There's No Love

"You said you'd have my back!" I shoved my way past Blake and Shawn. Tears were streaming down my face and it felt like the world was closing in. Mom and dad tensed when they saw me crying but I ignored them and headed upstairs. I slammed my bed room door shut and just stood there while sobs were freely escaping my lips.

My knees buckled from under me so I sat against the door and buried my face in my hands. There were only a handful of times I'd cried this hard. My sides started hurting from the sobs. I thought I'd have everything under control whenever my breathing slowed and only a few sobs were escaping, but then the cycle of my heart breaking would start all over again.I would cry and cry not caring about anything.

I just threw away ten years of friendship. With the guy I didn't even know I was attracted to. I felt so stupid, everything made more sense now. Mark was always my teddy bear. The guy that would be my everything and now I felt empty. I felt hollow just thinking about the way he looked at me. He wasn't mad, he was disappointed. Disappointment was a hundred times worse than anger. The way his eyes stared at me was engraved in my brain. I'd never be able to get that out. My heart squeezed so tightly, it was physically painful.

"Tori!" Someone banged on the door. "Open the door."

"Go away." I shrieked.

"Just open the door." Blake banged again causing me to move from my spot and get on my bed.

I pulled the covers over my head and started sobbing into my pillows. It came out muffled, glad that no one could hear me as loudly anymore. "Please leave me alone," I cried softer knowing they could still hear me. "Can't you just leave me alone?"

There was shifting outside the door. "Tori," Cole called trying to open the door. "Please let us in. We just want to help." It sounded like he was trying to coax a kitten out of hiding. I sat still on my bed not sure how to answer. "Please...Shawn brought ice cream and we have a movie. Let us help you like you helped us."

I sniffled, standing up and walking to my door. My hand froze when it reached the doorknob, hesitating before I turned it. I opened the door slowly, feeling my eyes starting to shake and sting with unshed tears. "Did you see the way he looked at me?" My brothers faces fell when I started sobbing again.

Cole wrapped his arms around me and let me sob against his chest. "Don't cry baby sis." I felt his lips kiss my forehead, "Please don't cry."

Shawn walked in and placed tubs of ice cream on my bed. "Come on," He said, "We're gonna make you feel better."

I sniffled, "How?"

Shawn gave me a small smile. "Well we have ice cream and I brought them waffles."

When I didn't move, Cole picked me up and placed me on my bed. He and Shawn settled around me while Blake stood at my closed doorway. We stared at each other, I noticed the guilt and regret he had. He looked stressed and tired, I realized it wasn't my place to tell him what happened with Cali. Or the fact that I started screaming at him. At the same time, I didn't feel the need to say sorry.

I realize now that it's not entirely his fault. It takes two people, not one. It just made me wish it was a different girl, yet at the same time I'm glad it was Cali. She wasn't just someone that wanted him, she actually thought she was in love with him. It's different in a way. Everything fit together like a puzzle. She was madly in love with Mark, but he didn't feel the same because I got in the way. If I had known I would have maybe backed off then, now though I couldn't find the will to do it. Then Cali went off to Blake, the rumors had gotten so bad she believed them. She believed the Parris Trips and I were having a fling. Even Mark believed them.

I wondered who else believed the rumor mill. Hayden? Emily? God I hope not. I can't lose all my friends. Everything was just collapsing in front of me and I wasn't sure if I could handle it. It's stressful and gives me a new level of anxiety. I'd have to toughen up like when mom died, but this was different. Everyone I knew believed everything. The stares and whispers were awful. If this was how Blake, Cole, and Shawn felt all the time, I'd hate it. I would never be able to deal with all of it.

I patted the empty spot on my bed and Blake seemed relieved when I did so. He moved onto the spot while Shawn was putting the movie in. "So sappy love story or comedy?" He asked while taking a bite into his waffle.

I shrugged, "I don't know."

"I thought you had heartache with your last boyfriend?" Blake said.

"Yeah but he moved away, it was inevitable so we just figured." My eyes got watery and I pulled my knees to my chest. "Besides, Mark isn't my boyfriend...he probably hates me right now."

Cole tucked me under his arm when I sulked down. "I don't think so," he said, "I think he's in just as much pain as you."

I tried taking deep breaths to calm myself down. They came in and out shaky, every so often I'd accidentally let a sob slip. "I love him." I couldn't hold it back so I turned and sobbed into Cole's shirt. "Make it go away."

Cole held me close and I knew he was at a breaking point by the way he was holding me. He held me tightly to his side, trying to stop my trembling. "Make what go away?"

Shawn seemed to understand. He softly pulled me away from Cole and rocked me in his arms. "It hurts right here doesn't it." Shawn placed my hand on his heart.

"It hurts everywhere." I sobbed. "He was like my teddy bear."

Shawn kissed my head. "It'll go away. I promise." His hand rubbed soothing circles on my lower back while I calmed my breathing. "Here," He held up a half eaten waffle. "Take a bite. I added chocolate chips."

I sighed taking the waffle and nibbling at the end. My breathing started slowing down. I allowed my head to rest the crook of Shawn's neck and I closed my eyes. "What movies and ice cream did you bring?" I asked.

It didn't take long before I was on my second tub of ice cream. I'd eat it out of a spoon or dip my waffle into it. Shawn had picked The Notebook after mom and dad came to see if I was alright. Suzie was apparently at Macy's house, at least she didn't see me like this. I realized half way through the movie that I'd never seen this movie. I wasn't the kind liking these love stories by Nicholas Sparks, I had to admit though that the whole time the movie had me wondering what would happen next. It was strange, you know they'd end up together yet so much drama happens. Why can't they just end up happily ever after?

"See," Shawn tried to joke, "These sort of fights lead to hot steamy sex." Blake shoved our brother's shoulder and shook his head. Shawn glanced at me, "Too soon?"

"No it's ok," I managed a small smile, "I'd rather have you cracking jokes to try and make me feel better, than to be ranting about other stuff."

"Is everything ok?" Mom and dad walked into the room for what seemed the thousandth time.

I nodded, "Feeling...better."

Dad sighed, "Could you tell us what happened?"

"I already told you." I looked down and played around with Mr. Cuddles ears. "Mark and I got into a fight."

"About what?" Dad stepped into the room and Cole paused the movie. "I've known that kid forever Tori. When you two fight it last about two minutes before you're back on your feet. So this had to be serious. I know for a fact that Mark would never make you cry on purpose. I'm pretty sure he'd rather die."

My hands knotted themselves inside my hair. It wasn't helping me that every time my mind would drift off someone would come and say something else that only reminded me of what I lost. "Did everyone know Mark had a crush on me?"

Dad chuckled, "I doubt you could call it a crush. He looked at you the way a Disney prince looks at his princess."

"I saw that on the internet." Shawn smiled softly, "I gotta work on that face. Thing is, I tried the smolder and it looked like I ate a bag of lemons."

That got me to laugh softly. I turned back to my dad. "It's a long story...and I don't want to talk about it right now."

Dad nodded. "Ok. Just remember I'm here if you need me."

When he walked out I grabbed the chocolate ice cream and devoured it. "Chocolate and ice cream." I said with a full mouth, "Girls two best friends."

The three boys smiled a bit. Probably content that I wasn't sobbing anymore and I even cracked a joke. Cole hit play, by the end of the movie I was crying again. It wasn't fair that it hurt this much. It felt like I had just broke up with someone, worse. I just didn't want to speak to anyone, the only people that were here were my brothers but even they only got short answers from me.

I wondered how Mark felt at this moment. If he was as miserable as me. Cali said Mark had told her his heart belonged to someone else. On impulse I grabbed the small necklace Mark had given me on Christmas. I read the back. Best friends forever, love you forever -Mark. My heart grew heavier and I didn't realize I was silently crying.

"Tori?" Shawn shook my shoulder lightly. He looked between the necklace and me. "Did Mark give that to you?" I couldn't speak, instead I took the necklace off and let Shawn see it. "It's really nice."

Cole lent over and read the words, pointing at the with his pinky. "Tori he loves you. He'll forgive you. I promise."

I heard the small patter of foot steps and soon enough Suzie was at the door. "I heard you and Mark had a fight." She looked around the room and set her backpack beside the door. "You ok Tori?"

I nodded, "Fine."

"You don't look fine." Suzie murmured and grabbed a spoon. Her eyes fell on the ground for a second. "Why are there waffles on the floor?" She asked.

"I dropped them," Shawn picked up one of the waffles and took a bite. We all stared at him for a second but he shrugged, "Them waffles are good."

We all rolled our eyes at Shawn's weirdness. Suzie shared the ice cream with me and sighed. "So...I had dinner at Macy's."

"That's cool." I muttered.

She nodded and her face turned red. "We had spaghetti and meatballs..."

"That's good."

"But I forgot about our little talk." Suzie looked down her whole face red, "So when Trent put the meatball in his mouth I yelled so loud that the whole table looked at me." She sighed while we laughed. "I thought he'd get pregnant." She added quickly.

Cole laughed but then his face turned serious. "Wait...what little talk?"

Suzie waved her hands in circles. "You know..." She said, "The Talk."

Shawn bursted into laughter. "Oh my god! Your innocence is corrupt now." I shook my head and went back to the ice cream. The three of them were trying to get me to smile but it wasn't really working. I had to many thoughts running through my head, not enough answers to fix it. Problems kept popping up. What if's started taking over.

What if I told Mark sooner? What if he didn't find out like that? What if he never talks to me again? What if he hates me and never even wants to see me again?

Blake sat on the bean bag at the edge of my bed. He was flipping through channels trying to see if something interesting was on. I felt rage start heating up inside me as I watched his calm expression. His back was facing me, but he wouldn't even look at me. He'd just sulk on the bean bag thinking everything was just peachy. I couldn't say it was all his fault, but the fact he won't even look at me was making me angry.

"Blake?" I called catching his attention.

His back tensed, "Yeah?"

"Look at me."

He hesitated but turned around. His eyes looked broken like he was barely hanging on. Almost terrified like a child set up with their fear. But he broke his promise. He said he'd have my back. He pinky swore yet when Mark came up the only person that tried reasoning was Cole. Blake just sat there on the grass like he lost his capacity to think.

I held up my pinky, "You pinky swore."

He flicked his eyes off of mine and stared at my finger. A deep sigh rumbled out of his chest. "I'm sorry..."

"For which part?" I asked, "Telling me to hide it from Mark? Or just sitting back to watch the drama that played in front of you?"

"Stop acting so pissed off alright?" He stood up and headed to my door.

"I'm not pissed off." My wiped away the dry tears off my cheek. "I'm disappointed in you Blake."

He stopped cold in his tracks. His hand was on the door knob while he seemed to be thinking. Suddenly he turned around and took three steps towards me. "I didn't ask for you to continuously be hiding it from Mark ok? You could've easily gone behind my back and told him. This isn't my fault."

"Like hell it isn't!" I shouted louder than intended. Cole and Shawn sat beside me awkwardly while trying not to get involved. Suzie looked down at the ice cream and acted like she didn't hear anything.

