hope I never get used to it.

"I don't know. It's just scary." I murmured.

He tilted his head ever so slightly. "Like some people who are afraid of heights?"

"Not really." I shook my head. "It's not a scary feeling that you pass out to. It's just...slight panic. Especially cold water. It's scary to swim in cold water. Besides, swimming is so fucking hard."

"It isn't really." He gave me a tiny smile, one of those soft smiles that I was starting to cherish more and more.

"For you, it isn't," I gave him a pointed look. "You're the star swimmer of The Academy."

Something in my chest lit up when he laughed softly at that.

"I thought it was a felony to stalk people."

Heat crawled up my neck once again and I looked over at the lake. "I wasn't stalking you--wait, is it really a felony to stalk people?" Hell, why wasn't I arrested then? Not that I stalked anyone else other than my latest celebrity crushes.

He smiled up at the dark, night sky. "It should be."

"You're just trying to personally attack me." I clicked a blade of grass at him.

The silence after that was the kind of silence I loved, soft and peaceful. I didn't feel the need to say anything, which was bizarre since I could never in my life handle silences with any other person around me.

Except for Nora, I thought. We both handled silences pretty well together.

I sighed a little sadly and looked down at my hands, trying to relish the fresh air.

"What's your name short for?" Alastair spoke up after a while, sounding genuinely curious.

I glanced over at him and was a bit surprised to find him already staring at me, with as much curiosity as I had heard in the question.

"Nothing." I said. "It's just Lia."

"Really?" He still sounded curious. Did he know that I was lying?

I didn't feel like lying at that moment, not when we were going along just fine. So I trained my gaze up at the sky, just where he had been looking moments ago, and stared at the numerous stars glittering across it.

"Hm." I couldn't help myself. "There are so many stars up there tonight."

He was quiet for a while.

"It's their anniversary in a few days." He said. This time, however, his voice sounded plain; emotionless. "The day they both died."

I glanced at him and realized that he was talking about his parents.

"Oh."

I heard him inhaling a deep breath, looking over at the lake. He seemed tense. Not as relaxed as he'd seemed just moments ago.

"That's why I've been coming here. And staying away from the others. Maria, my aunt, the others." He continued softly. "They're expecting me to act differently. Like always."

I stared quietly, afraid that if I said something, he might stop talking. It was strange that he was opening up in the first place. He never really did that unless I asked him to.

"I...don't know how to act when it comes to their death." He was slightly frowning now. "I don't even think I remember my time with them. They were always so busy. They always sent me to my aunt's."

My eyes slowly trailed around his face, searching for anything, but there was just this...nothingness in his voice. As if he truly didn't feel anything.

"I don't even remember them anymore." That was the only moment I heard that slight sadness in his voice. It was too small and too far away.

"It's fine to feel that way, you know," I whispered after a while. "You don't have to meet their expectations." Even if they're your parents. Even if you should feel something for them, it's fine not to.

And that alone raised the question. Why was he always so unbothered whenever he talked about his parents? It somehow seemed to bother me more than anything else. It bothered me that he felt nothing about his parent's death. I didn't say it, though. Something about him and his parents and that whole topic seemed...fragile. Almost too easy to break.

His gaze drifted around us as if lost in thought.

"I think I'll visit them." His eyes found mine and he must've sensed my confusion. "Their graves."

"Oh." I nodded. "Okay. I guess that'll be good."

He kept on staring and something softened in his features. "Knightsridge," he spoke softly. "Will you come with me?"

I was obviously surprised.

"It's a few hour drive from here," he added.

I already knew that from the time I had pulled up those articles related to the Hawthornes, back at the library. The town of Knightsridge was where they had died.

"What about your aunt?"

He shrugged. "She won't care as long as I tell her where I'd be going."

I thought about it for a while. "So...like a road trip?"

He was still looking at me, almost as if trying to search for something. "Yeah."

"Where would we stay?"

"A hotel."

"What about your house?" Did he even call it his house?

"The Hawthorne mansion," I added, remembering all those images I had seen on the web. All those intricate, ghostly images.

A smile made its way on his lips. "You make it sound like an amazing place."

"Isn't it?" I asked, then almost cringed. Amazing was the last thing that house would be for him.

"Don't know. Haven't really been there for years." He looked away, though he sounded genuine. "We can check it out if you come with me."

I huffed in disbelief.

"You would love the town too. It's actually...better than this one," he added. I noticed the strange glint in his eyes then, almost mischievous. "There used to be a wolf sanctuary there. Might still be. Just saying."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Now that's just mean. You know I won't say no to that." And the fact that I could be on a road trip, to a scenic town like Knightsridge, with Alas, that was far more better than spending my days cooped up in Luce's apartment.

"That was the plan." He smiled.

I rolled my eyes despite the slow smile on my lips and the giddy feeling in my stomach.

"I'll have to ask Luce. Though I'm pretty sure she'd agree." I shrugged. "A road trip sounds nice."

He stared at me for a while, before looking away, blowing out a sigh. "It does."

I pulled up my knees against my chest and wrapped my arms around them, still smiling.

"Lia?"

"Hm?" I asked, a little entranced when frost seemed to--once again--cover over the icy layer I had just managed to break.

"Tell me."

I turned my gaze back at him, confused when I noticed that he was already looking at me, waiting. "Tell you what?"

"What I asked you before this," he replied. "Your name."

I blinked in surprise and then surprise eventually turned into realization. "You...told me all that just so I'd tell you what my name is short for?"

"I guess."

I diverted my gaze, looking down at the grass below my shoes. I couldn't help but frown. "You didn't have to do that," I murmured. "It's not even that much of a big deal."

He took his time to reply. "You don't open up so easily."

I looked at him in surprise. "I don't have to."

Because this's about you, I wanted to add, not me. Nothing's ever about me.

"I know. But if I open up to you, you have to do the same." He raised his brows a little. "That's how trust works, doesn't it?"

Trust.

"It's Ophelia," I said. The realization of saying it out loud settled a few seconds later, and I almost grimaced. "That's...my real name."

When he didn't really say anything for a while, I glanced at him, dreading the one reaction I got out of most people. He wasn't even looking at me though, but up at the stars, and there was this slow smile spreading across his lips.

"And why weren't you telling me that?" He asked.

I opened my mouth, not sure how to say it properly.

"Some people used to make fun of it. And well, I don't really like the name." I glared at the lake. "It's a lovely name, according to Mum. And a name you can make fun of too. Lia's better, you know. A better version of my name."

Alastair was silent. I hated this specific silence. And then I realized that it wasn't the silence that I hated, but the fact that I was strangely hoping he'd agree with me. I didn't like my name. I didn't want him to like my name. Because if he did, then that would be another reason for me to pathetically like him even more. And I didn't need that. I didn't need more.

I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes. This was just stupid.

"Ophelia," It was just a murmur, almost a feather-soft whisper.

I opened my eyes, blowing out the breath I had been holding. Shaking my head, I couldn't help but smile. It wasn't even hesitant, it was merely out of pure disbelief. It was stupid how nice he made it sound. It was stupid that I didn't hate my name for those few seconds.

I'm pretty sure he's the only one who could make it sound like that. And that was so scary.

There was this breathtaking smile on his lips, all over again. "I like your name, Ophelia."