Spilling the Peas

Shawn's POV

"I'm not stupid." I said. "Or crazy."

I looked up from the journal that Cole had bought me. Tori was still on her hospital bed. She hasn't showed much change but I didn't expect her too. I read online that people just come out of comas as if they had blinked. It's not determined it just happens. Her monitors were beeping at her sides giving me some reassurance that she's alive. It's been a few days since her last heart attack. It was almost like we started growing inside the hospital.  We were each a plant and Tori was our sun, the way we clung onto her. Hoping the light would never go out.

The days have been lagging on too much. It got to a point where Suzie couldn't last longer, she wanted to go home and sleep in her bed. So now we all move around a lot. Coming to the hospital, leaving to go home, following routines we had to adjust. It hasn't been a lot of time but March was coming up or maybe it already was March. Time just clogged together. Like a roll of toilet paper in a toilet. Nothing was getting through except small details.

Everyone was already busy. Mom had to go to work, dad was searching for jobs. He'd spend most his time at the hospital but he and mom had an argument about money and hospital bills. It was the first time I saw mom and dad fight since they got married. Blake, Cole, and I were already having thoughts about a failed marriage. It was only one fight but if something happened to Tori it might lead to a full blown divorce. Maybe a couple months ago I would have been happy about mom and dad getting a divorce but now if it happened, I'd be really disappointed. If worse comes to worse, I could adopt Suzie. Get a nice certificate and hang it on the wall with her name and cute paw prints that border the edges.

She's a human-being Shawn, not an animal from the pound. It said.

Yeah but can I put a special request to have paw prints?

If I had a hand...or a face, I'd face palm.

My lips pursed and I shook my head to get the voice out. I sighed looking back at Tori, "Maybe I am a bit crazy." I tapped the end of my pencil against the book. After a week or so the doctors took the tube out of her mouth and replaced a ventilator in her neck. I didn't entirely understand how it worked but I wasn't going into Med school so it wasn't like it mattered to me. All I knew is that there isn't a tube down her throat, so she looks better. "I think I know I'm crazy but when people say I am...it's not that I take it offensively but it makes me sorta...sad."

Sadness was the main emotion at the moment. We were all experiencing it but now we're all trying to get back to the real world. Like Doctor Garcia said, we need to get back to our regular lives. It was hard to accept in the beginning, then we all had stuff to pay attention to. Blake was focused on soccer and teen parenting issues, Cole has his job and girlfriend, and I have books and Emily.

"I don't know if I'm explaining myself entirely." I added vaguely. "I mean...I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm not...stupid. Sure, I play games. I like to joke around. But I'm not dumb. If anything...I'm sorta smart. In my own way." I sighed and leaned back in my chair looking up at the ceiling of the hospital room. "It's like..." I trailed off. "I can be stupid at times. Sometimes I am clueless but when you think really hard about it, I have to be smart to make the jokes that I make. To play around. I also have to be confident, not care what other people think of me or what I say. That was always something I had. I don't take peoples words too seriously. Well...occasionally."

I sighed closing my eyes. "My oldest memories all involve my grandpa pulling pranks on me. They were stupid too. Amateur but it still made him laugh, it made me laugh. I like to laugh. It's scientifically proven you strengthen your lungs by laughing and it makes you live longer. So, laughing is good. Except if you die of laughter. I almost did. Chocked on a mint when I was eight..."

I felt my phone buzz and quickly pulled it out. There was a text from Emily asking how I was doing and if I wanted her to pick me up from the hospital. We were suppose to go on a date to the park and just sit on the grass and look at the clouds. My imagination runs wild then. I once saw a big fish eating a smaller fish with the smaller fish eating and even smaller fish. Like a chain reaction. When we checked the weather Em and I realized it would be a clear day and night, so we'd see the stars instead. I quickly answered her back and she added she'd be here in about an hour and she'd be bringing Mark to stay here with Tori.

Marks's basically a zombie. Spending his days at school or here. He'd go home a few times but mostly try to stick around at the hospital. Sometimes he'd be asked to leave because the nurses know he's a visitor. Some of the nurses have gotten so accustomed to him or see the pain in his eyes that they let him stay. I asked if they were allowed to do that, they'd shake their heads and say, "What visitor? They all went home."

I always thought the hospital was a weird and spooky place. They tend to have a history on Scooby-Doo shows or any haunted story. Everyone has their own perspectives of hospitals. Blake just thinks death lingers through the halls, waiting to find it's new victim. Cole says it's filled with brilliant people who are just hoping to help others. As for me, I thought there would be a fog machine at night and ghost noises.

"Anyways," I continued. "I like to categorize different kinds of methods that cause laughter. There are three in my book. There's stupid, cocky, and brilliant. Stupid as in, it's funny because the person does stupid things. They act stupid on purpose and make noises or do stuff that's just plain...dumb. Then there's cocky. When you're in class and you have that 'class clown' that feels the need to have to say something to the teacher or point something out that's funny, but cocky. If you're someone that actually likes the class, you tend to roll your eyes at that person. Then finally, brilliant. It's the kind of funny that comes from brilliance. You have to think but quickly. Improvise as if you're acting. It's like a sixth sense..." I paused my eyebrows coming together as I tried explaining it. "I guess its more complex than usual. But that's the key, you can't be simple. Everything is complex."

There was a moment where complete silence fell between us. In a way, talking to Tori helped. It felt like I knew I was trying to get all the words out of my head. After all, she's helped me way more than I've helped her. If there was anyway I could help her now I would. Just because of everything she's done for me.

My phone buzzed again with an alarm. I checked it and a smile grew on my face. "Cole told me to write down everything you're missing out while you're asleep. So I figured I should take pictures too." I moved in beside Tori and positioned the phone in front of us. In a high pitched, annoying voice I said, "Gotta take a selfie." And snapped the shot.

I sat back down smiling at the picture as I sent it to my brothers and Em. It didn't take long before my phone was buzzing with messages from Blake and Cole, saying how messed up I am. It made me smirk how crazy they think I am. I only act serious around Emily. "Em and I are going to the park." I stated as my phone calmed down. "We were going to go watch the clouds but there aren't any. So we're gonna see the stars." I looked up at Tori but there was still nothing. "Promise you'll watch the clouds with us one day?"

Silence.

I leaned against my hand and stared at her. "Promise you'll be at our wedding then?"

Silence.

"Promise you'll make me waffles?"

Nothing but silence.

I sighed. "I've been writing a lot in this journal lately." My hands went around the small book. It could even be considered a diary. According to the dictionary a diary is just something where one keeps daily records and events, which is exactly what I'm doing. Plus, every so often I get an urge to write down a strange story. "Like, for example," I flipped to a random page and started reading off, "Day five or six, can't remember because days are weird now. You've been sleeping a lot. So much that sometimes I don't even know if you're alive until the monitor beeps. Suzie asked Mark to kiss you the moment they took the tube out. She quoted, 'Shawn said Tori is like Sleeping Beauty. And you love her, so maybe if you kiss her she'll wake up.' He didn't by the way." I said skimming through the rest of the entry. "He said it wouldn't happen because he had never defeated a dragon before."

I started to hum as I re-read some of the pages I wrote. One of the day's was when I went on a date with Emily to the library. It made me smile as I realized I was heading to New York with her. "I don't think anything could go wrong," I said aloud. "I mean...there's so much that can go wrong. But so much that can go right."

I flipped a page and saw one of the stories I scribbled. "So when I get bored I write stories." I explained. Sometimes when I'm reading I get strange ideas or plots that help me piece things together. Whenever I'm at school I'm constantly thinking of names or characters, or maybe ideas. I propped my feet up at the edge of the bed, as if I were lying beside Tori. "Actually this one is my favorite..."

"I thought I was dead." I read out. "After the incident, I thought I had died. The darkness had consumed me. The pain had left. And when I opened my eyes again I saw nothing but a light.

All the pain slowly came back. I racked my brain trying to figure out what had happened but everything was blank. 'Am I in Heaven?' I croaked to no one in particular.

There was a deep chuckle to my right. 'No.'

I sighed. 'I knew I'd go to Hell.'"

I read it over and over, editing small details that make a huge difference. I learned all sorts of punctuation and words from the books I had been reading. "Of course he's not really dead." I explained as I erased a word in the journal. "He's in the hospital and I'm still trying to figure out my main plot but I was going for mystery murder action suspension. That kinda stuff."

I talked more. Words just started free flowing out of my mouth as I told stories that made me laugh. I'd smile and shake my head, it just felt good. To have someone listen to my pointless topics. To know that even if Tori wasn't awake I'd still have this memory of me being with her. I probably spent all day talking to Tori. Time had passed by as I noticed the sun was setting. It wouldn't be long before someone else arrived.

I went over the stories of me with my real dad. How he took me to the zoo one day to see all the different animals. How I asked if there was a mythical section where unicorns, phoenixes, and griffins would roam around in their cages. The idea of being locked up didn't suit me, it looked like a boring and plain life. But just to be able to be so up close to animals that originally came from the other side of the world, made my little eleven year old mind so happy.

There was a tap on the door. "Hey," Mark poked his head in giving a small smile. "Your girlfriend is waiting for you in the lobby."

I nodded grabbing the straps of my backpack and swinging it over my shoulders as I stood up. As I made my way out the door I stopped and kissed Tori's head. "Take care of her, yeah?" I directed towards Mark.

He nodded, "Always have, always will."

"See ya later bro." Before I was out in the hallway I turned to look at him. Mark had taken his seat in one of the uncomfortable chairs, his hair was messy along with his clothing, a hint of a beard was growing from his lack of shaving, eyes tired like the rest of his body. Most of his sleeping was in school now. I'd have to make sure the teacher wasn't looking when she'd give us our history lectures. He'd come to the hospital and try to spend the nights here. Sometimes he'd come to my house and sleep on the couch. I doubt his parents have seen much of him these last couple of days. They'd swing by every once in a while, mostly because Mr. Bennett was getting his prosthetic's from a nearby department.

"She loves you." I said holding the door open and staring at my feet. "She called you her teddy bear and when you found out we were her brothers that day, I had never seen her cry like that. It was like you had broken up with her, which makes no sense because you were never dating. Honestly though, if I didn't know you two were best friends I'd say you were dating. You were always very...touchy. Holding hands, piggy back rides, sitting on each other. You just never got to the kissing part."

Mark looked down at his coffee. His voice was stale and hoarse. "I don't want to talk about it Shawn. At least not right now ok?"

I nodded, "I just need you to know that she really does love you."

"I treated her badly." He sighed, "I won't be able to live it down."

I couldn't help the emotionless smile that took the left corner of my lip. "It's funny how we're all caring now huh?" My head turned as I looked at Mark. "If she wasn't here right now, in this situation, would you have been so willing to forgive her? To actually talk to her and say you're sorry? To fix the situation you had created between you two?"

"I've been thinking the same thing." Mark went quiet for a few minutes as I waited for his answer. His eyes were burning a hole into the ground as he thought hard. "I don't know." He finally said. "It was hell doing that to her and to me. Now I know it was just stupid. But if this hadn't happened I'd still be thinking I was doing the right thing."

I looked up at the ceiling and leaned against the door frame as a small laugh escaped my lips. "Fate is a cruel thing. It's almost as bad as Destiny. Both those are just tools in someones head. You're Destiny is determined by your Fate. How weird is that?" The wheels in my head started spinning as I thought it over. "They're all linked together. A large web that leads to nothing but the same thing. Dreams lead to Hope, Hope leads to Fate, and Fate leads to Destiny. Instead of the circle of life, its the circle of everything."

Mark sat there for a second as I tried getting my thoughts together. "You know, what you're saying sounds brilliant, almost philosophical, but I don't get it." He said.

"Yeah it's hard getting into my head." I smirked checking the time. "Well I got to go. Take care man." I was closing the door behind me when I decided to walk back in. Mark watched me as I walked to the side of Tori's bed and kissed her head again while whispering, "Wake up dumb butt. Don't you realize that if you don't I'll have to handle the grizzly bear? I'd prefer not dying by the han-I mean paws-of an animal. Jeesh Tori, you're so selfish."

Mark chuckled. "Just get out of here man, enjoy your date with your girlfriend."

"And you enjoy yours." I smiled, pretending to tip at hat at him. "But next time if you don't bring flowers I'm kicking you to the curb for not treating my sister right."

I headed down the corridors until I reached the lobby. There was a small cafe next to the gift shop with a lounging area. I noticed mom was seated across from Em, both were giving intimate smiles as I felt a small surge of panic set in before I relaxed entirely. I hadn't had time to introduce Emily to mom yet. I'm sure this was a shocking to come face to face. But I knew that no matter what, mom would love Em. There was just no one that couldn't love her.

