Chapter 558: Science and Happiness

I saw a method online that if you meet an Amway salesman on the streets, just ask him, “Do you believe in the Lord?” and they would back off.

So I cleared my throat, tried to put on a face that said “God loves everyone” and asked kindly, “Excuse me, do you believe in the Lord?”

In a way, I could be considered an actor, but pretending to be benevolent was definitely not one of my strong suits. I’m afraid my smile was more evil than the Satan’s.

However, the Amway salesman, who clearly saw my expression, still came up to talk to me. He should be praised for his courage since he didn’t back off easily.

The most annoying part was when I asked him, “Do you believe in the Lord?” I thought I had already put him in his place, but he smiled and replied, “Yes, it was the Lord who told me to come and advertise Amway.”

Damn it, you think Amway pays dividends to Jehovah annually? Why would God actually send you to do something that senseless?

When the Amway salesman saw the look of disdain on my face, he looked around then lowered his voice and said to me.

“Young man, the world is divided into the fake Lord and the true Lord. You don’t have to buy Amway products, but it would be a shame to miss out on true gospel when it’s right in front of you. Let me tell you something…”

Wow shit, so he’s not only promoting Amway, but also promoting a cult? It looks like those two brainwashing organizations happily merged together.

I shook my head and said, “I don’t want to listen to your preaching, leave it for someone else.”

“Wait.” The Amway salesman blocked my way, “I can’t actually tell you the gospel, but if you are interested…”

He reached out and pointed, “Do you see the line of people at the crossroads? Everyone there is waiting for the professor to begin his lesson.”

“Professor?” I clicked my tongue, “Where are a bunch of scammers going to find a professor? I bet it’s one of those ‘experts’ you see in those infomercials.”

“Young man, how can you call us scammers?” The Amway salesman said, “The Happy Science Cult… no, The Happy Science Seminar has a very rational professor teaching the truth and spreading true gospel.”

Happy… Science… how do you even integrate science and religion together? The Pope of Vatican City is still opposed to Darwin’s theory of evolution! Adding ‘happy’ in front of it only makes it look more out of place.

Despite his enthusiasm, I didn’t listen to him and line up.

Whether it’s China, Russia, Japan, Korea, Canada, etc… there are countless religious organizations that cheat people out of their money. If, as they say, the founders are all “gods” or “sons of gods”, then the gods should really be doing more family planning.

As I continued to forwards, I glanced at the line as I passed the intersection, laughing to myself at their lack of willpower and how they need a made-up religion to comfort themselves.

Suddenly, I saw a familiar face, but not quite the same as how I remembered.

The short and small girl in the middle of the line was wearing a modest “summer student outfit” with a long skirt that covered below her knees. She stood in a reserved posture while holding a stack of study materials while listening to a tall, middle-aged man in front of her speak.

The slightly curly hair and the shell hairpin told me the person was Gong CaiCai, but this girl was wearing glasses with a large frame which made her seem like even more of a bookworm.

I had some difficulties with recognizing faces, so in order to not to recognize the wrong person, I carefully glanced at the girl’s chest. Well, it was what we would call the Super Saiyan level in Dragon Ball, she was definitely Gong CaiCai.

Seeing Gong CaiCai listening to the middle-aged man’s ‘lecture’ while nodding frequently made my blood boil.

I think these cults are going overboard. They even tricked even the most well-behaved and obedient student in class 2-3. Gong CaiCai was beautiful and rich, so it was fine if they cheated her out of some money, but I heard many of those “cult leaders” were cheating people out of money and their bodies.

Damn it, why would they be the ones to… no, I mean these bad things can’t happen to Gong CaiCai! I am at least a committee member of class 2-3, so I can’t stand by and watch this happen, I have to stop them.

So I swiftly walked next to Gong CaiCai and the middle-aged man and greeted Gong CaiCai directly.

“How come you’re not wearing contact lenses today?”

I intentionally used a casual tone of voice to make us appear to be quite familiar with each other.

Tip: If you see someone stealing someone else’s cat or dog and you want to stop them, then simply assert the animal they stole belongs to you, which can attack their conscience directly.

Of course, it’s slightly inappropriate to compare Gong CaiCai to pet, but it’s fine as long as it works.

“Ah, it’s, it’s Ye Lin classmate.” Gong CaiCai pushed up the glasses that had slipped down the bridge of her nose, “Recently my corneas have been a bit inflamed, so…”

“Is he your classmate?” The middle-aged man looked at me with fervor.

“Teacher Hu, Ye Lin is my classmate from 28 Middle, he is also the PE committee member of our class.” Gong CaiCai introduced me shyly, “Ye Lin classmate, this is teacher Hu, he’s in charge of teaching mathematics in summer cram school, he is a very good person…”

A cram school teacher? If a cram school teacher brought his student to a cult, he’s either a bad person or an idiot.

I put on the look of a hoodlum and said with contempt, “That Amway salesman under the overpass said you were followers of the ‘Happy Science’ cult, is that true?”

Teacher Hu broke into a smile and said, “I don’t think it’s a cult, I just think there are a lot of profound theories in it that can be of great benefit to us in achieving happiness and self-improvement.”

