-December 2nd, 6:02 a.m.-
I wake up to the feeling of someone playing with my hair, and I flutter my eyes open. I look up to see Tobias was already fully awake, and I smile, remembering last night. I sit up, throw my leg over his lap and sit. I lean down and kiss him, and he puts his hands on my waist, and squeezes. I realize I'm still naked, and now I'm on top of him naked.
It's not long till he realizes that too, and his hands linger towards my bottom. I stop him and stop kissing him, putting his hands back at my waist. "I think I've had enough mister." I say pecking his lips, and he laughs a little, "Yeah you're right. I did go a little overboard last night." He says, and I raise my eyebrows at him. "A little?" I ask, and he smiles, with nothing but pure satisfaction on his face. "Okay fine, a little too overboard. I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself. At least I warned you beforehand." He tells me, and I straightened up, tracing my fingers over his chest.
"Don't be sorry, especially not for that. That was amazing, more than amazing even. I've never done anything like that before." I respond, and he squints his eyes at me. "So you've really never done things like we did?" He asks and I shake my head. "That was the first time, doing anything of the sort. I told you, I've never had a boyfriend. Until I met you." I say, and he smiles again. "Well, I'll make sure I won't let you down, when it comes to any of it. And I'll always make sure you're comfortable first. I wanna go at your pace." He says, and I smile, yet shake my head. "Says the man who dragged me out the shower because I rolled my eyes at him." I point out and he rolls his own eyes after my comment, "See now that's because you were asking for it. I could see it in your eyes, you were seeing if I'd do something, and as you can see," He gestures to my naked body, "I did." He adds.
I blush a little, and he sits up with me still straddling his lap. "And even though what you did was pretty hot, all you have to do is just ask. I'll be more than glad to do that again." He tells me, and I get goosebumps. "What- . . . was that by the way? What did you do to me?" I ask, since I've been confused about it ever since he made me feel that way. He widens his eyes, "You mean to tell me you don't know anything? About sex?" He asks me with a cute expression, I shake my head. "No, I know what sex is. There was a class in Amity that explained how babies were made. But that's it, so yeah, I guess you're right." I tell him, getting a little embarrassed at the fact.
I kinda hate that I haven't had sex before, since it makes me the only one that's clueless in my relationship. Like, I know I wanted to return the favor to him last night but, to be completely honest, I wouldn't have known how if he let me. I glance over at the drawer again, remembering what his first girlfriend looked like. I think about how they were together, and how I know they had sex together. She was probably so much better than I'm gonna be, "Hey," He says, knocking me out of my thoughts, "Talk to me, what're you thinking about?" He asks, and I shake my head.
"Nothing, I wasn't thinking about anything." I say, "You were staring at my drawer while visibly in your head so, you can't tell me you were thinking about nothing." He responds, "Tell me what's on your mind, please." He adds. I take a breath, and let it out, "It's just, that drawer. You still have it, even though you're with me. And there could only be two reasons as to why you do. It's either A. You forgot about it, or B. You miss her." I finally say, avoiding his gaze. He puts his hand on my cheek and I look up at him, "So which one is it? And don't lie to me, I wanna know even if you miss her in the slightest bit of a fraction." I ask, now looking into his big brown eyes. He doesn't even take a second to think, "It's definitely A. I don't miss her, not even in the slightest bit of a fraction. I'm the one who broke it off, I'm the one who didn't want us to continue." He says, not breaking eye contact, and a question pops into my mind. "May I ask why?" I say, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to though." I add, just in case, hoping I didn't cross a line.
He shakes his head, "Don't worry, I want to. But, it's just, you're not gonna like it." He says, and I raise an eyebrow. "She uh, she cheated on me. With someone we both knew." He tells me and I begin to feel my blood boil, and I could tell my eyes turned gold just by the look on his face. I wonder as to why in the hell would someone cheat on him, of all people. He's tall, handsome, and his personality is to die for. And I'd definitely know.
I get even more angry when I realize he gave himself to her, just for her to end up giving herself to somebody else. I also wonder who she cheated on him with, so I ask him. "The same man who tried to take you from me." He says, and I'm appalled. "Eric?! But, wouldn't that mean . . ." I trail off, thinking of how he was with Lauren all those years. "Yes, he cheated on Lauren, and I told her once my Ex told me but, she didn't care enough to break up with him. She loved him that much. I just wish she would've left him, like I left her." He says, and I notice how he won't even say her name.
I also realize something. I realize she's here, in this very building. She's Dauntless, just like us. I'd definitely be able to recognize her, if I ever ran into her but, I'd like to know who exactly I'd be dealing with if it ever came down to it. "What's her name?" I ask, and I can see he wants to know why I'm asking, "Elaina Matthews. Why are you asking? You're not planning on hunting her down are you?" He asks me, and I shake my head.
