Chapter 15: Always Red: Chapter 16

Caleb made a small fire using the fire pit in Kara’s backyard. The sharp scent of burning firewood filled my nostrils. I wasn’t sure what kind of wood he used, but it smelled sweet.

Mesmerized, I stared at the fire, enjoying the pleasant heat on my face. It crackled and hissed, sparks dancing around it like fireflies.

Caleb sat on the grass and rested his back against the wooden bench. He had tugged me down so I sat between his legs, my back against him and my head resting on his shoulder.

I could count on two hands how many times I’d felt happy before Caleb came in my life. After Caleb? I had lost count.

He pulled me closer, his arms wrapping around my stomach. He couldn’t stop touching me, and I didn’t want him to. I felt him kiss my hair, rubbing his cheek against it. Then he started kissing my shoulder, little nibbles that sent electricity down my arm.

If this continued, I wouldn’t be able to talk to him about the important things that had happened today. And I needed to know why…why… Wait, what was it that I needed to know again? He was distracting me, making my brain foggy.

“Caleb, I need to talk to you about—”

He nuzzled the side of my neck with his nose, rubbing up and down, up and down. I heard him take a deep breath and sigh leisurely, like a big cat, as if he was savoring the scent of my skin.

“Hmm. You smell so good. About what?”

He licked my skin, and my head fell back.

“Huh?” I asked absently.

I felt him smile against my neck before he ran his lips and tongue over that sensitive part just below my ear.

“About what, Red?” he murmured seductively.

“Um…” I bit my lip, stopping any embarrassing sound from escaping. I had to take a few moments to gather my thoughts. I cleared my throat.

“Caleb?”

“Hmm?”

His fingertips traced small circles on my arm, and his lips brushed my ear again.

“Y-your mom…hates me.”

He paused for a moment, and I nearly wanted to take back what I said. I wanted him to keep kissing me.

“No, she doesn’t. She just didn’t understand what was happening. Don’t worry. I went to see her and I talked to her about us.” He started kissing me below my jaw.

“What…did she say?” I insisted.

He pulled back and sighed loudly. “She wants to have us over for dinner.”

I bit my lip.

He rubbed my arms for comfort. “Please?”

This time, I sighed. “All right.”

“Don’t worry. She doesn’t bite.” And then he pressed his lips to my neck again. “But I do.”

He bit me softly. I let out a shaky laugh. “Caleb?”

“Hmm?”

I closed my eyes, my breath catching as he took the strap of my tank top between his teeth and nudged it off my shoulder. He placed a chaste kiss there, and the sensation of his soft lips on that newly exposed skin felt so erotic, I shivered.

This was getting out of hand. I really needed to talk to him about what had happened, and if we didn’t stop now, I wouldn’t remember anything but his kisses.

“C-Caleb.” Breathe. “Who do you think…” Inhale. “Set you up?” Exhale.

He growled, pulling back. That stopped him from kissing me, and I took advantage of that by dragging in deep breaths, hoping it would calm my wild heart.

He raked a hand through his hair, looking frustrated. “Justin.”

“Maybe it was Beatrice-Rose.”

He froze.

“Remember at the station when your mom said she had to hear it from Beatrice-Rose? How did she know you were in jail?”

His eyes turned cold as his whole body tensed.

“Where are your spare car keys?” I asked.

“I—” He paused for a moment. “I remember looking for them one time, and they weren’t in the last place where I put them, so I just didn’t bother looking for them.” He clenched his jaw.

“Does Justin know the code to your flat?”

“He doesn’t.”

“Remember that night when I told you I saw her leaving your building? And you said she knows the code to get into your flat. What if…she stole your spare keys and planted the drugs in your car?”

His eyes flashed. “She wouldn’t dare.”

I let him digest what I’d said for a moment.

“Son of a bitch,” he growled after a moment. “Son of a bitch!”

The energy around him vibrated. I could tell from the way his eyes sparked with anger that he was starting to realize Beatrice-Rose’s potential role in this fiasco. I knew he still couldn’t believe his childhood friend could be so deceiving, so manipulative.

I could be wrong—maybe she didn’t have anything to do with the drugs in Caleb’s car—but I wasn’t going to eliminate the possibility. Caleb might think she wouldn’t dare cross a line that could cause him real harm, but I knew better. I knew she was capable of anything.

“Is Justin pressing charges against you?” I asked.