"Then why didn't you?" Blake asked, "Why didn't you go behind my back?"

My mouth felt dry as I tried to answer. "Because...you were a jerk to me and I was trying to get you to accept me. I figured stabbing you in the back wasn't a good idea. Then you said that I've lied to Mark so much he'd probably hate me. You were right...he hates me now."

Blake sighed and took a seat on the edge of my bed, "I don't think he hates you."

"Didn't you see how he looked at me?"

"Because he was hurt." Blake ran his hands through his hair, "He doesn't hate you though. He's just hurt."

"Yeah well so am I." I pulled Mr. Cuddles to my chest. I had tried calling Mark, texting him, he'd never reply or I'd get sent to voice mail. I called his mom and she said he wasn't feeling good that he was sick in his room. I wasn't sure if I should believe her or not. I felt sick, I felt like throwing up, but it wasn't like I was physically sick. Just emotionally.

Every hour seemed to last forever. It was like everything was being stretched on and on. My butterflies kicked in when I realized I'd have to go to school. We have so many classes together, he even sits by me in half of them. I don't think I'd be able to handle sitting next to him. I just might start crying in the middle of the class if he ignores me.

This weekend was going to last a life time. I didn't feel like doing anything. Joy was just swept away my some invisible broom. All I could see when I closed my eyes, were the simple green eyes that I subconsciously fell in love with. They were haunting me now, like a nightmare.

That night I barely slept. The four of us were all spread out in my bed. Suzie had left to go to her room and the boys decided to crowd on the my bed with me. Blake was beside me as he and Cole sandwiched me. Shawn slept at our feet, at a very strange angle. His head was on the extra pillow but his butt was pointing up in the air as if he were a puppy about to pounce. Even asleep he acted silly. I don't even know what this boy thinks half the time. He probably has imaginary voices yelling at him like in cartoons. A whole council in head yelling, 'Order in the brain! Order in the brain!'

I think I'm high on ice cream. I sighed.

"You awake?" Blake turned his head so he was facing me.

"I can't sleep." I wasn't sure what it was. I didn't feel like eating, I had skipped dinner. I didn't feel like going outside to play some soccer when the boys offered. I just wanted to lie around all day. Thinking was becoming a problem. I probably should get up to clear my head, I just couldn't. Depression hit me like a ton a bricks and I didn't know how to handle it this time.

When mom died I handled it well. I was able to pick myself up and try to do everything she used to do. Dad was the one that had it rough. He would leave the whole day to go clear his head at the lake. He would fish or swim. Never really wanting to think too hard on what happened but no matter what he'd end up crying. Then when my grandparents tried taking us into custody, dad snapped out of it realizing he didn't want to lose us either. It was one heck of fight, but we won. I guess we were all so stressed out about what we had to do, that we never thought about depression.

I also had the advantage of taking care of Suzie. I held myself together for her, not wanting her to see I was suffering also. If I ever broke down I would make sure she was asleep or at a friends house. But even when she was looking up to me, I was looking up to someone else. Mark was always there when I needed him. After mom died he would come or I'd go over and he'd just tell me everything would be ok. That it wasn't the end of the world. He was never sorry or pitiful. He was just comforting. Sorry doesn't help with anything. And neither does pity.

Everyone came to give their condolences. They gave us fresh cooked meals or presents to try and makes us feel better. They'd tell us we're invited any day or if we need help to just call. They'd pity us. And pity is the worst feeling anyone could want. It made me feel fake. They didn't know who I was. They didn't know anything about me, yet they treated me like they knew me their whole life. Trying to tell us everything was ok.

The only one I ever believed was Mark. He was my rock. My teddy bear. I screwed up so badly...

Blake sighed and propped himself on his elbow. "I'm sorry..." He whispered so our brothers wouldn't wake up. "I was going to have your back. I swear. I never meant to leave you there. I guess I had it so well thought out in my head, I didn't think Mark would just appear."

I looked down at my hands. "I was shocked too."

Blake nodded slowly. I could barely see his face due to the darkness outside. The moonlight lightly lit the room but only enough for me to see shadows. "It's not just that. I was still in shock of what you told me about Cali." He gave a humourless laugh. "I knew it though."

"Knew she was pregnant?"

"No." He paused. "I mean I knew all this would catch up to me. What do you expect? I've slept around with half the school. It was either pregnancy or STD. Both can ruin your life but I figured I might rather have a kid than die."

I reached out and put my hand in his. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." He looked down. "I'm not going to be one of those guys that just ditches the girl. And I'm definitely not putting my kid in adoption. If Cali can't take care of the kid, I'll take him or her in. And abortion is cruel to me...I'll go with whatever she wants. But I don't want her to abort."

"She won't. She's not that kind of person." I paused before asking. "What about your soccer?"

"I'm not giving up soccer." Blake sighed. "It might just be the one way I could support a family."

I smiled gently, "Making millions and spoiling your kid in a pent house."

He smiled back, "Or I'll just call Aunt Tobi to come babysit him."

"I'll teach your kid to call you Cake."

"I'll teach him to call you Tobi."

"How do you know it's a him?"

"I don't." Blake yawned. "I don't care what sex the baby is. I'll love him or her either way."

I squeezed his hand gently. "This isn't suppose to happen Blake."

"What do you mean?" He looked up and stared at me. The moons light was barely visible but the small rays that were able to escape reflected off of Blake'e eyes.

"You're suppose to find some girl that changes you." I laughed softly at the idea. "Like those cliche stories you know?"

Blake chuckled, "This is reality Tori. It's not a movie or a book. This is real life. Those cliche stories are a one in a million chance. This though? This was me being stupid. It was bound to happen."

I nodded and looked back down. "Why Cali though?"

I noticed Blake's figure tense. He sighed before laying back against my pillow and looking up at the ceiling. "I was at a party one night. She was at the bar drowning herself in alcohol. She was crying and I recognized her as your friend. I just thought, 'what the heck' and went to talk to her. She pretty much told me the whole story. How Mark doesn't love her because he loves you." He looked at me when I opened my mouth to ask something, "Yes Tori she also knew Mark loved you. I'm pretty sure the whole school knows. But they don't really care. Until now. You should've seen him. The other day in the locker room some guy was saying stuff about you and I was about to punch him, then your best friend came and gave him a bloody nose."

My hand gripped Blake's when my throat started closing at the idea of Mark defending me like that. This was harder than I thought, being away from someone that you care about. He still hasn't returned my calls or texts. I know he's upset, maybe over reacting a little bit, though at the same time I understand. If he did something related, I'd feel like he stabbed me in the back.

"Anyways," Blake kept going, "I guess I could relate to Cali. You kinda stole Mark away from her when he stole you away from me. But Cali had a crush on Mark, you were always my best friend." He sighed, "She was so drunk and depressed she started bad talking about herself. She was saying stuff about how she wasn't worth it and shit like that. She must have really cared about Mark for her to be saying some of the things she said."

A tinge of jealously hit me but I pushed it aside as Blake continued.

"I wasn't trying to take advantage of a drunk girl Tori. But I was feeling bad for her. She felt cheated. So I just...I slept with her and told her the opposite of what she was saying. She kept wondering if it was her appearance or the way she acted, I told her that if a guy couldn't love those things in a girl, then it was time to move on to someone else." He sighed again. "Basically, after that I was sort of interested in her. If I wasn't I wouldn't have kept seeing her. But I'm Blake. And my hormones rage higher than the Eiffel Tower. So it wasn't just her that I slept with."

My thoughts wondered to the whole situation. How it all happened and why it happened. "Can I be brutally honest for a moment?" I asked.

"Go for it."

"You sound like her rebound." I muttered.

Blake chuckled, "I obviously am. No denying it. That's why I can't marry her."

"What?" My head turned to look his direction.

Blake turned his head as well and stared at me. Shadows danced across his face as he showed his expressions. Eyebrows were knit together and he seemed tired. Circles were forming under his eyes and he looked...sad. He looked different. Almost like he already gained a few years. "We're young Tori. We deserve to experience true love."

I stared at him, "I didn't think you believed in that."

He shook his head. "I don't. But I know a lot of girls do and I don't think it's fair for me to take someone's opportunity away. This isn't because I want to get with other girls, it's just...look at us. We aren't ready for marriage. Must less a kid. I'll try with Cali. But I don't want to get a divorce after two years of living under the same roof. I'd rather her just be my girlfriend until I feel like maybe we stand a chance as a couple...am I making sense?"

"Sorta..." I looked back up at the ceiling seeing nothing but darkness. "What about the kid?"

He shrugged, "Cole will be a lawyer. He can make some paper work to pass the kid between families. I'll give it a shot with Cali, I hope she gets what I mean. We'll date and have the kid. But if we do find out it's not working, it's better to just cut it off and pass the child between us instead of going through the troubles of divorce."

"She said she loves you." I said without thinking.

"So do a lot of other girls Tori." Blake sighed. "But they never mean it...there's no love to me Tori. There's just no such thing as love."

I flinched at his words. "Ouch. That hurt considering the guy I love just went overboard."

Blake smiled softly, "Ok there is love. But I don't know that level of love. I only love in one way."

"What's that?"

"I'm not a boyfriend love. I don't do relationships because frankly, they scare me. What if something happens to them? I don't think I'd be able to take that. So...I'm a family man. I love my family and that's it."

"You're about to have a new family."

Blake sighed, "I know..." A void of silence fell between us. My eyes started to droop and placed my head deeper in the pillow. There was so much silence, the dark was inviting just like the warm blankets around me. "Tori?" Blake whispered disturbing the peaceful night.

"Hmm?" I murmured. My brothers were all breathing slowly. Cole and Shawn seemed to be at the same rate. Their chests would fall and rise at the same time.

"I was wrong." Blake said.

"What do you mean?" I muttered.

"I guess I am one of the million people." He turned his head so he was looking at me. "I'm the egocentric jock that a girl changed. I'm one in a billion because that girl that changed me was you. Not a girlfriend. Not a crush. But a sister. Maybe I am a Cliche like Mark. Difference is, a sister changed me. How many stories do you hear about that?"

I found myself smiling and rested my head on his shoulder. "If it's so rare, I wouldn't consider you a Cliche."

He laughed softly, taking a pause. I was drifting off but before I felt myself fall into slumber and Blake kiss my head. "I'm just glad I was the one in the billion."

******************************

"You sure you're ok?" Cole asked me for the thousandth time.

Of course I wasn't ok. We were parked in front of the school and soon I'd have to walk inside and face Mark or Cali. The butterflies in my stomach weren't helping me at all. Every time I thought I would be able to calm them they'd just start to reappear. "No I'm not ok," I finally answered truthfully, "But I'm not going to miss school."

Blake was seated in shot gun while Cole and Shawn rode in the back. It was the first time we all rode together in my car. Or atleast all rode together to school. Blake has asked for a few rides every so often, but usually went with Cole or Shawn. Dad still hasn't given him his license back. I don't know when he'd get it back, but even so he was starting to get used to not driving. It wasn't bad, just annoying.