"No, just curious is all." I say, I notice he said Matthews though, "But, wait, you said Matthews? As in daughter of Jeanine Matthews? Erudite's leader?" I ask, and he nods. I wish she would've stayed in Erudite, so I could've had Tobias all to myself. So we could've been clueless and learn together. But no, she just had to claim him first. Claim him, and then toss him over her shoulder, like he was nothing.
She slept with another man, and what makes matters worse is that the other man was already taken. Her actions are the very epitome, of disgraceful. I look at my beloved, imagining what it must've felt like to be betrayed by someone you loved. I turn from mad to sad when I imagine the amount of tears he must've shed, "Don't tell me you cried over such a female." I say, and he looks over at the drawer, "I gave her the world, and for awhile she gave me the same. And even after she showed me what she was capable of, I dedicated a drawer to her. Because I still loved her. I loved her almost as much as I love you now. So, of course I did Natalie." He tells me, and I hurt for the man in front of me. "She didn't deserve you Tobias. She didn't deserve the love you gave her." I say, and he looks into my eyes.
For awhile, we lock each other's gazes, until, "Would you cheat on me? If you were ever given the chance? I know what your brother said, about our future but, I wanna know if our future is ever gonna change because of you." He asks me, and I don't even hesitate. "There is no man, on this earth, that could get me to cheat on you." I say, placing my hands on his cheeks, "You are what I want, and what I've been wanting ever since you took me off that net. Do you remember that exact moment when we first met, when I looked up at you on that net?" I ask, and he nods, "What was the first thing that I said and did?" I ask him, and he thinks for just a moment, "You said 'Woah. . ', and you stared up at me like you couldn't believe what you were seeing." He answers, already smiling. "And that my friend, is because you are the most gorgeous man I've ever met. It was like, I fell from heaven, yet I still met an angel. An angel that ended up being my instructor, my friend, and then my boyfriend. And eventually, my husband." I say to him, and I show him the ring he got me, "I want what we have, and I want it till the day I die. And even then, you're still gonna be mine. Would you like me to keep going? Because I could go on for days." I ask him, and he presses my right hand against his cheek even more. He uses his other hand to make the 'little bit more' gesture, "Tobias, I'm in love with you. You could ask my brother's and my friends and they'd all tell you the same thing. And I wouldn't dare to hurt you like that because, why would I do something to someone, I wouldn't want happening to myself? For instance, last night, if you would've had Tris in our apartment, and I walked in on you two instead of an empty room," I say, and I take a deep breath, blinking the gold from coming into my eyes. "I would've been crushed. I would've felt pain like never before, and my tears would have no end. Of course, I would've cried after snapping Tris in half but, you get my point." I say and we laugh, but he gets serious on me again.
"In all seriousness though, I'd never do that to you, that wasn't even a thought in my mind. Since I know how it feels." He says, and I kiss him. I pull away, "Well, consider yourself reassured cuz, you'll never feel it again. Especially if you stick with me." I say, and after awhile he holds up his pinky, "Pinky promise?" He asks, and we wrap our pinkies together, "Pinky promise." I say, and he kisses me, and our pinkies stay locked. I then feel this breeze of cold air, and I shiver as I get goosebumps all over. He notices, and tugs the covers over my still naked body. "Here, lemme go get you some clothes now." He says, but I stay sitting on him, "I have to get up in order to do that though." He points out, and I hug him close.
"Noooo, I don't want clothes. I wanna stay naked, and in this bed, with you." I say pouting, and he lays back, taking me with him. "Oh but I think you'd rather get dressed, I wanna do something with you first. And then we can come back to bed." He says, wrapping his arms around me while my face stays buried into his neck. I kiss his neck, and eventually roll off of him, bundling into the warm covers. I feel him get up, and I start to miss him immediately, even though he only left to the closet. I sit up, just as he comes back, and he hands me my clothes.
I get fully dressed, while he puts on a shirt, and some shoes. Once we're done, I look over to him, and I see he's on his side of the bed. He grabs the knob of the forsaken drawer, and rips it out the bedside table completely. I quirk at him as he holds the drawer and grabs my hand, heading out our apartment door. I don't question him until we start heading out of Dauntless, "What're we doing?" I end up asking, "Something we should've done awhile ago." Is all he says, and he starts heading the same direction me and Miles went in when we left to go blow off some steam.
