Chapter 319 – You Say You Don’t Know Martial Arts

The underwear landed on a middle-aged bald man. From far away, he looks like, Le Jia, one of the speakers on ‘If You Are the One‘. (My aunt likes him) The man raised his head with surprise and exclaimed:

“Huh? It’s raining panties in the middle of the day, and it’s still warm! Whose is it? I’m a conservative man, so I’m afraid we won’t get along.”

His shouted alerted the security and a couple (more than one) of guards came over and began to investigate the mystery of the panties.

Shu Zhe was scared to the point where he bit his fingers and shrunk his head back so he wouldn’t be seen by the people in the lobby.

But it was too late since Xiong YaoYue had witnessed the entire event.

Xiong YaoYue’s body trembled and her face flushed with anger.

“So that’s what’s going on.”

She widened her eyes.

What? Can you not make it a big deal? Last time, you already scared me half to death when you suddenly said ‘siblings shouldn’t fight’. What new realizations have you made this time?

Don’t tell me you made a connection to the time when you saw me carrying the black lace panties and you realized the truth about the ‘original panties”?!

No, that’s impossible, there weren’t enough clues. Besides, there’s no way she could make a deduction like Conan with her brain.

Or, since she always mistook me as a homosexual, she could speculate I had a gay relationship with Shu Zhe?

Damn, I’ll really be angry if you said that. In order to express my rage, I’ll straight out grab your tits in front of everyone.

I couldn’t predict Xiong YaoYue’s train of thought no matter how hard I tried.

Then, Xiong YaoYue grabbed Shu Zhe’s collar and shouted:

“So… you’re the underwear thief. Hurry up and return my underwear!”

Wow, your guess is completely wrong. Even though Shu Zhe once impersonated the panty thief (stole his sister’s underwear), he doesn’t meet any of the requirements to be the thief. The main requirement is he has to be able to scale buildings with his bare hands. Shu Zhe can’t even scale the school gates, how can he be the panty thief?

“Yue Yue, you’re mistaken.” I tried to explain.

Xiong YaoYue shook Shu Zhe with all her strength hoping the underwear he hid on his body would all fall out.

I think you watched too many cartoons. What kind of thieves carries their stolen goods with them?

Shu Zhe’s voice when he was trying to explain the situation was laughable.

“Sis Yue Yue~~ stop shaking me, I never stole any underwear~ Ye Lin gave them to me~~~”

Shit, don’t sell me out. Didn’t I already tell you that if you get caught, just say it’s a personal hobby?

Xiong YaoYue cast her gaze of doubt towards me.

“Ah, so you’re the panty thief. No wonder you had a pair of underwear with you last time…”

“I’m not.” I denied it in a hurry, “The panty thief can scale buildings with his bare hands, but I have acrophobia, so how could it be me?”

Ah, I accidentally admitted it, how embarrassing. Men shouldn’t admit their own weaknesses, they should keep it all bottled up.

I get a bit nervous just thinking about the time I was riding on the elevator with Ai Mi.

“Then..” She turned and stared at Shu Zhe, “You’re still the panty thief.”

“Sis Yue Yue, I already said it’s not me.” Xiong YaoYue didn’t believe him regardless of how hard he tried to plead innocence.

At this moment, Ai Mi hopped behind Xiong YaoYue and poked her back.

“Winnie, what are you playing?”

Xiong YaoYue hugged Ai Mi with vigilance and distanced her from Shu Zhe.

“Miss Ai Mi, be careful. This guy might look innocent, but he specializes in stealing women’s underwear.”

Ai Mi glanced at Shu Zhe with scorn then looked at me.

“It doesn’t matter. He’s not the only one who wants to get my underwear…”

Huh, what do you mean? Why are you looking at me? Did you already realize I was coveting your underwear? What an amazing sixth sense, no wonder she’s my sister…

No wait, this is not the right time to be proud. If Ai Mi increases security, then I have even less chance to succeed. If I knew this was going to happen, I wouldn’t have spent money willy-nilly and instead saved it.

Then the class leader finally walked over. Ai Mi immediately hid behind Xiong YaoYue, Shu Zhe and I also stood up from the bench.