I approached slowly thinking of something to say. When they noticed me, both of them sat up straight raising their eyebrows at me. I gasped loudly. "Oh my god," I whispered loud enough for them to hear. I glanced at mom. "You must be from the alternate future! And you came to warn us about how robots descend from the clouds and start making us their slaves! I thank thee," I placed my right hand up and stood straight. "Live long and prosper my friend."

Mom turned to look at Em, "Sometimes I wonder if I ate a bad set of mushrooms or something when I was pregnant."

Emily giggled. "I thought he hit his head when he fell from Plant Crazy People."

"Hardy har-har." I sat beside Emily, taking her hand. Mom watched intently looking between Emily and I. Em blushed and tried dropping her hand under the table until I squeezed her hand softly. "Mom this is Emily."

"And I am finally so glad to meet you." Mom said as she leaned her chin on her hand.

Em nodded with a small smile. "I just hoped we would have met in better...circumstances."

Mom nodded looking down at the table before glaring up at me. "It's his fault. He never brought you home, which is completely surprising because he never shuts up about you." She waved her hands around as if dismissing ideas, "Me and Em that, Em and me this. We're going to the library. We're going to the movies. We're going to college together..."

I gulped and turned to look at Emily for a moment. She looked somewhat afraid of what mom was going to say next. "Well," I said trying to lighten the mood as I laid back in my chair. "What can I say? New York is cool. I mean, I heard the cockroaches are huge! Or! I could put a gator in the sewer, I wonder if that'll end up in CNN. Oh my god mom!" I ranted, "What if I was on the news?! I'd be famous! I'd be like, 'Yeah I put the gator in. He was happy. He went rawr!' Or maybe it'll get like, chemicals and stuff all over it and turn into a super gator! I can see it on the news already, 'Super Gator in New York's sewage. Can't be contained due to it's three thousand rows of teeth.'"

Emily squeezed my hand ignoring my rant, "Ms. Parris-"

"Mrs. Linean." I interrupted with my finger up.

"Right sorry," Em bit her lip. Her eyes were trained on the table while I smiled at her. She looked like a scared puppy, hiding and keeping eye contact to a minimum. Out of habit I reached up and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. Her blush grew to the tip of her ears as she gave me a quick look.

Mom's smile grew, "Either works. Don't worry."

I lightly elbowed Em. "Just don't call her Ms. Fiddle-shooper. It's her maiden name."

Mom gawked at me, "That is not my maiden name!"

My face went flat. "Then where did Fiddle-shooper come from?"

"From your substantial imagination, I can assure you." Mom shook her head in a disapproving manner muttering under her breath. "I wonder if I really did eat some bad mushrooms."

Em still looked shy and unknowing on what to do. "About the whole New York...thing...I've told Shawn, he just-I mean I never-"

Mom laughed softly causing Emily to stop her stuttering. "Honey," she placed her hand on ours, "Just remember what I told you a couple minutes ago. I mean...look at him."

They both turned to look at me, I turned my head back to see who they were talking about. "Who?" I asked, "The old dude with the cane or the middle aged man with what I guess is his wife?" I took a closer look. "Never mind, that's probably his daughter. There is no way that guy has a wife like that. Unless he's rich..."

You you idiot!

Me what?  I asked back to the voice in my head.

They're talking about you!

Oh!

Mom and Emily talked a bit longer, discussing issues and problems that were of no interest of mine. Instead I stared at the ceiling trying to imagine the internal structure of a Uni-Rex. The brain would be made of a cotton candy material, sticky and absorbing. It's arms would have to stay short but in the future there may be a way for it to get plastic surgery making the arms longer. Finally, it would need to have some sort of magical power to come out it's horn. Like a dragon spitting fire...no that's too crazy.

I felt like a child all over again. When mom would bump into her friends while we were shopping. The conversation was endless. I started whining and complaining. Giving lame excuses that I had used when I was young. I complained having to have to go to the bathroom, then I realized I wasn't five anymore and I could go potty without my moms help. So I became desperate to get out. "Mom I really want to stop by the library before it closes, could you wrap it up?"

"Give me one more second."

I banged my head on the table and groaned, "That's what you said an hour ago!"

"Don't be rude Shawn." Emily added. "We're talking about school."

"The alphabet is the new math, literature is wack because I can just read a book at home, learning a different language is stupid because I'm never going to use 'El Hombre Lobo tiene hambre' in real life, history repeats itself, science is just to test our faith in our religion. There summed it up." I threw my hands in the air, "Can we go now?"

Mom rolled her eyes and stood up. "It was a pleasure meeting you Emily."

"Yes!" I jumped up and started running to the door. "Freedom!" I cried. Emily exchanged her goodbyes with mom and followed me out the door. The air was still chilly and I felt Em brush her arm with mine as she tried to share the warmth. "You brought blankets right?" I asked as I wrapped my arm around her.

She nodded, her teeth slightly chattering. "Your mom is cool."

I smiled. "She really likes you."

Em bit her lip slightly as we started heading to the car. "You don't think she's upset about the whole New York thing, do you?"

I smirked, "Even if she was there wouldn't be a single gumdrop or licorice sea that could keep me away from you."

******************************

Cole's POV

I shut my locker and placed my forehead on the cool surface of the blue metal. My breathing came out deep and long as I tried to calm my mind. It was so loud in the hallways that a headache started to form. There were too many things I've been juggling at the moment. Tori was where my main focus was at. Then there was Jodee. Just like being a brother, being a boyfriend didn't come easy. I didn't mind though, I enjoy spending my time with Jodee. After my girlfriend comes my job and other clubs I'm in. Jodee would cover for me sometimes at work but I still had to show up sometime. I've missed out on some debate tournaments and had to reschedule a couple meetings. After that just came my regular studies. I couldn't fall back in any of my AP classes therefor my head felt like it was going to explode.

I groaned loudly causing a few people to stare and give me a weird look. I started walking down the hall to my next class. Guys would try to give me a fist bump or they'd ask, "What's up man?" All while they pat my back. Girls would give me flirtatious smiles and waves as I walked past them. For once I wished I was invisible. To hide in the shadows of others where they would never notice me. There was a time when I would greet back, smirk back, act like I was oh-so-cool. Now it's different. Now I wish my popularity would vanish in thin air.

I just want to get to class. I repeated in my head. I just want to get to class.

Blake walked past me as we crossed paths. He didn't acknowledge me at all, his eyes were trained straight ahead without looking at his surroundings. Something was wrong. I know he's had it hard lately too. The scouts are here, Tori's in the hospital, and he's trying to deal with the drama that has taken over his life. The world was being unfavorable to him. Or in other terms, as Shawn puts it, "It's a Degrassi moment."

Tomorrow was going to be our game where Blake would really have to show the scouts what he can do. It's one thing to be practicing, another to actually be playing. Even if this was an episode in our lives filled with anxiety and sorrow, he'll be able to pull through and make the best of it. After all, he never really had a plan. Everything revolved around him getting a scholarship. The soccer clubs he's been to over the summer, the rec he played before middle school, even the traveling team he did before high school. It's all been about this scholarship and if he doesn't get it...well I don't think he has a plan B.

I headed into class taking a seat in my usual spot. Some of my acquaintances waved me a Hello. Others would walk up to me and try to start a conversation. It led to know where. I'd give short answers and yawn every time they would speak. When they asked if I was ok, I'd smile and just say my head was hurting. After that, they'd just walk away.

In the middle of class I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I quickly pulled it out and read the message:

Jojo: Do you want me to cover your shift today?

Me: What time am I suppose to be there?

Jojo: Around six.

I paused thinking it over. When I quickly realized that I only had soccer after school and would pay a short visit to the hospital, I could still manage the time and head over to the work. After all, I don't want Dalton to actually fire me. Even though I do think he's too lazy to do it.

Me: I'll be there.

Jodee didn't answer back so I assumed she went back to what she was doing. A yawn made its way out my mouth as I watched my teacher pace back and forth while flaring her hands and giving the lecture. I tapped the eraser of my pencil against the desk as I tried to concentrate on the lesson. It was difficult, I ended drowsing off into my own thoughts. My eyes remained glued on black spot on the wall as I thought everything over and over.

It felt like days lasted forever and ever and ever. They were simply never ending. Personally, it was starting to bore me. To have these days continuously drag on. There was just no fun, no more laughs, so far only Shawn was able to crack a joke. At home we were all there for each other. It was different for dad and Sue. They were downright devastated.

Cruelly I thought if death would have been easier. If Tori would just have died, then we would all be suffering but there wouldn't be anything we could do about it. With her still alive, it's only constantly reminding us that it could happen. Or missing her even worse because we know she's just gone into a trance. If she had died in the car accident, maybe...maybe we could have just moved on quicker.

I pinched myself of thinking about that. Guilt crept in and I got a feeling in the bottom of my stomach making me want to throw up. I couldn't have just thought death was a simple answer. I couldn't.

By the time the day ended I was able to get my thoughts even more tangled up. Classes hadn't lasted long for me, I just wouldn't pay attention. After school, Blake, Shawn, and I all headed towards the locker room for soccer practice. "Is she still sick?" Coach asked as he saw us make our way.

"Yeah." I said curtly.

"I don't know why I get this vibe," Coach said crossing his arms. "That you three are lying."

"Well..." Shawn said. "Technically we're not lying because in a weird way she really is sick."

Coach raised an eyebrow. "Shawn your term of sick might be different then my term. I mean...you're Shawn. Everything has a different meaning for you."

Shawn grinned at that and rubbed the back of his neck. "Aw shucks..." He said while looking at the ground and awkwardly twisting his leg like he was embarrassed. "I'm flattered, really, I am."

Coach chuckled before looking at me. "Will she be able to come to the game?"

"No."

He sighed. "Guys I like her, really she's a cool kid. Has a lot of guts and spunk too. But when she signed up for the team, she made a commitment. She can't keep ditching practice and games. The teams need her..." He went quiet for a second. "Could you just tell us what's wrong?"

"She's not coming." Blake spat out. "Sorry she can't fill her commitment."

He shoved his way past us and headed to the locker room. Shawn and I watched along with Coach as Blake retreated into the room. It looked like he was back to himself in a perspective. He had been smiling and laughing a lot more than he had in the last couple years. For once he seemed happy. It was hard remembering a time Blake would always laugh the way he did. He finally started doing it a lot more. Especially recently. Now it looks like he returned to his neutral self.

Sure he smiled, laughed, made jokes when Tori wasn't in our lives. But when she was introduced he went completely stale. Wouldn't laugh, wouldn't crack a smile, sometimes he wouldn't even talk. When he and Tori had finally gotten on the same page it was like an instant click. He was my brother again. He was our brother and there was nothing more that I wanted. We were all happy.

Then all this happened. He's back to himself. When Tori had moved in he'd still joke around with Shawn and I but now that's completely changed. He won't do anything except stay in his room and listen to music. He'll research about parenting or even baby names. He'd go to the basement and work out or juggle with the soccer ball outside. But when it came to talking, he'd say nothing. He'd just stare and then walk off.

Something had to be bothering him. It was natural to feel pain, his actions are extensive. I once explained to Tori that Blake had a way of feeling. Whenever he felt something, it was to an extreme. Well, whatever he's feeling now, it's extreme, considering he won't even look at us when we're eating lunch or dinner together. Maybe something he did or said. I wish he'd tell me. Tell me what he's feeling or how he's feeling. Instead it's like talking to a brick wall. There's no answer, just a hard, rough, surface of nothing.

Sometimes I don't understand. I get frustrated. I'm his brother, he should be able to trust me. To ask for my advice that doesn't involve getting drunk or laid. Maybe our relationship isn't as close as other siblings. Sure after dad died we became way closer than usual. But we'd never actually talk about how we felt. As stupid and childish as that sounds sometimes one just needs to get it off their chest. Blake won't do that. It doesn't matter how close you may be to him. It doesn't matter if you love him. It doesn't matter if you're part of his family. All he does is sulk. He's a wall and I don't understand why he can't just come out of hiding and talk to Shawn and I. We talk to him all the time, tell him how we feel, but it's a one sided relationship. He doesn't feel anything.

Not even love.

I gave Coach an apologetic smile and headed into the locker room with Shawn at my heels. "What's wrong with him?" Shawn asked me quietly.

"I don't know." I answered truthfully. "I'm going to find out though."

"Alright," Shawn patted my back. "You play good cop, I'll be bad cop. I'll whack him with my rubber chicken. What do ya say?"

I cracked a smile. "If that's what you want."

"Yes!" He put his arm out like he was Superman. "Shawn-ator is back on duty." His straight face fell as he started laughing hysterically. "I just said duty." His laughter erupted sounding like a dying whale as he dropped to the ground clenching his stomach and rolling on the pavement. Coach walked by us, giving Shawn a glance before passing by as he rolled his eyes.