"Did you eat the breakfast I made you today?" Shawn asked. I nodded slowly. He had made a stack of waffles for the family, covering it in chocolate syrup and whipped cream. I didn't really eat. When I thought about food it made me sick to the stomach. I could eat a bite or two, but then I'd feel like throwing up. "Liar," Shawn scoffed, "I know you didn't eat."

"I wasn't hungry." I muttered before stepping out of the car. The guys followed pursuit only causing people to stare at us. I wanted to walk ahead but each time I was in the front the boys would take their places beside me. "They're all staring." I whispered keeping my head low.

"They've never seen all three of us with you unless it's at the lunch table." Blake whispered back. "Relax."

"Do they stare at you like this all the time?" I found myself at my locker and placed the combination into the lock. Even with my back turned I could feel the eyes boring into the back of my head. The whispers sounded fuzzy, but I heard my name thrown in a couple times.

Even if they did stare at the boys this way, it was different. They would gossip about my brothers but they'd mostly just stare in awe. I would know. I remember whenever the Parris Trips walked down the halls. I never took much notice but I was one of the spectators, so of course I heard everything everyone was saying. Mostly people saying how hot they were or if they saw their most recent game. It's ridiculous for people to be so obsessed with them. They were already celebrities, if they're future stayed like this then the whole world will know who they are.

It was different with me. I wondered what they'd start saying when they find out we're all siblings.  Would people stare at me with awe? More like jealousy. Everyone wants to be acquainted with the Parris brothers. They truly do run the school. Teachers either favor or hate them, but even so they love them. Being their sister will be the bigger than them all having girlfriends. The picture of Cole and Jodee went through the school in record time. Everyone was re-posting it or adding comments to it. When Cole had come back everyone bombarded him with questions. It was like a paparazzi.

I don't understand what people thought was so special about them. I never saw anyone but three snooty teenage boys. The students and faculty truly think they are some sort of kings in their presence. Getting to know the boys though, they all have their flaws. Blake is just cruel at times. Cole used to drink all the time. Shawn...there's such a long list.

They're all cool and special in their own way. People don't see that, which is what makes me mad at times. They all think the boys are the same. Or at least have small things that distinguish them. Like appearene or muscle. If only the world got to know the Trips the way I did. I was grateful for their comfort the last few days. Shawn and Cole had helped the most while Blake came every other hour or so. He would usually lock himself in his room and not come out for a while.

"Sorta," Cole leaned against the wall of lockers putting his hands in his pockets. "Did Mark tell anyone yet?"

I gritted my teeth. I know that Mark was upset, even if he was broken hearted I knew he wouldn't ever tell anyone. He was still able to think, he wouldn't do it. He knew we hid it for a reason, he's not stupid enough to go and tell the world. But if he did, I doubt people would believe him. "No." I said too harshly.

Cole put his hands up in surrender. "Sorry...it was just a thought." I knew what Cole was thinking. He probably thought that if Mark told some people of the school that it would explain the looks I was getting. I didn't think that's the case, they're just shocked I drove the Parris brothers to school.

I grabbed my books out of my locker and headed down the hall with the guys. Next stop was Shawn. He gathered his things hoisting them in his backpack just as Emily arrived. She gave us all a smile before turning to her boyfriend. "Hey."

Shawn smiled and lent over pecking her lips. "Hey babe."

She then turned to me. "So Tori about the shopping thing."

"I really don't want to Em." I looked down hanging onto the strap of my backpack tighter.

"But it'll be fun." Emily whined.

"Yeah Tori," Shawn swung his arm over his girl, "You probably should go."

"I don't want to." I snapped harder than I should have.

Emily's eyes knitted together. "Are you ok Tori?"

"Fine." I muttered. My brain was messed up. I was acting hard on everyone and that wasn't fair. It wasn't the worlds fault, just mine. I shouldn't be snapping at my friend. She was the only friend I had right now and I wasn't going to freely risk losing her also.

"Em," Shawn turned her to face him and looked down at her seriously. "We need to talk...alone." He gave us a glance and I realized what he was doing. Blake, Cole, and I started walking off just as Shawn started, "I want to tell you the real reason you can't come over..."

"Is he really going to tell Em?" I asked when we were far enough.

"I think so." Cole said.

"Yeah," Blake shrugged, "She's too nice to tell anyone anyways."

"It still bothers you?" I shouted, stopping in my tracks. Some kids walked by and stared at us oddly but I ignored them.

"No." Blake hissed stepping closer to me. He whispered. "I just want to be able to tell people. Not have them find out from someone else."

I felt myself relax until I realized I had to head to class. My heart pounded and I felt my hands get sweaty. I'd have to deal with classes with Mark. Maybe he'll give me a chance to explain myself. I hope he'll give me a chance. He has to because he's my best friend. "I gotta go to class." I muttered to my brothers.

"Ok." Cole gave me a hug and kissed my head. Again, people stared. "I'll see you in math and at lunch ok?" He smiled gently while I nodded.

Blake gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, "He loves you. Don't worry."

My eyes felt the stinging coming back and buried my face in Blake's chest. I was way to emotional this week. It had to be the hormones or something because I never acted this...girly, in my life. Crying often or just feeling butterflies. This isn't like me. I nodded in Blake's chest while he tried rubbing my back soothingly. When we parted, I headed to my homeroom and classes.

Just as I expected, Mark ignored me in all my classes. He'd barely look at me and every time his arm would brush with mine he'd pull back. He kept his eyes trained on the teacher and doodled things in his notebook. When I looked over I saw he was drawing stick figures that were shooting at each other. He drew a helicopter that would shoot down the enemy side. I knew he noticed me watching, he just decided to ignore me.

When lunch time came by, I grabbed the brown paper bag out of my locker and headed to Mark's. He was busy pulling books out of his backpack and into his locker. "You can't ignore me forever." I said taking a step beside Mark.

Mark sighed without looking at me, "What?"

I bit my lip looking down at my shoes. "Do you hate me?"

"No." He shut his locker door and swung his backpack on his shoulders. "I could never hate you."

He started to walk off but I grabbed his wrist making him stop. "Then why are you treating me like this?" He'd never been this cruel to me before. Whenever we'd fight we'd always make up the same day or even the same hour. "Mark I lo-"

Mark cupped his hand over my mouth before I could finish the sentence. He looked down at me with his eyebrows knitted together and sad eyes. I couldn't understand what he was thinking. He seemed happy, sad, and disappointed all in one. He dropped his hand from my mouth and wiped his face. "I gotta go," His arm went through the other strap of his backpack.

"Why can't we talk about this?" I stressed.

"Please just leave me alone before I say something that will hurt the both of us." He turned around and started walking away. This time I didn't bother stopping him.

I stared at his retreating form and stood still in the middle of the hall. What just happened? He knew exactly what I was going to say yet he stopped me. Then he said he could say things that will hurt us. I know Mark can snap at times, but he's always been my teddy bear. I couldn't even figure out what he was thinking. "You ok princess?"

I looked behind me and noticed Hayden walking towards me. He stopped and frowned at me only to make me notice I had watery eyes. "I'm fine," I rubbed my eyes and sniffed up quickly.

He looked down the hall where Mark had been then looked back at me. "Are you two fighting?"

My eyes traveled down to my shoes again. "I think so," I said quietly, "I don't even know to tell you the truth. He won't let me talk to him."

Hayden's footsteps got closer to me and soon I felt his arms wrap around me. I hugged him back, burying my face in his shoulder. "It'll be ok princess," Hayden rubbed his hand soothingly against my back. "I promise it'll be ok."

"How do you know?" I said, muffled against his clothes.

I felt him smile and give a small laugh. "At the ice skating the other day," he said, "Remember when I pulled Mark to talk to him?"

I nodded.

"Well," Hayden continued, "I said to him, 'I know you love her.' And he stared at me for a while. Looking like I caught his hand in the cookie jar. He was in denial at first. Then he got mad and started telling me there was no way, or whatever I say, that would keep him from seeing you. But you know what I said?"

My heart grew heavier, "What?"

"He said, 'She's my best friend. You can't tell me to back off.' But I told him, 'I'm not telling you to back off, on the contrary I'll back off.'" Hayden chuckled softly, "He stared at me and asked if I was serious. So I explained to him the difference between him and me. He loves you Tori. I just have a crush on you. Not going to lie, it could become more than a crush, but there's no way I think I'd be able to love you the way Mark does."

Not only did I feel like crying over again but guilt started draping in. Here was an incredibly good guy that was telling me he has feelings for me that I can't return. I wish I could but I can't. I like Hayden, just not more than a friend. He was always kind and giving, he makes me smile and laugh. The difference was, he just wasn't the person I was in love with. Maybe he's right, over time I could learn to love him. It just wasn't the true love we were seeking.

"Hayden I'm sorry." I looked up at him. His eyes were still the dark color that related black. It looked more like really dark chocolate. "I just...don't feel the same about you."

He smiled softly. "I know." He didn't look sad or disappointed. More like he was at peace now that he knew the truth. He wouldn't have to stress over the matter anymore. "But princess I still care," he sighed. "I don't want it to be awkward but I still want to be your friend. I mean, I don't really mind friend zoning myself."

I smiled. "I could use a friend..."

Hayden grinned. "Good. Because I also heard we applied to the same college."

My eyebrow raised, "Or maybe you applied to stay near me."

"When did you apply?"

"Beginning of the year."

"I applied last year," Hayden stuck his tongue out and turned me around so we could walk down the hall. "I knew the princess wanted to stay with the pretty boy."

I rolled my eyes. "You're weird."

He smirked, "Says the tom boy."

I sat down at my regular table at lunch. Shawn and Cole were talking to themselves as I took a seat across from them. Shawn looked up at Hayden and gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry dude but we really need to talk to Tori privately." Hayden gave a weird look only causing Shawn to roll his eyes, "It's more important than if ballet dancing baboons in pink tutus took over the world."

"Well considering its urgency," Hayden said sarcastically, "I'll go sit with the team."

"Thanks." Cole called out as Hayden walked away, taking a seat beside Sunshine.

"What's so urgent?" I asked. "Wait. Let me guess. A t-rex mated with a giant unicorn only making a new breed of dinosaur and mystical creature. It's a cross combination so the universe is at risk because this could be devastating?"

I've been hanging out with Shawn too much.

Shawn grinned, "That happened years ago. That's how the San Francisco earthquake happened.  Why do you think we have Area 51?"

I smiled a little bit. "The government does keep secrets."

"Definitely." Shawn grinned even more. "The government won't tell us of their special service. They have a whole group of secret spy ninjas that helped defeat a lot of things. Like, why do you think Elvis died? His singing and dancing was a cover up. He was murdered by the enemy. Also, where do you think the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was based out of?"

"The secret ninja service?" Cole asked bewildered.

"Ding ding ding," Shawn screeched. He spoke like a carnival announcer, "Winner winner winner."

