Chapter 465 – Ballad of Mulan

After parting ways with the class leader, I called my dad and told him the class leader was doing a home visit. I told him to dress neat and not drink to leave a good impression.

My dad readily agreed, and it seems he misheard ‘class leader’ as ‘class teacher’ and didn’t have any doubt.

My dad didn’t ask, so I didn’t bother correcting his misunderstanding. I mean, the class leader was more like the class teacher than our actual teacher in charge.

During the long afternoon break, I headed to the Yu Long neighborhood to make a delivery to Director Cao.

Director Cao wasn’t home, it was only Eunuch Cao playing a Galge on a laptop.

“I love big brother’s xxx…”

On the screen was a loli with a bow knot on her head, along with mosaic body parts having intimate contact.

I glared at the box of tissues on the left hand side of the laptop and said:

“Didn’t you take a sick day because you had the runs, why do you still have the energy to play these games?”

“Master, you may not know, but I’m doing scientific research.” Eunuch Cao boasted shamelessly.

“What kind of scientific research can you do while jacking off at H games? If you could make scientific discoveries like that, then China would be number one in science and technology.”

Eunuch Cao was all smiles: “I don’t have the ability to repay my country, but I saw a top post on a forums about abstaining from masturbation. Everyone was talking about the harms of masturbation and sharing results of their abstinence.”

I’ve also seen these posts on forums where the comments are like ‘lust is the root of all evils’, ‘masturbation ruins your life’, or ‘my head doesn’t hurt anymore after I stopped masturbating and my mom no longer worries about my studies’.

“One of them said you won’t want to masturbate if your stomach hurts. I had the runs today, so I wanted to try it out and test if it’s true. In the end, it wasn’t true, my stomach hurts like hell, but I can still masturbate as usual.”

I was speechless towards Eunuch Cao, who had no sense of shame. I threw the 50 condoms on the table and told him it was a gift for Director Cao. He should bring along at least ten condoms with him whenever he leaves the house since he’s someone who’s a high risk to get STDs.

“Ah, as your disciple, I’m moved to tears my master cares for my father’s health.” Eunuch Cao spoke in an exaggerated manner, “If master doesn’t mind, I could gift you some of me and my father’s H games for you to use.”

“Save it.” I know most of the H games in Director Cao’s drive was full of lolis and a lot of those lolis were also your younger sister. It coincides with the situation between me and Ai Mi, so I don’t want my thoughts to go towards that direction.

The moronic Xiao Qin told me in order to satisfy my needs as my girlfriend, she would draw H manga for me.

I wasn’t looking forward to it at all. All men have their own unique tastes, but I don’t think there are any guys who can masturbate to potatoes and eggplants.

But Xiao Qin could donate her vegetable H manga to a botanist and see if they can get more yield after planting the book in a vegetable garden.

“Ye Lin classmate, no, that place is dirty…” Xiao Qin wrote embarrassing lines in the frames, apparently it was a H manga where me and her were the main characters.

“There’s so much…”

She read out the lines as she drew them.

It felt like she was reading out a H manga, instead of drawing one. Xiao Qin had a pleasant voice, she might be able to make it as a voice actor in Japan.

“No way, Ye Lin classmate, so fast again…”

Xiao Qin made me unable to focus in class, so I poked her arm.

“Hey, can you not say it out loud.”

Xiao Qin didn’t even raise her head and continued to soliloquize:

“Ye Lin classmate did those stuff to me, yet he doesn’t want me to make a sound, how overbearing…”

In the end, old man Zhang noticed our conversation and called on me.

It’s all because of Xiao Qin.

“Ye Lin, recite Mulan’s return from the Ballad of Mulan from memory.”

It’s good I’ve read a spoof version of Ballad of Mulan on the net, so I remember the original version pretty well. I think in the spoof version, it went like this:

“Her parents hearing their girl returns, jumps into the pond. Elder sister hearing her sister returns, hangs herself. Little brother hearing his sister returns, the sounds of pipa stops and he’s afraid to speak…”

How bad was Mulan with people that her parents and sister both committed suicide right after she returned home. Her only little brother also waited fearfully at her arrival.

Of course, I had to be careful not to read the spoof version, or old man Zhang would seethe in anger again.