I rolled my eyes as well, leaving Shawn there to die and get eaten by the vultures...well I sort of wished that was an option.

After getting changed into my soccer clothes I headed out to the field and started juggling the soccer ball. The scouts were sitting with Coach as they watch us warm up. Blake came out giving us orders of what drills we'd have to do. In a way, he's a natural leader. Even if he does run something similar to a dictatorship. When we were done with our drills Coach came and started telling us what we'd do today. I nice game of scrimmage just to impress the scouts. How he managed to get them here is out of my knowledge. From the research I've done he'd have to fill things out online, send in information about the player, maybe even a video of how he plays. In other countries, it's common for the scouts to go to soccer camps and "discover" players.

It also helped that mom is good friends with Coach. And that Coach has known us our whole lives. This boosted Blake's chances of become a sensation. It's true that if you're a hard worker, you'll earn a lot in life. Yet, it's also good to have connections. With connections, you don't have to work as hard but you still get a good life. There are a few cases where the theory is wrong but it's a basic outline to how the world works. Every so often we get the miracle Under Dog that is nothing then becomes something. Blake is in the middle. He's not a nothing nor a something. But with this he will become a someone.

The game went fairly well. I wish I could say it was fun to play but it really wasn't. It helped me get my mind off of Tori but then I remembered she was suppose to be here. I sighed under my breath. I wish my sister was here to see us play. I thought to myself.

At the end of practice I laid down on the grass letting the sun and wind dance against my sweaty skin. I pulled the end of my shirt up and over my head allowing my stomach and torso to cool down. "Cole?" I heard someone call.

"What?" I muffled against my shirt.

"Coach says he wants to talk to you." I pulled my shirt back down and looked up to see Austin. Or as Tori calls him, Sunshine. The nickname had stuck around the team. The school still calls him Austin, but when the team plays, he's known as Sunshine. "You can go for me." I said before pulling my shirt back over my face.

I heard him scoff. "No I'll pass." He grabbed my ankle and started dragging me. I tried not to act bothered but he had interrupted my sleep, I should be mauling him like a tiger.

Oh my god, I thought to myself, I'm turning into Jodee.

"Ok ok," I said to make him stop. My shirt was lifted above my shoulders, packing wet grass and dirt. "I'm up, I'm up." Sunshine let go of my ankle as I stood up. I looked in the direction he was pointing at and saw Coach talking to Blake and Shawn. "What's up?" I asked as I moved in on the small circle they had created.

"Coach is telling us about the scouts." Shawn answered. "Apparently, they're interested in us too."

"That's because I told them you three are a packaged deal." Coach smirked. "Three think you're amazing." I felt a hint of guilt. It had always been Blake's perfect dream to have the three of us playing side by side. I just couldn't except this now, not after being admitted into Harvard. I had to go through the whole process. The studying, the paper work, even the interview. I couldn't just give it up all now. "They told me that if you play really good tomorrow they'll offer a scholarship to the three of you."

"I can't Coach." I said. "I got accepted into my dream school."

"I can't either." Shawn added in. "I'm moving to New York with the love of my life."

Coach raised an eyebrow, "That Emily girl?"

Shawn gave Coach a confused look. "No. With my unicorn horn, tissues, and DVD set of Playboy Mansion." We all turned to Shawn and gave him the look. He rolled his eyes, "Have you not watched Sex and the City?"

"No..." Coach said before I could. "Actually I haven't...why would I want to watch a movie about sex when I could just do it with my wife?"

Shawn rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't have a wife...I got porn though."

"Dude!" I exclaimed even though his expression was quite amusing.

"I'm kidding!" He held his hands up. "Why would I want porn...now?"

"The same reason you'd want a vibrator if you were a girl." Blake muttered.

"How much I love these conversations." I said sarcastically. "Can we please get back on topic?"

"Yes." Coach shook his head trying to get the conversation out of his head. "Anyways, if you two really don't want the scholarship, just pass the ball to Blake. I know that goes against everything I've taught you. 'Don't be a ball hog.' Or 'Don't love the ball, it doesn't love you. It won't get you laid.' But this time, Blake is trying to get laid by the ball. So pass it to him, he needs to show off."

"How are you not fired yet Coach?" I shook my head. Even though I was only kidding he grinned.

""Cause I'm the best coach there is in these parts." He said trying with a thick Wild West accent.

"So...Blake has to screw a ball to show off to the scouts?" Shawn's eyebrows were pinched together in confusion. "Would that be classified under soccer porn?"

Coach took a deep breath. "Shawn," He said slowly, "Just pass the ball to Blake and I'll get you the rainbow cupcakes my wife makes."

Shawn's eyes widened, "Would you please?!"

"Yes." Coach sighed, "Now please hit the showers. Y'all stink more than a manure farm."

Our teammates were all still on the field as Coach walked away to his office. I grabbed a ball on the ground and started juggling from knee to knee. I realized I went a while without thinking of Tori. It made me both guilty and thankful. Guilty because I know I should be thinking about her. Trying to help her if I could. But there's literally nothing I could do. I was thankful for the fact that I wasn't stressed out. It was true that sports helped me get my mind clear. At least I was able to have an hour of sanity before I end up in the gloomy shadows that lurk in the back of my head.

"Blake," I said without taking my eyes off the ball. "Here!"

I kicked the ball in his direction, hoping he'd start juggling it too. Instead he dodged it letting it fly by him. "Not now Cole." He said shortly. He bent over, grabbed his backpack, and headed to the locker room. Everyone followed suit until it was only Shawn and I that stood on the field.

I could feel the anger start to boil in me. My eyes closed as I tried counting to ten to calm myself. I wasn't going to let him affect me. I wasn't going to lose myself in Blake's selfishness. "Does he hate us?" Shawn asked after a minute. "I mean...I know he loves us but does he hates us too?"

"I don't think so." I grabbed Shawn's arm and made our way to the locker room. "He's just stressed."

"I know that Cole but we all are...it's not fair he gets to act like an ass when we're also suffering. There has to be another explanation. It just doesn't add up."

I tried to look at it through Blake's eyes. "He's lost a lot of people..."

Shawn stepped in front of me. "Bullshit. We've lost more. We lost dad just as much he has. He thinks he's the victim? Look at him Cole! He won't let us in. He has us but he doesn't let us in. We lost dad, yeah. But we also lost Blake. Think about it Cole. He was always there with us, he was supporting us, but was that him or...something else?"

"Shawn I don't think this is the right ti-"

"We started loving Tori first!" Shawn shouted. "She was my sister first! Not his, not yours, mine! And I don't care what anyone has to say about it because she was the best thing that could have entered my life." He paused, "Don't get me wrong, I mean I love Emily but I wouldn't have her without Tori. But why does Blake get to be so pissy about it? Why can't he talk to us? Like a real brother?"

I thought it over and entered the locker room a couple seconds later. "Blake we need to talk." I said to him. He was getting his towel and setting his clean clothing on his backpack to quickly change when he gets out of the shower.

"Not right now."

"Yes right now." I said calmly. "It's important."

"It can wait." He shut his locker door and flung the towel over his shoulder.

I grabbed his arm. "Why?"

"Why it can wait?" He asked confused.

I shook my head. "No. Why are you being this way?"

"Isn't this how I normally act?"

"Lately yeah. But why don't you smile. Or laugh." I sighed. "I know it's hard but seriously, if you need us we're here. Shawn and I. We're always here."

"Good to know." He went back to his old self in a matter of seconds. Yes, we've had heart filled conversations in the past, but now, when we need each other most, he's being more burdensome.

"What the hell happened man?" I asked loudly. Some of our teammates started to stare. A fight between the Parris brothers was sure to be the next big topic that will be swimming through the school.

He turned his back to me. "Nothing that concerns you."

"Dammit Blake!" I pulled his arm making him face me. "I'm your brother but you treat me like a piece of crap! Ever since the accident you've been nothing but distant. You'll talk to people. Sometimes, yeah, you talk to us or Mark. But then you go quiet. You just stop! Why?"

He glanced around realizing we had gotten a crowd. Leaning over he whispered to me. "If I tell you you'd probably hate me. So I figured I might as well just shut up alright?"

"Stop being so cryptic!" He was at least an inch taller than me, so I jumped on the locker room bench and towered over him. "You've always been this way! You rarely tell Shawn and I you love us. Does it kill you to just say three words? I know you hate love. I know you don't like the concept, but why can't you just say it! What's the big issue?"

"Cole get down and stop shouting."

"I won't!" I yelled louder. "I'll shout the whole world if I have to! Blake Xavier Parris, do you even have a soul?!"

"Cole you're losing your cool." I heard Shawn side comment before tugging at my shirt.

"I don't care anymore!" I stomped my foot on the bench like a little kid. "I'm sick and tired of being treated as the second glance! I've had enough of you're bullshit Blake. Do you care or not?"

His jaw clenched. "Yes."

"Liar!" I accused. Everyone's eyes went wide. There was nothing holding me back at this point. All the frustration was finally coming out in a big roar. "You're a liar! You don't care! Every since dad died you've treated us like your kids. You've taken us under your wing but you never showed emotion. But ever since the car wreck you've pushed us farther away. Do you care about her or not?"

I don't know what's gotten over me. It was like all the tension I've felt over the years was boiling up in one single blast. I always tried to stay calm and collected, but right now that was the least of my worries. Words started free flowing out. I couldn't hold it back. It just...exploded.

"You always said you're a family guy." I said. "That you'll never love. You'll only do one night stands. You'll always stay loyal to your family. But what about now? Now you're doing nothing. When you're family needs you you lock yourself in your room and don't come out. You. Don't. Care."

Blake's face turned red with anger as he stepped up on the bench in front of me. "Because it's my fault ok!" The whole locker room was deadly quiet.

"What are you talki-"

"It's my damn fault I might be a father. It's my damn fault her best friend hates her. It's my goddamn fault she's in the hospital now!" His fists clenched at his sides and when I looked into his eyes all I could see was a broken man. "The last thing I told her was there's no such thing as love. The last thing I said was that no one loves her. Not you, not me, not even her family, ok? So you know what Cole, when she dies I'll be the one to thank. I'll be the one that gets all the pressure on my shoulders again. You think you have it tough? Try dealing with the fact that the last thing you told your sister was that no one loves her. Let her die believing that!"

The locker room was deadly silent. I could feel everyone's eyes trained on us. I wasn't sure what to say or do, everything just seemed frozen in place. Blake and I didn't look around, we just stared at each other. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. If everything Blake had said was true, I didn't know what to do. I felt lost again. A feeling I hated.

"Well the peas have just been spilled." Shawn broke the silence. Everyone looked at him, including Blake and I.

"Peas?" Hayden asked quietly.

"You know," Shawn added, "The saying is: 'Spill the peas.;"

"It's spill the beans." Trent said.

"Oh..." Shawn looked at his shoes. "Well this is awkward..."

I glanced back at Blake. He was breathing heavily, nostrils flaring and fists clenching so tight his knuckles were white. "Why would you say that to her?" I whispered in the silence. Even with my quiet tone I was sure those surrounding us could hear me. "I love her why wou-"

"She doesn't think you do." Blake snapped. "Were you not listening? She thinks you don't love her."

The anger washed back. I was sure it'd be back soon, maybe like a descending wave before a tsunami. It was bound to come back. "Why would you tell her that?"

Blake didn't answer. He looked around all the confused faces. "This isn't the place or time to talk about this."

He stepped down the bench and grabbed the towel. "Like hell it isn't." The tide was starting to wash back to shore. "Why would you tell her that?! Maybe you don't care but we do!" He ignored me and started walking to the showers once again. "Are you listening to me?" I jumped down and grabbed his elbow to make him stop. What I didn't expect was his fist to collide with my nose. I was caught off guard, never had I expected Blake to strike at me. Shawn maybe, because he can be annoying at times, but never had I guessed Blake would punch me.

I lost my balance, tripping back and hitting my head on the corner of an opened locker. It was a sharp pain that hurt more than Blake's fist. My eyesight went hazy for a second before it returned to normal. A warm thick liquid was running down the back of my head where I had hit the locker. When I touched it and looked back at my hand I realized it was blood. It felt like scratch, so I wasn't all to worried. Just shocked as to what happened.

Blake gave me one glance, looked around the rest of the team, and headed into the showers.

"Say 'I' if you're totally and completely confused." Trent said.

"I." The whole room chorused.

******************************

I didn't want to worry mom about my bloody head. Although it stopped bleeding, I could still feel a bump that would hurt every time I touched it. Not to mention that clots of dry blood started to form in my hair. So to stop anyone's suspicions as to why my hair was stained with the color red, I placed my beanie on my head. After the whole incident, I had skipped the shower and relied on my deodorant to cover my sweaty smell. So far I just smell strongly of cologne.