Cole rolled his eyes and went back to his lunch. Soon enough Blake took a seat beside me. He frowned when he noticed I wasn't eating my yogurt. I was just pushing my spoon through it, not even bothering to put it in my mouth. I just wasn't hungry. I didn't feel sick, my stomach didn't grumble. Hunger was the last thing on my mind. "You need to eat." Blake looked through my lunch and pulled out the sandwich I made.

"I'm not hungry." I muttered.

"Tori you haven't eaten all day." He pushed the sandwich towards me. "Eat."

"I'm not hungry Blake," I snapped putting my chin on my hand. "I'll eat when I get home."

He sighed, "Please Tobi. We have practice today. I really don't want you to pass out."

"Yeah Tori," Cole added in, "I heard it's going to be blazing today."

"Like," Shawn pulled the collar of his shirt fanning himself. "We're going to burn up and die. The sun is gonna just blow up in our faces. It's going to fart heat and misery, we're going to catch fire and turn to ashes. Then we'll become part of the grass and the deer's will come eat the grass or poop on us. We will become part of," He made a circle around him using his fingers, "The circle of life."

We all stared at Shawn with open mouths. Cole shrugged, "Just go with it."

Shawn grinned, "That's going to be my motto."

"You had to tell me something urgent." I interrupted. We had become completely side tracked from the main idea.

"Oh yeah," Shawn's smile faltered. "I told Em."

"And?"

He shrugged looking down at his food. "We fought."

I nodded and quickly turned to where she and Mark were sitting. They were talking amongst themselves at the edge of a table. Some of the guys at the table were Mark's friends, Emily just seemed comfortable talking with Mark considering the guys were staring at her wondering why she was sitting there. "Is that why they're sitting there?" I asked Shawn looking back at him.

He nodded, smiling nevertheless. "It's ok...I don't think we'll break up...it's just a fight."

"What happened?" Cole asked.

"I just told you." Shawn looked at him in a duh tone.

Blake rolled his eyes. "In detail Shawn. In detail."

He shrugged again. "She's just upset that I kept the secret. She says she trusted me with everything and that I hid this from her. Then she realized all the rumors weren't true, so she was happy but mad I never told her. Pretty much the same I don't know...girls are confusing."

"We are not." I countered.

Shawn snorted. "Em kissed me then slapped me across the face. Like what the heck? What does that mean?"

"What does it mean when you try to tell a guy you love him but he stops you and walks away?" I asked not making eye contact.

The three boys fell quiet and I could feel their eyes all trained on me. "Did you and Mark talk?" Cole asked. I nodded and kept playing with my food. "It's ok Tori. He's probably just thinking."

"About?"

"Maybe he also knows about the Uni-rex!" Shawn said astonished. "He is going into the army right? Doesn't that mean special permission. Oh my god Tori! This is so cool!"

"You need help." I said seriously.

Shawn chuckled, "I've gone to people. All the doctors said there's no hope for me."

I looked at Blake and Cole, they both nodded. "He went to five doctors." Cole said.

"They all said he's screwed up." Blake added.

"He's taken ten drug tests." Cole rubbed his temple.

"And," Shawn added, "I was not dropped as a child."

I stared at them with a small smile on my lips. "You're all so weird," I shook my head but continued smiling, "I love you guys."

Cole grinned, "We're a team now."

Blake nodded. "The athlete, nerd, clown, and tom boy."

"We gotta make that a thing." Shawn grinned. "I'll make shirts."

I couldn't get the smile off my face. Even with all that was happening, I felt fortunate to have these three. We were truly siblings now and I loved it. My mind was slowly forming into a Parris. My last name will always be Linean, but my heart was now a Parris. We were a team. Even though they will always be the Trips and I'll always be Tori, I was one of them now. I wasn't intimated or hateful of the Trips. I am proud I am their sister. More importantly, I am proud I am a Parris.

******************************

Blake's POV

I couldn't believe Tori nearly passed out at practice. I had told her to eat, but her stubborn head kept saying no. Not even twenty minutes through practice she was sitting down complaining about black butterflies that were clouding her vision. She hadn't eaten all day or yesterday. Coach has extreme work outs to, so I wasn't surprised at all. If she had just listened she wouldn't have been so light headed and drowsy.

Coach had told us to take her home. When my brothers and I started walking away with her he asked why the three of us were leaving. Why not one of us? Well Shawn just had to open his mouth and say we did everything together. Then he ranted on about the baths we used to take when we were kids. And the rubber ducks we had. Mine was the one with the blue beak, Cole's had a red beak, and Shawn's had a green beak. After that Coach walked back to the team muttering things like, "I wonder if you all gangbang a girl too."

By the time we got home, Tori was feeling better. We had given her a protein bar in my backpack and some Gatorade. She instantly went to the pantry and grabbed a few snacks high in sugar and fat. I didn't mind letting her pig out, I had already given her a long lecture in the car on how she can't just stop eating. I'm pretty sure they all thought I was crazy but I mean, she nearly fainted on the field! I had a right to be worried.

I headed straight to my room with a can of coke and took a seat in my chair. My laptop turned on when I moved my finger over the mouse pad. A sigh escaped my lips as I read the articles and websites that appeared on my search. I laid back in my chair, taking a sip of coke as I read everything I had to know about teen pregnancy and how this all works.

There were papers and laws if one of the parents weren't willing. Most people said they aborted or gave the kids for adoption. Others said they'd live with their parents or the parents kicked them out. I couldn't find one happy ending and it was starting to depress me further. I didn't want to be that guy that leaves. If Cali can't handle the kid I'll take him or her in. If she wants to forget about the child I'll be there supporting them.

Cali was different though. She wasn't heartless so I knew she'd probably be fine keeping the child. If it had been anyone else, any other girl I slept with, there would be no hope. I'd be stuck with a self absorbed bitch that doesn't care about anything but buying more birth control pills. It still wasn't fair what I've done with Cali and my lives, but I'm thankful it's her and not someone random. Not someone that doesn't care. I had made a vow to myself that I'd marry whatever girl got pregnant first but Cali just wanted to be loved. To truly be loved. I don't want to take that away from her. As Tori had said, I'm just the rebound. Once she opens her eyes I don't want her to realize it was a mistake to marry me. That's why I'm not doing it. I'd rather date her, see where that goes and what happens.

"Come on," I tossed Cole the keys to his car. He was relaxing on the sofa watching some TV when I suddenly came up with an idea and got him up. He gave me a weird look but I simply walked away.

"Where are we going?" I heard his foot steps following me. He had gotten used to me asking for rides to places. I had parties to go to, people to see. Not to mention the gym was a place where I liked clearing my head.

"Shawn," I called up the steps, "Come on we have some guy business to take care of."

He bounced down a couple minutes while I leaned against the wall of the house waiting for him. "Guy business? Dude it's ok. I already did number two in the bathroom when I got home."

I shook my head and put my hands on both of my brothers leading them to the garage. I miss driving my car. Sure I'm used to getting rides now but it's not the same. I can't leave without someone and it's a pain in the butt having people follow you wherever you go. "Just get in the car." I muttered as I shoved Cole in the front and Shawn in the back.

Cole sighed and placed the keys ignition as I slid into my seat. "It'd be helpful if you told me where we're going." Cole said while backing out of the driveway.

I kept staring out the window. "Just type in this address into your phone." I handed him the small sheet of paper Bill had given me. I still wasn't comfortable calling him dad. I consider Tori and Suzie a sister, maybe because I've never had a sister. But whenever I think of dad I think of my real dad. I can't call Bill dad yet, he's a step dad. That's as far as I'll take the relationship.

Cole gave me an odd look. Before he could ask another question Shawn shouted, "Adventure!" When the car started moving, he placed his head outside the window of the car and howled.

"If a car passes by," I laughed, "Off with your head."

Shawn rolled his eyes and came back into the car. "So," he rolled the window up. "Where are we going?"

I sighed wondering if I should tell them. "I asked Bill to give me Mark's address..."

"We're going to Mark's house?" Cole stopped at a stop sign and faced me. "Seriously?"

I nodded. It was all my fault this happened. I made Tori lie for many many different reasons. Not once did I think he'd find out the way he did. I thought we'd be able to sit him down and tell him. Give him the long speech I wrote down on a scrap sheet of paper I found on my desk. Telling him it wasn't Tori's fault, basically everything Tori wanted me to say so her best friend wouldn't hate her. When Mark did appear out of the blue, I had words stuck in my throat. I was too in shock about Cali to even speak at the moment.

It was stupid though. Now I have to deal with all this drama that I didn't want to begin with. First, I got my sisters best friend pregnant. That should be in some book or something, I'm sure I'd be called a jerk by many of the readers. Then, my sisters best friend hates her because I was stupid and jealous. That should bring me down to prick. Finally, when everything was happening I just sat on the grass watching like a coward. I should be considered a jack ass at this point.

I regret it though. Maybe not the baby or hiding the secret, but having Tori hurt. She probably had one hell of the day finding everything out. But the way she's been acting lately is worrying me. That's why I got the nerve to ask Bill for Mark's address. I need to talk to him and set everything right. He needs to understand that it wasn't Tori's fault. This wasn't just to make me feel better but to get Tori to feel better. She's been digging herself in her text books doing homework and projects. When she isn't doing that she's drowning herself in ice cream with Shawn, Cole, and Suzie.

Suzie's been keeping her distance from me. I don't know why but Tori just told me it'll be ok sooner or later. It was weird, I didn't understand what I could have done to make Suzie back off. She's a very spirited girl with a lot of energy. She was a like a small bridge that held qualities from all of us. Her witty comments from Tori. Some anger and sass from me. Cole's patience when needed. And the quality of being able to make us laugh sometimes like Shawn. She was her own person though. At least she acted like girl, which is what made her different in a way.

"Seriously." I laid back in my seat and looked out the window. I don't know what I'm going to tell Mark. I just need him to understand that it's not Tori's fault. If he wants to hate someone, to hate me. He also wouldn't accept that Tori admitted to being in love with him. That was odd and I want to know why he shut her up before she could finish.

Mark needed to know that the rumors were all lies. That's all rumors are, twisted lies to make everything more exciting. This school was simply training me for a paparazzi. I learned long ago to never listen to what people think is happening. Sure sometimes it was true but ninty-nine percent of the time it was a truth that was twisted to fit the needs of the students hunger for drama. Drama is stupid. No one wants it but it only seems to trail behind me like a lost dog. It gives me splitting headaches, stress, and makes me tired. If only the world were perfect.

"What are we going to say?" Cole parked the car in a driveway. I was so dazed I hadn't realized we arrived. He didn't live so far away by the looks of it. "If you had warned me I could have prepared."

I smirked, "Just use your negotiating skills. Maybe it'll prove if you're a good lawyer or not."

"No," Shawn unbuckled his seat belt. "I think you should talk Blake. I mean this is your fault."

"Can someone say this isn't my fault?" I groaned stepping out of the car.

"No." Cole and Shawn chorused. The house had a nice porch with a ramp. There was a small Valentine's decoration on the front door that I soon found out was some hearts with a small cupid. "What do we do if this isn't Mark's house?" Cole asked.

