19. The Serum

Elisa's eyes fly open. Her breathing is quick, and she can feel herself shaking horribly. She doesn't remember what she dreamt about. She doesn't want to remember.

"Elisa?" a soft voice sounds next to her. A gasp leaves her lips, shocked. Her head turns to face Five. He's next to her, in the bed, too.  His eyes are upon her, and his brows are furrowed. "What's wrong?"

"Nightmare. . ." she manages to say. Her eyes stay on Five in awe. Did she dream all this? Did she dream about Five leaving her? Did she dream that Morgana has died? Is that why she's shaking? Elisa forces herself to forget about all the worries that are troubling her because she's with Five now. He's here with her.

A soft, reassuring smile comes on Five his lips, making Elisa's heart swell. It was just a nightmare. He's here now. His dark brown eyes are on her. When he reaches out to grab her by her waist, Elisa's stomach flips. He pulls her close to him, and then covers her bare shoulders with the soft blanket.

"My Elisa," he whispers as Elisa presses her hands against his chest, feeling his heartbeat once again. He's alive. He's here. "Why did you do it?"

Elisa's eyes widen, and she looks up at him. His warm and gorgeous eyes are now cold, icy. A shiver goes down her spine.

"What?" she asks him. "What did I do?"

"Why did you chose someone that betrayed you over my family and I who accepted you?" Elisa's breathing quickens when she replays what he said in her head. Did it happen?

"I-" Elisa doesn't manage to get out more. Tears sting in her eyes. Her hands start to shake once again, but this time against Five's chest. When feeling that, he looks down at her hands. He rolls his eyes, and Elisa 's hands move away immediately, leaving Five's chest.

"We accepted you," Five growls at her.

"I know, Five," Elisa cries, starting to crawl away a little from him. "But I had to try-"

"You decided to ruin the mission!"

"But I didn't." Elisa looks down. "Morgana is dead. Luther made sure of that. And I won't apologize for trying to save Mor. I regret nothing."

"And you think we'll be satisfied with an apology?" Five's head cocks to the side, and an evil smile comes upon his lips, causing Elisa to crawl away even more. "Why do you think I came here, Elisa?"

Elisa doesn't know. Surely he didn't come here to reassure her and welcome her back. She ruined everything for that. Why is he here?

Five jumps out of the bed, turning his back on Elisa who's still shaking while watching him with wide eyes. His fingers touch the lamp on the bedside table as the evil smile grows. He grabs a jacket that's laying on the ground. It's his, Elisa notices. Avoiding Elisa's eyes, he puts on the jacket. Slowly, both his hands get put in the pockets.

Elisa's confusion grows when she realizes that she has seen this action before. Her eyes narrow when Five takes something out of his pocket. Oh, she most certainly remembers this.

A gun is now in his hand. Five's fingers fold around the grip tightly while slowly turning around. When his eyes fall on Elisa, he stops turning. Normally Elisa would attack or flee, but now, she doesn't know what to do. Actually, she can't do anything. She sits there, frozen on the bed.

A gasp leaves her lips when a click sounds.

"Five, don't do this-" she speaks up, her voice trembles. "You don't have to do this."

"We never wanted your idiotic apology," he tells her in a serious tone. "We wanted revenge."

"For what?" Elisa asks loudly. "I did not succeed! Morgana is dead!"

Five doesn't listen. He aims the gun at Elisa, just as he did at Morgana.

A shot gets fired, and Elisa knows he has hit her. She looks down, expecting an incredible pain, but she does not feel anything. Her T-shirt does color red, though. Her hands go to the stain, but again, she doesn't feel anything.

"What?" Elisa whispers in shock. Surely she needs to feel something. Yes, she's used to pain. The handler made sure of that. But she doesn't even feel a sting.

"How. . ." Elisa trails off when she looks up again.

Five isn't alone anymore. Vanya is next to him.

"Vanya?" Elisa says, confused. Why is Vanya here? She doesn't want revenge on Elisa?

"Elisa," Vanya says quickly. "You've got to help me."

"Help you?"

"Yes! Help me!" That's the last sound Elisa hears until it all becomes black. Everything fades away.

The next thing she knows, her eyes open again. A cry sounds. It's Elisa's. She sits up straight, her hands already going to touch the wound. When realizing there isn't one, she frowns.

Immediately, the door opens. To Elisa's surprise, Hazel comes running into the room.

"You screamed-" he starts, but he cuts himself off when seeing the girl sweating heavily.

"I did. . ." Elisa whispers, starting to look around. She knows where she is. She's in her room at the commission.

"Are you okay?" Hazel asks genuinely.