Blake and I didn't talk as he was driving to the hospital. It was awkward and filled with tension that Shawn tried to break several times. Sometimes I'd try not to smile even though it was hard. He finally just stopped trying to pull jokes or skits and started writing in the journal I had gotten him. He said he has been keeping track of the days. I wonder if he was writing about what happened right now in the locker room. When we left everyone was more confused than in the beginning. Shawn had tried explaining it was all an act for a film he's been wanting to make about aliens. After a long and pointless explanation, everyone just gave up and went home.

So I guess the peas weren't spilled yet.

I couldn't believe what Blake had said. How could he say all that to Tori. He himself grew feelings for her. There had to be some other explanation. Something more to the story. It would explain a lot though. More than I had asked for. He was scared that if he told Shawn and I we would hate him. Personally, I would have preferred him telling us. No matter what, he's our brother. We would never hate him.

I wasn't going to say sorry though. At least not until I found more out. Right now I was still mad over what happened with the punch and my head. I wanted to get away though, just see Tori and then head to work to spend time with Jodee. I could really use a break. Especially knowing that tomorrow we'd have a big day at the soccer game.

Blake pulled up into the hospital parking lot. He didn't stop the engine, he just sat in the drivers seat as Shawn and I got out. We were ten feet away from the car when we heard the familiar lock of the doors. Blake caught up to us and took his usual side next to me. His eyes stayed focused on the ground as we walked in silence.

When we reached Tori's room, I realized two things. One, there were way more people than usual. Dad, Mom, Sue, Conlan, Mr. Bennett, and Mrs. Bennett. They were all there. For a second my heart stopped until I saw the red line move up and down showing Tori's heartbeat. The second thing I noticed was the small balloon. It didn't say, 'Get Well Soon.' Instead it had a large number eighteen and the word's 'Happy Birthday.'

My brothers and I all turned to look at Mark as everyone looked at us. Well it wasn't our birthday and everyone else was either younger or older than the number eighteen...Shawn, as always, broke the silence. "Feliz cumpleaños amigo!" He pretended to hold maraca's and started chanting, "La cucaracha, la cucaracha! La la la la la la la!"

I faced palmed as Shawn danced around the room. He paused for a second to take a selfie before going back to his Mexican songs. "Is it really your birthday?" I asked Mark.

"Yeah." He shrugged. "I honestly don't care though."

"We're trying to convince him to go out and relax." Dad said.

"Mr. Linear I really don't want to." Mark sighed. "I'd honestly prefer staying here."

"But that's not fun." Suzie crossed her arms. "Why can't we go laser tagging?"

"Yeah!" Conlan added. "You love laser tagging."

"I love laser tagging too!" Shawn pointed his fingers like a gun. "Pew pew! Pew pew!" He pretended to get shot and placed a hand on his heart. "No...Charlie...tell...Jesse...I love her." He collapsed face first on the ground.

Conlan grinned, "Yes! Laser tagging with a Parris brother! I could be the most popular kid at my school if I post this on Instagram." Conlan laughed happily as every ones attention went to him.

"You're not serious are you?" Mark asked.

Conlan rolled his eyes. "I sold Shawn's old socks for fifty bucks a pair. I'm rich."

Everyone now turned to Shawn. He stood up, dusting his pants off before going wide eyed, caught red handed. As he changed glances from one another, he realized he was in trouble. "Uh..." He stuttered. Suddenly he broke into dance. "La cucaracha, cucaracha! La la la la la la la!" He sang to the tune, "Please don't hurt me, I like money. La la la la la la la! Ole!"

"Please go out and have fun." Mr. Bennett said to Mark. "I know you love her but she wouldn't want you to be cooped up in here like a caged animal."

"It's like everyone knows you're a grizzly oh my fish sticks!" Shawn exaggerated throwing his hands in the air.

"I will get the duct tape Shawn. I swear I will." I said calmly. As much as I love him, he's a pain in the rear.

"Please come." Sue begged. Just watching her made me smile. She was a cute little sister and I'd do anything to please her. I don't think Mark could resist her begging. She was an expert. In the future, if she and Conlan do get together, which is where all bets are placed, she's going to have him wrapped around her finger tighter than a python. "Please," She triggered her puppy dog eyes.

Mark looked hesitant. Suzie's bottom lip started to quiver and even I had to look away. Mark sighed in defeat. "Fine...but I get to be the captain of the blue team." Suzie did a small victory dance causing Mark's parents to smile.

"Bill," Mr. Bennett said to dad, "If I knew my boys would be so whipped by your daughters, I would've told them to tell these boys to cook, clean, and even wash my car."

Dad laughed. "Pity I'll never meet another family."

"Why would you want to meet another one?" Conlan asked. "We're awesome."

"Says the one selling dirty socks." Mark added.

Shawn raised his hand, "They're my dirty socks! And I only sold them because I want to buy the ones with the Spongebob's on them."

I guess Blake and I weren't really in the mood for small talk. We both kept our distance from each other, all while staying in the back of the room so no one would ask us questions. Blake had punched me. For some reason I couldn't shake that. Nor the fact about what he had said to Tori. I love her, he had no right to say otherwise. But Blake had swung at me.

"You guys coming?" Mark asked.

I shook my head, "I have to head to work. And then I'll probably spend some time with my girlfriend."

"Well," Dad said. "You and Jodee can get the sheets dirty if you want to."

My face turned red. I could feel the heat building around them. "What the heck dad." Everyone in the room was laughing except for Suzie and naturally Tori. Blake was able to crack the smallest of smiles but even he didn't seem as assumed.

Dad held his hands up, "I'm just saying it's legal now. You're eighteen, she's nineteen. No minors."

"What does it mean to get the sheets dirty?" Sue asked. It's like every time we make a sexual joke, Sue just gets caught in the middle of it.

"It means they're going to throw dirt and mud on the sheets of their bed and roll around in it like pigs." Shawn explained.

Suzie's face scrunched up. "Boyfriend and girlfriends do that?" She shook her head. "That's so weird..." She looked up at Mark. "Did you and Tori ever get the sheets dirty?"

It was my turn to laugh as I watched Mark's face turn tomato red. "No Sue, we never rolled around in mud and dirt."

"He wished he did." Shawn smirked.

I shook my head, a small smile playing at my lips. When I checked the time I realized I had to leave soon. Oddly, Blake handed me the keys of his car to let me borrow it. While Mark was headed to the laser tag studio with his parents, Blake, Shawn, Conlan, Sue, and dad, mom would be staying with Tori and I would head over to the Hollister to start my shift.

I was about ten minutes late to work, still in a regular t-shirt and jeans. I snuck in from the back and quickly changed into a Hollister polo, put a bit of the cologne on so I wouldn't smell like sweat and turf, then walked out and into the lounge. "No beanies allowed." I heard Dalton's voice. He was in his usual spot on the couch, flipping through pages of a random magazine.

I patted my beanie down and sighed. "Please dude, my hair is red from blood."

"Did you murder someone?"

"No..."

"Then I don't care. Take the hat off." He snapped his fingers, "Store policies."

I sighed and slipped the beanie off, quickly putting it back in my locker. I went to the mirror in the back of the store and tried to pull some blood clots out of my hair. It was hard considering I couldn't see the back of my head. Also, it hurt pulling on my hair, especially on the sore area where my bump was at.

"Finally. I thought you'd never arrive." I heard Jodee's voice. It went from calm to angry, "What the freaking doodles happened?"

"It was an accident, don't worry. I've had it worse." I lightly touched my bump and quickly pulled my hand back as I flinched.

Jodee moved in behind me and got on her tip-toes to get a better look. "Your head is bleeding Cole!"

"Was," I corrected, "Was bleeding. It's fine now."

"How'd it happen?"

I shrugged, "Blake and I got in a fight. It was an accident though."

"Your brother did this?" Jodee's eyes narrowed. "I swear next time I see him I'm going to punch him with a ring on my finger."

I chuckled, "As hot as that sounds, can't let you hurt my brother."

"I can't let someone off the hook for hitting you. I'm serious Cole."

I turned around, facing Jodee and gave her a smile. "So am I." I kissed the tip of her nose. "It's fine. Trust me." Over the last couple weeks, we'd been able to hang out a lot more, get to know each other better. It was nice to have someone there for me. Whenever I needed a break, I'd go over to Jodee. She understands everything I'm going through and gives me advice or helps me calm down and distract unnerving thoughts. "Now come on, I gotta get to work."

Jodee nodded, turning around and heading back into the store. I followed after her, greeting a few of my coworkers. They would ask about my head and I'd simply say I hit it against a rock when I went biking. It seemed like a realistic story considering they all believed it. I grabbed a brown box filled with new styles and kinds of clothing, neatly folding them on an empty stand. The extras that were left on the stand would soon be moved into clearance.

I caught a glimpse of Jodee placing another dollar in her cursing jar. Of course Dalton was to lazy to fire us but he does take money away from our paychecks if we misbehave. For Jodee I think he just makes her do the jar because then he has extra cash to use on the vending machine.

The days still seemed to just go on forever. I wasn't sure why, they're regular days. But for me it felt everlasting. Usually when I'm at work the time passes by quickly, now it's as if the time is swimming against a current. Taking forever to reach the main point. Why this is happening, I have no idea. Maybe because of what's happening. Or maybe I just lost my excitement of being at work. There were a lot of factors I couldn't pin point but it's starting to mesh together.

"You look bored out of your mind." Jodee told me as I headed into the lounge for a bottle of water. She was sitting on the counter, reading a magazine as a two of our coworkers were flirting on the couch.

I grabbed the water and hoisted myself beside Jodee. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You might've hit your head too hard."

"I guess..." I took a sip of the water and sighed.

"Or you could just be depressed, anxious, maybe stressed out." She added. "I mean...have you even been sleeping well lately?"

"Better than before but still I don't get good rest."

"Sounds like you need a vacation." I laughed. It wasn't a vacation I needed, just something to brainwash me of the current events that have constantly been replaying in my head. "You were better the other day..." Jodee added. She looked down at her hands and quietly whispered. "Is Tori not doing well?"

I shook my head. "It's not that. It's just something Blake told me...I can't get it out of my head. It's just..." I looked in her direction, "Can I go over tonight?"

"Unless you're coming over because you kidnapped someone and you're storing them there..." She said in full seriousness. "I can't leave the country for college if they find a missing person dead or alive in my house."

I chuckled, "I just wanna spend the night away from my issues."

"Well gee Cole," Jodee smirked. "I didn't know you were that kind of guy."

I rolled my eyes and hopped off the counter. "I pray to the Lord to forgive your sinful thoughts."

******************************

"You know where the food is but don't take it." Jodee said as we walked into her apartment. "Now if you don't mind, I gotta pee."

I took a seat in one of the dining room chairs and sighed. Blake couldn't really think this was all his fault. He might have said bad things but he couldn't blame himself. But then he did say the last thing he told her was that no one loved her...I just need Tori to wake up so I can hug her and tell her the opposite. "Can I take a shower?" I asked when Jodee walked out of the bathroom.

Jodee stared at me for a second. "In my house?"

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Or you can hose me down in the back."

"If I ever did that, you'd have to seriously pray to the Lord." She said before pointing at a closet in the hall. "The towels are there. You can shower if you know how to shower yourself."

I chuckled giving a thanks before heading to her bathroom. While I showered Blake's words kept replaying in my head. It made sense that it's been bothering him but I couldn't understand why he'd say that in the first place. I placed my forehead against the cold tile wall for a minute, letting the water wash over. If only it could take my problems away and wash it down the drain as well. My eyes closed when I felt them start to sting. I wouldn't start crying, not here at least.

Maybe when I'm back home and feel the urge to enter Tori's room. It's the fact that we'd always hang out that hurts me. The fact that she'd always give me advice or make me feel good inside. My fist clenched beside me. Even though she doesn't realize it, our lives are still going on. Blake, Shawn, and I are still here. Our lives are still moving. Blake with his soccer, Shawn with Emily, and me with Jodee. So even though our days are long, boring, stressful, and mostly just filling in our anxiety, we're still here. It's not fair.

I would rather have been the one in a coma. At least I wouldn't realize what's happening. At least I'll just be sleeping instead of suffering. How can I be here, doing my own things, while still knowing that my sister is at the hospital. It's a constant inner battle in me. And I just don't know what to do about it.

I stepped out of the shower and put my pants back on. My shirt reeked of sweat and deodorant. So I quickly towel dried my hair, making sure to be gentle with my bump, and walked out the bathroom holding my shirt in my hand. "Hey Jodee do you have a sweat shirt or something I could borrow? My shirt stinks."