"Find his real house. But I doubt Bill gave me a fake address."

"Ok, what if it is his house?" The edge of Cole's lip curled slightly. "We're going to look like stalkers."

"Isn't that what Mystery girl calls you." Shawn smirked. "Can't wait to tell her about this."

I ignored my youngest brother and answered Cole as we walked up the ramp to the front door. "We'll just say we found it on Tori's phone." I rang the doorbell and placed my hands in front of me, holding them together below my stomach.

The door opened a few seconds later with a middle aged man in a wheelchair. He had a friendly smile on his face even though his eyes narrowed up at us. As he opened his mouth Shawn cut in, "We're not stalkers. We found this address on Tori's phone."

Cole tried not to face palm while we both stared at Shawn. He had an innocent smile, like he had said nothing. I was going to hit him when I got the chance. The man laughed softly, "I was curious as to why the Parris triplets were at my house." He stuck his hand out, "Mike Bennett."

The three of us shook his hand and he moved to the side allowing us in. "So this is Mark's house?" I asked just to make sure.

"Yes." Mike pointed up the steps. "He's in his room. Hasn't come out for days."

"Thanks." The three of us said at the same time before heading up the steps. I made sure to hit Shawn's head for his remark. "Which room?" Cole asked.

"Conlan get out of my room!" Mark's voice boomed from one of the bedrooms, answering Cole's question.

A door opened only to reveal a younger boy with his arms crossed and a mad expression on his face. "Just because you and your girlfriend got into a fight doesn't mean you have to be so pissy with me!" The boy slammed the door shut just as a something hit against it. Music started playing in Mark's room a second later. "Wait a second," The kid said looking at us, "You're the Parris brothers aren't you?"

"Yeah." I replied meekly. Sometimes, I was happy when people knew who I was, right now I just needed to get inside Mark's room to talk to him.

"You're Conlan?" Cole asked with a raised eyebrow. He studied the boy with a lifted eyebrow.

"One and only." Conlan looked between us. "Aren't you guys like super mega ultra popular?"

"Well when you put it like that." Shawn grinned and pretended to fix his collar.

"Why are you here then?" Conlan's eyes narrowed before going wide. "No way! My brother cannot seriously be super mega ultra popular too!"

I laughed, "Not with the school but with us yeah."

Conlan smirked, "Well I don't suggest going in there. He's being a real jerk. I just wanted some tape for my new poster. But no, he's to mad with the world to do anything right now." Conlan walked towards us, later turning into a doorway. "Good luck with him." He called before closing the door to his room.

"Come on," I grabbed my brothers arms. "Let's get this over with."

The room inside was simple. There was a bed to one side, a desk, drawers, basically anything a normal room would have. There were posters on the walls about the United States forces and pictures lacing the walls also. I saw some of when Mark graduated middle school or when he won an awkward at a camp. It looked like he was in Greece with his family. But the majority of the pictures were of him and Tori. A rifle was situated over the closet as a decoration. Mark was sprawled on his bed, the sheets covering below his bare torso. The covers of the bed had fallen to the ground giving it a very messy effect. He was laying on his stomach, the back of his head facing us.

Cole turned the music off. "I thought I told you to not come in my room Conlan!" Mark shouted.

"Good thing you didn't tell us," Shawn smirked. "Besides I don't look like a Conlan. I look like a Shawn."

Mark's body tensed as her turned his head to look at us. "What do you want?"

"We came to explain everything." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I already had an explanation." Mark turned his head again so he wasn't looking at us. "Just leave me alone."

Shawn raised his eyebrow and bomb dived on Mark's bed. "Get up Mr. Lazy-Pants."

Mark didn't even look fazed. "I'm naked Shawn."

"It's not like I've never seen balls before." Shawn laughed, "Besides. You have a bigger heart than balls."

"What are you talking about?" Mark sounded bored and half asleep.

"Come on," Cole added. "You didn't make a move on Tori because you thought she wouldn't like you back. That takes heart, not balls."

"Yeah." I tapped my foot. "If you had balls you would have made a move."

Shawn got off the bed just as Mark shot up in a sitting position. "You know what, I didn't ask for you to come here. So unless you have a reason, other than reminding me of what happened, I'd like to politely tell you to get the hell out of my house. I never wanted any of you here, I least expected you to be here. So just leave because I frankly don't give a damn about your lives, so why should you care about mine."

"I thought Tori said he was a teddy bear." Shawn muttered. "Looks more like a grizzly to me..."

I ignored Shawn's side comment and glared at Mark. "You know, you're right. I don't care about your life but my sister is drowning in depression because the guy she cares about is being an ass."

"You think she's the only one that's hurt?" Mark glared at me while standing up. He had a pair of boxers on and some socks. Shawn smirked realizing Mark lied. "You have no idea what it's like Blake. How could you? You don't have friends. I used to pity you." Mark snorted, "I pitied you because I knew you were missing out on a life. Living the way you do is fun until you wake up and realize you need to grow up."

"At least I'm not sulking in my room like a coward." I snapped. "If you really love Tori you'd be out there forgiving her and trying to get her back. Instead you hide here like it's your personal man cave. You're acting like you're five, so why don't you wake and grow up."

"Don't test my love for Tori." Mark hissed between his teeth. "You can't even to begin to describe what love is. You think it's a one night thing, something as simple as a short fuck but you're wrong."

I stared at him intently. People would usually flinch or draw back under my gaze, Mark stood his ground and glared back. "She's miserable." I changed the subject. I might not know what love is or what it can be, but I knew more than he thought. "All she does is sulk in her room. I heard she tried talking to you."

Mark dropped his gaze. "What of it?"

"Why are you acting this way towards her?" Cole asked.

"You wouldn't understand even if I explained."

Shawn shrugged. "Make us understand."

Mark exchanged glances between us and sighed. "It just comes with all the years of friendship ok? I feel stabbed in the back and it doesn't help I love her." He didn't sound convincing. I raised my eyebrow knowing there was more to the story. The way he spoke, like he wasn't sure of himself gave him away.

"Yeah well she has feelings for you too." Shawn smirked not noticing Mark's tone. "You really do have a bigger heart than your balls. Like damn dude, you're so whipped."

"Ok," Mark started pushing us out his room. "Get out. I've had enough of the Parris brothers for a life time."

"It's not her fault!" I pushed against the door while Mark pushed on the other side. "She cares about you and you're just digging yourself deeper. I made her keep it a secret, she came to me multiple times asking for her to tell you but-"

"That's one problem." Mark gritted his teeth. "She only knew you guys for a few months yet she felt it was necessary to hide it from me. I've known her for ten years. You don't know what that means to me. Like she trusts you more than me."

I tried pushing harder but Mark dug his feet in the floor. "I told her you'd hate her. That if she told you, you'd just turn your back on her. I was right. You don't love her. You're just filled with hate and jealously but you don't lo-"

Mark stepped away from the door making me tumble in. I managed to keep my balance until I saw a fist coming my way and colliding with the side of my face. My knees hit the ground and I stared at the floor in shock. A surge of pain racked my cheek. It took a lot for a punch to effect me, my face was turned, mouth open, shock was written boldly on my face. I clenched my fists to my sides turning to face Mark. He stood there with his eyes narrowed down at me. "Test my love for Tori again," Mark knelt down so he was eye level with me. "You'll lose."

He stood up, grabbed a towel and headed to a different door. A couple seconds later I heard the shower turn on as it sprayed water. My eyes found my brothers. "Really?" I spread my arms out and stared at them open mouthed. "No help?"

They shook their heads. "No it looked like you had it covered." Cole said.

"Yeah," Shawn added, "I didn't want to get mauled by the grizzly bear."

By the time we got home, there was already a bruise starting to form on my left cheek. Tori rushed downstairs when she heard the door closing as we walked into the kitchen. "Where did you guys go?" She looked at me and her eyes went wide, "What happened?"

"We visited the grizzly bear." Shawn answered vaguely.

She changed her gaze from Shawn to Cole. He sighed, "We went to talk to Mark."

At first Tori seemed shocked, then happy, the confused when she saw the bruise on my face. "He gave that to you?"

I smirked and grabbed an apple from the counter. "Yeah," I took a bite. "Just so you know, he really loves you."

Tori laughed softly. "Blake Parris? The Blake Parris gets punched in the face by a non-popular. You didn't kill him right?"

"No." I grumbled, "I let him get away with it." If it weren't for the fact he's Tori's best friend or that I really needed that punch, I would have hit him back. I was surprised with Mark's strength. He used to be a wimp that barely knew how to take care of himself. Now he was stronger than some guys I've fought.

"What'd he say?" Tori asked. Her eyes glinted with hope that instantly crushed me down. I couldn't even meet her eyes without guilt surfacing in me. So instead I looked down at the apple I was eating. Tori's shoulders sank, "Oh..."

"I'm sorry Tori." I said. "I'll try to talk to him agai-"

"No it's ok." She forced a smile on her lips. "I'm glad you at least tried. Thanks."

I simply nodded as she walked back upstairs to her room. I stood there staring at my snack until Shawn directed my thoughts somewhere else. "Dude if I'm an uncle," Shawn said, "Is there anyway I could get my nephew or niece to call me Shawn-ator?"

******************************

Tori's POV

I was thankful the guys went to talk to Mark the other day. It hadn't changed a lot but I didn't expect it too. The school was buzzing on how Blake got the bruise. Some said he got in a fight in a alley with five guys and made them all unconsious. People truly think he's Super-Man because these rumors were getting out of hand. Even I was surprised when I heard Mark threw a punch at Blake, I expected Mark to come to school all bruised and bloody. Instead he was perfectly fine. I sighed in relief when I saw he wasn't hurt though. It was complicated because I was happy Blake didn't hurt him, but mad Mark punched Blake.

Over the period of the last couple days, I'd been able to talk to Jodee as she helped me with these problems. Cole had suggested calling his girlfriend hoping she'd help me with all the problems I was facing now. In a way, we were good friends now. We'd get side tracked talking about my issues and change to hers. I'd help her and give her advice about moving as she helped me with my boy problems. Jodee's a good person and doesn't sugar coat anything. She's blunt but it helps.

"Tori." I turned around and saw Cali coming down the hall to meet me at my locker. Blake tensed beside me. He had insisted on buying me a lunch so I would eat. He'd been making me eat the last couple days, making sure I wouldn't get dehydrated or have low blood sugar. Cali gave him a quick glance before looking back at me. Her smile faded slightly but I knew she was acting. She still doesn't know that Blake knows about the kid. Cali had been skipping a couple days a week, usually when she was feeling sick. "Wanna go get lunch together?" She asked.

I glanced at Blake, "Can I have some money?"

He sighed and pulled out his wallet handing me a ten dollar bill. "Eat ok?"

I took the money and looped my arm with Cali. "Yeah yeah."

Just as we started walking off he grabbed Cali's arm. "We need to talk." Blake's eyes were filled with remorse and seriousness. Cali didn't even meet his gaze, she simply yanked her arm away from his grip and kept walking off with me at her side.