“Her parents hearing their girl returns, out to the suburbs to welcome her back. Elder sister hearing her sister returns, adjusts her rouge by the doorway. Little brother hearing his sister returns, sharpens his knife…” [source]

Since I was reciting while standing up, I could see Xiao Qin’s funny work. I remembered there was a previous line in Ballad of Mulan where it went “My father has no son, And I have no elder brother”. Based on that line, Xiao Qin and Mulan were quite similar.

Are you asking if they are similar because they both cross dressed as boys?

No, no, Xiao Qin didn’t have an as noble reason to cross dress. The reason why is because it said ‘I have no elder brother’, so Mulan and Xiao Qin are both flat breasted! Otherwise how could she be in the army for twelve years and not be found out by her comrades. (TN: Just a pun since elder brother is read the same way as growing breasts)

I was laughing inside and wasn’t focused, so I finally made a mistake in my recital.

It wasn’t that I said a line from the spoof version, but I read ‘sharpens his knife to use on pigs and lambs’ as ‘sharpens his knife to use on parents’.

Everyone in the class laughed out loud. Xiong YaoYue was laughing while hitting her table.

The class leader was still serious, it might have been because she was worried about what she would say to my father. Also, ‘sharpens his knife to use on parents’ might show I had violent tendencies towards my parents, so she didn’t have any spare time to laugh.

Old man Zhang, who I made mad, commented: “Was Mulan’s younger brother a spy for the Nomads?”

The class erupted in laughter again and I sat down feeling ashamed.

Xiao Qin didn’t even speak to me when I stood up, so why did I have to think about the phrase ‘I have no elder brother’?

After school ended, I gave Su Qiao a call and told her I won’t eat at home for dinner. I ate something from food street and headed towards Li CunZhuang’s home.

I asked class 2’s students, Li CunZhuang didn’t come to school today. It was probably because of his injuries from protecting the class leader hasn’t healed yet.

I didn’t visit him because he saved the class leader, but because I considered him as a friend. It’s normal to visit a friend if they were sick.

I bought some fruit and headed to his house based on my memories from last time. I could tell his family was pretty well off based on the quality of their door.

A tall and sturdy man opened the door, which should be Li CunZhuang’s father. His mother had an amiable face and started a conversation with me.

“Are you… Zhuang Zi’s classmate?” As expected, his parents called him Zhuang Zi.

“Yes, I’m Zhuang Zi’s friend. I’m here to visit him.” I tried to hide my frightening gaze as much as possible to prevent his parents from misunderstanding their son was hanging out with bandit-like people.

It might be because Li CunZhuang was ugly, but his parents didn’t really fuss over my appearance, instead, they happily said to Li CunZhuang, who was resting in his room:

“Zhuang Zi, more friends came to visit.”

I was surprised at the word ‘more’. I asked about it and apparently the class leader and Shu Zhe already came over once on Saturday to express their thanks. Although Li CunZhuang was injured in a fight, his parents were happy he was able to make friends and integrate more into society.

Li CunZhuang had band-aids and bandages over his body and was resting on his bed. He was happy to see me and we chatted for over an hour. It was mainly about if Shu Sha met trouble again, or where those scum like to hang out.

As I was about to leave, Li CunZhuang’s parents both walked me to the door and said:

“Please drop by whenever you have time.”

In their eyes, I could see their earnest hope of wanting their son to have normal friends and a normal life.

There was a rumor in 28 Middle that said Li CunZhuang’s parents were biological siblings. That rumor was nasty, they don’t look anything alike.

When I got home, Su Qiao was watching some talent show competition on TV. She quickly turned off the TV when she saw me, she was afraid the sound would bother me and put me in a bad mood.

“It’s okay, you can keep on watching.” I said, “I’m not a slave master from Ancient Egypt, and you’re free, so you don’t have to be afraid of me.”

Su Qiao’s gaze dimmed, “After I signed the contract with Tian Mu, I no longer have freedom…”

That’s true, but if you do well, I could help you get out from their grasps, since I’m the second shareholder.

I checked the listening device recordings that night and didn’t find any conversations between her and Ai ShuQiao. But it did record a conversation between the actual manager behind the scenes, or her manager, Fu ShiJian and Su Qiao.

Based on his voice alone, I felt Fu ShiJian was a really fake, slippery, and annoying person.

In the phone call, he request Su Qiao to ‘escort’ a rich businessman, the hints he gave between the words was vulgar and disgusting. It was more accurate to call Fu ShiJian a pimp instead of a manager.