Elisa wants to tell him that she's okay, but she is not. She continues to look around and scan the room.

Five isn't here. He has never even been here.

"I had a nightmare," Elisa explains the man. "Nothing more."

"You look very sick, though," Hazel remarks, pointing at her. "Should I ask for a doctor?"

Elisa shakes her aggressively. "No doctor, Hazel. I'm fine." He doesn't look convinced, but he nods. After watching this girl grow up, becoming a dangerous but brilliant warrior, he knows he should listen.

With another nod, he turns his back on Elisa, and exits the bedroom.

Elisa is now alone. Only her thoughts are her company now. There's a lot to think about. Elisa is now back at the commission, being left by the Hargreeves siblings. The handler picked her up once again. She wouldn't call that luck, though. Perhaps it's a good thing not to live on the street again, but she can't forget that the handler will expect her to work. Elisa will have to become an assassin. Or perhaps the handler would like to test more with Elisa's abilities. After all, she's seen them work now. She knows Elisa possesses a great deal of power, and that power is what the handler wants.

Letting out a shaky breath, Elisa stands up. She notices that she has been put in different clothes overnight, but she doesn't remember a thing. Either sleep took her over, or she literally closed off the world around her. Both ways are quite possible. It would be a nightmare to be seen in the commission with the oversized t-shirt she's wearing right now. She must change.

Her eyes fall on the closet next to the door. Would there still be clothes in it from last year? The handler did leave everything untouched. Last time Elisa was here, Elisa didn't really look at anything in this bedroom. She only cared to get to Morgana. Look how that worked out.

Slowly and wobbly, Elisa walks to the closet. Her fingertips touch the wood. It doesn't feel like home, she notices. The commission doesn't feel like home to her. But right now, it's the only real place she has got. Five and his siblings left her. She didn't think they'd do that. She was in shock. . . It's normal to go in shock when someone you love dies. Why did they leave? Elisa can only come up with one possibility: Five truly lost all hope when Elisa had yelled at him. She remembers his eyes; they were drained from hope. They weren't as bright as she was used to. They were so, so different. Had he really given up?

The closet cracks when she opens it. A sound she remembers very well from growing up in here. Inside, there isn't much. There is a blue costume that Elisa knows she won't ever wear again and a single shoe. This isn't much at all. The handler or someone else did take stuff out. Elisa sighs, closing the closet again. This isn't exactly handy.

Annoyed, Elisa walks forward, heading to the door. Then she turns around, so she can take in the room. There really hasn't changed anything. It's as if Elisa hasn't left for a whole year. But she has, and she has been through quite a lot. She endured a lot, but she preferred enduring human emotions and hurt next to being trained to murder.

"Hazel," Elisa calls close to the door.

"Yes?"

"Could you get me proper clothes?"

"I can get you a costume. . ." he suggests.

Elisa shakes her head fiercely, even though the man can't see her. "Please no costume," she says. "Don't you have my clothes from yesterday?"

"I don't know what they did to them," he admits.

Another sigh leaves Elisa's lips. Her back now leans against the door. She won't go into the hallways with this on. After a year she might've changed, but they don't know that. There's no way she wants to be picked on. No one can think her weak. That's why she's going to do exactly what she always has done here. She'll put on an act. She's going to pretend that she's still one badass, murdering assassin.

Biting her lip a little, Elisa looks at her unmade bed. Her eyes fall on the shoes next to it. They're hers. Her eyes travel down, and she notices that her clothes are properly folded next to the pair of shoes. A relieved smile comes onto Elisa's lips, and she immediately hups towards the clothes.

"It's all right, Hazel!" she says loudly. "I must've missed them while looking."

A soft chuckle is heard outside the room, and then it fades away together with footsteps. Elisa isn't dumb. She knows Hazel is positioned in the hallway to guard her. The handler won't let her escape again. She's back in her personal hell.

It doesn't take long until she grabs the clothes from underneath her bed. She carefully places them on the mattress. Instead of putting them on immediately, she hesitates. The pieces remember her of Five. She allows herself to think back how his hands curled around her waist just yesterday. How his smell must be in them, too.

Trying to forget that thought, Elisa grabs the black jeans abruptly. He left her. End. After putting the pants on, she puts on the white turtleneck, too. Finally, her fingertips touch the jacket that remembers her of Klaus. He wore one himself yesterday, too. Elisa thought he looked good in it, but it wasn't him. The leather jacket made him look like a ruthless person. Someone to be afraid of. Does the jacket fit on her? Elisa is someone to fear, certainly, but does she want to be feared? At the commission, yes. That's how you survive here. But Elisa doesn't want to be feared outside of that.

