Chapter 12: Eleven

Confession #10: So maybe I needed to work on my small talk.

I was so startled I didn’t even know how to begin to react. I hadn’t been expecting any kind of apology, mostly because I didn’t need one. She hadn’t done anything wrong last night. It wasn’t a crime to ask questions. And her questions had seemed so innocent in their curiosity, lacking any kind of judgment to them, I wouldn’t have even called them ~rude~ questions. It was my own fault I’d managed to make myself feel guilty about a lot of points she’d brought up. That was on me. Not her.

She leaned in, filling my head with that scent that I was quickly coming to associate with her alone, and everything in me went tense with alert desire.

What the hell was she doing?

All I could think was ~kiss~. She was going to kiss me. On the cheek? The forehead? Mouth? I had no clue, but I craved any of those possibilities so much that I just sat there in eager, frozen anticipation.

But then, all she did was set the cup and bag on the bench next to me before pulling away as soon as she was done.

“It’s a bear claw in the bag and a white chocolate mocha espresso in the cup,” she told me. “I don’t… I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so I hope it’ll do.”

Disappointment filled me. I have no idea why I’d been thinking she was going to kiss me. I was an idiot, I guess.

Her smile was so big and tense, I knew I should say something, but… Nothing came to mind. My thoughts raced. I should thank her; it was the most suitable reply. But I wanted to reassure her most of all that she had nothing to apologize for.

Damn, life was so much easier when people just told you what to do and say. Except that was the very life I wanted to break away from. So I should be able to handle this.

Which I totally didn’t do.

Unease filled the cracks of tension in the smile she flashed me. “Okay, then,” she said with forced cheer, before clearing her throat and taking a step back. “Have a good day.”

With that, she turned away and left.

And I had said absolutely nothing the entire time she’d stood there.

My heart began to pound with these big, walloping thumps, as if trying to beat me up from the inside for my lame, awkward reaction. Not being prepared for her abrupt appearance was no excuse. I was a dumbass, plain and simple. I was tempted to stand up and race after her, apologize, or…I don’t know. Do something to feel better about how I hadn’t even spoken.

But seriously, she’d be better off if I stayed out of her life. I’d already put a target on her back. Except, dammit, she’d made my sister happy. The very least I could do was thank her for ~that~.

Then again, I was a little too tuned in to everything she did. It could grow into an unhealthy obsession if I didn’t watch myself. And this was so not the time for me to spend my energy thinking about a girl that was so obviously off-limits.

I glanced after her, watching her become smaller as she moved farther away, and some strange knot of tension loosened inside me, even as other things perked up, growing a little too excited for my comfort.

It was the strangest experience. How could one person relax you even as they made you tenser?

Yeah, I should probably just stay away from that. I was grateful for everything she’d done for Sarah, but honestly, the best thing I could do for her was back off.

Yet even as I made my decision, I glanced down at her apology gift.

As unnecessary as it was, it was still sweet of her. Curiosity got the best of me; I picked up the cup, studying the logo on the side. I’d never ordered anything there, unable to convince the cheapskate side of myself that spending that much for a simple drink was worth it.

I took my first, hesitant sip, only to rear back when I burned my tongue.

~Shit~.

Hot.

But, hmm, not bad.

Prepared for the heat this time, but unable to stay away because it was all just too tempting, I drank again.

It reminded me of her: sweet and bold, yet innocent with a hint of sass. An exciting yet soothing flavor.

I finished it before I meant to, kind of wishing I’d drawn out the experience a little longer to truly savor each swallow. But I wanted to see what was in the bag before my first class started. So I opened it and pulled out the pastry that Reese had called a bear claw. The smell got to me, reminding me I’d skipped breakfast, so I bit in enthusiastically and even moaned at the flavor.

I looked down at the book that was still open in my lap and realized it was probably time for me to get to class. After I gathered my things and stood, I glanced toward the nearest trash can to toss the empty cup and bag, only to notice the side of the cup read ~Reese~ written sloppily in black marker on the side.

For some reason, that clued me into the fact that she hadn’t been carrying ~two~ cups when she’d given me her apology. And if she’d ordered two drinks, would they write her name on both? I had no idea; I’d never bought anything there before. But it all made me wonder… Why would she go to the coffee shop and get ~me~ something, yet nothing for herself? Unless she’d gotten it for herself and only planned on giving it to me at the last moment in a split-second decision when she saw me sitting here.

Don’t ask why my mind went there. It made no difference either way and yet… It kind of did. A pre-planned purchase would mean it had been bothering her all night. But a spur-of-the-moment, hey-there-he-is, I-should-give-him-something kind of situation would put me a little more at ease, and I don’t think I could then feel so bad for my crappy response to it.

In any case, it was a sweet gesture, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the girl behind it throughout my morning classes. She seemed like the simple, open, cheerfully bright sort, and yet that made her so puzzling to me. Did women like that really exist? Or was I just so jaded by my latest encounters with them to know any better?

By the time lunch rolled around, the bear claw had worn off. I headed to the cafeteria, but as I approached from a side hall, Reese strolled out, not far behind a group of other girls, though it was obvious she wasn’t with them. Carrying a salad and drink with her book bag strapped over her back, she hurried ahead to catch the door to outside with her hip as it began to fall closed from the other departing ladies.

Wedging her way out with both hands full, she kept walking with a confidently perky stride, her silky straight hair swishing from one side to the other over the lump of her backpack.

Through the windows, I watched her sit, and though she was alone, she didn’t look lonely. She just looked so perfectly content to be exactly where she was and doing exactly what she was doing that it drew me in like a moth to a flame.

