32. I Think I Grew a Beard

With a scream, Elisa opens her eyes. To her surprise, Jude is already at her side, squeezing her hand with a very, very worried look upon her face.

"You're all right, Sam." Jude smiles softly, but she doesn't accomplish to make the worried twinkle in her eyes to fade away. "It was just a nightmare."

"It wasn't." Elisa shakes her head softly as she sits up next to Jude. "It wasn't just a nightmare."

"You're just scared." Jude pats Elisa on the top of her head. "No nightmare can be real, silly."

Elisa wants to tell her that she's wrong because Elisa has experienced truth in a nightmare of hers already; the time Vanya called for help. Being reminded of Vanya's screams, Elisa shakes her head once more.

Now she has let Vanya alone in this. She is sure that Vanya won't open up to anyone—not after everything that has happened. And now after the nightmare, Elisa is determined to go back to Vanya and help her. She must. Vanya deserves to have someone to share everything with, to open up.

After having rubbed in her eyes, Elisa notices that Jude is the only one in the apartment together with Francis and herself.

"Where are the others?"

"They're getting us breakfast," Jude explains as she scoops Francis off the ground. "They should be back anytime now."

"I never got to the end of the movie," Elisa admits, rubbing her face again. "I fell asleep."

"We know," Jude chuckles. "But don't worry, the ending was still the same."

"How surprising." Elisa grins as she pets Francis who's now enjoying laying in Jude her arms.

A quiet, unsure knock is heard on the door, and Jude immediately places Francis in Elisa her lap.

"I can open the door." Elise frowns as her friend makes her way to the door.

"Oh please." Jude rolls her eyes. "And let them think they're royalty? They'll be fine with me opening the door."

The door cracks when Jude opens it quickly. Starting to tell her friends off for taking so long, Jude raises her voice a little. But when her eyes actually fall on the person in front of her, words fail her.

"I'm sorry," she excuses herself with an apologetic smile. "I thought you were someone else. Who are you?"

Elisa does her best to stretch her body out, but she isn't able to see the person who Jude is talking to. An annoyed groan leaves her lips, disappointed with her not stretching body. She then places Francis carefully on the ground, causing him to argue with a meow.

"Sorry, bud," she mumbles, getting out of the bed.

Whoever Jude is talking to clears his throat. "Wrong apartment, I think," the voice says. "So sorry for bothering you."

Elisa recognizes the voice immediately. Yet, she stops in her tracks, still out of Five's sight. She should stay here—she knows that. And still, she does not.

Slowly, carefully, Elisa walks towards the door. Her hands are already shaking softly—out of anxiety to see Five again.

Selfish selfish selfish selfish, she tells herself without actually saying a word. So selfish.

But her nightmare—whatever it was—did tell her otherwise. She can control herself. At least, she can try to do so. If she notices that it won't work, she'll block them out again. Wait—that does sound rude. But it is for their own good, for their lives.

Before she can groan, Elisa her eyes fall right on Five. He was about to turn around, but when his eyes fall on Elisa, too, he doesn't. Instead, he doesn't even move a little.

"Five," Elisa breathes, making Jude turn her head to look at Elisa now.

"You know him?" she whispers quietly, and Elisa nods. Of course she knows Five.

At first, it seems impossible for Five to get a decent word out. He tries to say hi together with tons of other things. In the end, he succeeds in saying, "Tell me you haven't given up."

This, of course, catches Elisa off guard. She thought he'd snap at her. Or perhaps he would grab her, and pull her with him to the Umbrella Academy. He doesn't do either, and Elisa needs a few seconds to recover. "What?"

At the same time, Jude gets the message already. She shouldn't be listening to this conversation. Actually, she shouldn't even be here right now.

Which is why she leaves the two, and goes in the bathroom to make herself ready for the day.

Only when she's gone, Five opens his mouth again, and says, "Tell me you're still with me."

"Five," Elisa starts. She was going to go with him, but now that she has laid her eyes on him, he looks so vulnerable all over again. Too vulnerable for a monster like her. The dream means nothing to her now—not anymore. She won't go with him. She just can't endanger him.

"Please, Elisa." His eyes look puffy and red. It's as if he has cried the whole night, or he didn't get any sleep at all. That could be it. Elisa feels bad now. She has slept well—unlike him apparently. "Give me an answer."

"Don't do this now, Five." Elisa her eyes flicker to her feet, unable to go to Five again. She feels too much shame. "Not here and not while the others can arrive at any moment."