"What was that about?" I asked trying to play it cool.

"I don't know." Cali muttered.

Emily and Mark still sat away from our table. I quickly grabbed my lunch and headed to a different table with Cali. "What'd you want to talk about?" I asked.

She shrugged, "What's up?" Her eyes flicked towards Mark. "Are you guys fighting?"

I felt awkward now. Knowing that Cali was madly in love with Mark and now knows I'm somewhat out of the picture. It got me worrying even though I know I shouldn't be. "Yeah..."

"Are you ok?" Cali's eyes looked genuine. She looked worried about me. In all the years I've known her, I don't think she's ever seen Mark and I fight like this. This was the first to everyone.

I nodded, "Yeah...it's ok."

"Hello ladies." Hayden grinned and sat beside me. "How are you all doing this fine day?"

"Cranky," Cali shrugged. "You?"

"I'm doing great." Hayden grinned and pulled out some chopsticks from his lunch bag. "Coach said we have a special practice today." He said to me. "You're not going to faint again right?" He pulled out some Chinese noodles and started eating them with his chopsticks.

"You fainted?" Cali asked bewildered.

"Like a damsel in distress." Shawn said from behind me. He put his hand to his forehead and pretended to fall dramatically.

I poked his belly button causing him to giggled. "I was just sick. I didn't really faint."

He rolled his eyes and one of the seats. "Are you and Emily fighting too?" Hayden asked.

"I'd appreciate it if you stayed away from my girl. If you don't, bad things will happen." Shawn threatened with a smile.

I looked up at Mark and Emily. They were talking to themselves about who knows what. Em looked my way and gave me a small smile and wave. I waved back but she concentrated on her food again. I wanted to go there and talk to them so badly. To just explain myself to them. "I'll be right back." I told my table before standing up. My feet took me over to Mark and Em. Emily looked up at me and smiled gently. "Hey." I said shyly.

"Hi Tori."

"Are you upset with me?" I asked.

Em shrugged, "No it's just Shawn."

"He really loves you." I added quietly.

She nodded, "I know...I just don't know what else he's hid from me. I mean, he didn't tell me about being a player and I guess everyone stayed away from me because I was with him. Afterwards they all said they figured I knew. Now it's about you...and how you're his...yeah." She looked down so I changed my glance to Mark.

His head was stooped down as he picked at his food. "Are you ever going to talk to me?" I asked.

"Should I?" Mark looked up at me. My heart squeezed. "You've been lying all year. Not just them, but every smaller lie to cover up that one."

"I know." I shoved my hands into my pockets. "Can I explain?"

Mark looked around me at my table. "Does Cali know?"

"No..."

"You know about her crush on me?" I nodded causing him to sigh. "I know you think I'm overreacting. But I already lost Cali to Blake Parris and I didn't want to lose you. Just...give me some time to think about this."

"Mark I know I messed up but seriously-"

"Just give me time." He said in a harsher tone. "You don't know how I'm feeling right now."

"I have a pretty good idea." I muttered through my teeth. "You are overreacting. You're acting stupid. You don't know how much I hate myself for what I did but no matter what I do or say nothing changes your way of thinking."

He looked up at me. "Why does it matter? I'll be leaving in a few months and you'll be in college. You'll find some other guy, you'll be happy somewhere else, and all I'll be is a memory. So forget about it Tori." His voice croaked softly. "Forget about it ok? I'll probably blow up in some god forsaken desert and you'll bring your fiance to the funeral just to be polite. Hell your brothers might just be there to comfort you. So forget about me, forget about this," He waved his hands between us and stood up. "Because obviously you're happy with Blake, Cole, and Shawn. I don't want to get in the way of whatever friendship you've all had over the year. I love you and I always will, but I can't help it if I feel heartbroken and stabbed in the back that my best friend for nearly ten years suddenly can't trust me. And I had to find out the worst way possible."

"I was going to tell you."

"When? Right when I was going to get shipped off?" Mark grabbed his food-filled tray. "I don't think you ever wanted to tell me. You were just feeling guitly for hiding this from me. But your intention was to never tell me."

A knife seemed to cut itself into my chest. He was right, I was never going to tell him. When the boys and I made the deal, we were thinking of ourselves. Not the people around us. I just wanted to tell Mark because I knew he was my best friend. He had a right to know but it was never something I said I would tell. When I looked up from my hands I realized Mark was already walking out of the cafeteria. I took a seat across from Emily and she took my hand. "He didn't mean it." Em said to me. "Tori I swear he didn't mean any of that."

"He hates me."

"No he doesn't." Em sighed. "I love Shawn, so I know how it feels for Mark. We're not trying to push you two away, we're just disappointed you didn't feel like you could trust us. It's complicated to explain but it's taken more effect on Mark than it has on me."

"Why?" I hadn't realized that with all that was going on, Mark and Emily could relate. That's why they've been talking more often, they know exactly how the other feels.

"Listen," Em said making me look up at her. "He doesn't hate you. Actually it's quite the opposite. He's upset because he's madly in love with you and the whole year he thought you wouldn't ever feel the same. He thought you loved the Parris brothers-"

"I do." I whispered. "Just not the way he thought I do."

"I know. But Mark's just angry with himself the most Tori. He's mad because he didn't make a move. No matter how close you guys got, he always chickened out thinking you didn't feel the same. Now that he knows the truth, he's even more mad knowing he wasted time. He could have gotten you a long time ago, you guys have so much tension between you I thought you were together. Not to mention the way he looks at you..." Em shook her head to get back on topic. "He's pushing you away on purpose. I don't even think he's mad with you anymore. He just doesn't want you hurt."

"He's hurting me now."

"From what I picked up, he doesn't want you hurt like his mother." Em's words finally clicked into my head. I remembered the conversation Mark and I had on Christmas. He told me, he didn't want a girlfriend because he'd just hurt her. He said that if turly loved someone, he'd want them to be happy even if he was in pain. This was all so he won't hurt me when he leaves for the army.

"So he's pushing me away so he-"

"Doesn't hurt you." Emily finished for me. "He wants you to be happy and he thinks you are. But you're miserable and so is he. But Tori trust me, he forgave you a long time ago. He's just taking advantage of the situation to get away so he can leave knowing he won't cause you pain while he's away."

"He's wrong." I placed my hands on my eyes. "He's so wrong about that. I don't care if he gets shipped off, I'll be here waiting."

"You have to tell him that." Em pulled her hand back and started eating some of the french fries on her table. "He's saying all this but it means nothing. It makes it seem like he's over reacting staying on one topic but it's just a cover up on what he really feels."

I groaned, "I hate guys. They're so confusing."

Em laughed softly, "Yeah well...I'm just waiting to see what Shawn does."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I forgave him a long time ago too. I've just been helping Mark with getting everything straight. I thought Shawn knew I forgave him, but as you said. Boy's are confusing."

A long sigh escaped my lips. I was just happy Mark doesn't hate me anymore. I'll have to talk to him, tell him I don't care if he's leaving. That I'll wait like his mom always waited for Mike. Mary would always tell me stories about her and Mike. How the only way to prove your love for someone, is if you can wait for them as long as she waited for Mike. She always said that when Mike did come home, it'd be the best feeling in the world. Even with the constant stress, worry, and parcially the loneliness, she wouldn't give it up for the world. If that's what I had to prove to Mark, I'd do it.

******************************

Blake slammed the front door as he walked into the house. It was raining outside, only allowing his hair to stick to his head. He was fuming by the way his nostrils flared and his face looked red with anger. His hands were clutched to his sides like he wanted to punch someone. It was the end of the week and Blake had gone out to talk to someone. He didn't tell who but I was pretty sure it was Cali. "Blake are you ok?" I asked standing up from my seat.

"No." He growled while raking his fingers through his wet hair. Cole was gone to work and I was sure he was going to Jodee's house later in the afternoon. Shawn went to Emily's house to go say sorry. He took some props in a duffle bag so I could only imagine what he was going to do. Suzie was upstairs playing video games in my room. Dad and mom were both out with work.

It had been about two days since Em told me the truth of why Mark was being distant. I was still trying to come up with some plan but none seemed to be sprouting into my head. Usually I was good with plans but with practice, games, and all the homework, it was overwhelming me. "What happened?" I asked.

Blake grabbed a dry rag from the kitchen. "Nothing." He grumbled while drying his hair. "I need you to drive me somewhere."

"Where?" I grabbed the keys to my car.

"I'll give you directions."

I sighed, "Tell me first Blake."

He ignored me and shouted up the steps. "Sue! Come on we're going somewhere."

She bounced down the steps a couple minutes later. "Where? It's raining."

"I know." Blake wrapped a dry jacket around him. "We're just dropping me off."

"It's dark outside." Suzie added but didn't complain. She went ahead of Blake and I until she took a seat in my car. We weren't allowed to leave Suzie home alone. She's nine and doesn't own a phone to call if something happens.

"Tell me where we're going." I whispered to Blake.

"Just drive me."

"Fine." I was annoyed but slipped in the drivers seat and pushed the key into ignition making my car roar to life. Blake directed me in the rain. It was harder to see with the moon being blocked by the clouds and the rain only added more layers that clouded my vision. He told me to turn left or right, which street to get onto. About twenty minutes away from the house I pulled up into a driveway. "Who's house is this?" I asked.

"A friends." Blake unbuckled his seat belt and opened the car door. Suzie was in the back playing with my phone as the water tapped against the glass. I looked up at one of the lit windows and saw a thin pink curtain that swayed slightly from the air condition inside.

Blake slammed the door shut causing me to pay more attention. I looked out my window and watched Blake walk towards the front door of the house. "Stay here," I told Suzie. My seat belt unclipped and I got out. The rain lightly fell on me so I pulled the hood up from my hoodie. "When should I pick you up?" I called from behind Blake.

"Morning." He replied heartlessly.

I stopped in my tracks. "This is a girls house isn't it?"

"Why's it matter to you?"

I jogged to his side and stepped in front of him. "Don't do this Blake." My hands went up to his chest as I stopped him.

"Don't do what?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." I nearly shouted, "You shouldn't be sleeping around with girls if you're expecting a child. How will that make Cali feel?"

His expression hardened. "She doesn't care."

"What are you talking about?"

Blake smiled sadly, "She wants to abort. I spent the last two hours telling her I'm willing to take care of the child. She wouldn't have it. She's scared and afraid and no matter what I said, it didn't matter. So please Tori, move out of my way and let me enjoy myself for a night."

He walked past me leaving me thinking to myself. Cali couldn't possibly have said that. She had to be scared, probably terrified, but I knew Cali. She would always say these things and never mean it. People react differently when they're afraid. "She didn't mean it," I stopped Blake again. "Let's just go home Blake. Why are you so upset anyways?"

He stared down at me. His eyes boring into mine as he leaned closer whispering against the rain that was falling. "I told you," He said so quietly I was barely able to hear. "There's no love."

My eyebrows knitted together. "I don't understand."