Jodee was in the kitchen making dinner. She gave me one glance before turning back to the pot of boiling water as her cheeks turned a shade of pink. "I'm sure I got one of my brother's shirts here somewhere. Give me a sec."

"Ok." I took a seat on her couch, resting my head back with my arms outstretched, the air from the vent was lightly blowing against my face making me feel a bit relaxed. I tried picturing a beach at night. With the moon shining against the still water. Maybe a few stars to add to the clear sky. The cold sand between my toes and the nice spray of water as the breeze took it around the beach. I sighed deeply trying to hear the waves crashing to shore.

I really do need a vacation.

"You look deep in thought." Jodee stated after she had gone into her room in search for a shirt. I kept my eyes closed, soon feeling her hands on my shoulders.

"I can't take it Jodee," I opened my eyes and saw her upside-down face above me. "Shawn keeps making me laugh and you help me relax. But at school all I can think of is Tori. When I go home, I head to her room and just look around. Suzie is miserable, Mark looks destroyed, dad and mom are fighting more often, and Blake...I don't know. But I'm trying to stay calm. To stay focused. It's what I do. Just right now I can't. I feel so much pressure, so many worries that I think I'm losing weight from stressing so much."

Jodee quickly looked over my head to my stomach. "I don't really see a difference...you had abs before, you have abs now."

I shoved her face lightly a small smile playing at my lips. "You're a pain."

"No. I'm Jodee." She stuck her tongue out causing me to laugh slightly. "But seriously," The playful mood left replaced with seriousness. "I feel like you're stressing too much. You just...need to go home. Take a break. Catch up on movies. I don't know, go to gym and put the stress into weights. Really Cole, any stress reliever."

I shook my finger in front of her face. "Sinful thoughts Jodee. Sinful thoughts."

Jodee pursed her lips together. "It's all your fault. You're the cause of my thoughts. And you'll be the reason I go to hell for these sinful thoughts."

I laughed and brought her head to to kiss her lips lightly. She kept her arms around my collar, hovering her face over mine. "You're upside down." I stated.

"Or maybe I'm right side up." She kissed me lightly, sliding her hands down my chest.

I gripped her wrists, getting her to stay as we broke the kiss. "Could we just run away to the beach?" I closed my eyes again knowing Jodee was watching. "We could sip drinks from coconuts everyday. Swing on hammocks. Run through a flock of seagulls."

"Sounds like a Nicholas Sparks story to me." Jodee chuckled. "Live my whole life with you on a beach? Would that mean marriage?"

I laughed knowing she was just playing around. Then shrugged and opened my eyes. "I don't know Jodee. Would you marry me?"

She pretended to think about it for a second, glancing at my stomach a moment before saying, "Will you have those abs forever?"

I smirked, "Probably not forever."

She scoffed, "Then no way would I marry you."

I shoved her face away again. "You really are a pain."

"We've been through this." She sighed, "I'm Jodee. I flicked her nose causing her to grin as she threw the clean shirt at me. "Now get up Mr. Grumpy Pants. I got something that can cheer you up."

I listened to her retrieving footsteps until they were in the other room. Sighing I got up and pulled the shirt over me before following after her. She was in her closet standing on a blue plastic chair that looked to be for a toddler. It also looked very unstable as she lent over to try and reach the top rack of the closet. She grabbed a large box and huffed as she tried pulling it out of the spot. I didn't feel the need to have to help her, considering she might just tell me to back off or say she can handle it. Also it was entertaining watching her struggle.

The weight of the box made the plastic chair slip back as she fell on the floor. I laughed as board games started to fall on her. "Stupid box." She stood up and started shouting a long string of curse words as she kicked the large box. "Ow!" She hopped grabbing her toe. "I just freaking stubbed my toe."

"You're right." I said in my laughter. "This did make me feel better."

She shot me a glare, along with the bird. "The box doesn't like me."

"So what are you looking for?" I took a step closer before Jodee stopped me.

"No no, stay there." She pointed to the door. "I have stuff in here no one should see." I raised my hands in defeat and took four steps back before leaning against the door frame. Jodee scrambled around the box, taking a few books out before pulling out a large wooded square. My eyes lit up and Jodee turned to look at me. "Teach me how to play?" She said while waving the antique chess board.

We set up the board in the dining room. Jodee stared at the pieces in pure confusion but to me it was all natural. "I didn't know you had a chess board." I stated as I placed the pieces in their spots.

"It was my dad's." She said watching me with knitted eyebrows. "What's that?" She pointed at a pawn.

I couldn't help but laugh. "I guess we'll have to start on level one. It's a pawn. Probably the most useless piece. But then again, I've actually gotten a lot of wins due to my pawns. They can be useless but people over look them too therefore making them useful."

"Uh huh...interesting." Jodee said with a clueless expression. "What does that one do?" Her finger pointed to the king.

"That's the king-"

"So he can do whatever he wants."

"No that would be the queen." I stated as I placed her next to the king.

Jodee laughed. "Girl power bro. Girl. Power."

I rolled my eyes and kept placing the pieces where they belonged. When I was done I explained the rules of the game. I promised to take it easy, even though I was dying to see how badly I could dominate on the board. "Check." I said as we started the first round.

"Check what?" Jodee asked before looking at the kitchen. "Is the food burning?!"

"It's cute how clueless you are." I smirked. We played round after round. Slowly Jodee started to understand the game. But she hadn't won a single match. It was funny watching the frustration start to kick in. Her face was scrunched up and if she were a cartoon, steam would be coming out of her ears. We ate dinner as we played until finally Jodee just screamed in anger and flipped the board over the table. "Well there goes my knight..."  I muttered.

"I don't like that game! You keep winning."

"Yeah well that's the point isn't it?" I smirked.

She placed her chin on her hand and glared. "You know I still need to give you a tattoo." She stated randomly.

"Are you qualified?" I asked remembering our deal.

"Well my cousin is a tattoo artist." Jodee got up and made her way to the kitchen. She opened one of the cabinets and pulled out a few things. "I don't recommend what I'm doing, but I do have the special ink that you're suppose to use."

"Sounds risky..." I glanced at the needle and ink. I didn't think she would take me seriously when I told her I'd let her give me a tattoo. It was just something I promised to make her happy at that given moment. Now I felt a bit of dread set in.

"As Eagle said to Bear, 'It's risky not to take risks.'" Jodee quoted. I stared at her for a moment as she rolled her eyes. "You made a deal with me too."

I sighed in defeat. "A deal is a deal." I said showing her my wrist. "Tattoo me."

******************************

Blake's POV

I raked my fingers through my hair as I paced in my room thinking about what I had done earlier in the day. I was just so mad. I didn't intentionally mean to hit Cole, but even after swinging, I only felt remorse for a couple minutes. He had been pushing me to my limit. I had never seen him act the way he did today in the locker room. All his profound anger had suddenly come out like a raging bolt of lightning, followed by the thunder of his voice.

I grabbed the nearest thing to me, which happened to be my pencil holder, as I chucked it across my bedroom. The pens and pencils flew out, bouncing on the ground a second before rolling. I sat down on my rolling chair at my desk and turned on my laptop watching as the background fluttered to life. It was a red Lamborghini, my dream car that I'm hoping to buy someday, if I can.

I opened up the different tabs, clicking and reading different websites while scanning my email to see if Coach had updated me on what the scouts had been thinking or agreeing on. I would be enjoying them a lot more if I wasn't so worried about other things. Like Cole had said, I need this scholarship now. It doesn't seem like a dream anymore, it's a reality and if I don't get this scholarship, I don't know what I'll be doing.  I had never thought of a plan B.

I picked up my phone and dialed a number. The other line rang until I was sent to voice mail, "Hey it's Cali, I'm probably busy right now or ran out of battery, leave a message after the beeping noise and I'll return your call." The line gave the sharp beep leading me to voice mail.

My fingers had been tapping on the desk until they stopped with the disappointment of being sent to voice mail again. I was silent for a second before I spoke into the phone, "Cali it's Blake. We really need to talk...please answer when you can."

I hung up and stared at the phone for a moment as it laid in my hand. I clutched it tight before hurling it at the wall for it to land beside the pencils that I had spilled. "Goddammit!" I yelled at nothing in particular.

It wasn't just the whole baby thing. If it were that I would try to be handling it better but I know that Cali and Tori are, or were, friends and she is unaware of Tori's situation. The regrets from everything I had said or done this year were coming back. To the last fragment of what I said to Tori. Everything was a regret, I was trying to keep other people from regretting now.

Even Cali. Even if she wasn't always there for Tori. Even though I already know she regrets so much. But with everything happening recently I wouldn't want her to regret more. Not with what she's having to deal with. No one deserves the feeling of being alone. Yet she's not alone. If anything, I'm more than willing to help but Cali won't have it. She won't accept it.

I stood up heading downstairs. Mom was situated in the living room, folding a blanket that Mark had been using whenever he'd sleep over. Miraculously, his parents were able to convince him to stay at his house for the night. He made us swear to call him if anything were to happen. Which nothing was going to happen, just another flat line if anything.

I headed straight to the ladder to our old tree house as I walked across the backyard. The tree house was old and creaky from the years we had used it. Lately, it was just sitting outside like a forgotten toy. The ladder swayed as I climbed and reached the top. Inside were a couple chairs, some old sports gear like our baseball gloves or old footballs, and at the end was the small square window where I had fallen off of when I was in sixth grade. I broken my arm and couldn't play any sport until I healed.

The house had seemed so much bigger when I was a kid. Now it was tiny. I had to lean over so my head wouldn't hit the top, I could walk across the whole room in four large steps. And the window in which I had fallen out of, wasn't as big as I remembered it. To look outside of it, I had sat crissed-crossed at the bottom.

I looked up at the skyline of trees that blended in with the star filled sky. It was peaceful, the small breeze helped calm me down. Most animals and insects were still hibernating so there wasn't much sound but the wind rustling the branches. The leaves were slowly growing back and spring started but most of the trees were just left bare.

I chipped away at a piece of loose wood. "What do I dad?" I asked quietly. "You said I'd never be alone...you said you'd look out for me...be my guardian angel and lead me to the right choices. But I'm lost." I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them close looking up at the stars. "I feel so lost..."

I felt like a kid again. The little boy that hid underneath the blankets, listening to my mother sob and brothers cry. I felt the swell of sadness hit me as I realized again and again, that he was never coming back. I felt having to will myself not to cry because of the promise I had made. "I just...I just don't get it." I added in a couple seconds later as I looked up. "It all started with you...why'd it have to be you? Why not me instead? At least Cole and Shawn would have had each other. At least they would have had a real father. I...I wasn't nearly as important. And look at me now. If I had died, if I had cancer, I wouldn't be here right now. Wouldn't that be better?

"Cole and Shawn wouldn't hate me. Tori wouldn't be in the position she is now. Mark and her would probably be dating. Cali wouldn't be pregnant. And mom..." I looked down remembering what I used to call her before dad passed away, "Mommy wouldn't have to be disappointed. She'd have the perfect husband, the perfect children. Smart and funny. Not me. Not the sporty, stupid, player of a son that is nothing without sports. She wouldn't have to deal with my attitude or the fact that I'm going to be a father." I laughed without humor, dreading the moment I'd have to tell mom and Bill about that.

The world seemed so perfect without Blake Parris ever being born. Without Jacob Parris ever dying from cancer. "Why'd it have to be you?" I asked again placing my forehead against the edge of the window. "It's not fair dad, it's not fair." I wanted to cry, I really did. But I couldn't. I didn't know how. Everyone had left me at some point, I've become so accustomed to it, it didn't seem like something to cry over.

"All I want...is to be like you." My hands clenched and teeth gritted. "But I'm nothing compared to you. Nothing to what you were. You cared about everyone, everything. You treated mom right, you were a gentleman. You let everyone in. I can't do that. I can't treat people right. I can't let everyone in and let them get a hold of me and my emotions. I can't do it..."

I looked back up, pulling myself closer together to prevent the cool air from getting between me. "All I've ever wanted to do...to be...was like you...so I guess...my real dreams will never really come true."

******************************

That whole night, all I did was talk to my father. I had probably fallen asleep around midnight. The sun had shone directly onto my face the next morning as it's rays became present through the small tree house window. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes before quickly climbing down the ladder and entering my house.

It was silent. Ironically, the silence was deafening. Almost constricting. Every morning used to be sliced with ear-splitting screams and jokes. Now Cole was at his girlfriends house, Shawn was probably either asleep or stayed at Em's, Bill left to the hospital, and mom and Sue were likely sleeping.

It was weird having all of us split up. Usually we always stayed together, found ways to entertain ourselves inside the house. Mom, Bill, and Suzie really only left the house, and although mom was popular among the parents in the county, she wasn't going to be recognizable with my friends unless she was with us. Bill only had a small group of friends and Suzie had her little crowd.