My own lunch forgotten, I followed her outside. Also exiting my memory banks was my decision to stay away from her. Nothing good could come from getting anywhere near this girl, and yet before I knew it, before I even knew what I would say to her, I was at her table.

My shadow fell over her lunch, making her jerk in surprise. Gasping, she looked up as if she expected to see a serial killer.

I almost took a step back and lifted my hands to show her that I came in peace. But could there ever be any peace in her life if ~I~ was hanging around it? The best thing I could do here was apologize and get the hell lost.

But I remained.

Shaking her head, she blinked a haunted look from her eyes before wrinkling her nose in confusion when she realized it was me. She made a sound as if the beginning of a question, but she never asked anything.

So I said, “What’d you say that drink you gave me this morning was called again?”

No idea why I asked ~that~. I didn’t give a fuck what the drink was called. But it was something to say and kept me from blurting out other things that were really on my mind, namely an apology of my own.

“Umm…” She shook her head slightly, probably wondering why I was finally talking to her. That made two of us. “Uh, it was a…a white chocolate mocha espresso. Why?”

~Why~? Why did she have to say ~why~? I had no idea why I’d asked, other than to say ~something~.

Panicking, I just nodded and made a humming sound in the back of my throat, trying to play it off. “It wasn’t bad,” I said. “Thanks.”

Thanks?

Wow, I was a moron.

“Well…” She kept staring at me as if I’d lost my mind. “Yeah. And…and thank ~you~ for, you know, forgiving me for the way I acted last night.”

I squinted at her, trying to remember when I’d forgiven her for anything. This would probably be a good time to tell her she hadn’t even needed to apologize.

But she blew out a pleased breath and swiped at her brow, looking relieved. “I thought you totally hated me.”

For real? Yikes, I guess I needed to work on my expressions if she’d ever thought ~that~. Or maybe I should congratulate myself for being so awesome at concealing what I was really feeling.

Since I didn’t like knowing I’d worried her, I admitted, “No. I don’t… I don’t hate you.” But I had to look away as I said it because it felt a little too intimate of a thing to admit out loud.

This was so fucking awkward. You’d think I’d know how to talk to a girl. But since the conversation didn’t revolve around how and where she wanted it, I was just…lost.

Okay, I told myself. Just… Just pretend she’s Sarah. I could talk to Sarah. No problem.

Then again, most of my Sarah interactions involved brotherly teasing. Was it okay to tease a girl you wanted, even though you shouldn’t want her?

No clue. But thinking about my sister did cause me to remember.

“So I talked to Sarah this morning,” I blurted, grabbing the straps of my messenger bag for moral support.

“Oh, God,” Reese moaned, closing her eyes and slapping a hand to her forehead. “She told you about the makeup, didn’t she? Oh…fudge. Is Dawn pissed? Is she going to fire me? I swear, I removed every inch of it before she went to bed. We even—”

“No!” I cried, waving a hand to reassure her. Then I realized. Okay. “Yes,” I amended, since Sarah had told me something about makeup. Then I muttered a curse under my breath, mortified by how badly I was flubbing this up.

To calm myself, I blew out a long breath. Then I started over.

“Yes,” I said slowly. “Sarah told me about the makeup. She told me about ~everything~ you two did last night. And no, Mom is not going to fire you.” I grinned in amusement over the very idea. “She’s probably going to give you a bear hug the next time she sees you.”

Okay, so Mom probably wouldn’t do that either, but it was what ~I~ wanted to do for the way she’d delighted my sister, so I felt the need to mention it, even if it were in correlation with my mother and not me.

“Sarah was absolutely glowing this morning,” I explained. “I’ve… I’ve honestly never seen her so happy. So whatever you think you did to annoy me last night after my shower has been erased tenfold by everything you did for my sister.”

Her mouth fell open. She looked affected—in a good way—so I began to think, ~yes~, I wasn’t botching this conversation up after all.

But then a moment later, her nose wrinkled with irritation. “And you couldn’t have said anything like this to me earlier this morning, because… ~Why~?” she demanded, flinging out a hand as if waiting for me to explain myself.

It was so freaking cute, I couldn’t help myself. I smiled.

Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what ~this~ girl was made of.

Her scowl deepened, and yet I knew she wasn’t ~pissed-~pissed at me. Not sure how I knew that, but I could just feel it. It was like an already forgiven kind of irritation on her face.

So, I shrugged. “You were giving me food…and apologizing. If I had said anything then, you might’ve taken that bear claw back.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes. “You are such a guy.”

My grin grew. She sounded like Sarah.

Sighing at me again, Reese motioned beside her to the rest of the bench seat. “So, are you going to sit down or not?”

Wait. What?

My smile fell flat. Because…sit down? Next to ~her~?

Strolling over here like a mindless dumbass and merely talking to her had already been more than I should’ve done. But…actually sitting next to her…

I shouldn’t.

And yet…

“You don’t mind?” I asked warily. The mere rumors about me were usually enough to make every other female keep their distance altogether or only seek me out in private to get something they wanted. But she ~knew~ what I was. Why would she want me to stick around for any longer than necessary?

With a wince, she rubbed the back of her neck. “I mind this crick in my neck you’re giving me by making me look up at you,” she said before dropping her hand. “Sit down already.”

She was serious. She actually wanted me to sit at the same table as her and keep talking openly with her.

Holding my breath and waiting for her to come to her senses, I slowly slipped the strap of my bag off my shoulder and sat.