But before I could pull him in another direction, he stops, noticing what me and my brother did. Some tree's were still standing yet, they were chard and burnt, and the ones that weren't standing were most likely the ones in the air, now formed as ash. It looked like a thick fog took over the clearing, and what was left of the forest. He instantly looks over at me, confused. "It's a long story." I say, and he tells me he wants to hear it later, just before trying to head into the smoke. I stop him, "Wait," I say, and I breathe in as much air as I possibly could, before blowing it towards the smoke.
The smoke begins to move rapidly, and I realize I have more breath than I thought, and continue to blow it away as I walk into the clearing. I throw my hands up in front of me, controlling more wind, blowing the smoke and ash far away. He follows behind me, and I make wind thrash through the rest of the tree's, collecting the last of it, and blowing it away. He comes up beside me, "Blow me away too why don't you." He says and I laugh, just as he takes my hand again, and pulls me to the other end of the clearing. We get close to some tree's and he starts looking around all of them, obviously searching for something.
He moves to a half burnt tree, and he grimaces down at the middle of it; and whatever it is, I'm guessing he found it. He beckons for me, and I walk around the thick rooted wood in the ground, and lay my eyes on what he was looking at. The letter's 'T + E' deeply carved into the wood, along with a big heart surrounding them. Now we're both grimacing. "This is were my relationship with her started, and just by that look on your face, I'm pretty sure you figured much." He says, and I start to wonder why he's showing me this, "And I brought you here because, well," He says, setting the drawer on the floor, taking out the same picture frame I wasn't really supposed to find.
"This is where it ends, completely. I know we've been broken up, and it's already ended but, as long as this drawer is still full, and this tree still stands; nothing has truly ended. And I want it to end, completely and wholeheartedly." He says to me, taking the picture out of the frame, and tossing the frame behind him. It shatters, and he takes my hand, making me stick out my index finger. I see what he wants me to do, and I make a flame that a regular lighter would make. He starts to pull my flame towards the picture but, I freeze, "Are you sure about this? Like, one-hundred percent sure?" I ask him, and he squeezes the hand he holds. "I am one-hundred percent sure about this Natalie. Which is why I want the flame that you make, to be the flame that burns this picture and everything in this drawer. I want you to burn it, all of it. Along with the rest of this tree." He says, and I smile at him, just before I let him pull my flame again.
I make sure the side she's on burn's first, and eventually, young Four burns along with her. The picture turns to ashes, and I make sure the wind blows it away from Dauntless Headquarters. He sits down on the ground, and I do too. The next thing he takes out of the drawer is a small brown teddy-bear, with the words 'I love you.' sewn across the belly. He hands it too me, and I look at him once, and he nods with a smile.
I look back at the bear, and while holding it with both hands, I squeeze, making it go up in flames before turning it to cinder. I look up at him, and he was already handing me the next item. I take it, and I see that it's an anniversary card, from her to him. I get this slight urge to read it, "You can read it if you want." He says, and I shake my head. "It's just gonna make me upset. Given what she did won't correlated to the words she wrote." I say, and I make the card float above my hands, before curling my fingers and making it burn.
"Wait a minute, you can move things? With your mind?" He asks me, and I nod. "Me and my brother's have multiple abilities. I have four while they both have three. This is one of them." I say, and I make everything else in the drawer levitate. One by one. I see that there's a stack more of cards, a few more bears, pictures, a ring, a necklace, and a bunch of little notes. I make one float in front of my face, and I read it.
"We're gonna make it, don't worry. Initiation is only two stages. And anyways, If you don't make it. I don't make it. Because we're in this together. I love you. - Elaina."
I swallow hard, crumble it, and make it move back with the rest of the lies. I take one more look at Tobias as his past floats in front of him, and he nods again. I ball my fist and everything burns at once, and as it burns I make them float up, forming a tiny tornado of fire, before it all turns to ash and the wind takes it. We both stand, and he picks up the drawer. I turn and I run my fingers over the deeply carved letters.
This was love, until she ruined it. Until she destroyed him. What she did, is now apart of him. And I'm not gonna say I wish it didn't happen, because that wouldn't be the truth. I'm actually glad it did, in the sense of what's happening now.
I have him. He's apart of me now. And I'm gonna make sure I take that painful memory of her, and make it fade, until it means absolutely nothing to him. I know I could just say make him forget it but, I don't want that. He needs to remember that, he needs to know just how cruel people can be.
Just how cruel she could be. So he never thinks about going back, and leaving my side. I lift my hand off but, he takes it and places it back over the E. Keeping his hand ontop of mine, lining his fingers up. And, I don't look at him for reassurance this time, because I already know he wants this.
I make the tree burn, and turn to ash from the inside out, without making it catch flame. I did that with all of my mind, and all of my heart. We let our hands fall and we start to head back; and without looking behind me, I snap my fingers once and make the ash fly far away.