She puts the jacket on, too. Perhaps it's weakness, but Elisa takes a deep breath, smelling the jacket. And yes. . . she does smell Five's cologne still. A pain takes her over. It isn't a psychical pain. This is a mental pain. He has left her. His hope is gone.

Her knees tremble, but she doesn't allow her to fall that low. No. Elisa takes another deep breath. Then she swings open the door, and she was right, Hazel is leaning against another door on the other side of the hallway.

"Elisa," he greets her.

"Hey," she says quietly, still not used to being friendly to him. But she won't change to her old self with him. She has a feeling that she'll need a friend for what's to come. Maybe a friend is too much, but she wouldn't complain if he would want to be a friend to her.

"The handler want to see you," he tells her, standing up straight.

"I was expecting that." Elisa smiles faintly. "I assume she's in her office?"

Hazel nods quietly.

With an uneasy feeling, Elisa starts to walk. Her arms swing next to her body as she does so. When the uneasy feeling grows with every step she takes, Elisa puts her hands awkwardly in her jacket its pockets.

She feels something in them. Her expression softens immediately when she remembers exactly what the object is. Careful not to cut herself, Elisa folds her fragile fingers around the knife's handle. She takes it out of her pocket. Her eyes sparkle when she takes a closer look at it. It isn't much-just a knife, really. For Elisa, it means a lot. It remembers her of the umbrella academy. That's why she carefully puts the knife back in it's place-in her pocket.

The walk to the handler's office doesn't take long, but it does feel like it does to Elisa. She feels the many eyes upon her. Oh, how she must look like a prisoner now that Hazel is right behind her. A prisoner. She is that, but she can't be in their eyes. All the assassins here would see her as their prey. They'd eat her alive if they could-figuratively.

When in front of the handler's door, Elisa gives herself a moment to breathe. She's back at the commission. It's still a strange thought.

She knocks.

"In." The handler's voice sounds irritated. A sigh leaves Elisa's lips when her hand touches the handle.

"Here we go," she mumbles quietly. Hazel does not hear her.

The door opens slowly, revealing the handler sitting behind her desk. Before she finds out is is Elisa who comes in her office, her expression betrays how annoyed she is feeling. When she looks up, her face lights up. Her eyebrows raise, and an excited smile comes were a thin line was just a second ago.

"Elisa." Her smile widens. "You've woken up."

"I have." Elisa forces herself to return a smile. It's a weak one, but at least it's something. Not waiting for the handler's request to sit down, Elisa shoves the chair backwards, and then seats herself. Just now she notices that Hazel stayed outside of the office.

"How are you, little one?" It seems like a genuine question-maybe it is.

"Fine." Elisa her answer is short. If the handler hadn't seen the situation yesterday, then she'd have believed Elisa. On the outside, she looks completely fine. On the inside, she is a broken mess.

The handler doesn't continue the conversation immediately. For a moment, she just looks at Elisa, and she looks back.

"It's been a long year, has it not?" The handler leans against the back of her chair, letting out a sigh.

Elisa only nods. It has been a long year.

"I need to tell you something, Elisa," the handler speaks up again. She said 'Elisa', and that can only mean one thing. The handler is very serious. Whatever she needs to say is very important.

"Spit it out."

"I always knew you'd destroy yourself if you left. . .us." All the murderous assassins together.

"With the whole time travel shit." Elisa doesn't need confirmation.

"Yes." The handler sighs. "That is why I want you to join us again." Elisa knew that the handler would ask this of her. It was rather obvious.

"We both know I don't have a damn choice," Elisa snaps at the woman. Unlike Elisa, the handler keeps herself very calm. She must've known Elisa would react this way.

"Actually," she starts. "You do have a choice, little one. You're free to leave if you wish. But indeed, I'd find it pleasant if you stayed."

"You only want to discover more about my abilities."

"They are fascinating, I must admit." The handler chuckles softly. "But I want you to stay because I missed you. I really did."

Unsure what to decide, Elisa keeps her mouth shut. She doesn't even move.

"Take your time to decide," the handler says quietly. "But please don't leave without coming to me first. You did so last time, and I was actually worried."

A scoff is heard from Elisa. Worried. The handler isn't worried.

"You trained me." Elisa rolls her eyes. "There was no reason to be worried."

"Well, I was."

Once again, Elisa doesn't answer. She doesn't believe the handler.

The realization of having to stay here stings. Elisa doesn't have anywhere to go, and she doesn't like to wander around from house to house.

You're welcome in the Umbrella Academy. We're all outcasts with powers. You'll fit in just fine.