"There's no such thing as love." A sad smile crept onto his lips. "We all think love is real, it's not. It's a stupid emotion that brings nothing but hurt. Love is just another term for hurt."

I shook my head, "You're wrong."

"No I'm not." He smirked. "Look at us Tori. We both want to think there's a such thing as love, and how it brings happiness, but it's not true. You and me? We're perfect examples."

I wouldn't believe anything he was saying. He was wrong, just disappointed and confused. "Let's go home Blake."

"Why should I?" His voice took a step to hostile. "Look at us Tori. Don't be that blind bat everyone thinks you are. I love my dad, but he left. I love Cole and Shawn, but they're leaving. I love my mom, she stabbed my family in the back. Now I love this unborn child that might just never see the light of day. What more could the universe want from me?!"

I took a step closer to him. "It's ok Blake. I love you, you're like the big brother I never had. I know you're frustrated and confused but let's just go home. You don't need this." I glanced at the house, happy that we hadn't been spotted yet.

"Oh really?" Blake laughed with no humor. "Look in the mirror Tori. You're mom left you, she didn't even say goodbye. You're dad is too busy with his new wife to care about you. You're little sister is like your daughter because you basically raised her. The guy you love is acting like a douche and is going to join the army. You should know what it's like. To feel the weight of the family to be placed on your shoulders."

That was true. When mom died I suddenly had to become like her. I would never be like mother but I wasn't going to let my family crumble down. I never thought that maybe after the death of Blake's dad, he'd have to be the head of the family. It was a lot of work, at least to me it had been. Especially with taking care of Suzie and dad. I had to push my mourning away to be strong for them, then I'd secretly go to my room and cry. It never occurred to me that Blake was the same.

"My father's death wish was for me not to cry." Blake continued. "I haven't cried a day in my life respecting his wish. Did you ever ask yourself, what is love?"

"No."

"Well it's simply an emotion felt towards someone else." He raised his hands up. "That's it. That's the definition to one of the most important words in the world. How sad is that?"

I shook my head, "Blake what are you trying to get at?"

He stepped closer so our nose were almost touching. "No one loves you."

I tried not to look affected by his words. He looked so serious and he didn't even flinch as he spoke. His eyes looked sad but fierce. He wasn't the only one that believed his words. "I thought you loved me." I muttered. The rain was starting to seep through my clothing.

He stepped back. "Just go home Tori. Think about it. If people loved you, they wouldn't leave. They wouldn't cause you pain and hurt. They tell you they love you but look? They just bring misery." He pushed through me and walked up the steps to the house. When the person opened the door they let Blake go in. Luckily, whoever was at the door didn't see me. One of my oldest memories suddenly replayed in my head.

"You're a triplet?" I asked Blake.

He nodded with a smile as he drew something on the sidewalk with the chalk. "Yeah. I'm also the oldest."

"That's so cool." I grinned and went back to drawing the octopus. I used the purple chalk to draw the outline. "Do you like to draw Cake?"

Blake shrugged, "Depends. Why?"

"I do." I was laying on my stomach against the rough ground. My legs kicking up in the air. All the other kids were on the playground. The screaming and screeching of the little boys and girls could be heard from a long distance away. Girls ran around on the swing sets and the boys played basketball or soccer on the field. "So what's it like being a triplet?"

"Annoying." Blake giggled, "But daddy and me always have fun messing with Cole and Shawn."

"What do you do?" I looked up and smiled. My hand reached for the black chalk to make the eyes.

"Well the other day daddy and me sneaked out of the house so he could go teach me how to play football." Blake's eyebrows knitted together. "Did you know that you don't use your foot for football?"

My mouth hung up. "Really? No way." What was the point of naming it football if you didn't use your feet?

Blake nodded quickly, "I swear! Daddy said it was because the people that named the game were dunk."

I laughed, "What's dunk?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. It's what daddy said."

"Well I wanna be dunk."

Blake giggled, "Me too."

"Let's be dunk together." We started to laugh and roll against the pavement. Soon enough some of the girls in my class walked over and giggled. There were three of them and all were giggling madly while holding onto their mouths. "What is is Jackie?" I asked looking at the girl in the middle.

She giggled more, "Are you and Blake..." She paused and the girls all laughed. What was wrong with them? "Dating." She finished.

Blake and I looked at each other. At the same time we whined, "Ewwwww!"

"She has cooties." Blake answered with a sour face.

"Yeah and he's a boy." I gagged. "That's so gross."

Jackie cross her arms over her chest as her pig tails bounced. "But you two are always together."

"That's because I'm teaching her how to play football." Blake lied smoothly.

Jackie didn't seem to believe it but she quickly skipped away to the tire swing. "I do not have cooties!" I yelled at Blake when they were gone.

"You're a girl." Blake shrugged, "You all have cooties."

"Jackie has super cooties." I giggled.

Blake laughed. His face soon scrunched up. "I don't ever want to date a girl."

I nodded, "Boy's are gross too."

"Like when a boy and girl kiss." Blake shook his head and shuddered while thinking of it.

"On the mouth!" I added. We looked at each other only to chorus again, "Ewwww!"

"Bleh," Blake spit on the ground. "I'm never going to date a girl."

"Not even if you love the girl?"

He shook his head. "Nope. Not even if I love the girl."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want cooties."

I giggled, "Or super cooties like Jackie's."

He grinned, "Especially not super cooites like Jackies."

"Tori." Suzie tapped on the glass of the window. She was perfectly dry inside the car while I stood outside getting soaked in the rain water. "Are you ok?" She asked as I stepped into the car.

"Fine." I turned the heat up and started backing out of the driveway. What if Blake was right? Everyone I had ever thought I loved seemed to leave in the end. Sure everyone drifts apart but they leave and never come back. Or they say harsh things to get you to leave them. It wasn't fair. Blake was never the smart one of us, but he had enough experiences to believe all he wanted to believe. Right now, he thought love didn't exist. Or even if it did, he thought all it brought was pain.

I started driving down the street hoping I knew how to get back home. Everyone was in their houses and every so often I'd see a car pass by. It was rare though since it was late at night. What if Mark leaves like Blake said?  Of course Mark would leave. He's going off into the army and possibly the other side of the world. But that didn't mean he doesn't love me. He's following his own road while I will have to follow mine.

I took a seat into my new classroom. The teacher seemed nice enough except she paired the desks so it was boy-girl. Everyone wants to sit with their friends. "Hi," The boy beside me said. I looked at him with weary eyes. He had bushy brown hair and missing bottom tooth. His green eyes had no complexity as he stared at me. "My names Mark." He smiled.

I looked down at my desk. "I'm Tori."

"Whoa that's a cool name." He said causing me to smile a little. "You're lucky. You're mom and dad gave you a nice name. Mine is super boring." He sighed dramatically and placed his chin on his hand. "I mean look at it. Mark. M-A-R-K. Mark. Rhymes with dark and bark."

I giggled, "Tori rhymes with...pori?"

Mark laughed, "Hori." The teacher was passing papers around so we could make nametags to place on the desks. "Did you hear Miss teacher," Mark said obviously not remember our new teachers name. "Tori rhymes with hori."

Our teachers eyes went wide and she bent over. "Please do not use that word in my class."

"Why?" Mark asked confused.

She sighed, "It's a very bad word."

Mark's face turned into a different shade of red. "Whoops. I'm sorry Miss Teacher."

"It's ok. Just don't use it again alright?" Mark nodded and she handed him a blue sheet of paper.

I was trying not to laugh as my teacher handed me a green piece of paper. "You said a bad word." I whispered.

He turned more red. "I didn't mean to."

"I know." I smirked and pulled out the color pencils from the inside of my desk.

"I like you." Mark blurted out. "You're cool," He held out his pinky, "Pinky promise you'll be my best friend forever."

I stared between him and his pinky. "Why?"

He rolled his eyes, "Because a pinky promise can't be broken. If you pinky promise, we'll always be best friends."

At first I hesitated but then I shrugged and wrapped my pinky with his. "Now what?" I asked.

Mark smiled, "You have to swear. Like this, I swear I will be your best friend forever."

I tightened my pinky with Mark's and repeated what he said. "I swear I will be your best friend forever."

A car honked only making me pay attention to the stop sign ahead. "Tori are you sure you're ok?" Suzie asked again.

My hands held onto the steering wheel tightly. "F-fine." I stuttered. Blake was crazy. He had to be. Of course people love you, they tell you that all the time. It's not like they want to leave, sometimes they have a good reason.

"Happy happy birthday," Mom sang. "Today's your special day. Toss it, throw it, kick it around let's all say hooray."

I blew on my candles and all the kids clapped and hollered. Mark pushed me with his shoulder and dipped his finger in the frosting of my cake before smearing it on my face. "You got a Chinese mustache." Mark laughed.

Mom took the cake away from me before I could draw a mustache on Mark. She smiled as she held the baby Suzie on her side. Mom's finger dipped into the frosting and she wrote Rude across Mark's forehead. "It's her birthday," Mom laughed at Mark's pouting face. "No messing around."

Dad walked over with a camera. "Come on, picture time." He pecked mom on the lips, a grand smile playing on his face. He used his hands to show mom and I to get closer. She put her arm around me and kissed the top of my head before turning to look at dad. "Say cheese." Dad looked down at the camera snapping the picture. He laughed, "Now wipe your Japanese beard off."

I did as he told me and we took another picture. Mom smiled down at me and kissed my head while handing me a piece of my cake. "Happy birthday Tori. I love you."

Blake's words kept ringing in my head. How could someone think the way he did? It was almost sad he thought his words were true. He didn't understand what love could be. He was to sad and devasted over his father to think he could love again. Every parent has a favorite. As sad as it sounds it's true. Parents love all their children but there are times when you realize who's is the favorite. For Blake, his dad obviously favored him. Although Blake doesn't want to admit it, he knows it's true. Cole looks like Jacob, he was never favored. Cole was more mom's boy. Blake was daddy's boy. Shawn was still placed out there to fend off to himself. The death of Jacob effected the whole family, Blake took it harder than the rest.

I was never mom's favorite. I wasn't sure what I was but I spent most my time with dad as Suzie got older. Mom and I would still bond when we'd sing together or just watch England play soccer. She even promised me she'd take me to London one day to visit where she grew up. She said when I turn twleve she'd take me. I asked why she didn't take me sooner and she answered that I'd simply forget. Why take me to a foreign country if I'm young and I'll forget the trip in a couple weeks? That was her excuse.

Then Suzie came along and mom would favor Sue more. Spend time with Suzie while dad and I would go to the movies. He'd take me to some crafting place so I could paint on portraits and clay pots. When we'd come home I'd see Suzie with a bottle in her mouth as mom cradled her. I also remembered how much mom smiled. How much dad smiled also. We were all so happy...

"Please don't go." I cried and tugged at his hand.

"Tori I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise." Dad started to walk off leaving Suzie and I in front of my mom's hospital door. I still held his hand but once he was too far to reach our hands parted. My arm fell to my side and I silently cried. I watched dad walk away until he was out of sight.

