26. Making memories.

Amelia:

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" He asked rubbing his palms together as he dug excitedly at my kitchen cabinets.

"I thought you wanted to talk" I leaned against the fridge, not risking an entrance into his temporary territory.

He twisted his neck to glance at me with a frown "I never said that"

I blinked in confusion "I lied to my mother about work for you Arthur. This better be important"

"Of course this is important" he went back to whatever he was looking for "I've never cooked vegetarian food before. This is a momentous occasion"

He's cooking? For the both of us?

"Why?"

"Why what?" he chanced me a look after he found a pack of pasta in one of the cabinets.

"Why are you cooking here when you will have to go out and feed yourself after this anyways" his back stiffened. I could see the goofiness he was trying to fake. I don't deserve this after all that I've been going through for him. I just want him to leave me alone. Is honesty too much to ask for?

"I can eat other food too" He said without looking at me.

"But you don't enjoy it" Was he kidding me? "So all I'm asking is why. I see no reason for you to be cooking me food that you don't even like"

He slammed his palm on the counter shutting me up in the process "Can't you just live in the moment?"

"I....I....no" I cleared my throat "No. I need to know why" I said firmer this time "You are doing the same thing all over again. You are confusing me, lying to me, shutting me with your dominance when I ask for an explanation. That's what you have been doing for the past decade and that's what you are doing now. The only difference is that you detested and avoided me all those years and are now confusing me with your friendliness. I don't want it"

His shoulder slumped "You don't want it" he breathed.

"I....." Damn I can't fall weak now. I've been prepared for this. Ever since he almost marked me two days ago at the resort I've been building up courage to fight him. I need to remember who he is. "We need to talk Arthur"

He didn't respond.

"Arthur"

"I've been a horrible mate" He started "All I've ever given you is pain. I know a couple of weeks aren't enough to correct that but I want to give it a shot. I want to tell you how sorry I'm for destroying your life" He turned to face me leaning against the isle "I'm not good with words. I've never been good at that. I thought my actions could show you my heart. So when you are randomly reminded of me a few decades from now, something other than fear and blood will be the trigger. Is that answer enough?"

I looked at him look at me and all the courage and fight that I gathered left me. Why does he do this to me? Why do I let him do this? There's a lot I want to say but how do I refute him after this?

"White sauce" I found myself saying "I don't like tomatoes. I prefer white sauce pasta"

I watched the shock in his face turn into a smile. A smile I can't describe because I never saw him wear it before. It made my stomach flutter and my heart ache at the same time. I tried to look away. Tried.

"Thank you" he was grinning now. Why am I such a coward when it comes to him?

"After we eat......" I started.

"We will talk" He promised.

I nodded.

With one final grin my way, he started to work on the pasta.

"Do you need my help" I was bored after a while and my hands itched to help him when he started chopping the vegetables wrong. Uneven pieces of mushrooms give me nightmares. I couldn't outright say that to his face considering how happy he looked while concentrating on the little mushroom in his giant hand.

"I got this" he smiled at me reassuringly. There was that smile again. I don't like it. It's unsettling.

After another couple of uncomfortable silence I couldn't hold myself back "Be honest. You never cooked something like this before, have you?"

He fumbled with the knife in his hand "There's always a first" he shrugged trying to act cool.

I bit the inside of my lip trying not to let a laugh slip. "Right" I nodded "Why don't I show you. You can try yours some other day"

"I got this" He insisted.

"Okay" I raised my hands in surrender "If it's your way of trying to make up to me, why don't you cook something you tried before? What can you make?"

He took a while to answer. I almost thought he wouldn't bother with it. "Toast" he finally muttered. I raised a brow urging him to continue "Coffee?" he offered.

I lost it at Coffee and burst out laughing.

"Yeah go on" he looked embarrassed "laugh at me"

I held my chest trying to stop laughing. I shouldn't laugh at his face.

"You......I'll give you a few points for your bravery. You walked into the kitchen like a pro" I gave him a thumbs up.