“Did something happen?” The class leader asked with suspicions.

“No..” I sent a meaningful glance to Xiong YaoYue, “We’re just fooling around.”

The class leader was in a rush to leave as she felt Henderson mall wasn’t amicable towards people with OCD. The remainder of us all followed behind the bellwether.

The class leader and Shu Zhe walked in front, Xiong YaoYue and I walked behind them, and Ai Mi hid behind the two of us. She would occasionally monitor the siblings from between the spaces in our arms.

“Hmph, eyes are the windows to the soul. You can read people from their eyes.”

Ai Mi mumbled to herself.

“Even though they look similar and the brother can easily pass off as the sister with a wig, the spirit in their eyes are completely different.”

“The sister would be the type to be the last one standing in a war. If she gets humiliated, then she will retaliate without any hesitation!”

Hey, are you talking about Vasya? But you do have some good insight, since it’s true Shu Zhe could pass off as his sister with a wig. It’s probably because you always deal with makeup artists and the like so you can easily imagine someone with a wig.

“Then, do you think her brother can survive a war?” I asked with curiosity.

“Him…” Ai Mi wasn’t really interested, “He’s useless and will probably be captured by the enemy and used as a male prostitute…”

Xiong YaoYue abruptly cut into our conversation.

“Stop talking about wars, Shu Zhe…” In consideration for the class leader, Xiong YaoYue lowered her voice, “Shu Zhe is the panty thief. A lot more girls will become victims if we leave him alone.”

“Especially the class leader. I was wondering how the class leader would get her underwear stolen when she’s so cautious, but it’s because she was living with the thief! I can’t believe he would even steal his sister’s underwear, we should hang him up and flick his dick off!”

Shu Zhe shuddered even when he couldn’t hear our conversation clearly.

I laughed: “Yue Yue, think about it for a second. Shu Zhe is a weakling, there’s no way he could be the thief. Even if he had the courage, he wouldn’t even have the strength to climb onto a balcony.”

Xiong YaoYue’s face was serious, “Ye Lin, don’t be naive. Chang Wei also said he didn’t know martial arts.”

Isn’t Chang Wei a character from ‘Hail the Judge‘? He raped a woman, then killed their entire family of thirteen including their guard dog. Then in order to evade his crime, he said ‘I don’t know martial arts’.

But it seems like you know a lot of obscure things! Although Chang Wei has a fan base on the web, not many people know about him. I’m begging you, can you please use more well-known references?

“I know it!” Ai Mi happily raised her hands and said, “There are a lot of Chinese comments on Facebook that mention Chang Wei on White House related pages any time children of government members cause a ruckus in China!”

“The people on the internet say Chang Wei is a real portrayal of children of government officials running wild because Chang Wei is the son of Chiang Kai-shek…”

My god, you were completely misguided by internet trolls. The president of the Republic of China was Jiang Jieshi. Westerners called him Chiang Kai-shek because of the Cantonese pronunciation. (TN: Then there are some more long-winded references to Chiang Kai-shek and references that’s unimportant)

When we reached the first floor, Xiong YaoYue suddenly remembered the important task at hand was to expose the panty thief.

So, she picked up a wad up ball of paper from underneath a broom of a nearby janitor, then she aimed it at the back of Shu Zhe’s head:

“Let me test if he knows martial arts.”

“BUMP.” “OW.”

Shu Zhe turned around with resentment. Xiong YaoYue put her hands behind her head and whistled to feign innocence while Ai Mi hid behind me and stuck her tongue.

“Sis.” Shu Zhe complained to the class leader, “That mixed-race child threw a wad of paper at me.”

“It’s okay.” The class leader tried to mediate, “You don’t need to fight with a child. It’s not like paper would hurt.”

“But the paper looks really dirty.”

Shu Zhe pulled out some more tissues and wiped his head.

“Hmph, looks like he’s a good faker.” Xiong YaoYue spat, “I don’t believe he doesn’t know martial arts.”

He doesn’t. Not only does he not know martial arts, but he also doesn’t even reach the class standard for physical education. He might get injured one day if you keep trying to test him.