Cole, Shawn, Tori, and I would always stay home. I guess it had to do with the fact we wanted to keep our family a secret yet at the same time, it was fun just relaxing and spending time at home. I expected my senior year to be hectic. For me to continuously be out of the house, hanging out with friends, and partying all night. It turned out to be quite the opposite.

I headed to my bedroom and picked up my phone off the floor where I had left it the day before. I stared at it, plugged it in to charge the battery before turning it on to check for any lost messages or calls. I sighed, throwing myself on my bed and closing my eyes. There was nothing on my phone except texts from people I really didn't want to talk to at the moment.

At this rate, Tori wasn't going to wake up anytime soon. It seemed selfish to try and push her to the back of my mind, to place her down as another brick to form my wall. There was nothing I could do though. Like my father, I'd gladly take her place, but I can't. I would take back the words I said to her, but I can't. I'd take back everything I had done to her the whole year, but...I can't.

Everyone always says I could do everything. Blake Parris can do this, Blake Parris is amazing. They're all wrong. They all have a perfect image of who they think Blake Parris is when in reality, I can't do half the things other people can do. I'm not smart or handy, I'm just muscle. Strip that down and I'm nothing. At least with Cole and Shawn they have another layer. Stripping down their physical appearances, Cole is still smart and Shawn is still a weirdo. Not with me. With me, there's nothing.

I sighed again and stared at my ceiling. I didn't know what to do, I really was lost. I felt like a mouse in a maze hoping to be taking the right turns towards the cheese. Unlike a mouse though, I didn't have the ability to smell my way out of the maze. I was just helplessly wandering around.

I grabbed my phone as it charged and punched in Cali's number only to hear her voice mail again. "Hey it's Cali, I'm probably busy right now or ran out of battery, leave a message after the beeping noise and I'll return your call."

I hung up before the beep even went off. "What the hell," I walked to my closet and quickly changed into a set of clothing that didn't smell like pine trees. I grabbed my jacket, getting my car keys and walked downstairs. Mom was cooking breakfast, she gave me a half smile before going back to the scrambled eggs. "I'll be right back." I told her.

"Be careful." She answered quietly. "And be back by lunch time please."

It didn't take long before I pulled up in Cali's driveway. I knew where her house was from the couple times I had gone over. It was harder to find now in broad daylight then in the dark, probably because I had never seen it during the day. There were a few things that I could recognize but once I pulled up into her driveway, ll I could do was sit in the car.

"What am I doing?" I asked aloud. It just made no sense to me. Why was I here? It was as if my conscious had taken over and brought me here. I stepped out and headed to the front door.

The air was cool and still. I was glad it was almost spring but I knew that soon it would become blazing hot. I took the steps up to the front door of the house and stared at the doorbell for a second. My finger hesitated before ringing it.

I stood there for what seemed forever before I heard the door unlock. Oddly, I didn't feel nervous. I felt anger swell. I quickly pushed it back down as I realized Cali hadn't opened the door. The last thing I wanted was to have knocked on the wrong house.

A middle aged man with black hair that looked to be slowly turning gray. His eyes narrowed on me, he looked almost disgusted. "And you are?" He asked. His eyes looked vaguely familiar. It took me a moment but I realized they were Cali's eyes.

I put my hand out which he grabbed keeping his eyes glued on mine. "I'm Blake Parris," I said shaking his hand, "You must be Cali's father. Pleasure to meet you sir." I didn't want to admit I didn't know his or his daughters last name. That would just add to my list of screw ups. "I was hoping to speak with your daughter." I added.

His cold glare hardened. "She's not here right now. I'll give her the message if you would like."

I nodded unsure exactly what to say. I doubt this man would like me to rant about how angry I am that Cali wouldn't just accept my help. So I said the first problem that popped into my head. "Your daughter is a good friend with Tori Linean, she's my friend too." I explained, "I just thought Cali would like know that Tori is in the hospital right now and we don't know what's going to happen."

Cali's father's eyes softened slightly. "I see...I'll tell Cali then."

I nodded, "Thank you sir." And started heading down the steps before turning to look back at him. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise." He answered shortly before closing the door.

******************************

I set the flowers down beside Tori's bed and took a seat watching her chest rise and fall with the beep of the machine. She looked so at ease, so peaceful. Even with all the machines wired and hooked on her she didn't seem to have a care in the world. Then again it's not like she was conscious of her surroundings.

I wondered what she was thinking or if she could even think. Maybe she was dreaming or wondering about what was going on outside of her head. If she could actually hear us, if she actually heard half the things we had told her, then she'd know she's loved.

My hopes had been rising over the last couple days. Thoughts of her coming back or ideas of us all laughing together again. Then I'd remember that it'll never happen. It always depends on the situation. Sometimes, when someone dies we're happy because they aren't suffering, because even though our lives are going on, here on earth, we know that our family member or friend is in a better place. But there are cases, like Tori's, when she'll leave and we'll be stuck here, suffering until our time. When we think it's almost selfish that we were left here mourning.

A world without my stepsister...in the beginning of the year I would have loved that idea. I would have gladly wanted Tori out of my life. Not necessarily her dying but her never coming in would have been a great appeal. Now it just seems depressing. Cole, Shawn, and I were headed to college though, there wasn't much time left anyways. But for Bill and Suzie...they couldn't even imagine.

It's hard to believe that even though Tori isn't out and about, our lives are still going on. After we got used to the schedule of what to do or where to go, we were able to fortify it around our other activities: My soccer, Cole's job, and Shawn's library visits. Mom would go to work some days or just work at home. Suzie would go to school and Bill just stayed home searching for a new job. It seemed like a whole new life.

As much as I love Tori, as much as I want her back, I can't think of having her back. All I think about is her never waking up. Being taken off of life support to just let her go as our money runs low. It was another brick I forced myself to stack up. After all, nothing was going to break my wall down.

I heard a knock on my door, causing me to look across Tori as the door creaked open. "Mr. Linean?" Said the person behind the door. I instantly stood up recognizing the voice. Cali walked in, her eyes widening when she saw me, she looked confused as to why I was here. Then she glanced at Tori and her expression changed to complete shock. Her eyes seemed to want to cry but she held the tears back. "Why are you here?" She asked keeping her eyes on my sister.

On impulse my eyes quickly looked down and Cali's stomach. I wasn't sure if I was expecting her to be blown up as a whale or flat like a pancake. Then again, I never understood women or their...changes. From what it looked like, Cali might have, in a tiny way, be showing a bump. "I was going to ask you the same thing." I said her looking back up at her face.

She wrapped her arms around herself. "My dad called and told me Tori was in the hospital. So I just needed to see for myself..."

"She was in the newspaper the other day." I stated causally.

"No one reads the newspaper anymore." She quickly added, "Unless you do...then I guess it's whatever." This was when the awkward silence fell between us. I bore my eyes at Cali, waiting for her to just look at me but she remained adamant on only looking at Tori. "What happened? Is this why she's never at school? Why Mark is being cold as stone? And you still haven't answered my first question," She moved her head to face my direction but didn't look directly at me. "Why are you here?"

So I started from the beginning. Cali listened to me talk about the wedding, about the promises we made not to tell anyone, about the secrecy. She kept her eyes glued on Tori, slowing walking to stand beside her as I explained the drama between Tori and Mark. The car crash and family issues we're dealing with now. I explained everything, up to the part when I knocked on her door and her father answered.

It was strange telling the whole secret. Strange because it was easy. I expected myself to get tongue tied or hesitant but it all flowed together. It felt like I was telling a story, nothing to difficult or odd. It was...easy.

When I mentioned her father, Cali tensed and I saw tears start to pile in her eyes. "Wow..." She finally said. "Can't believe you don't know my last name."

I flinched realizing I must have mentioned that somewhere in my story. "It just slipped my mind..."

Cali said nothing. It looked like she was processing everything in her head. Like everything that had happened and was happening was now making sense. She opened her mouth to say something but as she did so, Cole and Shawn bursted into the room.

"Dude!" Shawn shouted as he thrusted Cole in front of him. "Cole got a tat-" Shawn's eyes went wide as he stared between Cali and I. "Too...Hey Cali what's bangin--hanging! What is hanging? You look good."

Cole visually face palmed and pulled his arm out of Shawn's grasp. "You're an idiot." He said to our youngest brother.

Shawn's face fell. "I was just wondering! Jeez, I was just giving her a condomi--compliment! I was just giving her a compliment."

"Your saves are almost as reckless as your imagination." Cole muttered. They both started arguing about imagination and how to save a bad phrase. It was undoubtedly annoying.

"I should be going." Cali looked down and started heading for the door.

"Wait," I called after her. "Cali hang on." She rushed out the door and down the hallway. As I passed by Shawn I hit him behind the head. "You really are an idiot." I said to him before chasing after Cali. I called her name out several times but no matter what I did, she just sped walked away. When she reached the lobby, I gained enough room to run after her before she headed to the parking lot. I grabbed her arms and placed myself in front of her stopping her from leaving. "We need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about." Her eyes glued to the tile floor as she spoke. She tried to get past me until I stiffened and gripped her arms tighter.

"Like hell there isn't." I said bluntly. "Don't listen to Shawn. He's messed up in the head."

Cali shook her head. "No he's not. He just proves I'm a laughing stock."

"No you're not-"

"Dammit Blake! Yes I am. I am and you know it." Cali turned her head away. "I mean...what are people going to think anyways? I'll be judged for the rest of my life. And so will you."

"That's not..." I left the sentence hanging as I started to think about all the teen pregnancy jokes people would make while in high school. How they'd think it's so funny. How we always judge people before getting to know them. What if it was a mistake? Like Cali and me. What if another couple just had a mistake and had to deal with ridicule for the rest of their lives? Shawn always said society has a twisted and messed up way of excluding people.

High school was probably the worst place too. Walking down the hallway knowing people talk behind your back, possibly making fun of you. I could only imagine what people would say. Not necessarily about Cali and me, but in general. It's in an instant that people judge you. If you learn about their mistakes first, you stay away from them. If you get to know them and then learn, you realize they're not that bad. But there's a higher chance, that the crowd will judge you before you're allowed to do anything.

"Let me buy you a cup of coffee." I looked behind her at the small coffee shop that was situated in the middle of the hospital lobby. Cali didn't talk but allowed me to grab her hand and lead her to the small shop. After ordering, we took opposite seats on the cushioned chairs lined against the wall.

She still wouldn't make eye contact. I wasn't even sure if she had even looked at me yet. "Look at me." I instructed tilting my head to the side so I could see her face. She kept trying to shield it with a wall of her hair.

She shook her head. "I can't..."

"Why?"

"Because every time I do, all I can do is remember." She squeezed the cup of coffee in both her hands, staring down at her lap. I lent over, pulling her chin up with my hand and tucking her hair behind her ear with other. She looked up at me and in a matter of seconds I saw tears start to well up in her eyes again. "Why did this happen to us?" She asked.

I dropped my hand and looked away for a moment before giving her a emotionless smile, "Sometimes the world likes to throw curve balls at us. We think they're going in one direction, but they're not."

Cali nodded, wiping away her first fallen tear. She sniffed trying to hold it all in. I looked back down at her stomach and didn't move my gaze. "Do you really want to abort?" I asked.

She nodded.

I felt like a piece of ice just jabbed inside my stomach was slowly being pulled up. "Why?" I asked. This could be my last chance to be like my father. To care and cherish someone and tuck them into bed just like my dad did with me. To hold them and learn to be an affectionate person. It could be my one shot to learn responsibility, no matter how great, and to find out what it is to be a father.

Cali let out a shaky sigh. "Because with everything happening right now I doubt a child would help the situation."

I let out a loud laugh. "Bullshit. You didn't even know about Tori till recently. You made the abortion decision before you found out about Tori. Now seriously Cali, why?" When she didn't answer I started asking. "Is it because of the financial needs?"

She shook her head. "Yes but not really."

"Are you afraid?"

"Yes..." Her voice got shaky.

"Do you feel alone?" At this point she couldn't speak and just nodded her head. "But I'm telling you that I'll be there." I nearly shouted. "How many guys actually stick around Cali? Tell me. Because I have told you again and again that if you or your family can't handle it, me and mine can. So I don't understand why you feel alone when my brothers and I are so willing to help."

She finally stared at me straight in the eye. Her eyes were glossed over, filled with unfallen tears. And as she spoke they would trip against her cheek as they fell down onto her lap. "Have you told your parents?" I shook my head slowly. She chocked back, "Well I have...they kicked me out Blake. They threw me out like a wet rag."