Just in time, Elisa stops herself from squeezing her eyes closed. She would've fitted in there. She felt something there, at the academy. A family-bond. At least, it would've become one, if she hadn't messed up. But Elisa doesn't regret anything. Morgana deserved a choice. She deserved to be able to chose between surrendering or dying. Instead, the siblings chose for her. Elisa doesn't regret screaming at Five. He deserved it. if they had allowed her to go and talk to Morgana, then everything could have been different. Maybe-just maybe-she would still be with the siblings, then. With Five.

Elisa breathes in again. Five's strong cologne fills her lungs, and a sad smile comes upon her lips. Everything could've been different.

"We'll discuss your position here later-if you decide to stay," the handler tells Elisa, shaking her out of her thoughts of Five.

"All right," Elisa mumbles quietly.

"I have one more detail to discuss with you."

Surprised, Elisa frowns at the handler. "Yes?"

For a moment, the handler avoids eye contact by looking at the door that Elisa entered through. It doesn't take long until her eyes are trained on Elisa again, though. Her lips form a thin line as the handler swifts uneasily on her chair.

"Spit it out," Elisa repeats what she already said earlier.

"Let me build up my courage." The handler points a finger at Elisa, looking down at her lap.

Courage? Elisa cocks her head to side, and she leans against the back of her chair, getting comfortable. This is new, she thinks curiously.

"It is about your . . . abilities," the handler admits.

Elisa doesn't say a word. She just waits for the handler to continue.

"I'm a woman with a lot of secrets," the handler tells Elisa the obvious. "With a lot of history, too. I've been forced to keep some things to myself. Things I wished to say. I kept my mouth shut for good reasons."

"So it wouldn't mean your death?"

"I had to keep some of those secrets to protect myself, yes." The handler nods. "Others . . . I kept to myself to protect others."

"You don't protect others." Elisa shakes her head, frowning.

"That's right," the handler agrees. "But there's one exception."

With a sharp eye, Elisa watches the handler. She seems to be doubting whether to continue or keeping the secret to herself. It must be a hard decision.

"You," the handler finally admits. "I kept secrets from you in order to protect you, little one."

"What secrets?" Elisa asks boldly.

"Only one is really important . . ."

"I'm curious."

"I know." A light chuckle escapes the handler's dry lips. "You've always been under the impression that you were born with your powers, am I right?"

Elisa her eyes widen. Her lips part a little, but she only nods.

"You were never born with abilities, Elisa." The handler sighs deeply. "I made sure you got them."

"How?" Elisa's voice sounds stern. This is completely new. It's as if everything she thought she knew has crumbled. Lies. Her whole life she has been lied to.

"I ordered an assassin of mine to give you a serum."

"How old was I?"

"A week, I think."

"Did you plan on me murdering my parents?"

"No." She shakes her head fiercely. "I never expected you to kill your parents."

Elisa flinches when hearing those words. But it is the truth. The hard truth.

"I felt beyond guilty, Elisa," the handles tells her. "Believe me, I did. I still do. I took you in-happily, but I never wished you to do such a thing. I'm sorry." The handler her eyes fall down, avoiding Elisa's gaze again. She sits nervously on her hands.

With a sigh, Elisa her gaze falls, too. "It was never completely my fault. . ."

"I've got more to say-" The handler gets cut off.

Hazel barges inside, his face sweaty. His heavy breathing is audible on the other side of the office. He gestures for the two to come since he can't speak already. He needs to recover first.

"I got told that there's an intruder," he succeeds to say after about five seconds.

"An intruder?" the handler repeats his words in a questioning tone.

He nods loudly.

"Who is it, Hazel?" she asks him while Elisa just watches.

"Number Five," Hazel tells her. "It's Number Five and another woman. They're here for Elisa."

Without hesitating, Elisa stands up. She frowns at Hazel, as if trying to look if he's gone mad. He looks mad-that's for sure.

"Why are you panicking?" Elisa asks him, slowly approaching the man.

"He's threatening to destroy the commission."

Now, the handler stands up, too, and she goes to stand next to Elisa. She thinks for a moment. "How would he do that?"

"He has this woman with him," Hazel starts. "and he's saying that she's able to make every single assassin turn on each other."

In shock, Elisa's jaw drops. A surprised laugh sounds, too.

Immediately, the handler's face turns to her. "Elisa," she starts. "You've been there. Can they do that?"

She nods. They can. "Allison . . ." Elisa whispers quietly. She and Five came back.

"Seems like you'll have to choose a little sooner, little one," the handler says to Elisa in a rather sad tone. She's afraid that Elisa will leave.

Choose. Elise doesn't know what to choose. Five left her, and so did Allison. All the siblings did. The handler was the only one who came for her.

