00:26 - 08/05/2024
on the background: It's 3am. Why so sad ?
The image in this video draws me in so much. I really want to be there, leaning against that window to nowhere, with the light of the stars and the moon illuminating the whole world. The black sea, a plank, oh my god, how well I know that night sea. And that ship, almost a tower of light, stationary on the horizon, rotated toward me or perhaps toward somewhere else. All night to think, no sound, no judgment, just me and me, with my radio and my world behind the window. Even the shadows are perfect.
Maybe I'd like to stay like this at night, awake until the end, sleeping while everyone lies awake toiling through life with all those useless problems. Gosh, to be myself without posing problems about that, just existential questions to be answered without fretting. And in the meantime watching the stars glide endlessly, reflected in the clear, cold blackness of the sea.
There are wonderful moments at night when it seems like everything else is worthless. I don't know, it really becomes background, a frame for more important things like these. It's really a peace with the world, especially an inner peace. An acceptance of the past, a living in the present without caring about the feasibility of the future, a really just being me, gosh, whatever it is, without having to rely on labels or anything else that I don't decide, because everything else is not there. It is so easy to run away from the world, that some might wonder why we remain anchored here. Things get so much simpler when others are not around to complicate them even more.
Who knows if the girl looks below her, or the sea, or the horizon, or the stars or the ship. Who knows what she left behind that night, every night I open this video. Maybe the next morning the worries will return, but it really seems that although morning will come, the night will never end. Such a thing is only possible to think about at night.
There, I thought of others and broke the magic. Sometimes the most beautiful things are done without looking over one's shoulder. Perhaps if I had not been assailed by the need to have to show off, to have someone read these thoughts, I would not have had this problem. I should learn from this girl, who does not care about these things and simply looks where she wants to, because it is always about her. In important moments we are alone. Maybe loneliness can really teach a lot to me, a new loneliness though, a more reasoned one, not forced. I don't like to think that I still have a long way to go. There is no road, because the road leads somewhere, and I don't want to get anywhere. I will stop only after death.
I would like a place of my own, where I can stay to just reflect. My own dark window to the black sea of night.
The music is almost over. This piece is so sincere.