“Why the hell would he press charges against me?”

“Because you nearly killed him?”

“No.” He blew out a frustrated breath. “My lawyer has taken care of it. Look,” he started, his tone softening. “I don’t want you to worry. Leave it alone, okay? Trust me to take care of it.”

“Don’t tell me you’ll take care of it.” I felt a flash of anger. Good, I thought. I was coming back.

I had been feeling disconnected from myself since I had that nightmare, exhausted from trying to push back bad memories from my childhood. Feeling anger was good.

“I don’t need your caveman, ‘me man, take care of business; you woman, no-worry’ bullshit right now.”

I narrowed my eyes when he started laughing.

“I’m serious—”

“Baby,” he said softly, turning me around and cupping my face in his hands. “Look at me,” he pleaded. “I will do everything in my power to protect you. There is nothing he can do to you as long as I’m here. And it’s not because I don’t trust you to take care of yourself. I need you to believe in me.”

His green eyes were tender as they looked into mine. “You are the strongest and most independent person I know. But you don’t have to be strong by yourself anymore because…” He brushed his thumb against my cheek. Helpless, I leaned in to his touch. “Because now you have me.”

My throat felt thick with emotion. No one had ever made me feel this way.

I reached up for his hand, pulling it from my face. I kissed his palm, then his lips. “Caleb,” I said. “When you know that someone in this world is thinking about you…when you know someone wants to be with you, that they think the world of you…when they make you fall in love with them over and over again…it makes you feel like the world is a better place after all. Even when everyone is against you, it’s okay. Because you know that one person will never leave your side. For me, that person is you.”

He looked down for a moment, and I saw him swallow. When his eyes turned up to meet mine, the look of tenderness in them made me feel loved. But I didn’t like the guilt I was feeling. It didn’t belong between us. I felt the need to apologize.

“I’m sorry for everything. The fight, you going to jail, your mom getting upset with you. These things wouldn’t have happened to you if it wasn’t for me—”

“No.” His voice was firm. He pulled back. “Listen, Red. My mom was wrong. Whatever she said to you at the station was based on what Beatrice-Rose told her. You didn’t cause that fight with Justin—I did. That bastard did. He was asking for it.” His upper lip curled into a snarl. “It’s not your fault he’s a sick, perverted, hateful asshole. Why are you blaming yourself for other people’s mistakes?”

I froze. My body felt numb, but I could feel my heart beating against my chest. When his eyes met mine, they widened slightly. As if he saw what I was thinking, knew what I was feeling.

He held my face in his hands, silently begging me to look at him. But I couldn’t. Finally, he said it. “Look at me, love.”

I blew out a shaky breath and raised my eyes to his. Hot tears threatened to spill, but I blinked them away.

“I know what you’re thinking. There’s only one person who can put that look in your eyes. And I wish I could hurt him right now.”

He knew, I realized. Without a word from me, he knew what I was thinking.

“People who love to hurt others to make themselves feel better, who break your heart and deliberately make you lose your self-respect and self-worth over and over again…”

I felt my throat close up.

“Your dad didn’t deserve your love. He wasn’t worthy of it. It wasn’t your fault.”

I closed my eyes tightly.

“But you gave him your love anyway. Doesn’t that tell you a lot about yourself? You told me before that you blamed yourself for what happened to your parents. That your spineless dad blamed you. But I know you know better than that, Red. You know better. It wasn’t your fault,” he repeated. “And what happened earlier today was not your fault either.”

I wasn’t aware the tears had already fallen until he wiped them with his thumbs. I’d rarely cried before I met Caleb, because I thought tears were a sign of weakness, a sign that something bad had happened. But now I knew that tears could mean good things too.

“Baby,” he whispered, sounding pained. I knew he didn’t like seeing me cry. He hated it. “People can’t give something they don’t have in themselves. Your dad chose not to love, or maybe he doesn’t know how. But you do. And you have so much to give. So much.” He kissed my lips softly, to comfort, to soothe. “And I want it all. I want all your love, Red.”

Undone, I threw my arms around him, burying my face in his neck. “They could all hate me right now. I don’t care. As long as you’re with me, Caleb. As long as you’re with me, I can endure anything.”

It was a moment before he spoke again. “Red.” His voice was rough, but his hands were gentle as they stroked my back, his arms wrapped protectively around me. “You can’t make me love you any more than this.”