Still unsure, Elisa follows Hazel out of the office. The handler is right behind them, but she seems to be thinking about a plan. It'll be hard to outsmart such a well trained assassin. While walking, Elisa nervously puts her hands in the pockets again. Her fingers touch the icy knife. Is she going back?

She does not know.

"Where were they, Hazel?" the handler asks him after walking in silence for several minutes.

"Through that door," Hazel points to the door at the end of the hallway.

Elisa swallows. She still doesn't know what to say or what to do. Her legs have carried her this whole time, but her worries and thoughts have been piling up with every single second that passes.

"You should stay here, Elisa." The handler puts her hand on Elisa's shoulder. "I'll try to calm them down. Take your time to decide. You can come through the door when you've done so."

A quiet nod of Elisa sounds, but both Hazel and the handler heard her. With that, the two head to the door while Elisa stands still, attempting to decide.

The door swings open, and Hazel goes through it first. The handler is right behind him, but she stops before walking out of Elisa's sight. A sigh is audible through the whole hallway.

"Elisa?" she speaks up in a loud tone.

"Yes?"

"Whatever you decide," the handler says. "Choose for yourself. Don't let anyone or anything change your decision. Choose what you want, not what someone else would want." She then closes the door behind her, and Elisa is left alone in the long, dark hallway.

Elisa's breathing quickens immediately. It doesn't take long until she has to gasp for air. Her back gets pressed against the wall, needing everything to stop spinning.

Five and Allison came back for her.

She has to choose.

What does she choose?

Her knees start to tremble, and this time, she allows her legs to collapse underneath her. Elisa falls down onto the floor, her hands making sure she doesn't fall on her face. Her vision becomes blurs, and she truly doesn't know what to do.

"Elisa. . ." A familiar voice sounds somewhere on Elisa's left. She doesn't look up. Yes, she remembers the voice-his voice. But that's what it is. . . just a voice. It reminds Elisa of her nightmare.

"Elisa," it sounds again. "Look at me, please."

With a shaky breath, Elisa obeys. She looks up, and she flinches away when she's faced with Five. He's just a step away from her-not even that.

He bends through his knees to make sure she's okay, but she isn't having any of that. Elisa crawls away deeper into the hallway.

"You're not here. . ." she whispers quietly. "It's my head. My head. . ."

"I am here," Five tells her. "I'm here."

Elisa looks at him again, narrowing her eyes. "But you left."

To this, Five does not answer. His gaze leaves Elisa, ashamed.

"I did."

"You left me there." Elisa presses her back against the wall again while she presses her knees against her chest. "How could you do that?"

He looks at you like you're the only star in the sky at night. Like you're the last hope he has.

I don't see it.

That's because he thinks there's no hope, silly.

"You would never forgive me-you said it yourself," Five whispers, still looking down. "I thought it would be the best if I. . ."

"If you left me in shock on the street."

"I hate myself for it."

You should, Elisa thinks, but she doesn't succeed in saying it out loud.

"I came back. I went looking for you," he admits quietly. "I saw you disappearing through the blue light in Hazel's arms. I came here because I know how you think of this place. It's your personal hell, and I had to get you out of here. Everyone wanted to come, but I owed Allison one, so she was the one to actually come."

"What if I come with you?" The words leave Elisa's lips in a whisper.

"Then you'll be able to choose. You can stay with me. . . my family, or you can take off on your own," Five tells Elisa honestly. "I'd understand if you'd take off," he adds with a shaky voice.

Silence takes over.

Only when the door swings open, sound fills the halls. The handler's heels are heard clearly, and when Elisa looks at her, she notices that Cha Cha is right behind her.

"Elisa," the handler breathes.

"I'm still here," Elisa reassures the handler. "Still deciding. . ."

"Five, get away from her," the handler commands Five, but he doesn't even glance her way. His eyes stay on his feet.

A gun gets aimed at him-it's Cha Cha.

"You should listen," the handler warns him.

A broken sob is heard from him, and he stands up. Just now Elisa notices his glossy eyes.

"Put a bullet through my head, I don't care," he tells them all.

"Five, stop-" Elisa attempts, but she pauses when he continues.

"Slit my throat. Do it any way you want. Can't you see? I already lost."

Elisa would tell him that he's wrong, but she can't. She can't because she doesn't know if he's right or wrong herself.

"I've got yet to decide," Elisa whispers so that only Five catches it.

"Elisa," the handler her voice sounds on the other side of the hallway. Elisa turns her head to look at the woman. "I never finished letting you in on the whole secret."

There's a short silence. The handler is building up courage again, Elisa assumes.

"Five was the one to give you the serum."