I looked down at Suzie, she was sobbing into my side. Seeing her the way she was gave me a new strength not to cry. I wiped my tears away and hugged her close to me. The doctor walked outside mom's room and gave us a sad look. "Is your father around?"

This was the man that told us mom was sick. He said something about internal bleeding but I don't know what that is. All I heard was broken ribs and punctured lungs. He said mom was going to need a miracle while they searched for the internal bleeding. I wasn't sure what it meant, I'd look at it when I go home.

I shook my head. "His boss said he needed to go to work. Or he'd be fired."

The doctor stared at us. He sighed and pulled his glasses off getting down eye level with me. "Your mom is really hurt." He said softly, "But your dad did the right thing. If he gets fired he can't pay the hospital bills or you two little girls. Do you understand that?" I nodded holding my sister closer. "We have a play room at the end of the hall for little kids-"

"No." I interrupted, "I wanna stay with my mom."

He nodded, "Ok...I don't know if you can see her right now but-"

"She's my mom." I chocked out. "I want to see her."

The doctor stood up and ushered me forward. I slid off my seat holding Suzie on my side as the man put his hand on my shoulder leading me in the room. He whispered something to the nurse and she gave him a small nod. My eyes stayed on my mom. She looked deadly pale and fragile like a china doll. There were wires that were all hooked up to all places on her body. The monitor beeped with her heart rate but even then it was low. I set Suzie down and grabbed her hand. "Mommy." My voice failed me as it came out as a whisper.

Her eyes opened but it looked like it took effort from her. She smiled so gently it caused tears to form in my eyes. "Tori..." She looked so broken, yet her smile never left. "Come here baby."

I stood beside her bed and grabbed her hand. Suzie took the chair and watched from a distance. "Mommy is going to me ok right?" Sue asked.

My mom nodded, "I'm going to be fine." Her breathing was hard and rough.

"What happened?" I asked looking down at our hands.

"Someone made a mistake." Mom nodded slightly before looking straight up at the lights ahead. "No matter what happens Tori, promise you won't hate the person. It was a mistake."

I nodded while tears started free falling from my eyes. "I promise mommy." My voice cracked and I took a sharp intake of breath. "But you're going to be ok." I cried loudly bringing her hand to my forehead. "You're my mom I need you."

Mom started to cry silently. "I know Tori. I love you and I'll never leave you."

"Promise?" I sobbed. "Promise me."

Her bottom lip started to quiver. "Where's your dad?"

"H-he got called in by Cheif Deliv." It broke my heart saying those words. Dad was suppose to be with us, helping Suzie and I by staying by mom's side. But he left.

Mom smiled again. "It's ok Tori. I understand...could you just tell him something for me?"

I nodded, "Anything mommy."

"Tell him I love him ok?" Her eyes closed but her grip on my hand tightened. "Tell him to take care of you two girls. And that I love him."

"You're going to be ok mommy." I kissed her hand. "You promised."

She nodded, "Just rest Tori. It's ok baby doll. Don't cry. It'll be ok Tori. You have dad and Suzie and Mark-"

"But they're not you." I sobbed rubbing my eyes. "Who's going to sing me to sleep? Make me cookies when I get home? Who's going to tell me stories, or help me with my hair at my wedding? Who's going help me babysit my kids and walk with me in the park? You're suppose to do that mommy. Please don't go."

"I won't Tori," Mom sighed deeply, "I'll always be with you no matter what."

It was couple hours later, while Suzie and I were trying to sleep, that the monitor went flat. The constant beep had me awake in seconds and I stared at my mom. "No!" I cried and jumped to my mom's side. "Mommy wake up. Wake up wake up!" Suzie started crying behind me, she was shrieking and crying with pure fear. "Mommy wake up." I cried.

Nurses rushed in followed by the doctor that had given my family the news. A nurse grabbed me around the waist and pulled me off my mom's bed. I kicked and screamed until I was out of the room. She placed me on the waiting chair out in the hall and I bent over crying into my hands. Suzie sat beside me looking terrified. I couldn't do it, I couldn't be strong for her right now. It wasn't fair. I just wanted dad to be here. To hold me and let me cry on his shoulder.

He left. He left Suzie with me. Left mom on her death bed. But he left me. He left me telling me it would be ok, that he'd be back soon. He lied.

"Tori you're crying." Suzie said hitting the back of my seat. She looked around to me and stared at me for a second. "Maybe we should stop."

"It's ok. We're almost home." I looked up at the signs reading what streets we were on. I was only about ten minutes away from home.

Maybe Blake was right. Love is a manipulating thing that changes the way we think. What would the world be without love? There wouldn't be so much hurt. There wouldn't be lies. Or cheats. Anyone that has love issues is usually because they were hurt by someone they loved. Blake thinks his father hurt him, it was unintentional like my mom. Then there's Mark, he doesn't want to love me because his dad hurt his family with love. Cali was hurt by Mark because she was in love.

My eyes seemed to open at the thought. Half the people in the world, maybe even more than half, have trust problems. Or just issues like alcoholism, sex addict, even depression. Those people are sometimes hurt in different ways. Such as their parents being divorced, re-married, even deaths in the family. It could also be something like a break up or separation. It's love that plummets us into these different emotions. How could one emotion hold so much power? Just the word has an effect. It's placed everywhere, four letters that are able to fix about anything. We even made a holiday to revolve around the word Love. It was more than a feeling or word, it was a life style.

"Tori slow down." Suzie sat back in her seat. "Are you even looking at the road?" I nodded shrugging her off. The wind shield whippers were on full force, clearing the glass every second.

The day was way to beautiful for a funeral. The sun was out as the birds chirped and sang. They'd fly around the trees chasing each other until they settled in their nests. Dad stood up letting go of my hand as he went to direct the service. Mark sat behind me while I clutched onto Suzie's hand. "What can I say?" Dad began to speak. "I didn't believe it at first." His gaze changed to me but I couldn't look in his eyes. He kept talking, "I didn't believe it at first. I thought I'd wake up to find her sleeping beside me but when I woke up alone I realized I was wrong. There was no way she would be coming back."

Dad ran his hand over his face to clear the tears that were slowly forming. "Melody was such a great wife and mother. I feel this void in me and I don't know if I can fill it up..." He glanced at the picture of mom that was hanging at the side. She was smiling with a flower in her hair. One of the pictures she took to show people when she was auditioning for a role in a musical. Everyone's eyes turned back to dad, his smile was filled with grieving and he took a deep breath before directing us again. "I uh..." Dad cleared his throat and stuttered. "E-excuse me."

Dad got off the stand and walked out of the building. His hands were going up to wipe his face from the tears. Everyone held their heads down as dad walked past them. He was taking mom's death harder than any of us. He blamed himself for not being there and was allowed a break from work to get over the grief. Chief Deliv was a good man, but he was to related to the devil to actually have cared.

My grandpa took my free hand and stood me up. "Come on," He said to me pushing me forward. People were starting to file out of the church as they headed outside.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

He took a deep breath. "To bury Melody."

I decided on not asking anymore questions. Dad came back just as they were lowering mom's coffin into the ground. He pulled me to his side draping his arm over my shoulders. Suzie was in his arms burying her face in his neck. Even after everyone left, dad told Suzie and I to go to the car. We fell asleep in the back seats while dad stayed at mom's new grave the whole night. He stayed watching the men cover the hole with dirt, he cried even though he won't admit it. The whole night he stayed by her whimpering as he cried how sorry he was.

I don't have the heart to tell him that mom asked for him that night. If I told him that, he'd fall into despair.

"Tori what are you doing?" Suzie shouted.

I looked up and realized what she meant. I was slowly turning onto the wrong side of the road, crossing over the white line that separated left from right. I turned back to the right side of the road and took a deep breath. Blake said there was no such thing as love, he was wrong. There is, it just causes more pain than wanted. It was all just confusing me. Blake is making me think he's right, but when was Blake right? He's usually wrong. His assumptions are twisted and not always correct. He gets the facts mixed up so he thinks he's right, he always turns out wrong. I shouldn't be taking his words literally but they kept running in my head.

If people love you, they wouldn't leave.

Suzie kicked my seat. "Tori slow down."

"What are you talking about?" I looked away from the road to see how fast I was going. I was twenty over the regular speed limit so I started to lightly hit the break. I needed to stop stressing over Blake's words. It was making too many memories come back. Half that I pushed away so I wouldn't remember.

I'm never going to date a girl.

If you pinky promise, we'll aways be best friends.

Happy birthday Tori. I love you.

Tori I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise.

I love you and I'll never leave you.

I feel a void in me and I don't know if I can fill up.

"Tori!" Suzie shouted loudly.

I looked up hitting the breaks as a family of deer's jumped across the rode. My car skidded and I lost control of my wheel. I had one second to realize what happened, I was hydroplaning. "Suzie!" My car skidded until it was sliding by the side. It lost balance and turned over only causing my seat belt to dig deep into me. My head banged on the side window causing my vision to blur. My ears buzzed and I thought it was over. I was wrong, the car tumbled over the ditch in the side of the road. We were upside down causing blood to rush to my head. Glass was scattered above my head. I felt blood trickling down my face. My arm was set in an awkward angle.

"Suzie." I croaked before I felt my eyes close. The seat belt was holding me up but I didn't care for the pain I was feeling it bring to my chest and waist. The rain was lightly falling in from the broken window cooling my hot face. I was going to fast, I slammed the breaks, hydroplaned, now I'm stuck in a ditch with my little sister in the back seat. Not only did I endanger myself but her as well.

Sleep felt so good right now. To just close my eyes and let all the worry wash away. I just didn't care at this point. I fell in love with the Parris brothers, Blake including. But he doesn't love anyone. Not even his own sister. It shouldn't effect me like it was effecting me now, but he was right. Everyone I've ever loved has left. If they haven't left now they were going to. Not to mention he was right. I was placed to take care of the family my whole life. It's all I know how to do. I even gave up a good college to stay close to home thinking Suzie would need me.

I just wanted to sleep....

There's no love Tori. Blake's words racked my head. No love...

I let a sigh out before I felt darkness take over. It took the pain away from my arm. My chest. My head. That hurt the most. The pain I felt from my head was banging against my brain. Everything slipped away with my consciousness.

No love...

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Guys, I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been traveling a lot and it is summer. But I will try to update soon since I did kinda leave you at a cliffhanger. I don't know if you liked the chapter though. I'd appreciate it if you gave your thoughts. Like was it worth it? Or was it kinda, eh?

Other than that, I don't know how many of you follow the World Cup. Bets on who makes the finals? My way is like this, Spain (They won't make it but I love them), Germany, then maybe Brazil but they're not doing as amazing as I thought they'd be doing.

Last, I don't know what to say. Please just leave you're comments. Espcially for the flash backs and stuff...hope you guys liked the chapter. I sat down and wrote here straight for two days. So that's why I'm wondering about your thoughts. Um...yeah that's about it. Have a great day you guys :) I'll try to update soon

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