I ignored Mr. Hu and gave Gong CaiCai several glances, which meant: If you are being forced, just nod and I will grab your hand and run.

But Gong CaiCai didn’t understand my gesture. She stood behind teacher Hu and said foolishly: “It’s true, I only came and listened once, but now I feel braver. Also, the Amway salesman you just mentioned…”

Teacher Hu continued on: “That young man had a bad stutter before he came to the seminar, but now look at how fluently he speaks when marketing Amway.”

Screw you, I don’t believe it. You could have even said the Happy Science cult was able to turn a mute into someone who could do stand-up and that would have had a stronger effect.

At this point the line moved forward twenty or so steps and some people came out of the classroom. Each of them had a spring in their step and a confident smile.

“I understand.” Someone who looked like a college student shouted energetically, “From now on, I know how to live happily.”

“All of the professor’s lectures are so wonderful, I really want to see the cult leader in person.”

An older woman, whom I often met when buying food, lamented.

“Wow and you said it’s not a cult?” I pointed at the distant auntie and shouted, “They are even saying cult leader.”

Teacher Hu still had a nonchalant smile and waved his hand, “That’s what some members say out of respect. In fact, the professors of seminars are also called ‘Sage’, and the top professor is called ‘Great Sage’, of course I prefer to call him the president, although most people have never met him…”

It sounds really like a cult, but Gong CaiCai already seemed too enchanted based on her fanatical expression. Even though she only came once before, I don’t think I can persuade her with only a few words.

“Ye Lin student.” Teacher Hu kindly invited, “If you are interested in our seminar, or if you have any misunderstandings, you can come observe a lesson, completely free of charge.”

I wasn’t going to say yes, but then Teacher Hu took a phone call, and the phone he pulled out of his jacket pocket was identical to mines, a counterfeit phone.

It wasn’t a common phone, so it felt a bit weird seeing it here, as if it represented something.

“Okay, then I’ll sit in on a lesson.” I replied, “But if I hear any anti-science, anti-humanity, or anti-nationalist speech, then don’t blame me if I set the cult on fire.”

Teacher Hu smiled very confidently, “Don’t worry, we are a ‘Happy Science Seminar’, how can there be any anti-science stuff? The core of our seminar is actually to be up to date with cutting-edge science, which you will learn in the future if you have patience.”

Gong CaiCai seemed very happy when she heard I would also attend. She probably felt more at ease with another acquaintance other than Teacher Hu attend with her.

“Ye Lin classmate, it’s great you could come along. As long as you have perseverance… even your legs can become longer.”

Stop laughing at my short legs! Besides, it’s not a problem that can be fixed by listening to some faulty reasoning.

After a while, it was finally our turn to enter the classroom.

After entering in order, I found the classroom was probably used for remedial classes. The desks were very old and it was supposed to be two people per desk. Gong CaiCai and I happened to sit at the same desk while Teacher Hu was behind us. Since the chair next to him was broken, he had the desk to himself.

After sitting down next to Gong CaiCai, I looked at her, who was a little nervous, and asked:

“Why did you even join the Happy Science Seminar, did you think it will improve your grades?”

Gong CaiCai mumbled: “Grades can be improved as long as you work hard, I hope, hope I can grow a little taller…”

I have never heard that attending a seminar can make you taller, if that was the case then everyone would be able to be their ideal figure.

At this point, the classroom quieted down, the professor (aka ‘Sage’) came up to the podium, and cleared his throat.

The professor actually looked a bit like an educator. He looked similar to my elementary school teacher who sold our homework for scraps, don’t tell me he’s the father of that teacher.

“Hello everyone, before we start, please gather your attention and focus on your wish: you must believe that this wish will come true.”

More than half of the participants clasped their hands like a prayer before a Christian meal, then pressed them to their foreheads, and muttered something out of their mouths.

Gong CaiCai also made the same actions as above, influenced by the environment, she unconsciously said her wish out loud.

“I wish to grow taller… wish to grow taller… wish to grow taller…”

She was like a pious nun.

“I wish for smaller breasts… wish for smaller breasts… wish for smaller breasts…”

Huh, now she seems even more pious than when wishing to grow taller. Does her large boobs cause her that much trouble?

After the group prayer, Gong CaiCai snapped out of it, then she blushed probably because she may have just accidentally said her wish out loud.

The professor began his lecture and he tried his best to make it more mysterious by saying things like “secret” and “great person”. I couldn’t listen to it anymore, so I borrowed Gong CaiCai’s notes to read.

According to Cai Cai’s notes, the core of Happy Science’s teaching seems to be the “law of attraction”.

This law states that everything that happens around a person, aka “fate”, was attracted by the person themselves.

They believe that “thoughts” and “beliefs” have a certain force. Kind of like if you think “please don’t fail this exam”, then there would be a high chance you would fail it.

It sounds very compelling, but it’s really not.

The next part was even more bullshit. They borrowed the phrase “all things turn out to be fruitless” from Buddhism. They believe that as long as you control your thoughts and think optimistically, your dreams will become reality. Basically the core of their beliefs is that belief can turn dreams into reality.

They even borrowed a popular advertising slogan, “If you want to succeed, the world will come to your aid”.