I swallowed hard as I watched Cali break down. I didn't know how to comfort her. When dad had died, I was able to hold onto Cole and Shawn because I felt their pain. Because I knew what it felt to loose a father. This time was just like when Shawn and Em broke up. When Shawn had been sobbing his heart out and I didn't know what to do. Like now. I didn't know what it felt like to have a broken heart, just like I didn't know what it was like to get kicked out. So I wasn't sure how I was suppose to comfort Cali as she cried.

I moved in beside her, having to pick her up to sit down on the same chair as her. "I just want to go home." She blubbered on as she hid in my chest to cover her crying. "I want to go home Blake...I just want to go home."

I tried soothing Cali by rubbing her back gently. Some people would walk by but most didn't even seem to give a second glance. It was a hospital, things were bound to happen. "Could you tell me what happened?" I asked.

Cali hiccuped a few times before she managed to speak. "I was scared...I wanted to know I had some sort of support. So while my parents were down in the living room I decided to tell them. My mom just shook her head and cried. My dad was furious and demanded to know who the father was." Cali sighed closing her eyes and lying her head against me. Silent tears kept spilling and running down her soaked cheeks. "I made a mistake and told him I didn't know. I guess he thought I slept around with a lot of guys because he only got even more upset."

It would explain why Cali's father looked so furious and disgusted when I had gone over earlier in the day. He probably couldn't imagine his daughter doing such things.

Cali continued, "He grabbed me and threw me out. He just threw me on the front mat and told me he didn't want a screw up of a daughter. He closed the door, locked it, left me there the whole day. I cried and cried. I tried getting in through any other door, even the windows. I sobbed and asked to talk to him. I would see my mom at the window but she'd do nothing. I heard her and my father have an argument but it didn't seem to affect their decision.

"When it started getting dark, I curled myself outside the front door. I begged them. I watched neighbors drive by and wonder what was going on. Finally, my dad opened the door. I clung onto him hoping he wouldn't make me let go. He didn't move though, it was like hugging a rock. I asked for him to forgive me, I told him I loved him and that I was sorry but he finally just looked at me in the eye and told me I could come back home if I chose to get rid of the child.

"He said he didn't even want the kid to be born. That it could cause problems in the future. He said he'd let me back in if I chose to abort. He told me to do it before it's too late. I hesitated when he said I had to go through the abortion. I told him I didn't want to abort and as soon as I said that, he threw me out again. I pushed against the door and screamed. I called for my mom but she just watched at the top of the staircase with her hand over her mouth and tears running down her face. She did nothing.

"My dad hit me for the first time that day. I was so in shock I didn't realize he had already closed the door behind him. All I did was sob. I had nowhere to go Blake. All I had were the clothes I was wearing and two dollars in my pocket that I'd use for the vending machines at school. So I had nowhere and no one to go to. It was like all the love my parents had given me over the years, the kisses, the hugs, the I love you's, it all just vanished. I had no one..."

I was left speechless. I wasn't sure what to do or what to say. "Wow..." I managed after a couple minutes of silence. Under my breath I muttered, "I'm the freaking king of ruining people's lives."

"Huh?" Cali asked opening her eyes. She had finally stopped crying but her eyes were puffy and cheeks stained with dried tears.

"Nothing." I answered quickly. "What did you do then?"

She sighed, "Around one in the morning my dad came out with a backpack and suitcase. My backpack had all my school things. My suitcase had clothes and money. He was nice enough to give me my phone too. I was able to call my big brother Jake to pick me up. He lives about thirty minutes away from here in an apartment complex beside the Mega-Store.

"The last thing my dad told me was I could come back home as soon as I got rid of the kid." Cali paused. "After that Jake picked me up and I've been living with him for the last couple days. He said he wants to beat you to pulp but when he heard you were Blake Parris his face drained in color."

I couldn't help but chuckle at the last comment. Even with the story I was just told, I found it amusing and enlightening that Cali was able to end it on a soft tone. "Did he go to our school?"

Cali nodded. "He graduated last year. He says he remembers you taking his place in football when you were a sophomore. I think. I'm not sure. Jake says he's cool with that now because he has a different reason to hate you."

Everything that happened to Cali didn't seem fair to me. No matter how much someone messes up, they don't deserve to be treated the way she was. To be kicked out of her own home. Now it made sense though. She just wanted back in with her family. To have whatever relationship she had before this baby crisis with her parents. Hoping that they'd forgive her and take her back in. I wasn't sure if it'd still be their little happy family but at least Cali would have someone.

"If you ever need a place to stay," I said cutting the silence, "My family would be glad to have you Cali."

She shook her head, "You haven't even told your parents yet. What if they do the same to you? M-My parents aren't even talking to me. They know I'm staying with Jake but they never ask about me. Today was the first time they even mentioned my name, but only to Jake. They gave him the message to pass down to me but that's about it. I don't think they're even going to pay for my college. And I can't keep living with Jake, he has his own job and bills to worry about. Your family is probably going to be the same. I can't do tha-"

I cupped my hand over her mouth and looked down at her stomach. I placed my free hand on her stomach just below her belly button and felt a small bump already forming. It was probably too late to abort anyways. I was hoping it would be, then there wouldn't be another reason or excuse, it would just have to happen. "You're part of our family now." I kissed Cali's forehead. "So don't worry about my mom and Bill. I can't say they'll be happy, but I know, I really know, that they'll help us. I promise."

Cali nodded. Her figure seemed to relax like a giant weight was lifted off of her shoulders. She wrapped her arms around my torso and hugged me close as I did the same with her. "I don't know a lot about you Blake." She said quietly. "I just know you're the school's god, you're a player, both on the field of sports and girls, and you can be a jackass at times. But I never knew you were secretly...sweet."

For the first time in days, I smiled. A real smile. "Well...it would be my honor to ask you on a date."

"A date?" Cali looked up at me. "How many have you gone on?"

I grinned, "This would be my very first."

I knew she was trying not to but Cali smiled. She must have been shocked yet relieved. Her face had turned a slight pink and looked like her crying episode had subsided. "I'd love to Blake."

I grinned, "I seriously hope you've been on a date before because I have no freaking clue where to take you."

******************************

Just because one problem seemed to be fixed didn't mean they all were. Cali and I had spoken a little bit more before she decided to go home--well whatever she considered to be home now. We didn't necessarily talk about being parents, more so on how Tori was going to hold up. With everything that had happened between Tori and Cali, I was slightly shocked to hear just how much Cali cared about her friend. Apparently, Cali's father had always considered Tori a good role model, which is why he decided to call and tell Cali about Tori's situation.

When I arrived home that night, Cole still hadn't talked to me. He didn't seem angry, from the feeling I was getting off of him, he just seemed disappointed. Shawn had to act like a bridge as he tried to get us to speak to each other, it didn't work. He would finally just give up and play games on his phone. Or make really weird faces as he took selfies.

I blacked out the rest of the night. Just laying on my bed as the my music blasted out of my Bluetooth speaker. I kept throwing a football up in the air thinking about the recent days. I started wondering about what the scouts thought the other day I played. Cole and Shawn passed the ball to me every chance they had but even so I didn't want to seem like I was demanding for the attention, so I'd pass it along.

We won in the end. I had scored two goals and assisted in one. I played my heart out even if it was heavy. After the game, I saw Coach shaking the scouts hands. As they turned to leave, Coach gave me a thumbs up. They had told Coach that I was interesting. Interesting. What does that even mean? Does that mean they think I'm good or just average? Coach said it meant I was great but then again, how would he know? They could have just been trying to be polite.

The scouts talked to me for about five minutes. They said I had potential. Potential. That could mean I'm good but not good enough...at least not yet. They said it was a pleasure to watch me play, shook my hand, and left. I didn't know whether I was nervous, anxious, or expected them to do cartwheels but they didn't seem at all impressed. Coach said otherwise. I still had my doubts.

I would have felt more confident if Tori was there...

I hadn't noticed that with all my thinking, the sun had gone down. It was strange for me to sit down and reflect on everything. I had never done it until recently. Usually, I just moved on. I would float with the current without looking back, hoping I wouldn't get caught up on a rock. I realized now that at the time the thought of just moving along without thinking made me feel free but it also made me stupid. Blind.

I lowered the volume of my music and grabbed my backpack hoisting it up on my bed. I looked through the papers and books, opening binders and reading the grades on some of the tests and quizzes I had gotten back from my teachers. I noticed the way I had progressed academically as the year went on. I had never been anything but average but now I saw myself making A's and B's instead of just B's and C's. After all, I had to be passing in all of my classes to be allowed to play for a school sport.

I don't know how long I stood reading all my tests and quizzes underneath the small desk light I had but when I finally glanced at my the time I realized it was already midnight. I had spent so much time reviewing everything, noticing careless mistakes and flinching at some of the essays I had to write for Literature.

The house had gone completely silent. I could bet my money that Bill was at the hospital taking his turn to spend the night because of it being a school night. It was so quiet, I realized that everyone must have fallen asleep.

As quietly as I could, I stood up and turned my lamp off. The only thing illuminating my room was the moonlight that streaked in through the window. I tried to silently walk across my room, ending up making the floor creak as I took steps.

I made my way into the hallway, knowing what I wanted to do right now as I walked down the hall to Cole's room. When I reached his door, I slowly opened it knowing he was asleep. No matter what, he always went to sleep early on school nights. He believed in having eight hours of sleep, which I don't understand how he gets the time to sleep and do all his homework and extra curricular activities. I swear I couldn't believe he had gotten into Harvard. Truth be told, I was so proud when I heard he was actually a genius.

Cole lay still on his bed, lightly snoring as his chest rose and fell in a steady beat. He was on his stomach with part of his hand hanging off the bed and the blankets wrapped around him. His hair had gone crazy and was sticking in all sorts or directions.

I walked closer, letting my socks slide against the floor so it wouldn't make as much noise. I tilted my head to side as I looked at his hand, on the inner side of his wrist was a small heart. Like a switch it clicked to me that it was the tattoo that Shawn had been talking about. I almost chuckled at the thought of Cole getting a tattoo. It was obvious Jodee had given it to him, she had one that was exactly the same.

I moved over to Cole's side and squatted down to be eye level with him. He was still snoring lightly and it gave me a feeling to laugh but I decided against it. Instead, I lightly shook his arm. At first he didn't respond but then his face scrunched up. He was groggy and filled with sleep but managed to ask, "What?"

I wasn't sure if he was really aware of everything or if he was still in a trance. Either way I lent over and kissed his head. "I'm sorry for what I did...what I do. I love you little brother, always have always will. I'm sorry I'm not good at showing it."

Cole didn't answer, so I knew he was sleeping again. I stood up getting ready to leave until Cole's hand reached out and grabbed my wrist. "I love you too." He said.

I didn't want to admit how good it made me feel in the inside. Instead, I grinned even though he probably couldn't see due to the darkness. "I know. Everyone love's Blake Parris."

"I take it back." He grumbled, "You're an ass."

I laughed, "I very good looking on-"

He cut me off. "That can't be nice for two seconds."

"I'm stubborn. What can I say?"  I said with a shrug.

"Now I know for sure you're an ass." Cole chuckled. "Now get out. You're interfering with my beauty sleep."

I smirked. "What beauty?"

Cole threw a pillow at me before realizing his mistake that it was his only pillow. "Give it back."

I fluffed the pillow between my hands. "You threw it at me."

"Now I'm asking for you to give it back." He sat up and turned on the lamp beside his bed. "I'm tired Blake, give it back."

"You're going to have to come and get it." I pushed the pillow in the front of my sweatpants, glad that they had an elastic waistband.

"Ew I'm not getting that back." Cole rubbed one eye while glancing at me with a bit of disgust on his face.

I shrugged, "Your loss."

I started heading out of his room but before I could make it to the doorway Cole yelled, "My pillow!" And suddenly I felt him on my back. "Give it back!"

I laughed and spun around trying to shake him off. "You threw it at me. Obviously you didn't want it."

"Give me my pillow! I want to sleep!"

"Even though my man parts have been all over it?" I shook side to side trying to get him to fall off my back. I probably looked like a rodeo bull shaking the cowboy off my back.

"There's another side." He countered, hitting me on my shoulder blade. "Give it back! It smells like mangoes and I need my mangoes."

"What is going on?" Shawn entered the room wearing a regular gray shirt with a pair of matching Hello Kitty pants. Cole and I stared at the pants for a second watching as Shawn looked down at them as well. "What? They were on sale." He grumbled crossing his arms. "I think it makes my butt look great."

Cole and I both leaned to the side as Shawn displayed his butt to us. "Just as beautiful as Cole's beauty sleep." I smirked.

Cole hit me again, "Give me my pillow!"

Shawn gasped, "What are you doing to his pillow?! Wasn't it bad enough you wanted to be on soccer porn!? Jeez Blake! Pillow porn too?"