"I don't need you to tell me anything that happened—nothing," Five starts, "I get why you did what you did—if I'm right about what has happened—more than anyone. But please don't cut me out like that. Don't cut my family out like that. I might deserve it, but Klaus and Vanya do not."

When hearing Vanya her name, Elisa looks up again. With her eyes a little wider and little more filled with regret, she asks, "How is Vanya?"

"Shaken up," Five admits. "But she'll be fine, I think. She is worried sick about you, though."

"She shouldn't be," Elisa tells him, hoping to shrug it off.

"Maybe she should."

Elisa doesn't reply. She can't get herself to. Instead, her eyes stay on Five, and his stay on her. For a moment, Five can see the pain behind her mask, and when Elisa notices this, she looks at her feet once again.

"Did she tell you anything about what happened?" Elisa is almost too afraid to ask. Her lips tremble a little. Does he already know what kind of monster he is?

"Not a word." He sighs. "And I don't need to know anything. Truly, Elisa. I just need you to come back to us."

"I can't, Five." Elisa attempts to smile, but it doesn't work. Actually, it looks like she could break down at any moment right now. Maybe she will.

"Why not?" Five asks her, taking a step closer.

Elisa stays where she is, not having the energy left to walk away. She did have a huge amount of fresh energy just a few minutes ago, but now, she is drained of it already. It is gone.

"I can wait," Five tells her, hoping to reassure her a little, hoping to convince her. "I can wait for as long as you want. Just come back to us. I need you to come back to me."

"I can't," Elisa says, taking every detail of his face in. He looks so tired and so broken. It makes her wonder how bad she is looking.

"Tell me why you can't. Give me an answer."

"'Cause I'm protecting you from a monster more dangerous than the handler."

"Who?" Five shakes his head, unwilling to believe Elisa. "Who can threaten us so?"

"I'm talking about myself, Five." Elisa looks away in shame. "I'm the monster." Now it truly looks as if Elisa can break down at any moment. Plus, it feels like that, too. Her knees are at the point of losing control. Elisa isn't far away from falling on the ground.

A sob of her sounds, and Five doesn't wait for an invitation to enter the apartment. He takes a step inside, and his arms curl around her waist.

They do so just in time because Elisa's legs collapse that exact moment. He helps her fully on her legs again, but she continues leaning on him, sure that if she wouldn't, her knees would fail her again.

"My Elisa," he whispers as he takes her fully into his arms. He breathes in her smell, resting his head against hers. Just like Jude did to Francis earlier, Five scoops Elisa up as if she truly is Francis, and Elisa lets him. Five could thank her for not arguing, but he's too busy making sure to find the cosiest place for her in the apartment. In the end, he places her fragile body in the bed, between the many pillows.

After covering Elisa with two blankets, Five says, "I don't believe so. You're no monster. After all the time I've spent with you, I know you're no monster." Plus, how could a monster look so, so fragile and breakable. If he knew for sure that she'd accept it, he'd place himself right next to her. His arms would curl around her waist, and he'd never let her go again.

"You're wrong." Elisa looks at him, still resting her head on a pillow. "I am a monster. Well, a part of me is. And that part can wake up at any moment, Five. It could kill you and your family just like it killed the handler, and I can't let that happen."

Five his widen a little in surprise. This is the very first time Elisa has told him that the handler is actually dead. He expected it, of course, but he didn't know for sure. Now he does, though.

"That's why I'm staying away from each and every one of you," Elisa whispers painfully. Her eyes don't leave Five. She's waiting for pure hatred and shock to show. It never comes, though, so she keeps staring into his eyes.

"I accepted every part of you the moment I realized I loved you, Elisa," Five whispers, and he allows himself to take a tiny step closer to the bed. To this, Elisa doesn't protest—not even close.

"Even if that means your death?" She closes her eyes now, afraid to see his reaction.

But he answers immediately, "Yes."

"Without hesitation," Elisa mumbles quietly, opening her eyes again. But she isn't ready. He doesn't know what he's saying. "Even if it means your family's death?"

That'll do.

This time, Five stays silent while Elisa watches him carefully. She knew this. Of course she knew this.

This time, he even takes a step backwards.

"There you have it, Five." Elisa sighs, starting to feel more and more unwell. "I don't want to hurt anyone—least of all you. If I cut you all off, then you'll be safe. You'll grow old." She says the last sentence like a caress. It is a caress. She needs him to grow old, have a family. He deserves all of it.

"I'll grow old," Five chuckles, sad. "But I'll do so unhappy."

To this, Elisa stays quiet, unable to say another word. She only watches him while it feels like there's lead in her stomach. Oh, yes. She feels horrible. Most horrible!

