Chapter 3: Always Red: Chapter 3

It had been a week since I last saw Caleb. A week of torture. A week of unsent texts and canceled phone calls. A week of mostly sleepless nights. The sleep I managed to get only lasted a few hours and was fitful and disrupted by nightmares. I’d wake up more exhausted than when I went to bed.

I often dreamed about Caleb asking me to fight for him, to run after him, but when I did, I never seemed to reach him. He always vanished whenever I got close.

I missed him.

People always say you never know how much a person means to you until they’re gone. My mom had passed away, but I had always known what she meant to me. Caleb, though… I didn’t know he was such a big part of my life until he was gone.

Almost every day after Caleb left, Beth, Theo, and sometimes even Damon came over to hang out at Kara’s. I didn’t know how Damon had eased in, but he was now a part of the group. It touched me how supportive they were. I’d never had real friends before.

I worked almost every day at the garage that week and was surprised to find Damon working there one day.

I looked up when he approached my desk and handed me the keys to a truck he had finished working on. He didn’t offer an explanation, just winked at me and swaggered away.

“Yeah, he comes and goes. He helps out when he’s back in town to visit his mom,” Kara explained when I asked her about it.

“I think I was ten when I met Damon. He was a few years older, this French boy who spoke English so perfectly. I mean, every word that came out of his mouth sounded so precise, like he had practiced saying every English word in the dictionary, you know? He was so damn cute. I had a crush on him then, of course. Everyone did.

“His dad passed away. His mom’s Canadian, so she moved them here from France to live with her sister. Then his mom worked for my dad at the garage. She’d bring Damon along with her or he’d come here after school, so we grew up together. My dad just sort of adopted him. He’s a drifter, though. I mean, he never stays in one place, but he always comes back here.

“By the way, Ver, Damon works at this bar downtown, and we both know the owner. I help them out now and then—waitressing and whatnot—and I’m supposed to cover a shift this week, but…something came up. Would you be able to cover for me?” She batted her eyelashes at me, pouting her lips like a duck.

“Um…”

“You don’t have to mix drinks. You just have to take orders from assholes, deliver their drinks, bus tables, maybe wash dishes. That kind of thing. I’ll give you my firstborn unicorn child as payment. Plus, the tips are huge.”

I agreed to do it.

* * *

The last time I was in a bar was when I first met Caleb. Now, as I stood in this bustling nightclub, I remembered that night. The way his eyes watched me intently, as if I were the only one in the room. The confidence he exuded when he wrapped his arms around my waist, and the almost comical look of shock on his face when I rejected him.

I should stop thinking about him and concentrate on work. I had served in a restaurant and a bar before, but this one was busier, and Kara was right—the tips were huge. Maybe I could apply for a casual position here, as long as it didn’t clash with my schedule at the garage and school.

Damon was on the stage, sitting on a stool with his guitar propped on his knee. He seemed very comfortable up there, as if he’d been performing his whole life. He looked the attractive musician that he was with his black fedora, dark-blue plaid shirt, jeans, and faded Converse shoes. His rings and silver crucifix necklace winked in the light as he strummed his guitar.

A group of girls sat in front of him, giggling and whispering to each other as they stared up at him. Damon winked at me, and I rolled my eyes in humor.

Tapping his foot as he plucked his guitar, he started to sing “Here without You” by 3 Doors Down.

I loved this song. Humming under my breath, I turned to take orders from the new group that had just come in. There were at least ten of them, and they were already seated.

My steps faltered, and for a split second, my heart stopped beating as I saw Caleb enter.

I drank in the sight of him: his beautiful face, the way he walked and held himself. His eyes looked dark and sad, his jaw unshaven. He wore a black shirt under a faded blue denim jacket with the sleeves rolled up, exposing the tight lines of his forearms. He had a backpack slung over his shoulder, and his long legs clad in dark jeans and black boots strode confidently through the club. He looked bored as he raked a hand through his hair.

Time stood still as I stared at him, my heart pounding, ringing in my ears as I waited…waited…

Please look at me.

And then he did.

My breath stopped as his eyes met mine, but whatever hope I had in my heart vanished like smoke as I realized his eyes held no recognition.

As if he didn’t even know me.

As if I were a stranger to him.

He had written me off.

It felt like someone had ripped my heart right out of my chest. I heard my breathing, loud and shaky, and I realized that I was trembling. My legs felt like they were going to give out under me, so I held on to the table for support.

“You okay, luv?”

I nodded at Crystal, one of the nice servers at the club I had met earlier today.

“You sure? You’ve got a huge crowd at table six. Do you want me to take over?”

I watched as Caleb sat at table six with the big crowd that had just come in. I shook my head at her.

“I’m okay, Crys. Thanks.”

“All right. Holler if you need anything.”

I straightened up and pulled my shoulders back, even as tears pricked my eyes.

I’m strong. I’ve always been strong. I can do this.

“Hi. I’m Veronica, and I’ll be your server tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink?”

I watched as one of the girls in the group got up and sashayed toward the guy sitting beside Caleb. She bent down and whispered something to the guy, flicking her blond hair over her shoulder as she eyed Caleb like a piece of candy. The guy grinned at her and stood up, offering her his seat. She winked at him in thanks and moved the chair closer to Caleb before sitting down.

