29. Don't Burn Them To Ashes

After killing its leader, it's easy to walk into the Commission. The fog has lessened, and has even almost disappeared.

No one found the handler, though. There isn't even a trace left of her. Not a single hair.

But they searched. Assassins and other employees flooded the courtyard, and they searched for every piece that could be a part of the handler. Even Gloria joined everything.

It was a surprise when Elisa and Vanya found Herb in the hallway of the room full of time capsules. He didn't say a word, but he had an understanding expression on his face as he handed Elisa a capsule.

"Thanks," Elisa mumbled quietly while Vanya hid behind her, scared of everyone and everything. Elisa understood her. Everyone who comes even close to the Commission changes. It was bound to have an effect on Vanya, too. Elisa just hoped it wouldn't change her as a person.

Blue light appeared, and blue light disappeared. It went rather quickly. Yet, it did not feel so for the two women. For Elisa it felt like it took at least ten minutes, and for Vanya even longer. No more words were said, too. No words had to be said. The two knew each others' thoughts and pains. They knew.

Now, Elisa throws the capsule away. On the ground. To the other side of the room. She doesn't want to be reminded of her actions. That is why she ignores all the very curious and worried eyes upon her.

Vanya, too, doesn't seem phased by the many eyes. She's been through much worse, Elisa figures. Some curious siblings are nothing next to the Commission.

Vanya her shoulders fall, relaxing a little more when the blue light is completely gone.

"You're here!" Allison's amazed, relieved voice sounds. It doesn't take long until Vanya is in her arms. Allison can't look happier; an immense smile places itself on her lips. But Vanya doesn't seem happy at all . . . again. The only reaction Allison receives out of her is Vanya patting her back softly. Nothing more.

"Vanya!" Diego jumps on his feet, off the couch, and he hurries himself to his sister. "You're alive." He sighs in relief, waiting for his turn to throw his arms around her.

His smile falters when Vanya shakes her head, not wanting another hug, but he understands her. They all do.

"Elisa," Five whispers, walking up to her. His eyes are wide, and his actions are careful and slow. He has every right to be this careful. After all, he knows the Commission and its effect on people. "You brought her back."

Just like she told herself, Elisa does not make eye contact with anyone. Not even Five. Not even Vanya.

"Brought her back," Elisa replies. "She's alive." Not knowing where to go, Elisa leans her back against the wall. She doesn't want to be here. No, she wants to crawl under some blanket and bawl her eyes out. That won't work—not yet, at least. Elisa doesn't even know if she wants to crawl under a blanket in the Umbrella Academy. But next to that, does she still have a place? Does she have a place where she belongs?

She does.

The apartment Mor and her shared. The place where Francis is still waiting for her.

Having decided, Elisa straightens herself. Ignoring the many questions that everyone asks the two—but especially Vanya—Elisa heads towards the door. This makes the eyes fall on her again, but she ignores this, too. Nothing can really catch her attention.

Not even Five reaching for her hand in order to stop her.

"Where are you going?" he asks, following Elisa immediately. "Don't go, Elisa."

She doesn't reply. She can't even part her lips. It all feels numb, and it takes over her body. It's different than the monster inside of her taking control, though. This time, she can shut out the voices while she couldn't do so last time. She can shut everything off.

"What happened?" Five tries again.

No answer.

Elisa succeeds in getting outside without Five his hands actually pulling her inside again. She doesn't know what she would if he tried. Maybe's she'd just push him aside and run. Or the monster would return again. The first option is nothing next to the second one. Breaking Five his heart is better than making it explode.

That thought drives her to continue walking. In a quick pace, Elisa crosses the street, but Five doesn't stop.

"Elisa," he speaks up again. At this point, he's walking next to her. It look like he isn't having any trouble keeping up with her. "Let me help you. Let me be here for you. I want to. Please, Elisa."

For the first time, he does attempt to stop Elisa. He reaches for her hand again, and he succeeds in grabbing it. His fingers intertwine with Elisa's, and he stops in his tracks, forcing Elisa to stop, too.

He needs her eyes to fall on him.

He needs her to talk to him.

He needs her.

"Let me in," he begs, lifting their intertwined fingers. He only stops when his lips touch her soft skin.

Elisa squeezes her eyes shut, knowing very well that she doesn't deserve this kindness. She is a monster, after all. The monster who was created to cause the end of the world. Who murdered the woman who raised her.

Immediately, Elisa pulls back her hand. Without even glancing at Five, she starts to walk again.

And there he stands. Confused and worried. Five doesn't know a single detail of what happened at the Commission, but since it's the Commission, he knows it must be bad. When looking at the state that Elisa and his sister are in, he knows it is bad. And he wants to help the two. But they won't let him.

"Don't do this." Five runs in order to catch up with Elisa again. It doesn't take long until he's at her side again. That is where he belongs; by her side. "Don't shut me out, Elisa. Whatever happened, we can get through it. You've got me-"

"Stop," Elisa orders him, and he listens. Five stops talking, crossing his fingers, hoping Elisa will accept his help and comfort. "I don't have you, Five." It takes all the strength left in Elisa to say the words.

"You do have me." He frowns, still walking next to her.

"But I don't deserve you," Elisa tells him. "I don't deserve your kindness. I don't deserve-"

"Stop right there," Five growls. "First, where are you going?"