"You can forget about me, Five," she mumbles in the end.

"I can't ever forget about you." Five shakes his head. "Not when you're occupying my thoughts every moment of the day. Not when you're my every worry. Not when you're at the bottom of my heart. Don't you get it by now? I can't ever forget about you, my Elisa, because I love you. I've told you so before, and I will do so again and again—until you understand what the words mean."

"I know what the words mean. I don't deserve them, so don't ever start." Elisa grabs another pillow that is laying next to her. She then throws it over her head, hiding her face between the new pillow and the pillow her head is resting on.

"I love you," Five repeats.

"Stop it," Elisa begs, needing it to stop.

Of course, Five doesn't even plan on stopping. But he does rest one hand on the side of the bed, next to Elisa. With his other hand, he takes the pillow out of Elisa her grip, and he lays it next to her feet.

Still, Elisa rolls over, so she's laying on her stomach now. This way, she can hide her face, too. He can't see her face. If he does, he'll see how her eyes sparkle like crazy every time he says those words. He'll see how much she loves him, too.

He'll never grow old that way.

That is why Elisa continues pressing her face into the pillow.

"I love you."

"Five," Elisa starts, but she stops when she feels Five his hands on her hips.

Now having Elisa in his power, Five lifts her up a little. Then he forces her to roll on her side. With a groan, she does. The sound escapes her lips too quickly—Elisa doesn't even know if it's a groan full of need for Five his touch or a groan that needs to convince him to go. Actually, Elisa does know which groan it was. There's no doubt that it wasn't the second option.

Five lets himself fall down on the bed now, too. With his hands still on Elisa her hips, he pulls her closer to him.

Her breathing hitches when she can feel his breath on her face. With wide eyes—that probably show her need for his touch, too—she watches him from close by. Unable to say a single word, she keeps her lips pressed into a thin line.

Five, too, watches Elisa closely, taking in every feature. He leans his forehead against hers, sighing in relief when their skin touches.

Immediately, Elisa her knees melt. It's possible that she has melted completely—she doesn't know. But does she ever know with Five Hargreeves?

Carefully, Five strokes her cheek, her nose. His thumb brushes softly over her bottom lip, making Elisa her lips part a little. He will never understand the effect he has on her. Never.

"I love you, Elisa Brookle," Five starts again, "Stop making it so hard, and let us grow old together. Let us be together."

Having said that, he presses a first kiss on the spot beneath Elisa her ear, making Elisa her breathing quicken immediately. A next kiss gets planted on her cheek.

Then he pauses to look at Elisa. By now she's a mess. Her chest rises and falls like it has never before. Her lips part even more, inviting him, when she watches Five his eyes darken.

"I want to," she is able to get out.

A content smirk takes over Five his face. He leans closer to her again. This time, to press a third kiss on the corner of her mouth. For this one, he takes his time. Leaning back again, he whispers in her ear, "Then let's."

His lips collide with hers. It feels like home to both. Tastes like home, too. And Elisa wants—whatever this is going to lead to—to happen. She needs this to continue. After having been separated, she needs this—him.

But the bathroom door opens loudly, making both Elisa and Five groan.

Elisa turns to look at Jude, who's eyes are very wide. Immediately, her cheeks redden, and she can't help but to look away from the two. "Uhm." She tries to look for the right words. "I t-think—" Again, she doesn't finish her sentence.

"Hello." Five smiles cockily, pressing Elisa closer to him. "I'm Five Hargreeves."

"J-Jude," she tells him. "I'm Jude. I think I forgot something in the b-bathroom."

"What did you forget?" Five asks, causing Elisa to slap him against his chest. He ignores her silent complaints completely.

For a moment, Jude doesn't know what to say, and in the end, she chooses whatever comes to her mind. "I think I grew a beard." Jude hates herself for coming up with . . . this. "Bye."

Once she's back in the bathroom, a laugh escapes Five his lips. Elisa, too, can't help herself but laugh.

"You're such an asshole," she tells him, giggling.

Five turns his head to look at Elisa in his arms again. "We always get interrupted, don't we?"

Elisa nods, groaning. "Every. Single. Time."

Now, he stays quiet, watching her, in his arms.

"Then let's go," he murmurs as he snuggles his head in the crook of her neck.

"Now?" Elisa asks, shocked.

"Right now." Five smirks, getting up. He extends his hand to Elisa, offering his help to get up, and she accepts his help naturally.

"Then let's go," she repeats his words.

-

My school started again ;(