"I can still make it. I read the recipes" He said

"Yeah right" I nodded moving away from the fridge to walk up to him "Move" I told him. He moved back a small step "The knife..." he readily held his hand out "no put it on the isle. I'll take it"

"Why can't you take it from me?"

"Just put it there. I'll take it"

"Take it from me" he repeated stubbornly.

"What's your problem?" I glared at him.

He smirked in response "It's another of your superstitions isn't it?"

"Fine" I went to take it from him but he raised his hand out of my reach "give it to me"

"I need answers first"

"I'm taking it from you. What's your problem now?" I could feel heat creeping up my face. Spirits! He's not going to let it go. I should have watched my words. This is embarrassing.

"What does this superstition mean? I'm genuinely curious"

"No you are not" I attempted to take it from him but let's admit it, even my tall self is at least a couple of inches shorter than him "Give. It. Back"

"Who dies this time?" he grinned.

"No one dies" I gave up "I'll go pull another one"

He dropped the knife on the isle "Happy?"

I scoffed and picked it up "Will you tell me now"

"Why?" I stirred the pasta in the hot water before moving to the vegetables "You don't believe in them"

"They make interesting stories. I'm curious" He jumped on the counter and settled himself there.

"There are a lot of things I've been curious about over the years. I never got answers. How does that feel?"

"Come on" he groaned "It's not like I'm asking you to declare your love for me. It's just a stupid superstition"

Nope. I didn't hear that. He doesn't know it. It's just a figure of speech.

"When I was in my first year of college" I said laying down the ingredients for the sauce "The four days I spent with your animal. I want to know what happened. You never explained it to me"

"All of this for a superstition?"

"Take it or leave it"

"Fine" he shrugged "Now that I've decided to be a good mate...."

"For two weeks" I reminded him

"For two weeks" he chuckled "I can tell you. First year of college......Ah! Yes. The pub?"

I nodded eagerly. How long have I wanted to know what went on that week "Why did I end up at your place?"

"You were drunk" He said "I of course was younger and had less control over my animal. I followed you into the pub. You got so drunk that at one point, I was sitting right next to you, ordering a drink for you and you didn't recognize me. No hate. No fear" He smiled looking at me "I tested my luck and asked you to a dance and you surprisingly agreed" He smirked at the shock with which I put the spoon in my hand down.

"You are kidding"

His smirk widened as he shook his head "The truth"

"So we danced?" I raised a brow and he nodded "Okay. You asked me to dance and I agreed" I tried to understand "It wasn't my fault. Why were you angry when I woke up?"

His smirk fell "You kissed me"

My eyes widened. I slammed my hands over my mouth to muffle a gasp. He held my gaze with his own and I knew he was speaking the truth.

"I'm sorry" I hurriedly apologized "I'm so sorry Arthur" Of course he got mad. I molested him. I didn't know I had in me to do that. Where were my f*cking friends when I needed them?

He jumped off the counter and stood in front of me cornering me against the isle "We aren't at the point where you should apologize yet Amelia. I'm getting to that"

I did more? Spirits! I'm going to kill Kayla. Where the f*ck was she when I went around embarrassing myself?

"Our first kiss" his eyes stopped at my lips and I fumbled trying to move away "I was in a happy trance"

Yeah I need to get away. Wait! What? I blinked before concentrating on him. He said happy?

He grabbed my hand on the counter and brought it to his chest and held it there "I thought my heart would burst at how fast it was running" That's.....new? "And you know what you said when you broke the kiss?" I shook my head dumbly "You said it felt like a dream. I agreed"

I don't like where this is going. There's this needle at the back of my head that's poking me. F*ck Amelia. You were born a mess.

"And then the lips that I just kissed uttered a name that wasn't mine"

I knew it!

I knew my dirty fantasies would land me in trouble one day. Wait! I already received my punishment for that. Why do I fear him now? If he didn't kill me then, he's definitely not going to kill me now. He's playing nice for the next few days, isn't he?