I glanced at Caleb. He leaned back in his chair, his arms on the table as he stared at his watch. I noticed that his hands, clad in black motorcycle gloves, were formed into fists. His jaw was hard. I realized he was trying not to look at me.

“There you are, final—Hey, sweetheart, it’s you!”

My head quickly turned at the familiar, obnoxious voice. It was Justin. I was so focused on Caleb that I hadn’t noticed him.

“Yo, dude, Caleb! Your ex is here!” Justin hollered across the table.

I gasped as Caleb pushed the table with force, rising to his feet. “Shut the fuck up,” he whispered, a warning in his tone.

The group fell silent.

And then Caleb turned and walked toward the exit.

“Excuse me,” I choked out and fled the scene.

My hands shook as I took off my apron and went to the back. Relieved to find Crystal there, I told her I needed fresh air and asked if she could take care of table six for me. She looked at me with sympathy and told me to take fifteen.

I ran to the back exit off the kitchen, cupping my mouth with both my hands to keep my whimpers from escaping. I sat on the ground, burying my face in my arms as I cried. When I heard the door open, I didn’t stop. I couldn’t.

“Hey, Angel Face.”

I sobbed.

“Hey, come on now. It’s okay.”

I felt Damon’s arm around my shoulders, awkwardly patting my back. I let out a few breaths and calmed myself, wiping my cheeks with my hands.

“He was inside,” I told him.

“I know. I saw.”

“He looked at me like I was a stranger. He hates me. I…” My voice trailed off as I saw a figure walk in front of us.

The back door faced the bar’s parking lot. And there in front of us stood Caleb. He looked at us for a moment, his gaze lingering on Damon’s arm around my shoulders before he walked away.

I stood up, taking a few steps toward him. “Caleb.”

He paused, standing in the dark as he waited for me to speak.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I held my breath when, finally, he turned around to face me.

“Having fun?” he asked, his face devoid of any emotion.

Oh, Caleb.

“No.”

I wanted to run to him, to beg him to take me back, but he was so cold now. He had never looked at me like that before.

It stopped me like a blow to the heart. And I just…froze. The words that I had practiced over and over melted on my tongue. Nothing came out.

“I’ll see you around. Veronica.”

I watched him get on his motorcycle. He revved the engine angrily, once, twice. He stayed there for a few moments, as if he was waiting for something. He rubbed his face with his hand, put on his helmet, and then drove away.

I broke down.

* * *

When the knock sounded on the door, I grabbed my blanket and covered myself, pretending to sleep. Just as I had expected, the door opened.

“I know you’re still up.”

It was Damon. He held two steaming mugs in his hands.

“I have hot chocolate. Kar said you have to drink it or she will pour it down my throat.”

I sighed. I pushed off my covers and sat up, not meeting his eyes. He came into the room and handed a mug to me. “Here.” He sat on the floor, leaning against my bed.

“Thanks.” The mug was piping hot, but I took a sip of the scalding chocolate anyway.

“I don’t know how you do that without blowing on it first. You just…drink it like that?”

I shrugged, then remembered he wasn’t facing me. “Yes. I don’t like it lukewarm,” I answered. “I’ve always liked it really hot.”

He shivered. “So you must like the feeling on your tongue when it gets burned. You know, that sort of dry, sore feeling, like a bunch of needles are pricking it?”

“Not really,” I replied. “But the pain’s worth it.”

He nodded. Silence filled the room, but we were both comfortable with each other’s company now.

“If something is really good, the pain is worth it, yes?” he asked.

I inhaled sharply. I knew where this was going. I had been forcing myself to not think about what happened tonight. If I did…

“Angel Face,” he started, looking up at me with serious big, blue eyes. “I’m sorry for what happened tonight.”

Every time I remembered the cold look in Caleb’s eyes, I wanted to scream and cry.

“Don’t blame yourself for everything. Look. I don’t blame you for how you reacted that night when you left him. Lockhart had a friend who needed him that night, but he also had a girlfriend waiting for him at home. I know what you’re thinking. If you can’t trust him to do the right thing in a situation like that, then how can you trust him in worse situations?”

Damon let out a loud sigh and continued. “Are you supposed to ignore your feelings, keep them inside just because you don’t want to lose him? Girl, I tell you.” He blew on his drink, then took a small sip. “If you do that, you’re going to start resenting him, and it will destroy your relationship.”

He bowed his head. When he spoke again, his voice was thicker. “Everyone has fears they keep tightly locked inside themselves.” He turned to look at me now, searching my face. “But that doesn’t make you weak. We judge ourselves too easily when we do something wrong, but you know what’s the most important thing?”

I shook my head, and he gave me a soft smile. “It is how you get up after you’ve fallen. How you fix things and how you still find the courage to keep fighting, even after you have been hurt. How you face the wrong things you have done and make them right again. Yes?”

I nodded.

He stood up and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“Pretty Angel Face. You feel guilty for hurting him, and that’s okay. But don’t give up yet. Don’t forget all the good things you shared together because someone has tried to break you apart. He’s hurt. And he might have the wrong idea about you and me after tonight. I can talk to him if you like. But he needs you. Go to him.”

I followed him with my eyes as he walked to my door. “Good night, Angel Face. Sweet dreams,” he said softly. Then closed the door as he left.