"I don't know." She has already broken her rule of not talking, a few words won't matter anymore. It's probably selfish, but Elisa wants to hear Five's voice as long as she can. Which is, in her case, not long, since she's determined to cut off the Umbrella Academy out of her life.

She must. She doesn't deserve-

"I know you're going somewhere," Five says. "Tell me where."

Clenching her jaw, Elisa stays quiet. She ignores the many stares she and Five are getting. People like drama, it seems. That is probably why their eyes don't leave the arguing couple that's practically running.

"Tell me, Elisa." Five his voice breaks a little, and this is the reason why Elisa finally glances at him. He'd smile—or scream out of happiness—if he knew that Elisa wouldn't look away again. Since she would, Five only stares back at her. "Please." he adds.

"My apartment." It hurts to say that it's only her apartment now. But it is. Mor died. She is no longer. Another death that's Elisa her fault.

She looks right in front of her again.

"Why?" Five asks, but he receives no answer. "Why are you going there? You could stay with us."

"It's not my place," Elisa whispers painfully. Not anymore, she almost adds. Not anymore.

"It is," Five protests. "It will always be your place, Elisa. Together we can protect each other from the handler. She will come back. I can't let you alone and unguarded."

A painful but smug scoff of Elisa sounds. "I can fend for myself. I've proven that more than once, haven't I?" Elisa narrows her eyes, staring at God knows what in front of her. She doesn't even know what she is staring at. She only knows that it is not Five Hargreeves.

"I know." Five sighs deeply. "But still, I do not want to leave you alone in this, Elisa. You know the handler better than anyone, and-"

"The handler won't haunt us down," Elisa tells Five, narrowing her eyes even more.

"What?" Five his head turns. "The handler never gives up. It's not like her to leave us alone."

"That's right," Elisa agrees. "Unless she's stopped."

When hearing these words, Five his lips part, but no sound sounds. He can't get himself to say something . . . anything. He only continues staring at Elisa and walking with.

"Go back, Five," Elisa says. "Vanya needs you right now."

"She has all the others." Five looks in front of him again. "She knows I'll come to her. But right now, you need help, too."

"I don't." She does. Elisa does need help. "So don't waste your time with me, and go to your sister."

"I will not leave you, Elisa." Five shakes his head, noticing that Elisa her pace slows. They have reached a busier street.

Elisa her eyes scan the buildings, as if looking if something has changed. It has not. Every building still looks the exact same. Every person that lived here just a few weeks ago lives here still. Yet, it feels as if months have passed. It feels as if everything has changed. But then again, maybe it has. Elisa has changed. Completely.

With a shaking hand, Elisa reaches for the door handle. It has been so long since she has touched it. So long since she set foot in this building.

But now, after having gone through so much, Elisa does set foot in here again. A warmth welcomes her. This places a sad but true smile on her lips. Her home. But is it still her home? After everything she has gone through . . . Wouldn't she deserve to have no home of her own?

As she expected Five slips through, too.

"I need to be alone, Five," Elisa tells him in a low, broken voice.

"I don't think so," Five says as his eyes stay on Elisa her back. "I think you need the exact opposite. You need love and comfort. Let me give those to you, Elisa. I can love you, and I can try to comfort you, too. It's hard, I know. But please, allow me to try to help you. God knows you need it."

Elisa remembers every detail of everything that has happened to the handler. She felt everything she did, but couldn't stop it. She felt herself making the handler explode, and yet, she couldn't help the woman. Instead, she was forced to listen to her screams. Forced to smell her burn.

"Leave," she commands him again. "I need you to leave. Don't make me ask another time. I can't handle myself . . . Not anymore."

"Nothing has changed," Five speaks up again. "You're still you."

"Everything has changed." Elisa turns around, and for the very first time, she makes eye contact with him. Her eyes bore into him, furious, but that isn't what catches Five his attention.

Her eyes are actually burning. They still have the same glow in them from . . . before.

"Your eyes," Five whispers, but there's no fear in his voice. And that actually frightens Elisa, because he should be afraid. Hell, he should be running away from her. But he doesn't do any of those things. Instead, his hand places itself on Elisa her warm cheek. Her skin is burning, too. "What happened to you?" he asks, and his eyes start to water a little.

Elisa wants to scream. She needs him to leave. If he does not, then she'll let him in. That can't happen. That might even mean his death. You see, Elisa has always done everything to protect the ones she loves. And now, that means leaving them, so she doesn't burn them to ashes.

That's the only reason why she takes a step backwards.

The only reason she turns her back on the one she loves again.

That is why she repeats herself. "Don't make me ask another time."

This time, Five does not follow her. Oh, he wants to. He wants to throw his arms around her. He wishes he could lift her up, place her in her bed, and nestle there with her. He wishes she'd let him in, too.

But she does not.

So Five turns his back on her. He walks out of the building, knowing very well he'll be back tomorrow to try again. If he must, he'll come back every day for always. He'd do that for her, and he won't ever give up. No, he loves her too much to do so.

Every day for forever, he will be there for her.

-

I've finished writing this book! There'll be 35 chapters + a few extra chapters in Five's pov in total, AND I'm already starting to write the second book of the duology!