So I laughed, awkwardly at first and then a full blown one "That's one funny story" I laughed a little more "Be sure to tell your grandkids about it"

"I don't like kids" he deadpanned "I'm sure I won't have one of those to pass the information on"

"Oh"

"Yeah! So what are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing" I shrugged "Spirits! The sauce" I turned to the stove quickly "It was almost ruined" I sighed in relief as I set it down to cool freezing in the process when I felt his breath on my nape "Arthur"

"It was our first kiss" he breathed "You ruined it"

"I'm sorry"

"After that day I knew I had to tell you what you were to me. I couldn't watch you dream about another man. You are mine"

"Arthur"

"I wanted you to never forget that"

"I never did"

He nodded against me "I know. Thank you"

"Can I finish cooking now? We can talk after"

He moved away and I took a sigh of relief.

.

"It makes you fight or argue with the person who handed you the knife" I found myself telling Arthur over a cup of coffee which he insisted on making.

"We argue all the time"

"Yeah" I nodded "I don't want to anymore. It's only a few more days and we might never see each other ever again. Like you, I don't want to end on a bad note"

"End" he muttered.

"I don't want to hurt you Arthur" I took a deep breath, readying myself for the conversation we have been delaying "I don't think I can do that to you. Do you have another solution?"

"I wouldn't die" He said.

"Your animal will suffer. What if it kills you?" If I go away from him by playing the victim card, it will break his animal's trust in me. That's what Ricky explained to me. And there's a chance that Rhea's animal can comfort him but there's also a chance of him going feral. Can I take that risk?

"Why do you care?"

Is he kidding me? "Because I have a conscience?" I offered.

"Stay with me then. Take care of my animal for the rest of your life" his eyes held a challenge "Can you sacrifice your life for my sanity Amelia?"

Can I?

Sh!t. Why did I even for a moment consider it?

"You can't, can you?" he chuckled darkly "Don't give me your sympathies if you don't mean it"

"I mean it" I protested "I can't watch you suffer. That would be inhuman if I believe the theories" how could he think that low of me.

"What are you planning on doing then?"

"I shouldn't have insisted on getting you a mate" I finally admitted. It took a lot of courage for me to make myself realize that we are in this mess because of me "You should have talked me out of it"

"You said you wanted freedom"

"Not at the cost of your life"

He chuckled "What are you going to do? Can you leave everything and everyone behind for me, to keep me sane....alive?" He said it like it didn't matter. Like he didn't believe I could care for him.

Leave everything behind for him? My family, my friends, my career? I can't. I can't leave everything behind. The thought scares me more than death. What will be the purpose of living on if I lose everyone I love? My mother. My father. Harvey? Can I hurt them all for one man?

"We will have to tell Rhea" I said.

"I'll handle her"

"Arthur she has the right to know that you wouldn't be fully mated even after you claim her. You need to tell her about your animal"

"You don't have to worry about her" He repeated.

"You are literally cheating on her right now"

"She knows I wouldn't be able to love her until the bond with you is broken. She knows she's not the one in my thoughts right now"

I am?

"But...."

"It's on me Amelia. If anyone is deceiving her, it's me"

"It's not fair" I resigned.

"You think she'll ever love me like she loves her mate? I'll also be the second for her"

"Always?" Even after the bastard's death?

"Always" he nodded.

Does that mean I'll always be the first for him? Even when he claims her?

What's happening?

I looked at the man in front of me. He was watching me watch him. He could go feral in twenty days yet here he is trying to give me pleasant memories, trying to help me with my past. What does he gain from it? What's he playing at? How can he be so calm when I am going crazy worrying for his life. Why is he sacrificing himself for me? What do I mean to him?

There are so many things that do not add up. So many gestures that doesn't make sense. So I asked him the one question that has been hurting me since the day I realized I loved him.

"Are you ashamed of me?"

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