"He threw it at me!" I answered as Cole tried reaching for his pillow before I threw him off my back and onto the floor. "Plus it's not like I'm moving in on his pillow. I have my own."

Cole's eyebrow went up as a devious smile spread across his face. "Shawn-ator! There is your enemy, attack!" He yelled pointing his finger at me.

I only had a brief second to think before Shawn made a war cry resembling of that of Tarzan. He threw himself on me and started to shake me back and forth like a raging gorilla. "Shawn!" I shouted while he climbed on my back.

"Who is this Shawn you speak of?" Shawn grabbed the nearest thing to him and started beating my legs. "I am Shawn-ator you oversized incompetent plank!"

My eyebrows knitted together, "What's a plank?"

Shawn rolled his eyes, "Obviously it's not good. Jeez Blake, use your context clues."

I looked in the direction where Cole had been but saw nothing. A couple seconds of Shawn-ator torment later, Cole walked in with my pillow in his hand. I pointed a finger at it, "Don't touch that. It has a lot of memories."

Cole laughed and tried spinning the pillow on the tip of his finger, "Like what?"

Shawn pretended to eat my shoulder while making noises that sounded like the Cookie Monster. "I drooled on it that one time." I answered Cole. It was true, I don't remember exactly when but I had drooled on my pillow. Sue me.

"Well then," Cole took a stance and Shawn gasped loudly. "I challenge you to a pillow fight." Cole said in full seriousness.

Shawn jumped off my back and stared wide eyed, "Shit just got real."

I smirked and pulled the pillow out my pants, "You're on sissy."

I would like to say that the rest of the night had gone smoothly after Cole had challenged me. All we did was run, jump, and break things in his room. Shawn was like our referee. He called fouls whenever Cole and I would hit each other with something that wasn't our pillows.

Mom had woken up a couple minutes later when she heard us screaming, told us to quiet down even though she knew there was no possible way that would happen. Even Suzie had woken up but when she saw us she just giggled and went back to her room shaking her head as if she were happy to see we were having fun. Or maybe she found it funny that two senior guys were having a pillow fight as the other kept yelling that side-head whacking was against the rules.

Cole and I collapsed on his bed after a half hour of chasing each other around the room. We were breathing hard and I was shocked to see I was sweating a bit. I laughed, "Who would of thought pillow fights are work outs?"

Cole shook his head while laughing, "A pillow has never felt heavier." He turned his head and looked at me. "I call a truce."

"Way ahead of you." We gave each other a high-five and held our hands together for a few seconds  before relaxing. Shawn was laughing hysterically on the ground. "What's so funny?"

He started rolling on the ground, panting hard from the lack of air in his lungs. He sat up and wiped a tear, "What if two squirrels had a pillow fight? Their little arms would be as useless as a penguin in flight." He continued to laugh hysterically, causing Cole and I to laugh with him due to his contagious laughter.

******************************

Sadly, my morning had not been as good as my night. When I woke up I realized how much fun I had. I realized how much I had missed out and that I was a complete asshole to my family. Not to mention that I had ruined the lives of many. If those happy thoughts weren't enough to get me in a bad mood, the fact that someone ate my Oreo cookies was.

Then mom had to head back to the hospital. Overnight, while we had a blast, Tori had gone critical again. Everything had seemed to drop making everyone's morning sour. Cole's smile instantly faded, replaced by a look of nausea. Shawn tried keeping his hopes up by placing a lot of whipped cream on his pancakes. Suzie was just silent. Whenever she was quiet, it meant something was wrong. Sue is never quiet, she's always active and happy.

I couldn't even eat breakfast. The cereal in my bowl got all soggy as mom rushed out the door quickly giving us a pushed smile, "It'll be fine." She said blowing us kisses. "It'll be fine." I heard her murmur quietly to herself as she got in the car.

Suzie stared up at us with her big brown eyes, "Tori's going to be ok right?"

I couldn't find myself to look at her. Cole was the one that spoke up first. "Course she's going to be ok. She's Tori." He stood up and grabbed her backpack as she walked towards him. "Now come on, you have school."

Suzie nodded and headed to the garage as Cole grabbed the keys to his car. He glanced at us quickly, probably going to ask if we were going with him but Shawn and I were still in our Pj's. At least Shawn had switched out of his Hello Kitty pants to something more...normal.

"Well catch up with you at school." Shawn answered.

Cole nodded, "I'll be at Chess meeting, so I'll see you guys in math."

I smirked, "Chess meeting?"

"Oh grow up." Cole sneered before closing the door behind Suzie and him.

Shawn shook his head, "And I thought Mr. Monkey-Pants was nerd."

I pushed a smile even though I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about and threw a piece of cereal at him. "Get dressed, we have to get to school."

Shawn groaned and threw himself back in his chair. "Why? Why does the government put us through this torture? I mean, if they really did capture terrorists, they should just make them have to sit through an hour of calculus. I bet their heads would explode."

I shrugged, "You don't have to go to school."

"Really?" He perked up.

I shook my head, "Nah you don't have to go. But I'd bet Emily wouldn't be all too happy...and without you there, guys will probably stare at her. After all...she's dating a Parris." I pretended to be chipping off the end of one of my nails as Shawn thought about it.

In my head I calculated about five seconds before he jumped up so fast the chair behind him fell. "Why the heck are you still sitting there?!" He boomed. "We gotta go!"

"Get dressed first." I got up and shoved his head towards the stairs. "And brush your teeth. I don't think Em would kiss you with that breath."

By the time we arrived to school, everyone was getting ready for their first period class. I headed to my locker and started filling my backpack up with textbooks and binders. People would walk by and give me looks. A couple guys would shout their, "Sup Blake!" Before walking back down the hallway as if they owned the place. I couldn't help but smirk.

Yeah right, I thought.

Some of my old girlfriends, if you even want to call them that, would walk up to me and place their hand against my chest as they seductively smiled. In the past, I would have probably smiled back. But not now. Not with everything going on. Now it was a short, "Get away from me."

A few guys came up to me, trying to get me to talk. In the end they got frustrated that I wouldn't answer. They'd walk away asking each other what was wrong with me. I heard one guy remark, "Maybe he didn't get the scholarship." Just by listening to that I realized that new rumors were about to start running through the school blood lines.

Some of my teammates from both the soccer and football teams came up with a way to try and get me to talk. "So what's up Blake?" One asked.

"The sky." I yawned and grabbed my math textbook.

"No I mean, what's happening?" He added. "Heard you punched Cole the other day in the locker room."

I didn't want people to think my brothers and I weren't getting along, so I tried to quickly come up with a remark. "Heard you got an STD." I answer swiftly. It was harsh I admit but it was the only way I could figure to get him to shut up.

"No I didn't!" He shouted. Obviously he was afraid that a rumor would start.

I gave my poker face. "Then I didn't punch Cole."

"Whatever man." He grabbed his posse of friends and walked away. This person I had once called a 'freind' probably thought I was being a prick. Odd how to everyone else I had turned to the better. I guess it really did depend on the point of view each person had.

I saw Cole walking out of a classroom and followed after him calling, "Ah! So there's nerdy boy." He spun on his heels and sent me a death glare. I chuckled and walked by him as we headed to our classes. "Everyone thinks I'm a jerk." I said with a shrug.

"I'm pretty sure they've always thought that."

"True."

We went quiet for second. "Any news from Tori?" Cole asked.

I shook my head. "I haven't heard my phone buzz or anything." I pulled my phone out and rose the volume so I would be able to hear it ring in case it does. "She's fine Cole," I said when I saw his pale face. "No need to worry."

"No I am worrying." He sighed, "Mom looked really upset this morning."

I didn't want to admit that I didn't think Tori would be able to live through this one. It seemed like a while since I had really started thinking about it again but now as I remember mom's face, I realized that I shouldn't have delayed my process of building my wall. Even for the shortest time I let Cole and Shawn in, it was great, nice actually but it distracted me from actually paying attention to what mattered: Tori.

"She always looks upset when she goes to the hospital." I muttered.

"But-"

"Just forget about it Cole!" I snapped. "Relax!"

He stood quiet and nodded. "Yeah...ok sure. Whatever." I felt frustrated with myself knowing I had just pushed Cole back again. Life really just wasn't fair.

The day went by as slowly as possible. Thirty minutes felt like two hours and a full hour felt like eternity. I was glad when math came around. It was the only class that Cole, Shawn, and I had together. And Mark was in it too. Over the last couple days the four of use would sit in the back corner together, copying off of Cole's work because we weren't paying attention to the lecture.

Mr. Farlez, our psychotic math teacher, told us to take our seats the moment he stepped into class. A couple seconds later the bell ran signifying that class has started. We watched as he combined symbols and numbers all together on the board. I rose my hand. "Yes Blake?" Mr. Farlez called on.

"I don't get this." I stated bluntly.

"Well when you place the three here-" He pointed at another random symbol as I cut him off.

"No I mean, how is this ever going to be useful in my life? Shouldn't I be learning how to calculate taxes? Because frankly Mr. Farlez, I am never going to work for NASA."

"Yes well," He forced a smile, "The day you would work for NASA would be the day the world loses it's mind."

I didn't feel slightly offended by his remark. A few people looked shocked, others tried not to grin. "Oh! F Dawg got ya good Blake!" Shawn stood up and casually walked over to Mr. Farlez. "Up top F Dawg!" Mr. Farlez gave Shawn a death glare causing Shawn to lower his raised hand. "Or leave me hanging, it's cool it's cool."

I somewhat pitied Mr. Farlez, having to deal with the three of us in one class together. I'm pretty sure his hair had turned a lot more gray than usual throughout the year. "I still think life lessons are more important." I added, "I mean-"

That's when I heard it. It was like hearing the death bells ringing outside. Everyone turned to look at me as my phone went off. The ring tone sang it's annoying tune as it vibrated in my front pocket. Cole, Shawn, and Mark all looked down at my jeans with horrified expressions.

"Well are you going to answer that?" Mr. Farlez kept glaring at me with a hateful look. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

I pulled my phone out and stared at the screen: Mom.

"You answer it." I handed it to Cole who handed it back to me. I closed my eyes. Mom never called us. She never ever ever called. She'd send texts but never call us. Especially not at school. "Hello?" I said after hitting the green button.

What I heard snapped my heart in half. Mom stood on the other line sobbing. I could hear her trying to make out words but she was only talking gibberish so it was hard to understand. I turned to look at Cole, Shawn, and Mark. The whole class was watching but only the four of us were understanding what had happened.

I knew it, I thought to myself, I knew she wouldn't make it out.

Cole seemed to turn a shade of green as he listened in to our crying mother. Then there was Shawn who laid his head on the desk and formed a wall around him using his arms. And Mark...he just sat there like he couldn't believe what was happening. It looked like he was confused whether to be angry or sad.

I closed my eyes and sighed. Tori was gone. It had happened. Now was when it all hit me. Now is when I realized that nothing would ever be the same. That no matter how happy I can be one day, the next day could cause my view to change. I thought of mom and Bill's relationship, hoping that nothing would happen to them. I thought of Suzie and how she's lost more than just a mother but her older sister that had promised to watch over her. I thought of Mark and how much he truly loves Tori. How he never even got the chance to properly tell her.

It didn't matter at this point. Because now and forever for the rest of our lives we'd be carrying the weight in our hearts. Just like I constantly carry my dad around with me, now I'll add in someone else. Just someone more to carry with me.

"Mom?" I said into the phone, "Mom are you there?"

I didn't care that whole classroom was watching or that some people were already texting and telling their friends that something had probably happened with the Parris Trips. I didn't care that my math teacher stood in the front of the classroom giving me a death glare and quiet possibly signing me up for detention. Everything faded away.

I heard mom sniffle a few times. "I-I'm fine." She took a deep breath. "When can you boys get down here?"

"Right now," I stood up and grabbed Cole's arm, "We'll be there in a couple minutes."

Mom sniffled before crying again. I heard the phone shuffle around a bit and thought Bill was going to talk to me. Instead I heard a raspy and raw voice.

"Cake?"

*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*

Bad chapter, I know. Honestly I really missed Tori.

And I've been super busy but I'll try to update ASAP to suit this cliffhanger, even though that y'all may be happy she's not dead. She has to solve her issues with Blake and Mark. As well as soccer. There is more to come and I'll try to start writing next chapter ASAP.

Please comment what you think, I really need feedback. I know it wasn't a great chapter, it was mostly a filler but again, didn't want to rush the process. No book to me seems realistic if BAM car crash and then BAM next chapter she's totally fine. Like what's the fun in that?

Again, Comment, please. And click the little star button at the bottom :) Love you guys!

Vote

Comment

Share

Thanks